“Whatever you just thought about, Charming is shaking his head sternly at you.” Kara informed me. I laughed and felt better.
We finished our yogurt and it was time for Rylee to pick up her bag and head for the airport. Kara needed to get home to Spike and I thanked her for coming to my rescue once again. I truly couldn’t handle my life without her and I told her so.
“What do you say I join you when you see your medium tomorrow? I would like to meet her and hear what she thinks about your unique situation. I would also like to network with her a bit. I am sure we know a lot of the same people.”
“I would love that!”
“Okay then, it’s a date. After, let’s grab an early dinner. Greek food sound good? You need something healthy to balance out all the fries and cookies you eat.”
Hugging me goodbye, she turned to leave before abruptly turning back and saying one more thing to both of us. “Listen you two, if you have another nightmare tonight stay calm. Try to figure out if it is telling you something important. Be a detective, see if there is anything that might help us put things in their place. So far all the dreams have given you glimpses into the life you once shared and helped you reconnect in your love. Seeing where his life ended was scary, but it was an important part of your history together. Why all the bloody detail, well that was just unfortunate. It was over the top and unnecessary if you ask me. It also makes me think that something has shifted, something is changing. Just try to be calm, not all change is bad. We will figure it out.”
“Okay, I will. I promise.” We said goodbye until tomorrow and with another hug she left. I walked into the dorm, saying hello to people I passed and ran into Rylee and Colin at the elevator.
“Hey guys, perfect timing!” They greeted me with matching smiles, holding hands and I felt a tiny bit lonely after they grabbed her bag and quickly headed for the airport.
Before they left Rylee kissed and hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear, “I love you Sophie! Thank you for everything, and thank Kara too. I’ll be back soon. I promise.”
Colin stood watching us, Ry’s bag over his shoulder, and he smiled at my best friend. “Thanks for sharing her Sophie.”
“No problem Colin, see you in class tomorrow?”
“You bet, ready Rylee?” One more hug and they closed the door leaving me alone. Alone with my own soul mate, the only place I wanted to be.
~
I stood in complete awe of my reflection. Never in my current lifetime had I looked so, well…stunning. Giving credit its due, it was the dress I wore that allowed me to use such a word. If the gowns I’d worn in my former life had been pretty and reminiscent of Scarlet O’Hara, then this confection was worthy of Cinderella. I felt truly like a princess in what must have been my wedding dress. Beautiful and elegant like something from a fairytale storybook. White of course, and made of silk, tulle, and thousands of tiny pearls, the bodice was lower than anything I had ever worn before, making my average B cups look abundant, the waist so tight I would not be able to eat or drink a thing while wearing it, and the skirt made from layer upon layer of frothy tulle was so full I wondered how my father would fit next to me to walk me down the aisle.
The realization hit me that the wedding had never actually taken place, and that instead of the honeymoon I must have dreamed of and looked forward to, I had instead buried my beloved. I had gone to a funeral that I had to get through and survive, before I too, had died from heartbreak. Why was I wearing this gown now and how could I remove it by myself?
I suddenly wanted nothing more than to be free of the gorgeous, but tainted, dress. I put both arms behind my back and felt the tiny buttons that imprisoned me. There was nothing I could do without someone to unbutton me. I was becoming anxious and looked around at the room I had previously not paid an ounce of attention to. I had been too busy paying attention to my own reflection.
I was in a large room with a work table, sewing machines, and baskets of trims and scraps. It was a sewing room, that was certain and the mirror in front of me had a large raised area before it where I stood and had previously had my clothing altered. The room had no windows and I suddenly felt claustrophobic. For the first time in a dream I had the uncomfortable sensation that I needed to awake, but there was no way to stop the dream’s progress. There could be no good in Charming seeing me this way, dressed as his bride, his wife that never was. What could be the purpose of such a cruel scenario?
Opening the door, I found myself in a hallway that I walked slowly down, curious as to what I would find. I heard no sounds and peered into the first doorway I reached. A large kitchen appeared and I thought how I had once known this place well. The cook had obviously been busy, as fresh loaves of bread, rolls, pies and cakes lined the counters. There was so much food that I wondered if this was the weekend of my wedding and the food was to feed all the guests. Had I entered the dream the day of Charming’s death? I didn’t stay to investigate further. Leaving the kitchen I maneuvered the enormous skirt of my gown down the hall and opened the heavy wooden front door. I peeked outside, surveying the verandah until I was sure I saw no one around. After confirming the vacancy, I hurried outside and shut the door behind me, looking in every direction as I was unsure of where to go and what to do until I awoke, which would hopefully be soon.
Following the porch around to the back of the house, I saw to my alarm that Charming was heading straight for me atop his white horse. Unable to hide myself, I knew it was inevitable that he see me standing here in all my bridal glory. I waved and hoped the sight did not cause him too much pain.
Pulling on his horse’s reins, he stopped at the stairs and jumped down, remaining rooted in place. His face gave nothing away but his distance showed me he was disturbed by the sight of me.
“Charming, are you alright? I’m so sorry that you have to see me in this dress.” I took a step towards the stairs. Still not saying a word, he stared, but his blank expression changed to one of tenderness and I saw a glimmer of a tear fill his eyes until one tear rolled slowly down his cheek. He just stood there, as still as a statue, more tears joining the first. I couldn’t breathe as I waited and my eyes also filled as I watched him cry, unembarrassed before me. My heart caught in my chest, aching for him, knowing how hard it was for him to see Lily in her wedding dress.
“You are Lily, Sophie,” he said quietly, hearing my thoughts.”And you are the most beautiful sight that I have ever seen.” He said it softly as the tears fell freely, his hands wiping them away as we both suddenly moved towards one another. Meeting at the bottom of the steps we clung to each other desperately. My mind refused to focus and I kept wondering why I was here in this wedding dress, what could it mean? First the blood, and now the dress that was never to be worn, what would be next?
“Shhhhh… Sophie,” he quieted me though I had said nothing aloud. “It’s alright. We will be alright. Please don’t worry. We are together and you are the most beautiful bride. Let me tell you what I had planned to say to you on our wedding day in front of our friends and families.”
I looked up at him curiously and he pulled his arms from where they had been holding me and reached out to hold both my hands in his. Then he gazed solemnly into my eyes.
“I had asked the minister to let me say something before he pronounced us man and wife.” He squeezed my hands tightly and took a shaky breath, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Lily, I have known you all my life, and I have watched you grow up from my sister’s annoying best friend who followed me around everywhere I went into the woman who I love with all my heart and all my soul. You are my best friend, my soul mate and the wife that I will love and cherish for the rest of my days. You are my every heart beat and the reason that I breathe. I love you. I love you forever. I love you beyond forever.”
His words made my knees week and he had to practically hold me up as his mouth met mine and I tasted the salt of his tears. He kissed me as I knew he would have on our wedding day, with all the pass
ion and promise of a union that would have been perfect, perfect because it would have been ours. Our eyes opened and found one another after the kiss ended, and the emotion I saw in his navy eyes made my heart race. I ached with love for him, now understanding perfectly and completely the miracle of his following me through time.
I opened my mouth to tell him exactly that as he suddenly began to fade from before my eyes, and his body, pressed against mine, evaporated. I cried out his name over and over until I found myself in my bedroom, alone. Heart pounding, relieved to be out of the confusing dream, I felt for Charming’s reassuring presence beside me and felt nothing. Jumping up, I concentrated on feeling him to no avail. I was alone. My life had just become its very own nightmare.
Chapter 19
I felt numb. I can’t quite explain the sensation. I wasn’t freaking out and I no longer cried. I was calm and controlled and completely protected from feeling anything. It must have been shock, but I wasn’t able to recognize that fact at the time. My mind knew that Charming’s abrupt exit from my life wasn’t going to go over well with me so it took over and put me on auto-pilot. Still, I wasn’t functioning well enough to sit through my classes. Nor was I able to identify whether I was hungry or not, so I did not eat. I simply remained in my room, lying on my bed until the clock told me it was time to shower, dress and see Melissa. I did remember that Kara had planned on joining me today so I stood outside and waited for her at our usual spot by the fountain, jumping in when the black Mercedes pulled up to the curb.
“Hi,” I greeted her quietly. She studied my face and said hello and waited for me to spill. When I didn’t, she spoke.
“I don’t know what it means Sophie, but I don’t want you to panic. I still see him with you in your future. Whatever this is, I think it is temporary. I know it is.”
I watched her expression as she spoke, looking for signs that she was lying and she was just afraid to tell me he was gone for good, he wasn’t coming back. She looked concerned, worried even, but she was telling me the truth. I said nothing. There was nothing to say. I would wait. I would just have to wait. She asked me for directions to Melissa’s house and I told her as we drove. We pulled up right on time.
Melissa greeted us warmly and seemed pleased to meet Kara. Their chatter flowed around me, but I wasn’t listening to their words. I saw their eyes meet and silent concern for me passed between them.
I spoke then, to both of their relief.
“He’s gone. I was dreaming and he just faded from my view and when I woke he wasn’t beside me.”
“Well, do you want to tell us about the dream? Maybe it will explain what’s going on,” Melissa prompted, while guiding me to the couch.
“Okay. I was wearing the wedding gown Lily was going to wear to their wedding. I’m sorry. Charming hates when I talk about Lily like she isn’t me. Anyway, I was admiring my dress and realized it would disturb poor Charming to see me wearing it, but there was no way to take it off by myself. The room was making me claustrophobic so I went outside. Charming cried when he saw me. He cried and it broke my heart. Then he told me that he had written vows for our wedding ,and he spoke them and kissed me and I was finally able to understand how powerful his love for me really is, and I could see it being able to bring him to me through time, and then he just faded away. He’s gone.”
Getting all that out made it feel more real and I sat back in utter exhaustion. How would I stay strong enough to survive all of this?
“Well,” Melissa said slowly, “he isn’t here with you today, but I’m sure he will return Sophie. I am sure there is a reason we are not able to see him right now and we will find out someday soon.”
Kara started in as soon as Melissa stopped speaking. “Yes, and I still see you with him in the future. You know I am never wrong. I haven’t been so far, right? I do see it, soon, in this lifetime. Hang on to that. I promise you it’s the truth.”
“You are right, Kara,” Melissa answered for me. “I feel a strong connection between them as well. This is only the beginning of your journey with Charming, Sophie, not the end.”
I looked from Kara to Melissa and I tried to smile for their sake. “You two are so wonderful. I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you. I do believe you and I know Charming wants me to be strong right now. I will try my best, I really will. It’s just hard, ya know?”
They both nodded their heads and Kara looked at Melissa then me as she spoke.
“First thing’s first. You need to stay healthy and strong for him when he returns to you. That means you have to eat.”
“I eat,” I said.
“Not today you didn’t,” she said, knowing full well I hadn’t.
“And you have to keep your brain strong too. You know Charming would be devastated if he thought you quit going to class because of him. You have to keep going on with your regular life, it’s non-negotiable.”
Geez, having psychics for friends was worse than having your mom watching over you.
“Please, Sophie, I care about you. I am not trying to mother you.”
Great, she was as bad as Charming about reading my mind!
“I know you do, and I care about you guys too. I could not survive any of this without you.”
“So let’s try extra hard to make Charming proud and honor him by taking care of what he loves most- you. Okay?”
“So,” Melissa said, cheerily, “What do you say we cancel our Monday sessions and replace them with Monday dinners here at my house. We will all get together and you can sample my cooking. I’m a gourmet chef in my down time.”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea Melissa. I’m in,” Kara smiled.
“Me too.” I couldn’t help but smile. I felt a lot better when I was with these amazing, gifted women. I had so much faith in them and I would continue to until Charming came back. Because I had to believe he would get back to me, somehow. The way I looked at it I had two options, being miserable and dying inside or believing in the miracle that Charming was. My choice was obvious.
Chapter 20
I watched Rylee’s face later that night on my computer screen. She had greeted me happily and filled me in on what I had missed over the weekend. She was excited and I fed on her positive energy.
“Sophie,” she said with such happiness, “I can’t tell you how much I adore him! He’s beyond amazing! Do you know he has never been in love either? He has been in lots of short relationships just like me. Neither of us has ever felt like we did when we saw each other at the party. We stayed up until five in the morning just learning everything we could about one another. He was a perfect gentleman; he didn’t try to take advantage of my being there all night. He really was a sweetheart. We have so much in common, it is so cool! Even if Kara hadn’t told me about him being the one, I swear I would have known anyway. When it’s right it just is. You know? Of course you do!! What am I thinking? Is my big bro happy for me?”
“I’m sure he is. He loves you so much, just like I do. We both know that Colin is the right guy for you, he’s great!” I tried to smile, but she knew me better than anyone.
“Sophie, something’s wrong, what is it?” she asked with a frown on her face, alarm setting in.
“Rylee, Charming is gone. I had a dream and saw him fade away and when I woke he was just not here.”
“Oh no!” she shouted. “How can we get him to come back? Talk to Kara, ask her to help you. There has to be something she can do.” The words rushed out of her and I felt my anxiety escalate. I needed her to stay calm, for both of us.
“Kara and Melissa are both sure he will be back. I have to just stay calm and hope they are right. It has been a whole day without him and I feel so lost Ry. I miss him.”
“I know you do. I do too. Just knowing about him, I feel connected to my big brother, I really do. I was going to see if you wanted me to fly back and stay with you again this weekend.”
“Really? Oh, Ry, that would be awesome. I hate being alone. I feel re
ally lost.”
“I will be there Thursday. I was going to hop between you and Colin but you need me more. I will tell him it’s a girl’s weekend.”
“No, don’t do that! You two need your time too. Let us share you. Okay?”
“Okay, but if you need me to stay with you the whole time you know I am yours.”
“I know. Thank you, Ry.”
“Don’t thank me, that’s what best friends are for.”
Chapter 21
I decided I needed to be as rational as possible, remain on my self-imposed auto pilot as long as I could. I mean, really, what had changed? I couldn’t feel Charming anymore, he wasn’t with me. What did that mean in my normal everyday life? When he was here we couldn’t speak and I couldn’t see him. I went to classes, did my homework, and lived a fairly normal life, right? I would now do the exact same thing and do it as best I could until Charming finally returned. How hard could that be? If I just knew when he’d be back it would be so much easier. But, looking at the bright side, thanks to Kara, I knew at some point he would definitely be back. I could survive anything as long as I knew that. I could wait forever.
The dreams were a different story. The dreams had been my way of being with Charming, they had let me get to know him all over again. I had lost my memories of our past life together but each dream had given me back a tiny glimpse of what had been. Having the dreams stop was the hardest part of this whole thing. I dreaded falling asleep now. I didn’t want to awake realizing the dreams were gone too. Part of me would have even taken more nightmares just to hang on to what little of him I could.
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