“Mom and Dad are getting you an air mattress so you’ll have something to sleep on until—” She flushed.
“—I can climb those stairs,” Leo finished. “That loft is great, but, I couldn’t make it up there yet.” He stood and slipped his hand into hers again as they entered the house. “Remind me to thank them.”
“And remind me to thank you for saving me from constant attempts to embarrass myself.” Allison glanced around her, looking for something he could use as a bed. “Hold on. Be right back.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“What?” Her foot froze on the first step.
“Nothing. Go ahead.” A minute later, his eyes widened, and he began to protest as she dragged a queen mattress top into the loft from one of the bedrooms and shoved it over the railing. It hit the floor with a muffled whoosh. “You didn’t have to do that!” he called, but she’d disappeared already. Seconds later, she jogged down the stairs with pillows in her arms.
“Okay, let’s put this out of the way—in the corner there. I wish we had some way to elevate it. It’s going to be hard to get up and down from there. Sorry.” She fluffed pillows as she spoke, nudging the mattress toward the corner with her foot.
It took him several tries to lower himself to the mattress. Pain fought him, but at last, he collapsed, panting and perspiring from the exertion. “I told you,” he gasped, “I’m like an old man now.”
She sat cross-legged beside him, her hand brushing the hair from his forehead. “Just rest. You’ve been through a lot. And when you wake up, maybe you’ll tell me that name.”
Leo closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax. Several minutes later, he felt her shift and the sound of her feet as she moved away from him. “Allison—Bethany?”
“Yeah?”
“Donato. My new name is Levi Donato.”
Seconds passed before she spoke. “I like it. It suits you.” As she crept away from him, Leo thought he heard her whisper, “Bethany Donato. It works,” but maybe it was just wishful thinking.
Chapter Thirty
Traffic kept the car crawling through the streets of Rockland to Durmont Street. Erika hadn’t spoken since asking him where to find Second Corinthians. Even as he pulled up in front of her house and turned off the ignition, she sat, unmoving, unspeaking.
“Are you okay?”
“‘Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.’ What does it mean?”
She remembered the words perfectly. That had to be a good sign—didn’t it? Keith broke it down, step by step, just as his father had for him. “In Christ—belonging to His family. So if anyone is a Christian…”
“Okay, I got that much right anyway. It says new creature. Does that mean person?”
“Yes. We’re washed clean, given ‘new clothes,’ and a new life. Kind of like that movie with the girl in the ugly pink dress when the professor takes her and remakes her into a lady.”
“My Fair Lady. Okay, I can see that.” She thought for a moment. “What new things have come?”
“I don’t know,” Keith admitted. “I don’t remember if it’s something specific or if it’s just that the old is gone, so that has to mean that whatever comes next is new.” He thought of Leo and the Wahls. “It’s kind of like when someone goes into Witness Protection. Their old life is gone. Wiped clean. No trace left of it in their new life even though it leaves an imprint on you. But you have a new life now—fresh. For criminals, it’s a chance to wipe the slate clean and start anew.”
“That makes sense. And Jesus is the marshal?”
“No.” His mind scrambled to make it clearer. “Jesus is the program itself. He’s the fresh start—the true protection. Even a marshal can’t protect if the person keeps running. Eventually the person will throw himself or herself into the path of danger. So unless he keeps the person a prisoner to himself…” Keith stopped. “Okay, it’s not a perfect analogy, but you get the picture.”
“Yeah…” Erika glanced at him. “Hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Do you like sushi?”
He sighed. “Where to?”
“How about Mexican instead?”
Keith’s stomach flopped. “I think you just officially became the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
“I wasn’t before?”
“I said ‘just officially.’ That means I made it official right now. Before it was just an abstract fact without concrete evidential proof.” Keith nudged her with his elbow. “Not bad backpedaling, eh?”
“Not bad.”
Keith pulled away from the curb and drove toward his favorite hole in the wall restaurant, hoping she wouldn’t object. Erika said nothing. As if a repeat from the drive home from church, she sat staring out the window, lost in her own thoughts. To his surprise, she reached across the seat and took his hand—still saying nothing.
Should he press her? Try to show her the utter emptiness of a life without Jesus? What if it just pushed her away? He wasn’t ready for that. His mind knew the possibility existed, but his heart insisted that he wring every drop from their relationship while they had it.
“You’re not disappointed, are you?”
Erika’s words ripped Keith from his thoughts. “Disappointed? In what?”
“Me.”
“Why would I be disappointed in you? I just declared you the most amazing woman ever… I’m pretty sure that means I’m not disappointed.”
“I didn’t get religion at your church today. I didn’t pray or dance or get baptized or whatever you do when you decide God has something you want.” He felt her eyes on him as she added, “I just thought that was probably pretty disappointing.”
Before he knew he’d done it, Keith lifted her hand, pressing it to his lips. “Erika, you know I want that for you. But,” he added, forcing himself not to choke, “there’s no pressure from me—ever.”
“And I know that if it never happens, we won’t—happen, that is. This—this—whatever this is—will stagnate, freeze, disappear, or in some other way become nothing more than a great memory.” A suspicious sniffle ripped at his gut as she added, “Or a really horrible one.”
“Let’s make sure that no matter what happens, we stick to great memory, okay?”
She turned to him, grinning. “Okay. We’re adults. We can do that. So, what’s the biggest benefit to religion?”
“Forgiveness.”
“For what?” She hesitated before adding. “Look, you’re not going to offend me, but that also doesn’t mean I’m going to agree that I want or need any of this stuff either.”
“Have you ever done anything wrong, Erika? Ever?”
“Well of course. Who hasn’t?”
Keith pulled into the parking lot next to the restaurant and parked. “Then you need forgiveness from a holy God.”
Not until they were seated at a table near the front window did Erika respond. “How can he stand it?”
“He who?”
“God. Let’s say you’re right and god is real. We need his forgiveness. That’s a lot of forgiving. I don’t get how he could do that. I mean, sure… forgive you for kidnapping people for their own good…”
Keith’s eyes darted around the room as he cleared his throat. “Because people actually do that,” he laughed, his eyes trying to silence her.
“Just a for instance. But what about guys like Manson or Dahmer? I can’t imagine how a god could keep forgiving that kind of stuff over and over.”
“I guess,” Keith murmured as he accepted his menu from the server, “that’s what makes Him God. If He couldn’t, what kind of God would He be?”
“But why would He want to?”
“That wasn’t the question I answered, though.” Keith pointed to the fish portion of the menu. “They have a grilled Tilapia that is amazing.”
“So what did you answer?”
Keith closed his menu and leaned back in his chair. “You ask
ed how He could stand to forgive over and over. He can stand it because He is God.”
She snickered. “It reminds me of something my mom says.”
“What’s that?”
She says, ‘When forgiveness comes hard, just remember what a moron the other person is.’ Let’s face it. That totally applies to god.” She adjusted her skirt and asked, “So why would he do it then?”
“That’s an easy one. ‘For God so loved the world…’ The Bible says He does it because He loves us.” Keith leaned forward and added, “And I forgot to tell you that you look amazing—great dress.”
“I don’t wear them very often—mostly because I can’t wear them to work, so what’s the point of owning them?”
Keith grinned. “Maybe to wear out with me?”
“I’ll go shopping tomorrow.”
Pain ripped through him as Leo tried to put on his shirt. Rod had purchased long sleeves to cover his tattoo. Welcome to your new life. Still, Allison didn’t like the snake. Perhaps it was best.
“Levi! Come help with the steaks!”
Eva’s voice called to him from the deck. How had she adapted so easily? Then again, if anyone could overhear, she had to be careful—they all did. “At least my name is really similar to the old one. We should have been Levi, Ally, Rob, and Ava.”
As he stepped out into the hallway, his eyes rose immediately to Allison’s door. Still closed. He didn’t know what the dress looked like, but from the squeal he’d heard when Eva dragged her daughter up the stairs to show it off, Leo suspected that Allison approved.
Eva shooed him out onto the deck. “Now you stay out here with R—ohn, and learn how to grill a good steak. I’m almost done with the rest of your meal and then we’re taking off. Alli—beth—oh, I’m never going to get used to this—will be down in a bit. I spent a small fortune replacing her makeup and hair equipment, and she’s enjoying it.”
“In other words, don’t be so stunned by how amazing she looks that I forget to tell her?”
“You learn fast,” Rod laughed as they stepped onto the deck. “Okay, look at the sear on this steak…”
When the steak needed only a few more minutes, Rod passed the spatula to Leo and turned to leave. Leo called him back. “Um, can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“Do guys still ask dads about things like if it’s okay to date a daughter or ask permission to marry her or any of that stuff?”
“Some do, sure. It’s not necessary,” Rod added, “but it’s always appreciated.”
“Then, um…” It felt as if he’d swallowed cotton. Leo couldn’t talk—could barely breathe.
“Le—vi?”
“Yeah?” he croaked.
Rod clapped a hand on Leo’s shoulder and said, “I told Allison the night she brought you home.” Emotion choked the older man before he added, “I said, ‘I was disappointed that you and Adric didn’t work. I liked him. Now I see why that was a good thing. I like Leo more.’”
“Thank you.”
“You make my daughter happy,” Rod corrected. “Thank you.”
They shut the door behind them just as Allison opened her door. Curls bounced around her shoulders, setting off features that he still couldn’t believe Adric had resisted. She had everything any man could want—personality, beauty, intelligence, compassion, and such a comfortable love for the Lord. That love he hoped to cultivate someday. Thank you for blinding him. I think she would have fallen for him if they had more time. It was probably nerves—the situation. It probably made them unnatural with each other.
“You look amazing—are amazing, but man… wow.”
“That’s Willow’s line.” Allison corrected.
“She says people are amazing?”
Allison laughed and hugged him gently. “No, silly. People say ‘wow’ when they talk about her. It’s like her trademark—except she didn’t choose it.” Her eyes roamed his face, searching for something. “Did you get enough rest? Are you okay?”
“Great, but if I don’t get out there, I’m going to ruin those steaks.”
“Better go,” she murmured. “That’s a crime in the Wah-tson family.”
“It’s not exactly appreciated in the Donato family either,” he murmured before trying to hurry to the door. “Can you get whatever your mom left on the counter?”
Leo stepped outside and lit the candles. Long ones—the name of the things escaped him—would have been better, but Eva assured him that with any breeze at all, they’d blow out. Instead, she’d bought mason jar candles and flowers to put in another jar. “I had to buy a whole case just to get the silly jar, but we’ll use them for glasses for on the deck or something,” she’d said.
Allison stepped outside carrying a bowl of salad and a loaf of brown bread. She snickered as she saw him. “Get this. Mom got sweet brown bread instead of the stuff for garlic bread.”
He couldn’t resist a smile. “Nice.”
As if designed for their benefit, the sun slowly set, sending streaks of purple, pink, and gold across the sky, and slowly the trees became dark silhouettes against it all. Allison gazed out over the view and sighed. “‘The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.’”
“It just needs music.”
“Listen,” Allison whispered. “Do you hear that? The breeze rustling leaves? The birds saying goodnight?”
Leo smiled at the picture of her sitting with eyes closed, listening to nature’s evening symphony. The candlelight cast gentle shadows on her face and as she opened her eyes again, reflected in them. “Is this,” he said, trying to absorb the fanciful mood and enter into the fun of it, “where I tell you to watch the dance of the fireflies?”
She jumped up, taking a quick bite of her steak, and beckoned him to follow. “Come on, let’s dance with them.”
“But—” A flicker of disappointment in her eyes stopped him. “Just take it slow. I’m an old man, remember?”
In the grass below the deck, Allison slipped her arms around his neck, laid her head on his chest, and rocked. “I’ve never had a better date.”
Leo winced as he encircled her waist with his arms. “I just wish I had been able to do this in Fairbury.”
“Why?”
“Why do I wish it,” he asked, “or why didn’t I?”
“Why do you wish it? I know why you didn’t.” She sighed. “It’s the only thing that kept me from feeling hopeless about any chance…”
“I just wish I had been able to do it before the Marshal Service threw us into the same house and kind of took your choice out of the equation.”
“They didn’t do that,” Allison said, stepping back. She stared at her toes for a moment before raising her eyes to meet his. “We did. We thought you’d need someone to help you at first, and if we shared a house, you could save your subsistence payments. This is our fault.”
Leo stared after her, confused as she walked back to the deck. “Al—thany.” His eyes glanced around him, wondering how anyone could hear. She turned but didn’t speak. “I’m glad you did. I get to spend more time with you that way.”
“I never thought you’d feel trapped,” she murmured, taking another step back.
“I don’t.” When she didn’t return, Leo stepped forward. “Can we dance again?”
“Do you really want to?” she whispered.
This time, Leo moved to her side and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I said that hurt you, but yes, I really want to.”
Tears slid down her cheeks. She rested her head on his shoulder and allowed them to soak his shirt. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Leo stroked her hair, and his throat constricted as she took several ragged breaths.
“I’ve done it again, haven’t I? I wish I knew what is wrong with me. For the first time, I wish I could be someone else.”
“I don’t. I don’t want anyone else.”
Her head snapped up. “What?”
“I don’t want anyone else. Since April, I’ve only wanted a chance to be with you.” Her surprised eyes brought a chuckle. “Allison, do you know how many nights I tried to pray about anything but you—and failed. Every. Single. Time. I prayed I’d forget you. Prayed you’d find a great guy that could actually be with you. Prayed that you’d do something horrible so I could lose all interest in you.”
“Adric said he thought you had some silly inferiority thing going because of your past.” Her eyes searched his. “I thought it sounded ridiculous, but you just did what every man I ever go out with does.”
“What?”
“Showed interest until we actually had a date, and then you acted like it was enough.” She dropped her head to his chest again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I guess—”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. I wasn’t talking about me feeling trapped. I don’t. I feel free for the first time in forever.” He squeezed her, the pain it caused almost a welcome reminder that he was alive—happy. “I just wished that I could have asked you when saying no didn’t mean that you had to live with me.”
“If we were in Fairbury, and you took me home right now, when would you call again?”
“I wouldn’t wait. I’d stop by the shop on the way home.” All doubts fled. He knew they’d return, but he grasped the confidence he felt and held onto it. “I’m not waiting until I get in there either,” Leo added, jerking his head at the cabin. “Can we do this again? Can we dance with the fireflies and watch sunsets by candlelight? I don’t know how to do romance—not this kind, but I’ll learn. Even if it takes me a lifetime—I’d like that chance.”
They sat in the glider, their meal abandoned. The moon rose, fireflies danced, their fingers intertwined as they rocked, but they didn’t speak. In the bottom of his pocket, pressed against his thigh, a ring tempted him to say more. It had been implied from the day they joined her parents in the safe house in Rockland. From Keith and Karen to Rod and Eva, everyone assumed. He had assumed. If he read her right, she had too. But should he wait? Give them time?
Would she ever wonder if he had asked earlier than he planned just to reassure her?
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