He stood up abruptly, his fists clenched, a dark look shading his eyes. “You know what? I don’t want to talk about this any more. I need some air.” But he stopped in the doorway, his face troubled, a hundred thoughts and emotions racing through his eyes. “I think we need to rethink things about us,” he said, and he still sounded a little angry, but so, so sad.
“Tris, please … you’re over-reacting! You can’t say that just because I didn’t tell you about some stupid dreams!” I pleaded, and for a second something else flashed in his eyes. Something he wasn’t telling me. “What did Miss Violet say to you? Did she find out about something?”
He clenched his jaw and avoided looking straight at me. “She said she’s really sorry and that there is really nothing she can do to help. You can call her and hear it for yourself, since it’s painfully clear you don’t trust me,” he snapped, and then he left, banging the door shut.
I sat on my bed in a shocked state. I didn’t know what to do, what to say to make things better again. I had really screwed things up by hiding this from him all this time. I tried to find him at dinner, but he didn’t show up, and I waited in our room until really late, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, my heart as heavy as if lead had been poured over it. He finally came home really late in the night and went to bed without speaking at all. I bit my lips in the dark, trying hard not to cry. This was all a big misunderstanding! I would talk to him tomorrow, clear this whole mess up. That’s what I told myself again and again and again until I drifted into yet another restless night of sleep.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Next day things were not better. I tried to talk to Tristan before breakfast, but he wouldn’t let me. He closed himself down so fiercely I couldn’t even read anything from his eyes any more. All I could see was a cold empty stare on the brief occasions he glanced my way.
He was absent most of the day, and I got to see him only in our shared classes, when he chose to sit in a distant corner, far away from me. He even skipped band rehearsals and again only came back to our room really late at night, once he could be sure I would already be in bed. He seemed a shadow of his former self, his posture weighed down by worry, and the only time his face changed from a blank stare was to show a troubled, anxious expression. He seemed so lost, so alone; it made my heart ache. But he still wouldn’t let me say a word to him, not even in apology.
The day of the Spring Ball took me by surprise, so focused was I on my problems with Tristan. Tiffany noticed something was wrong between us, but she didn’t press to know more. I guess she presumed that Tristan had told me he didn’t love me back. I couldn’t tell her the reason for our fight anyway. She didn’t know the real truth of how Tristan had come into my life.
I spent the whole day in Tiffany’s room, watching her trying on dresses for the ball. She was so excited about going with Seth. Seeing her happiness made my heart a little lighter. When she had finished picking out a beautiful cream lace dress, with shoes, purse and jewelry to match, I told her my bad news.
“Tiff, I hope you’ll forgive me, but I think I’m not going to the dance,” I said, lying face down on her bed. She immediately pouted at me.
“Aw, Joey. Come on! You too? You guys are acting silly over this fight!” she said, putting her hands on her hips, upset. “Tristan is not going too. He told Seth he didn’t have a suit, so I got him a suit and he still said he wasn’t going. That’s when Seth found out about your fight. He’s been trying to talk to Tristan, but Seth tells me he’s been pretty reclusive and quiet. Like you,” she said, sitting on the bed. I started to protest, but she cut me off. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. I just want you to know I’m here for you if you ever need me, okay?” she said, putting her hand over mine.
“Thanks, Tiff,” I muttered. “But it’s not like I was going to go with Tristan anyway. You know we couldn’t do that when the school thinks we’re related. And I’d feel weird going with anyone else.”
“Well, Harry, Sam and Josh told me they’d dump their dates in a second if you chose to go with any one of them!” she said, smiling at me.
“Oh. Good to know they care about me that much. I wouldn’t do that to their dates, though!” I smiled weakly at her. “I don’t know, I’ll decide what I’m going to do later, okay? I’ll go take a shower now, cool my head a bit, and I’ll come back here to see you all dressed up, all right?”
I got back to an empty room. Of course, Tristan wasn’t there. The room was the perfect symbol of the way I was feeling lately. Empty and lonely. I took my shower in a dazed, numb state.
I wasn’t going to cry over this, though. I wasn’t the weepy type of girl. And it was a stupid thing to cry about anyway. I was sure Tristan was going to come around sooner or later, and we’d talk things through and everything would be fine again. I left the bathroom dressed in my loose sweats, and watched Seth preen himself to the point of exhaustion. But he looked incredible in the end, so it was really worth all his effort. He wore a black tailored suit, a dark-blue shirt with a light-blue tie. His blond hair was, as usual, impeccably groomed and styled. Tiffany would be even more head over heels with him than ever.
The dance was about to start, so I walked over with Seth to pick up Tiffany. I wanted to see Tiff’s face when she got a good look at Seth all dressed up, fancy and gorgeous! I smiled, thinking about the rest of the boys dressed up and handsome. It was a pity I wasn’t going to be there to see it.
Seth knocked on Tiff’s dorm room and we waited patiently. When she opened the door, both my jaw and Seth’s dropped to the ground. Tiffany looked absolutely incredible! She looked like a princess out of a fairytale! Her blonde curls were even curlier, and her lips had a pink gloss that made them look even plumper. Seth gasped and choked and stuttered some compliment, while trying not to grin like a complete idiot. They were so adorable together – the best-looking couple I had ever seen!
Before they left for the dance, Tiff made one last attempt to get me to come, pointing at my dress laid out on her bed, but I shook my head sadly. After they left, I sat on her bed, aware of the soft music coming from downstairs already.
I replayed everything that had happened to me these past days, while the music drifted through the windows. I don’t know exactly when or what made me change my mind. But suddenly, all I knew was that I wasn’t going to sit around and sulk, all alone in Tiff’s room. I was missing out the opportunity of enjoying this! That wasn’t what my mother had taught me. She had taught me to enjoy all life’s possibilities. And that was just what I was going to do! I didn’t need a date to go to this dance.
Before I could change my mind, I slipped on my beautiful red dress. Tonight wasn’t going to be about getting dressed up for Tristan, or for any other guy. Tonight was going to be about me. I was getting dressed up for myself. And I didn’t care if people stared because I was by myself. If Tristan wasn’t going to be my date, then I was better off alone.
Tiffany had left out a beautiful red-stoned necklace, with matching red earrings, for me to borrow. I put them on and let my hair down, also putting on a ruby lipstick the same color as my dress.
As I passed through the big doors to the ballroom, I was really nervous, but kind of excited. I breathed deeply as I stepped inside the room. I spotted Tiffany and Seth from the entrance. They had turned to look in my direction, and then, it was just like one of those scenes in the movies where the whole room goes quiet when the heroine walks in. Everybody turned to look at me as I walked through the doors. Embarrassed, I gave Tiff a small smile before walking to where she was standing, without giving a second glance to the crowd staring silently at me. Tiff was grinning widely at me, and after a while people stopped staring and went back to enjoying the party. However, I was aware that a few gazes still lingered, people whispering things, probably about the lameness of attending the party alone.
“Thanks so much for your help!” I whispered in Tiff’s ear as I hugged her. “And thanks for lending me your jewe
lry. It’s beautiful,” I said, holding the stone of my necklace. She nodded, beaming.
“So, how do I look?” I said, stepping in front of Seth and hugging him tight. He had an awestruck expression on his face.
“You’re kidding me, right? Did you not see the reaction from everyone here? You look … incredible!”
“Yes, you do!” Tiff said, nudging Seth but smiling all the same. “I’m almost feeling jealous,” she teased.
I looked around us. A few people were still glancing and whispering, but there was admiration and envy shining in their eyes. I guess I should take that as a complement, then.
Seth snapped his fingers all of a sudden, like he had just remembered something. “I gotta go but I’ll be right back!” he said, already walking away from us before either of us could say anything.
Tiff grabbed my hand and twirled me around, making my round skirt flow around my knees. My dress wasn’t as long as Tiffany’s – it ended right below the knees – but it showed a lot more of cleavage …
“You know, one of us should be doing that to her,” Josh said, walking towards us. He was referring to the twirling move. Sam and Harry were right behind him, both with a glint in their eyes.
“Oh my God! Look at you!” I squealed when I turned to look at them. “You all look amazing, and so handsome in your suits!” I said, taking a step back to get a good look. They stared back at me, wicked smiles on their lips.
The Lost Boys were all wearing dark suits, with different shirt colors. Josh was the most tidy of them, with his buttoned suit, white shirt and tie, and formal shoes. Sammy wasn’t wearing a tie, and had discarded his jacket already. Harry was also jacketless and the only one wearing sneakers. He was wearing a dark-red shirt that matched his hair, and black formal trousers. He had already rolled up his sleeves to his elbows, in a very sexy, casual look. They were all still staring really hard at me. Especially around the cleavage area. Boys.
“So, can I have your word that I’ll get a dance with each one of you tonight?” I asked, hugging them each in turn.
“Only if I’m the first, and only if it’s right now!” Harry said, linking his arm through mine and pulling me to the dance floor.
“What? Like right now?” I asked.
“Yeah, right now! Do you have something else to do?” he said, smiling at me. “If I don’t grab you now, I will never have a chance later. I’ll have to fight for you with all the other guys in here!”
“But … but Harry, what about your date? Don’t you have to ask her first, or something?”
“Why? I’m not married to her! And all my babes know my band mates come first,” he said, pulling me closer to him. It was a slow dance. “After all, I’ve already ditched her once tonight to dance with Josh! My band is always priority number one,” he said, winking playfully.
“Your band. Right,” I said, chuckling quietly at Harry considering me the same as Josh.
I danced with Harry for two dances, a slow one and a fast one, and then it was Sam’s turn, followed by Josh. My Lost Boys were amazing! All my worries disappeared when I was around them. I was having a great time, but still Tristan was constantly in my thoughts, even while I danced with my friends.
After a whole lot of dancing, I called a break and tried to find a chair to sit and rest for a while, but someone pulled my arm, making me stumble back to the dance floor. “Hey, don’t I get a dance too?” Seth said, smiling kindly at me as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “I heard all band members had a chance of dancing with you tonight.”
“Of course! Did you get permission from your date?” I asked playfully.
He laughed loudly. “Actually, yes I did,” he said, nodding in Tiff’s direction. “I have complete permission on the Worthington front.”
We danced a fast number and then the music ended, and a slow one began right on sequence. Seth glanced quickly around the room, then twirled me around the dance floor yet again. “Just one more dance, and I’ll let you go,” he promised. He had a devious look playing in his hazel eyes. We had been slow dancing for only a minute or so, when Tiffany bumped into us, hard.
“Oops! I’m so sorry, guys!” she said, beaming. She also had a glint in her eyes. “Gosh, I hope I’m not intruding, but I need to talk to Seth urgently.” It was then that I noticed her dance partner – Tristan! “Here, Tristan, why don’t you continue this dance with Joey while I talk to Seth. It’s very important! I’ll see you guys later!” she said, pushing him forward, while Seth gave me a slight nudge forward too. I stumbled and fell towards a surprised Tristan, my hands outstretched against his big chest.
I stared at him, wide-eyed. He looked so incredibly handsome in a black tailored suit and black tie. All words escaped me. I was still leaning against him, hands over his chest. Then I remembered he was mad at me, and pulled my hands away from him, taking a defensive step backwards. He was looking away, frowning at Tiffany and Seth’s retreating backs, but then he finally turned back to me.
He looked surprised for a moment, and then admiration flashed in his eyes, the blank stare gone.
“So. I think we should be dancing?” he said quietly, his gaze roaming over me before slowly ascending to look deeply into my eyes. He seemed to have forgotten our fight momentarily, because his eyes burned with desire.
“Sure. If you want to,” I mumbled, feeling heat spread over my face. He took a step forward and placed his hands lightly on my waist, while I rested my hands on his shoulders.
“Seth came to our room to tell me that I needed to come to the ball, or else Tiffany would be really upset with me, you know, for fixing me up with this suit for nothing,” he said in a low voice, shaking his head as he finally understood the set-up. “Did you have anything to do with that?”
“No! Of course not! I had no idea what they were up to!” I said, affronted at his accusation.
We both tensed up, remembering the harsh exchange of words from days ago.
Then he started dancing with me and, once again, worry and doubt marked his face in turn. He looked guilty, like he wasn’t supposed to be doing this. But the longing was too strong and he was losing the fight. I was afraid he might leave at any minute now, but he continued moving and I followed his lead. We were the only ones on the floor dancing in an old-fashioned waltz to the slow dance, but he didn’t seem to notice, or to care.
“You look beautiful,” he said quietly, almost as if talking to himself.
“Thank you,” I whispered back.
The song talked about love and addiction, about people getting under each other’s skin. It was as if the lyrics were speaking directly to us. They spoke of lovers reuiniting, about how words can cut you deep inside, and how silence can be even worse, and haunt you for ever.
We continued dancing so slowly, and everything else around us seemed to melt away, fading from sight. I no longer cared that everyone thought we were supposed to be siblings. There was only him and me on that dance floor, our eyes locked; only his body close to mine, his smell intoxicating me. Only his face leaning close, his jaw brushing so lightly against my cheek, his warm breath touching my neck, teasing me, torturing me, making me shiver in joy.
The music ended and Tristan remained pressed against me, really close for a few more seconds, like he was resisting waking up from a dream, but then he slowly pulled away, standing still and breathless in the middle of the dance floor, his eyes filled with regret. “We shouldn’t have done this. I have to go,” he said hoarsely, forcing his voice to be emotionless and cold again. He turned around and left me there, alone on the dance floor.
It took me a few seconds to realize that he had left, and then I blinked quickly, snapping out of my stupor. I ran, following his steps like a prince in a fairytale. “Tristan, stop!” I yelled at him, catching him up outside the ballroom doors. How could he just leave me there? After he’d danced with me like that; after he had looked at me the way he had? How could he say we shouldn’t be together, pretend he didn’t care about me? Who was the
big liar now?
I grabbed his arm, making him turn around to face me.
“Joe, what do you think you are doing?” he growled, yanking his arm from my grasp, as if my touch could burn him.
“Why are you acting this way?” I yelled at him. I looked around and cursed under my breath. People were starting to glance curiously in our direction. I was making a scene. We needed a place to talk. A private place. I grabbed his arm again and pulled him outside with me to the school grounds.
A few minutes later we entered the small terrace that Harry had once shown me. Yellow light poured softly onto the stone floor, spilling from windows in the building above us. I shut the small iron door behind Tristan.
“We can talk freely here, without worrying that anyone will hear us,” I said, turning to look at him.
He shrugged his shoulders, his face masked with a blank expression, like he didn’t care if anyone heard us or not. “We don’t have anything to talk about. I don’t see why we had to come all this way for nothing …”
“Yes, we do have to talk, Tristan!” I huffed, stamping my foot. “You can’t keep treating me like this! I’ve already told you I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that my nightmares had continued! I didn’t want to worry you, that’s all!”
“Look, Joe. This is all very simple. You lied to me. You said they’d stopped. It’s very clear you don’t trust me. So let’s stop pretending, okay? This is never going to work! We are never going to work! Why don’t you get that?” he blurted out, passing his hand over his head, frustrated.
“We are never going to work just because I didn’t tell you about my dreams? That doesn’t make any sense!” I snapped, getting even more frustrated than he looked.
“Yes. We’re not meant to be together!” he said, stepping closer. “I didn’t want to say it like this, but you’ve given me no choice!” he said, losing his temper and then he let out a long sigh. “Let’s just … go back to the way we used to be, you know, just being friends. Pretend you are my sister, I’m your brother, and we’re good friends. Let’s stay that way.”
The Lost Boys Page 24
