by Kylie Walker
“More than I want to breathe,” he said. Chloe smiled and laid their baby girl in his arms. Derek said, “Hey there sweet girl. I’m your daddy and I love you so much. Your Mama loves you and you have all kinds of crazy relatives who love you…Oh my!”
“What?”
“She opened her eyes. Look.” He held her down where Chloe could see her. Her eyes were blue…aquamarine, just like her daddy’s.
“She’s so beautiful that I never want to look at anything else.”
Derek laughed. “Not even me?”
“She looks just like you. That’s why she’s so beautiful. God, I love you both so much.”
“We love you too. You did an amazing job. Do you want me to get your parents now?”
“In a minute. We need a name.”
“I know you’ve been studying the baby name book. Any ideas?”
“I really like the ring to Sophia Marie?”
Sophia was Chloe’s birth name and Marie was Derek’s mother’s name. His eyes filled with tears and he looked down at his daughter and said, “Sophia Marie…it’s absolutely perfect.”
Chloe heard a sharp intake of breath and she looked up and saw Samantha and Trevor peeking in the door. She smiled at them and they smiled back at her through their tears.
None of them would ever doubt that miracles do happen.
Epilogue
April 1,
To my beautiful girl, Sophia Marie,
Today you are seventeen days old and I am sitting in the rocking chair beside your crib, staring at you. I can’t seem to stop doing that. I have no idea how I will ever accomplish anything again. You are so incredibly beautiful. You are mine and your daddy’s own personal miracle. I decided while things were still fresh in my mind, I should write them down. That way, when you are old enough to want to know who and where you came from, you can read this and you can know me as I am today…the happiest twenty-five year old woman in the world with a loving fiancé and a newborn and anything else I ever needed or wanted. I also need you to know me as I was…I’d skip over all of that for you, but one lesson that I know I have to teach you is that pain goes away…it never lasts.
There are so many things I have to teach you…so many lessons you’ll have to learn…but on this subject, your mother is an expert, so I thought that we would begin there. I will learn as much as I can about the other things. I will do everything in my power to make sure that you have all the tools you need before you have to go out into the world and build your own life…but for today, we will talk about what I do know. Pain.
When I was a baby like you are now, I was taken from the arms of the two best parents in the world. I was stolen away and given to people that only wanted to torture me. I endured pain that no child should ever have to endure and that I would die to keep you from going through. But what I want you to remember is that pain goes away.
When I was a young woman I fell in love with a man who didn’t know how to love me back. Instead, he did everything that he could do to cause me pain. So many times I wanted to give up. I wanted to close my eyes and slip away so that I didn’t have to endure it any longer. But remember my love, pain goes away.
For a few years after I got away from that bad man, I lived in fear that he would catch up to me and inflict more pain. I gave up much of my youth because of my fear. My life only got better when I decided to stand up and fight back. The thing that I had to remember in order to fight through the fear was: Pain goes away.
When you hurt my love, it permeates your entire sense of being. It cripples you and you can’t think of anything else. Sometimes it hurts so badly that something you do every day with very little effort can all of a sudden seem like an insurmountable task. If this happens enough times, you start thinking that this is reality. You think that you’re going to hurt for the rest of your life and you want to give up. What you have to remember my love is: Pain goes away.
There is another kind of pain that unfortunately, you probably won’t be able to avoid either. It’s called emotional pain. It’s the kind of pain that you’ll experience when you break up with a boy that you thought you really liked…or when someone says something mean and hurts your feelings…No one has hit or slapped you…physically you’re okay, but it still hurts. A “broken heart” hurts as much as if it were really and truly broken. But you can’t give up. You can’t stop believing in love because you now what? Pain goes away.
Some of your wounds will heal quickly and some slowly, but they will all heal. They’ll get a scab and sometimes they’ll even leave a scar. I used to hate the scars. I was ashamed and embarrassed of them…but I finally discovered not long ago that they’re not so much a symbol of what I have endured but of what I have overcome. They signify my strength and I wear them proudly. Because although the scars are there, the pain is gone. Pain goes away.
Some days I thought I would never make it, but here I am. Each day I made it through, it brought me one step closer to where I am…sitting next to the most beautiful baby girl in the world and with the most loving man and daughter to the most incredible parents. I am so blessed and I am so loved and I have so much love inside of me to give…all because I endured the pain and I made myself believe that someday it would go away, if only I didn’t give up.
Now my love, my good days far outweigh the bad. The pain is few and far between and the memories of the pain are fading. They are just present enough to remind me that I am strong and I can endure and that Pain goes away.
If I could fashion something for you my love that could protect you from ever feeling pain…either physical or emotional, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t want you to feel pain, ever. But unfortunately, it is part of life and in its own messed up way, it strengthens us and it shapes us so that we can learn and grow and face our future. Just promise me that each time you hurt in your life you will fight through it and you will know that it’s going to get better and you’re going to come out on the other side a stronger, smarter person. Pain goes away my love. I will protect you from as much of it as I can and I can promise you that your Daddy will slay dragons if he has to…but no matter what we do, life happens. So don’t forget…it always gets better.
I love you to the moon with all of my heart and all of my soul. If I had to go back and endure the pain all over again to get to this point with you and your daddy and your grandparents, I wouldn’t hesitate. You are so worth it. Stay strong my baby girl. It always gets better!
Love,
Mom
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Thank you again for everything!
Kylie
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HOUSE OF PAINE
DECEIVED
ACROSS THE HALL
ASHER
INDEBTED
BLINDSIDED
BRETT
