My stomach rumbled for the first time in a long time, surprising me. I shifted carefully out of Harry’s arms and snuck out of the room, walking downstairs. I walked pass the living room and saw Josh sleeping on the couch with the TV on. The TV was showing an old movie from the fifties. I thought of Tristan and my heart twisted. This missing piece, this hole, would never go away. But the presence of my friends could make it more bearable, I realized for the first time. The minute I had let Harry in, I felt so much better, like he was sharing some of this heavy load I’d been carrying by myself all this time. If it wasn’t for Harry yelling some sense back into me …
I walked silently into the kitchen and bumped into a sleepy Seth on his way out, making him almost spill the mug of hot tea in his hands. He looked at me, surprised that I was out of my room and a little apprehensive, but then he softened when I lunged forward and hugged him tight.
“I’m so sorry for shutting you all out, Seth,” I said, burying my face in his chest. “And I really liked your soup.”
He exhaled, relieved, and smiled and hugged me back.
“Harry made you eat, then,” he said softly.
“Yes, he ordered me to. And from now on, I have to do all he says. He can be very bossy, you know,” I muttered with a small smile on my lips.
“Yeah, he waits for the best moments to unleash his dictatorial side …” Seth said, chuckling lightly.
Seth looked thinner, with black rings under his eyes, his hair unkempt and messy. Tristan had been his best friend, his brother-in-arms. How could I have been so blind, so selfish, so unaware of my friends’ suffering?
I hugged him again and whispered in his ear. “I know you miss him too.” And he wrapped his arms around me again, and squeezed me softly.
“I’m sorry there was nothing I could do to help him,” he said in a choked voice. “But I’m here for you. We all are. Anything you need, just ask,” he whispered in my ear.
“I know. Thank you, Seth,” I said. “I want something else to eat now. Then we can watch some TV with Josh, okay?”
He looked at me, surprised and happy. “Okay,” he murmured. He sat next to me in the kitchen and watched me eat, just like Harry had done the night before, and he walked with me to the living room. Josh woke up lazily the moment Seth changed the channel. He glanced at us with surprised eyes, rubbing the sleep off his face. I sat next to Josh and snuck under his blanket, lying with him on the couch.
“I wanna watch cartoons, Seth,” I said, pretending I wasn’t seeing Josh’s wide eyes glaring at me. I grabbed Josh’s heavy arm and pulled it over me, making him hold me in his arms. He understood that I wanted a hug from him and held me tight, wrapping his arm closely around me. We watched some cartoons for a while, and then Sam woke up and stepped into the living room, also with wide eyes glaring in my direction.
“Hey, Sammy, you’re up!” I greeted him, raising my head off Josh’s pillow. “I was waiting for you to wake up and give me a hug.” I extended my arms to him. He smiled so much it made dimples appear on both sides of his cheeks, and then he walked over to me, kneeling by the couch and hugging me tight.
“Hey, Joe,” he said softly in my ears. “You’re back. We’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too, Sammy.” I hugged him back.
Sam went to grab something to eat for breakfast and Harry woke up shortly after that, joining us in the living room. They were all giving me cautious sideway glances to begin with, but after a while they started to relax and soon they were all talking and making funny remarks at the TV shows, like we used to do at school. I watched them chatting casually and sometimes a shy laugh would burst through. Every time it happened, my heart felt a little lighter.
Seth told me Tiffany was sleeping at her house downtown most the nights, but she always came back near lunchtime and stayed until late at night. When she saw me sitting in the living room with all the boys, she ran over and gave me the biggest rib-crunching hug ever. We stayed together all afternoon, and when my mom arrived home from work she was also shocked to see me in the living room, huddled between Tiffany and Seth on the couch. She smiled and gave me a peck on the forehead, then hurried to the kitchen to prepare some food. But not before I’d seen her tears. She was happy to see me out of the room and with my friends again.
“Hey, what do you want to do tomorrow, Joey?” Seth asked out of the blue.
“Tomorrow? Nothing. What’s happening tomorrow?” I asked, confused.
“You seriously don’t know? It’s your birthday, Joey.”
“Oh. Really?” I said, genuinely surprised. I couldn’t believe almost fifteen days had passed. It felt like it was only a couple of days since New Year. I glanced up, thinking hard about what I wanted to do for my birthday. I never liked celebrating my birthday at the best of times, but now it felt wrong. But I should try to make up for my poor behavior to my friends. “You know, there’s something I’d really like, but I know you guys can’t do it,” I mumbled.
“Of course we can!” they all said in unison, taking the bait as expected.
“Anything you want, name it!” said Harry. “We promise.”
“Okay, I’m not quite ready to face the world yet but I’d like you all to celebrate my birthday for me. I want you all to go out and have some fun. You’ve been sulking around here, worrying about me. That’s what I really want,” I said, smiling at them.
My friends all looked surprised at my request.
“Aw, Joe. We’re are not going to leave you alone on your birthday!” Sam was the first to complain.
“Hey! It’s my birthday wish! And you promised me!” I frowned and crossed my arms.
They were still reluctant but eventually they all agreed to my wish, though they got me to concede a little and agree to have a birthday cake at least.
After we’d eaten dinner, we returned to the living room to watch some more TV. I ended up falling asleep on the couch and dreamed about a frozen desert, where a sun made of glittering ice floated in the cold sky; but now, strangely, snow fell on the soft warm sand, melting as soon as it touched the ground …
Chapter Forty-Two
A Birthday Wish
The morning of my birthday, Seth and Tiff were still reluctant to leave me on my own. I hugged them both tight and admonished them: “Remember you promised me you’d have some fun today, okay?” I smiled and tried to make them stop worrying about me.
Seth gave me a half-smile and nodded a little apprehensively. My mother had to go to a work event and Josh, Sam and Harry had already left, like they’d promised me, but Seth was really hard to convince.
“Are you sure?” he started to ask again, but I cut him off.
“I’m sure, Seth! I don’t need babysitting any more. You need a break from here, and it’s my birthday wish,” I said, stretching up to give him a kiss on the cheek.
“All right, then,” he said, resigned and a little sad. “Come on, Tiff. Let’s go have that promised fun, then.”
I closed the door behind them, letting out a big sigh. I wandered through the house thinking about Tristan and The Lost Boys. For some reason I also thought of Vigil. I felt guilty for how I had treated him at our last encounter. He hadn’t deserved all the hate I had thrown at him. I twisted my wrist and touched the black mark underneath my skin. I remembered him saying he could feel every time I said his name. It was worth a shot. I closed my eyes and concentrated hard, visualizing his name over and over again in my head.
“Vigil. Vigil. Vigil. Vigil. Vigil,” I repeated to myself. It took only a few seconds before a sharp stabbing pain shot up my arm, making me cower on my bed, but I was smiling. It had worked. I opened my eyes and Vigil was standing in the middle of the room, looking at me with frightened eyes. He still had his androgynous looks, a gray outfit, and his soft long black hair falling over his black eyes.
“It worked,” I whispered to myself. This magic stuff always surprised me. “Thanks for coming, Vigil. I wasn’t sure if you would show up after the last time we saw each othe
r …” I muttered, feeling a little embarrassed when I remembered my last words to him.
“You were in pain. I understand,” he said quietly, looking down, ashamed and guilty for being the one that had caused me pain. I stood up and walked closer to him.
“I wanted to apologize. You didn’t deserve to hear all that, and I’m really sorry for everything I said to you.” He looked astonished at my words. “I wanted you to know that I forgive you, Vigil. I hope you can forgive me too,” I said, looking him straight in the eyes.
His eyes were wide in disbelief. “I-I’m s-sorry too,” he stuttered.
I took a step closer and hugged him then, so we could be officially and mutually forgiven. He stiffened, more surprised than ever, holding his arms close to his body. The instant I had touched him the shooting pain in my arm stopped and I relaxed a little, making the hug last longer than I originally intended to be. It was nice not feeling the tearing pain in my arm. I broke away and looked up at him. He looked confused. I smiled and walked to my bed, sitting on the same spot I had been in when he’d first appeared in the room.
“Thanks, Vigil. It means a lot to me that you came when I called. I hope I didn’t interrupt any work you were doing, and all …”
He walked hesitantly closer to my bed, sitting a little further away from me. He must be thinking I’m bipolar or something, one day wailing at him like a banshee and the next apologizing and being super nice.
“It is not a problem, I was not … working. I am glad you called,” he said, still with a worried tone in his voice. “How are you … doing?” he risked asking.
I put my hands on the mattress and stretched my legs. “I’m not doing so good.” I stared down at my feet to avoid looking at him. “I’ve been treating people very badly these past few days, but I finally came to my senses and thought it was time to start apologizing. Good way to spend your birthday, huh? Apologizing for all the crap I’ve been putting people through.” I smiled weakly.
“Today is the anniversary of the day you were born?” he asked curiously.
“Yep. Nineteen years ago today. We celebrate the day every year. Stupid tradition, huh?”
He looked puzzled for a second. “What is the mode of human celebration for birth days?”
“Well, we usually have parties with friends and family, receive presents, eat cake, blow out some candles and wish a happy birthday. I guess that covers it all for humans.”
“I see,” he said and paused, looking at me. “Well, happy birth day, Joe.”
“Thanks.”
“Where are your friends and family?”
“I asked them to go out and have some fun today, as my birthday present.”
He stared at the walls of my room in silence for a while. He seemed to be thinking hard about something. “I wish I had brought something for you today … a present. That is the tradition, yes?” he asked.
“I didn’t call you here for that. I just wanted to apologize, that’s all,” I said truthfully. “Besides, the only thing I want most in the world right now you can’t give me,” I mumbled, staring at my feet again, trying hard not to think about Tristan and failing miserably.
Vigil glanced down to the floor as well. “I am sorry. I cannot bring him back. It is out of my reach,” he said, and his voice became sad again as he looked at me with concerned eyes. “You need to move on. Dwelling on this matter will only bring you pain, Joe.” he said.
“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,” I snapped at him, a little too sharply. “I’m sorry, I know that, Vigil. It’s not that easy. Take you, for instance. How is it going, the ‘getting over me’ part of the program? You did answer pretty fast. Were you waiting for my call up there?” I jabbed at him and instantly regretted it. “I’m sorry,” I said passing my hand over my hair, frustrated. “I don’t want to be mean. I was just trying to explain that it’s hard to forget and move on.”
“I-I know. You are right. It’s not easy,” he said, hunching his shoulders. “I tried the soup … it didn’t work.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, making him look up at me, startled.
“Yeah, I tried the soup too. It sucks, I know.” I smiled weakly. “I thought about going to talk with Sky again,” I said. “One last chance to convince her, you know? But I didn’t have the courage to do it …”
“You should not try to do that, Joe!” he replied with urgency in his voice. “Do not try to meet her again! You do not have your guardian protective spells any more. You would not make it back this time. Do you understand?”
“Okay! Okay. I get it,” I said, raising my arms in surrender. I guessed I knew deep down another visit to Death might be my last. Maybe it was my witchy instincts flaring up. We both stared at the wall in front of us in silence for a while.
“What if you ask her to drop by, pay me a visit? Maybe tell her I need to talk to her?” I suggested.
He shifted uncomfortably. “She knows what you want to talk about. She would not come,” he said plainly. “You really do not give up easily, do you?” he asked quietly, staring into the distance.
I smiled softly to myself, remembering Tristan’s husky voice telling me how I was so damn stubborn, and how that always earned me a passionate kiss from him. He loved my stubbornness. “This is something worth fighting for.”
“Yes. I think so,” he said quietly. “I was willing to die for it. I suppose you are doing what you have to do.”
“Well, she is the only one that could do something about it, isn’t she?” I said.
Vigil stayed quiet for a few minutes before answering me. “I think there might be a way,” he said after a while. He turned to look at me with serious eyes. “I think I can help you talk with ‘Sky’. I can give you that for a present.”
“Really? You would do that for me?” I asked incredulously, hope rising again.
“Yes,” he said, and his eyes told me silently he would do anything for me. He explained his plan quickly and I nodded, excitement flooding inside with each word he spoke. “Did you understand everything I explained to you?” he asked seriously.
I nodded eagerly.
“Good. You need to do it now, then,” he urged me.
“Okay. I’m not so sure how I did it the last times I went there, but I’m trying anyway,” I said lying down on my bed.
“Just relax and slow your breathing and slow your heartbeat as much as you are able. Concentrate hard on her and her desert. I will be there with you as well, I promise,” he said, putting his hand over mine. I instantly relaxed, because the stabbing pains stopped with his touch.
“Why do you do that?” he asked curiously.
“Do what?” I asked, opening my eyes to look at him.
“You let out a deep breath of relief every time I touch you, or you touch me.”
“Oh. Sorry. It’s just … my wrist hurts when you’re around, remember?” I asked, lifting up my wrist to show him the black mark under my skin.
“Yes, I remember. I thought that would make you want me as far away from you as possible,” he reasoned.
“Yeah, well, the pain stops completely when you touch me.”
“It … stops?” he asked, surprised.
“Yeah. Completely.”
“Curious,” he said thoughtfully.
“That’s all you have to say? I thought you would have an explanation.”
“I do not. So I should try to always touch you whenever I am close to you, then,” he vowed solemnly.
“Uh … that sounded really weird, but thanks, I guess. Just don’t say that out loud to anyone, please?” I asked, blushing a little.
“Why? I do need to touch you when we are together; it is for your own good,” he said like it was the most logical thing ever. “Why are your cheeks all colored? Are you unwell?”
I coughed, trying to hide my embarrassment. “I’m all right, don’t worry. It’s just … let me handle the touching. If the pain gets too uncomfortable, I’ll tell you, okay? Now, let’s go,” I said, lying back a
gain and closing my eyes. But I was too excited and anxious to relax and fall asleep. After a while I opened one eye, and Vigil was there, staring at me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, worried.
“Nothing,” I grunted. “I’m too anxious. I can’t fall asleep right now.”
He eyed me wearily. “I can help you stop your heartbeat; it only needs to happen for a few seconds so you can get there. But it is going to be unpleasant. It would be best if you do it yourself,” he explained.
“Just do it, it’s all right with me,” I authorized him.
“Okay, then. Lie down, please,” he asked. He leaned really close to me, his eyes focused fiercely on mine, and he rested his hands on my chest, palms stretched wide open. I blushed again, because it looked like he was “copping a feel”. He frowned slightly and gave me a puzzled smile, his face really close to mine.
“Why do I feel strange being this close to you?” he asked quietly, a disconcerted look on his face.
“It’s normal to feel weird. It’s the ‘feelings’ thing acting out. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh. I see. Curious,” he mumbled. “Close your eyes now. And concentrate,” he ordered. I did as he told me. He placed his hand over my chest again and the strangest sensation spread all over my body. It was as if all the air in my lungs rushed out, and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. He wasn’t kidding when he said it was going to be really unpleasant. I felt really horrible for about a second, then I opened my eyes again and I was sitting on warm glittery sand. I realized I was back at Sky’s desert place, and I sat up and looked urgently around. Vigil was right next to me, like he promised he would be.
“You need to call for her quickly!” he urged me.
Our plan was set in motion; I needed to hurry now. I looked up and the night sky was already clearing in the horizon, the sun already starting to rise, and really fast. I shouted as loud as I could for Sky, and just as I was starting to panic, the blazing sun coming up fast, she appeared right next to me.
She looked as beautiful as ever, with that angelic, innocent pale face of hers.
The Lost Boys Page 42
