by E L Irwin
He’d heard the water turn on, heard the sound of the tub filling. He locked himself in place. Rigid. Immovable. He closed his eyes and just tried to breathe.
Then she opened the door, stepping out in a towel, scented steam billowing out around her. He had to fight the groan that threatened to sound. Breathing shallowly, he held himself in place, striving to maintain control.
Ryler was where I’d left him. I wasn’t sure what to do, where to go. Joining him on my bed didn’t seem like a good idea, all things considered. So, I curled my frame into the chair near the window and waited for him to speak. Josephine slunk out from under the bed, her feline body stretching slowly, before ambling over and jumping into my lap.
The silence stretched several minutes as I scratched behind her ears and listened to her purr, but I was determined to wait Ryler out. My patience was rewarded as he finally said low, “We’ve been here before, haven’t we?”
“Mmm,” I mumbled, noncommittedly.
He took a slow, deep breath, held it, then let it out in a rush, his voice a little rough. “You’re right, AJ — I am fighting demons. Every day I’m fighting them. And for the most part, I’m able to successfully silence them. But there are days — times — when they roar louder than I’m able to combat. Hurting you is not something I want to do. Ever. And I’m sorry that I have.”
“We all have demons, Ryler. We all have something we battle from our past.”
“I know.” He shook his head. “I’m not making excuses. I just wanted you to know. Today wasn’t about the battle, not really. Today was me trying to show you respect. And I’m guessing that it didn’t come across the way I’d meant it, and for that I’m sorry.”
“So… what was today, then?”
“Today… was me trying not to use you like a painkiller.”
I thought about that, about what that might have meant. I knew he’d been hurt, both physically and emotionally. I’d tasted the drink on his breath. What had he been facing before coming here? What had I interrupted? “I don’t pretend to understand what you faced, what you went through, or what you’re dealing with, Ryler. But, if you want, I can listen.”
He looked at me, studying me closely, considering what I’d said. After several moments, he sat forward, pulled the hem of his shirt up to reveal those six marks across his heart. I tried to focus on what it was that he was showing me and not on the form, the ridges, the skin that was now bare before me.
“Moose, Colby, Jamison, Mitchell, Simpson, and Casey,” he said as he lightly touched each mark. “Today marks five years since they… since we… were in the same squad, and one moment we were all alive and together, and the next… the next, everything became a living hell, and they were gone.” He paused briefly then continued. “Normally, on this date I take off and spend time by myself. But this year, I didn’t.”
“Why not?” I whispered, my heart clenching at his words, hurting over his wounds. “Why did you stay?”
Ryler just looked at me, his gaze focused, his silence deep and pointed.
Realization dawned on me slowly. “You stayed because of me? Why?”
“I meant what I said, AJ. I will be your first and last line of defense. And there was no way I was leaving you unprotected.”
Swallowing, I said, “I don’t know what to say. I…” I was at a loss. That’s what I was. My earlier irritation had morphed into pained understanding. I didn’t know how to feel about this revelation. Finally, I settled on the words, “Thank you. Ryler. Thank you for, for thinking of me, for looking out for me first.”
“Yeah, thanks aren’t necessary. I’m glad to do it. I just wanted you to know why I… pushed you away today. It wouldn’t have been right — I wouldn’t have been right today.”
We sat for several moments in silence, gazes locked, each lost in our own thoughts. My stomach growled then, and Ryler’s mouth quirked to the side at the sound. Grinning, I said, “I’m hungry, obviously. How about you?”
“I wouldn’t say no.” Ryler stood and moved toward me, offering a hand to lift me to my feet as he neared. Josephine fussed as I rose, but was happy enough to take my place on the chair I’d recently vacated. Now my nose was nearly pressed into his chest as I stood before him. His hand still held mine, and I remembered clearly what was beneath the black cotton of his shirt. His woodsy, spicy scent danced along my senses, teasing me. Carefully, I slid my arms around him, needing him close. Just needing to hold him. And after a moment’s hesitation, Ryler’s arms came around me, pulling me closer still.
We ended up going out. Once we let each other go, we headed downstairs, and I remembered that I needed to get groceries. So, instead of staying in and trying to whip up something from my empty fridge and pantry, I ran back upstairs and threw on a pair of jeans and my UGGs. Then we, after a couple minutes’ worth of discussion, headed to the Hiway 101 Diner on 4th and Washington. We each ordered a burger, fries, and shake.
As we ate, I began to think, and then I knew there was something I needed to do. Something I’d unintentionally put off for as long as I could. “Ryler, I need to see Jake. Where he’s buried.”
Ryler swallowed the bite in his mouth, took a sip from his vanilla shake, and said, “All right. We can head there after we’re done here if you want.”
“I do.” I offered a small grin. “Thank you. I know I should have asked sooner. I think I was just afraid to. But I guess I just realized that I can’t keep putting it off, and time isn’t always a guaranteed thing.”
We finished eating, and Ryler drove us to the Sequim View Cemetery. I wasn’t a fan of cemeteries. In fact, they sort of gave me the creeps, which was possibly why I’d avoided this activity until now. We drove about sixty yards in, the road veering to the right. Ryler parked, and we got out. He waited for me as I resolutely came around the front of his Bronco, trying to settle my nerves and stomach. He lifted his hand, offering me something firm and solid and warm to hold onto. Gratefully, I accepted.
Ryler led us about twenty feet away from the road, toward a thick stand of trees. Jake’s headstone was simple, flat to the ground. An American flag was engraved on it, along with the words:
Jacob T. Daniels. Beloved.
At ease, soldier. Your watch is over.
As I stood there staring down at it, my eyes filled with tears, and I tried to swallow past the lump clogging my throat. Blinking, lips trembling, I whispered, “Who made these arrangements, Ryler?”
“Jo did. She’s your great aunt, you know. Jake’s aunt. His mother’s sister.”
My breath rattled in my chest as I choked on a disbelieving chuckle. “Of course she is. Anyone else?”
“The elder Paige is a cousin of Jake’s.”
This news made me chuckle harder. “And they know, right? Who I am?”
“Yeah, AJ, they know. No one wanted to say anything to you so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or pressured.”
“What happened to them? Jake’s parents? Are they still around?”
He shook his head. “About seven years ago now. She had cancer, I think that was why Jake refused treatment. He saw what the treatments did to her and to his dad as he watched how the treatments made her so sick. Less than a year after she’d gone, he’d had a stroke, and then a couple days later he was gone as well. Ed and Ruthie. You would have liked them. Really good people.”
I remembered now. Kerry had told me about Ruthie’s cancer my first day here. Through the tears that I tried to wipe away, I asked, “Are they buried here as well?”
Ryler nodded and led me four rows away. They were buried side by side.
As I looked around us, I decided that it really was a very nice and peaceful setting to lay a loved one to rest.
“Thank you, Ryler,” I said as I turned to him, “for bringing me here, for allowing me to work through all of this.”
“No problem. I know this hasn’t been easy for you. I know it’s been hard in fact, and I know I didn’t make it any easier. But still, you’re pretty toug
h, and you’ve stuck it out. I’m glad that you did.”
This made me laugh outright. I wiped my tears away with my sleeve and smiled at him.
“What?” he asked.
“Now you’re glad I stayed, maybe. But you can’t deny you didn’t always feel this way about me.”
Ryler chuckled darkly. “More or less. I think any negative feelings I was harboring was more resentment for the way you made me feel. Against my will, I might add.”
“And now?”
“Now? Now, I’m thinking I could get used to this.”
“Do tell.” I grinned. Then as my grin faded, I said, “I’d like to make one more stop, if that’s all right?”
“Jo’s?” he guessed.
“Please.” I breathed.
Ryler got the Bronco running, and we buckled up. Then as we pulled onto the road, leaving the cemetery behind us, my phone rang. I answered on the third ring as I saw who was calling. “Hello?”
“Miss McAdams?”
“Yes, Detective?”
“Have you checked your blog? Amber responded.”
“What did she say?” My heart dropped into my stomach.
“She said, and I quote, ‘You think you’re being so smart. But I’m smarter.’ End quote.”
“So…” I swallowed. “…now what do I do? What does this mean? Can’t you just arrest her?”
“It’s not that simple, Miss McAdams. We don’t even know who she is. We need you to try and keep her talking. Try to get her to reveal who she is or give some clue that might aid us.”
“Okay,” I told him. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Good. And stay alert. You still have your friends with you, right?”
“Yes, I’m with Ryler right now.”
“Good. Make sure he’s aware. And stay close to him.”
“All right. Thank you. I’ll be in touch.” I said as we hung up.
Ryler had been silent as Detective Whitaker and I had talked. He stopped the Bronco, and I realized we were outside Jo’s.
He reached for my hand and gripped it firmly. “Storm’s coming, isn’t it?”
“Certainly seems that way. Amber responded. She says she’s smarter than me.” I made air quotations with my hands. “And now I’m afraid she’s going to come after me, or at least try to.”
“Not gonna happen.”
I took a slow, deep breath and held it before letting it out again. “This thing with Amber… I just want it over with. If she’s guilty, then I want her caught and locked away forever.”
“We’ll get her, AJ. She won’t hurt you.”
“I’m not worried about me, really. But more for those around me. I don’t want anyone else hurt because of me.”
“Why does that not surprise me?” he said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go see your aunt and then we’ll deal with Amber, or whoever she is.”
The word aunt caught me off-guard for just a moment. Then I realized he was speaking of Jo, my dad’s aunt. I had family here. I had family, period. I’d never really had one before. Mom hadn’t been close to her relations, really, so the idea of having family was a new and surprising concept.
Ryler stepped out of the Bronco and came around to my side, opening the door for me. After hesitating for only the briefest moment, I allowed him to lift me down to the pavement. Ryler kept my hand and led me into Jo’s Café.
Jo was behind the counter; she looked up as the bell over the door jingled on our way in. Her bright blue eyes did a doubletake, and she fumbled the change she was handing to the customer who’d just checked out. Ryler waved to her as he led us to an empty booth. Always maintaining situational awareness, he’d chosen a spot that would allow him to sit with his back against the wall and keep the room at large in sight.
I slid onto the seat first then scooted over as he made to sit down beside me.
Even from where I sat, I could see that silver glimmered at the edges of Jo’s eyes as she took a deep breath and headed our way. An emotional storm brewed there, but she quickly overcame it and was calm as she approached our table. She hesitated when she reached us, then Ryler nodded to the seat across from us.
Jo’s eyes flickered to me, then she sat down.
“AJ asked me to bring her by, Jo,” Ryler rumbled in that deep voice of his. “She knows…”
Before I could even say anything, before I was able to acknowledge what Ryler had said, Jo’s eyes filled with tears again. Her lip trembled, and her breath caught. Then as her emotions got the best of her, Jo quickly stood and moved away, a trembling hand over her mouth.
My heart lurched in my chest at her obvious upset. I nudged Ryler, wanting out of the booth, and waved him back as he made to follow me. Ignoring the Employees Only sign, I quickly stepped behind the counter and trailed her through the swinging door into the kitchen.
Jo stood near the sink, hunched and wrapped around herself, her shoulders shaking.
Unsure how to proceed, I stood still for just a moment before clearing my throat. “Um, Jo… I… I’m sorry I didn’t… before. I didn’t know. About you, about Jake — about anything. And I’m just so—”
Jo turned, faster than I could have anticipated, and her strong, fleshy arms were thrown around me. She pulled me close and wept. At a loss as to what to do, I simply held her. And tried to control my own emotions. After several moments, she quieted and pulled back. “Oh, I’m sorry, AJ. I shouldn’t have… Now you’ll think… I’m just so happy, so thankful that you’re here, that you know. I’ve waited, AJ. Trying to be patient. And now you’re here.”
“I’m sorry, Jo. I wish I’d known sooner. I’m sorry you’ve been hurting.”
“No, child. Don’t apologize. I’m just glad you’re here now. Now we can talk and get to know each other.” Jo searched my face, touching on each and every feature. “You look like her, like my sister — your grandmother. Same facial features, same smile.”
Blinking back tears, I smiled at that. That she could see her family in me. That she recognized me. It gave me a sense of belonging, something I’d been lacking for a long time. We spoke of seeing each other again real soon, and as I wanted her to come out to the house for dinner, we made plans to do so. And Jo promised to bring Paige and Poppy with her.
The door into the kitchen opened, and Ryler came in. “You guys all right now?”
Jo turned, her arm still around me, “Never better. Thank you, Rye.”
Ryler smiled as us, his blue-gray eyes finding mine, and I felt the heat travel through me. And wondered if that would always happen when he looked at me. My mouth curved upward, and my heart… despite all that I’d gone through and all that had happened… my heart was happy.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The Light and The Tunnel
“AJ!” Leslie said as she answered my call. “How are you? What’s new?”
“Oh…” I took a slow, deep breath then let it out. “Lez. There are… so many things. So. Many. Things. For starters… for starters, things have sort of hit the proverbial fan with me personally.” I told her as I took another deep breath. “You should probably sit down if you’re not already.”
“What’s going on, AJ? You’ve got me worried now.”
“I don’t even know where to begin, Leslie. I guess, it all started when I posted on my blog that I would be leaving Coronado for a while. You know I’ve got that blog, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, I’ve got this fan. Amber, she goes by. She wasn’t happy with my announcement and began posting negative and derogatory comments. At first, just expressing her anger at my leaving. She thought I was being irresponsible toward my fans. I just thought she was trolling and tried to ignore it, you know? But then… then someone broke into my house on Coronado and vandalized the place.”
“Oh my. Are you all right? Was anything stolen? What happened?”
“No, nothing was stolen. They just spray-painted things on my door. But it gets worse, Leslie. Someone… someone broke
in again, and this time… this time my landlady… um…” I had to swallow past the knot in my throat, and take a deep breath. “Mrs. Carson was killed — murdered.”
“Oh, AJ… I’m so sorry. Has the person been caught? Do they know who did it?”
“They’re pretty sure it’s my fan, and no, they haven’t been caught yet. And it— There’s more. The fan, Amber, is now possibly making threats against me.”
“What?” Her voice turned brittle.
“That’s what I needed to tell you about, Leslie. I’m not moving back to Coronado. I’m going to stay here — at least for the time being. I need you to cancel my appearance at the Authors Unlimited thing. And I’m working with a detective with the CPD. We’re trying to get this solved and bring Mrs. Carson’s murderer to justice.”
“Yeah, I’ll take cate of that. Of course. Do you have protection up there, AJ? Are the police doing everything they can to keep you safe?”
“Yeah, they are. And I’ve got someone — some people — friends that are looking out for me.”
“AJ, I hope you know that you are more than welcome to come stay here in New York with me, if you need to get away. You just keep that in mind, all right?”
“Thanks, Leslie. I think I’m good here. And there seems to possibly be a light at the end of the tunnel, because we’re trying to smoke Amber out and get her to take the bait, so to speak. And if she does, hopefully, they’ll catch her, and then this will all be over.”
“What do you mean, ‘Take the bait’?”
“Well, I’m trying to communicate with Amber, trying to get her to reveal more about herself, who she is, where she is, etcetera…”
“Why are you doing this? I thought the police were involved. Why aren’t they the ones trying to communicate with her?”
“They are monitoring my account, and as I want to help catch this person, I volunteered to do this. Besides, she seems to be having these issues with me, so chances are greater that she’ll be more willing to talk with me.”
