by Bella Jewel
“It can never be easy to take a life, no matter how many times you do it,” she says sadly.
“No, I don’t suppose so.”
“I’m going to get some rest. You wake me if you need.”
I nod, and let go of her hand. She leaves me alone on the balcony, and I watch as the sun begins to rise. My eyes are heavy, and I’m tired, but I know sleep won’t come to me right now. There’s no point in trying. I sit on an old porch swing, and I stare out at the rising sun. My mind is struggling to comprehend how this has all gone down. Only a month ago I was running from Axel, and now he’s here...in my bed.
I wonder how much my father would despise me if he knew I’d betrayed him so.
My heart clenches at that thought, and I tuck my legs up to my chest. I never had it easy—not really. I never got the chance to have a good go at things. My father was always working with the club, and my mother killed herself long before I could get a decent memory of her. I often try to think about her, but I just don’t remember. My father said she had a problem with drugs, and overdosed one day. That’s all I know.
I imagine now, it’s all I’ll ever know.
I feel the chair shift beside me, and I turn to see Axel sitting beside me, fully dressed. I narrow my eyes, and my skin prickles. “You’re leaving.”
He turns his eyes away from mine, and stares out toward the trees. “I have to.”
“And you’re going to leave me here?”
He doesn’t look at me, but I know he’s fighting against himself. “I have to, it’s too dangerous. I haven’t dealt with Beast yet, and...”
“And what?” I cry. “I’m no safer here, Axel...or have you forgotten already what went down?”
“Meadow,” he begins, but I cut him off.
I stand, and stare down at him. “When are we going to stop doing this? You can’t keep hiding yourself from me. You can’t keep pretending there is nothing here between us. I...I...care for you, Axel, more then you know. Why won’t you let me in? Why do you keep pushing me away?”
He sighs deeply. “I can’t give you what you want, Meadow. Even if I want this...I can’t...I just can’t give it to you.”
“You haven’t even tried,” I snap.
“You won’t like the man that’s in here,” he growls, thumping his chest.
“You haven’t let me see him. Not really. How do you know I won’t like him?”
“I just fuckin’ do!” he growls, clenching his fists. “I’m not good enough for you, Meadow. I’m not what you want.”
“How do you know what I want?” I cry, feeling my lip tremble. “How would you know?”
He storms toward me, and grips my shoulder. “You’re so adamant you want to see this part of me. I’ve given you what you think it is you want. I’ve put my cock deep inside you and come. I’ve held you to me, I’ve opened the part that you’ve been seeking, but what about the other part, Meadow? The part you haven’t accepted?”
I feel my lip tremble. “I’d accept all of you, Axel. You just won’t let me.”
“No,” he roars. “You think you’d accept me. You think that me needing to control women is a problem you can fix. You think that this hard side is something you’re slowly cracking into, but it’s not. You’re not even scratching the surface of the fucked-up shit in my head.”
He turns and walks down the front stairs, not letting me answer.
In a small, timid voice, I say, “You can’t make me stay here, Axel.”
He stiffens, and turns, staring back up at me.
“Then go, Meadow. If that’s what you want.”
With that, he disappears into the trees.
~*~*~*~
I stand in the room, debating for a solid two hours. I know this is my moment to make my choice. I’ve been coming backward and forward with Axel now for too long, and I’m tired of it. He walked away from me, leaving the door open. He told me I can’t accept what he is, and then he left. Now it’s my turn to decide if I can deal with what he’s got to give, or if I’m going to walk away.
Since Axel came into my life, there have been so many things pulling me toward him, and an equal amount pushing me away. He’s the kind of damaged most people would run a mile from, but for me, he’s the reason I breathe. I don’t want to let him go, not without knowing what it is he hides behind the shadows. The only way I’ll know is to go to him, and let him show me.
I’m being unfair if I deny him the chance to be himself.
Only when I’ve seen all of it can I make an informed decision.
I turn and walk toward the door, shoving past it and heading downstairs. Lady is standing in the living area, staring blankly at the television. I know it’s still bothering her, and I can’t say I blame her. I would hate to be in the position she’s in. I walk over, placing a hand on her arm. She jerks and turns to me, forcing a smile.
“What’s the matter, love?”
“I need you to take me to Axel.”
She stares at me. “What for?”
“I have things to sort out, and I need to do it now.”
She sighs. “Sweet, I have direct orders not to let you go. I can’t take you, you know that.”
Dammit.
“Please, Lady, this is important to me.”
She looks sorry. “I’m afraid I can’t, I’m sorry.”
She’s not going to take me, which means I need to find another way. I plant a fake smile on my face, and nod. “I understand, I’m sorry. I’ll just call him.”
“Give him a little time. He’ll come to you.”
She’s wrong, but I don’t tell her that. “I hope so,” I say in a timid voice.
“You should get some rest. You must be exhausted.”
At her words, my body tingles with warmth. I know I need to rest, and I know the better time to go to Axel is at night. I’m safer if I go at night. So, I hug her, and head back up the stairs. When I reach my room, I close and lock the door behind me. I change into a pair of panties and a long shirt, and then I climb into bed, feeling my body ache with exhaustion.
Within minutes, I’m out.
~*~*~*~
When the sun begins to set that night, I decide it’s time to find a way to get out of here and to Axel. Lady is resting right now, but I know I can’t walk past her, or she’ll hear me. I remember Axel climbing through my window, and decide it may be the only way I can get out without raising alarm. I walk over, staring down. It’s only one story, and if I do it right, she shouldn’t hear me.
Deciding this is my only option, I pull on some jeans and a tank, then I throw my hoodie on, and my best pair of sneakers. I have to prep myself to get the guts to climb out that window, but I think of Axel, and I know it’s something that has to be done.
It takes me a solid ten minutes to get down without making noise, and I come close to slipping at least four times. By the time I reach the bottom, my heart is pounding, and a fine trickle of sweat is running down my face.
God.
I turn and quickly rush down the driveway. It’s getting darker by the minute, and a cool air is whipping across my skin. I wrap my hoodie around myself, and keep running. When I reach the road, I head the right direction back into town.
It takes me forty-five minutes to flag down a car. It’s an old woman that pulls over, and she seems to take pity on me because she goes out of her way to turn around and take me where I need to go.
“What’s a girl like you doing out on your own?” she asks, just as we get into the city.
“I got a bit lost after a party,” I lie.
“Young girls these days.” She shakes her head. “I never went to parties when I was young.”
I smile, but it’s forced.
“Where do you need to go, love?”
I give her that address and her eyes widen. “Isn’t that a biker lot?”
“My...father is there.”
“You shouldn’t be hanging around with them. They’re scoundrels, the lot of them.”
I
don’t bother arguing with her.
“I just need to get my dad, that’s all.”
The minute we arrive at the Angels compound, I jump out of the car, quickly thanking the woman before she has a chance to argue with me, then I run through the open gates. I’m surprised they’re open, but it makes sense as soon as I get to the front door of the clubhouse, and I hear the pounding music coming through the door. They’re having a party.
I open the front door, and step inside. The scene before me has my head spinning. There are men and women everywhere, and the brothers are all up in the women. Some of them are having lap dances, others have their women bent over the bar, driving into them like mad men. Well then, I guess this is the real side to an MC club. I shake my head, and push my way through the people, looking for Axel.
“Meadow?”
I hear Colt’s voice, and turn. He smiles down at me, taking my shoulders. “What are you doin’ here?”
“I came to see Axel.”
He frowns. “Aren’t you meant to be with Lady Matilda?”
“It’s a long story. Is he here?”
His eyes grow a little hard. “He’s...busy.”
“Busy?” I say loudly, so he can hear me over he music.
“Meadow...he’s...ah...got someone with him.”
My blood turns to ice, and I feel my fists clench. “He what?”
“Look, I don’t think tonight is the right time for you to be here...”
I roll my eyes. “Do you think this shit shocks me?” I mutter, waving my hands around, indicating the room in general.
He looks confused. “I thought...”
“Look, just tell me where he is...please Colt?”
He sighs loudly, and rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand. “He’s in his office.”
I shove past him, and rush toward the hall. I don’t know what I’m going to find when I go into Axel’s office, but I have to go in. I push past a couple fucking against a wall, and only once I’m past do I recognize that it was Jax, and one of the whores. Nice. I get to Axel’s door, and I don’t wait, I just swing it open. The first thing I see is the blonde-headed girl on his lap. She’s got hair halfway down her back, and she’s wearing nothing but a thong.
She’s grinding against him, shoving her big fakies in his face. He’s got his hands on her hips, but I can’t see his face. My heart beats wildly, and I want to be sick, but I step in further, slamming the door loudly behind me. Axel jerks, and his head whips around the girl. His eyes lock directly onto mine. His entire body stiffens, and we hold eye contact for the longest moment. I see a challenge in his eyes, and I imagine he can also see it in mine.
The girl doesn’t stop giving him a lap dance. She doesn’t even notice I’m there.
She’s probably off her face.
“You said I didn’t want to know what you are, that I wouldn’t like it, but you haven’t given me the chance to find out. So, here I am. I want to know, Axel,” I say, my voice stern and determined.
I spot the handcuffs on his desk, and I lean over, taking them, and holding them up. I keep my eyes locked on his as I snap them on my wrists, binding my own hands in front of me. “Show me.”
His body stiffens, and his eyes fill with lust and need. He searches my face, to see if I’m for real about this.
“I’m not walking out of here, so you either throw that whore off your lap, and give me what I want, or I’ll walk out, and I’ll never come back. You choose, Axel.”
His jaw ticks, and he growls to the girl. “Get the fuck out.”
She frowns, turns her head, and shoots me an icy glare. “But Pres...”
“You heard me,” he snarls at her, not taking his eyes from mine. “Get the fuck out.”
She gets off his lap and without putting her shirt on she walks past me, and out the door, slamming it loudly behind her. Axel doesn’t move from his chair, but his eyes are filled with something deadly, something terrifying that has my body spiking with need.
“You want to give me what I want?” he says in a gravelly tone.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“You fuckin’ sure about that?”
“We’ve been dancing around this for long enough. Show me what you are, and I can decide if it’s something I want in my life.”
The room fills with silence for a long moment, then his eyes narrow, and a deadly look appears on his face.
“Run,” he says, his tone husky and laced with dominance.
I don’t need him to say anything else, because I know what it is he’s asking me to do. He wants me to run, and he wants me to give in to the dark side of myself. He wants to catch me, he wants to put me on my knees, and fuck me with brutal force. The idea of that has my blood pumping. I turn, without giving it a second thought, and I run.
I fly through the door and down the hall, and I hear his chair skid back. I don’t even think about the fact that my hands are still cuffed. I shove through the people in the main living area, and I get a few whistles from the boys, and a few “Atta girl, Meadow!” I guess they know what Axel likes. I stumble through the front door, and I take a quick left, heading past the bikes and into the trees to the left of the house.
I hear Axel’s boots crunching through the dirt, and I know he’s close behind me. The idea of being chased, the idea of having him catch me and fuck me, has everything inside me throbbing with need. I duck behind an old shed, and I try to catch my breath. It’s dark out, except for a few faint streetlights. I peer around the shed, and I see Axel jogging towards me. God, he looks so fucking dangerous.
It does great things to me.
I tiptoe out from the side of the shed, and bolt toward the bikes lined up at the front of the lot. I hear Axel’s pleased growl, and his husky, “You keep runnin’ baby, but when I get you, I’m goin’ to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to scream my name.”
My skin tingles, and I run harder towards the bikes. My entire body is aware of him, and adrenaline courses through my veins. I want him to catch me, yet at the same time, I want to keep running, and feeling this overwhelming urge that’s washing through my body. Sweat trickles down my face as I stop beside the front gate. I drop my cuffed hands to my knees, taking a breath, but it’s too long.
Axel’s body slams against mine.
I start to scream, and I kick back, hitting him lightly in the shins. He groans, and presses my body against the wire fence. My face smooshes against it, and I cry out, feeling the bite of pain as I bite my own lip. Blood trickles into my mouth, and I find myself reacting, even though it’s so incredibly wrong. I’m turned on. I want him to hurt me. I want this rough.
“Fight me, don’t you stop,” Axel breathes into my ear. “I won’t hurt you, Cricket,” he murmurs, running his finger down the side of my face. “But I need you to fight.”
So, that’s what I do.
I start by squirming, trying to twist my body around. He presses his body against mine, and reaches up, tangling his fingers into the fence. He thrusts his hips, ramming both out bodies harder into the wire. I groan, and throw my head back, hitting him in the face. He snarls, and takes my hands, quickly uncuffing me before pulling them harshly behind my back and jerking my body back into his.
I hear the cuffs drop onto the ground.
I guess he’s letting me play this fairly.
“Stop that,” he rasps into my ear. “I’ll make it hurt if you do that again.”
“Maybe I want it to hurt,” I hiss, fisting my hands together and shoving them backward into his stomach.
He stumbles off me with a grunt, and I spin around, ducking to the left and attempting to run. I don’t get two steps before Axel lashes out, taking my ankle and pulling me so hard I go down into the dirt. My face just misses being smashed into it by mere centimeters. Axel flattens his body over mine, and takes my head in his hands, jerking my head back by my hair and breathing down on me. “You’re being a bad girl,” he husks, running a finger down the side of my face.
“You’re not letting me play fair,” I whisper. “I was cuffed before, it wasn’t a fair chase.”
I feel his weight lift off me, and he jerks me up, pulling me into a standing position.
“Run, then. I’ll give you five seconds, and if I catch you again, Meadow, I’m going to fuck you,” he murmurs, and then his eyes grow lusty. “Hard.”
I turn without answering, and I run into the trees at the back of the lot. I hear Axel counting loudly, and my body shivers. I am sweating now, and my breathing is hard and ragged, but the chase is so worth it. I hear Axel take off after me, and I squeal with delight as I weave through the trees. It’s dark, but I can see enough because of the lights surrounding the clubhouse.
“The minute I get hold of you,” Axel yell, “I’m goin’ to rip your panties down, and put my dick so deep inside you, you’re goin’ to scream.”
I shiver, and swallow. I make my way to the fence line again, and I press myself against it for a second, letting my eyes scan the trees.
“Then I’m goin’ to kiss you so hard your lips will bleed.”
Oh, my.
I take off, using the fence line as a guide to get back to the other end of the lot. I can hear Axel to my left, and I know he’s gaining on me, but if I run, it’ll make a lot of noise, and he’ll figure out where I am.
“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he sings. “You know I’ll make you come so much your legs will give way.”
I feel a smile on my face as I keep moving along the fence, keeping my body plastered against it. I can feel my own arousal dampening my panties, and now I’m eager for him to get his hands on me. I want to know what he’s got to give.
“You can run, Cricket, but you can’t hide.”
I stop moving and catch my breath, staring to the left of me, waiting for him to lunge out of the trees. He’s clever, because he’s managed to get ahead of me, and come around from my right.
I’m not looking, but the moment I hear his boots crunch the other side of me, I know I’m done for. I squeal and launch off the fence, but he has me, my face smashed to the fence in a split second. I squirm in his grip, crying out.
