But it was the law of physics. That weight had been transferred, landing on my shoulders instead. And thought it didn’t make any sense whatsoever, it was under that pressure where I finally drifted off to the best sleep I’d had in months.
***
Cameron
I held Charlie close all that night, listening to her sleep, knowing I would not. But for once, I wasn’t scared of being alone with my thoughts.
I could distinctly recall the chapter breaks in my life.
I knew where each one began, where each one ended, and what each new chapter had held for me. There was the chapter that ended when my father killed my mother, when he went to jail, and the one that began next as I moved in with my grandparents. There was the chapter that ended with me getting the scholarship to Garrick, and the one that began that first day of orientation.
There was the chapter that ended my sophomore year on a night I slept with one of five girls I’d had that week. I left her room early in the morning, swearing to myself that I was done with that lifestyle. I couldn’t even see another chapter in sight, I just knew this was the end of one for me. I knew the meaningless sex wasn’t what I wanted — not anymore.
The next chapter brought me Charlie, and nothing was the same again.
The chapters with her were my favorite.
There was the one where we said we loved each other, and the one where I asked and she said yes. There was the one where we bought a house together, and the one where she started her dream job. There was the one where she became pregnant with our children, and sadly, the one when we lost them.
And even though the chapters after that were the hardest ones I’d lived, they were still some of my favorites — because Charlie was in them.
I realized during my time talking with Patrick that my life had been split into two — before Charlie, and after Charlie. I was a different man in each part, and I knew that if there were to be a third section where I existed without her again, I’d be a different man then, too.
It was the absolute last thing I wanted, to live life without her as my wife, but I had to come to terms with the fact that it might be reality soon. The next chapter in my life could be the worst one, and I had to prepare.
After tonight, all my cards were on the table.
I’d laid everything out — my heart, my truth, my vows. She knew how I felt, she’d seen inside my heart, and now, finally, she knew the truth about what happened.
But, was it enough?
I didn’t know.
I was fighting against a rip tide, clinging to survival, but I was growing weary. Time was running out, and I knew I was down to my last chance to prove I was the man she loved.
And the man she deserved, too.
Next Friday was the end-of-the-year gala at Westchester, and the following day was when we would break ground on the house we were building for Jeremiah’s family.
That day would also mark two months.
So, I held Charlie a little tighter that night, kissing her as softly as I could so as not to wake her. In my heart, I couldn’t imagine a life where she wasn’t mine, but in my mind, I had to paint the picture, anyway.
Prepare for the worst, fight for the best. That was my motto.
Because I would fight for her — until the very end, I would fight. But if her happiness laid in the arms of another man in the end, I would lay down my gloves, and I would walk away for her. I loved her enough to do that, even if it would kill me in the process.
With one last, long breath, I pushed out the negative thoughts haunting me just for one night. For that one night, I would hold her, and listen to her heart beats, and feel her skin against mine.
For that one night, I would cherish my wife as if I wouldn’t get to keep her.
And before I fell asleep, I’d pray that I actually would.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
* * *
Reese
Every song sounded wrong.
It was all I could focus on, though I tried hard not to, as the night I’d waited for all week spread out like a missed opportunity before my very eyes. It seemed like everything had been working against me — Blake, the first part of the conference, and just when I’d brought her back to me, the hospital ordeal.
I’d been counting down the days until the gala, knowing it would be a chance for me to get Charlie alone again — except it hadn’t. She’d been with Cameron all night, since the very first moment they walked in together, and I was going mad watching them.
I couldn’t win, and time wasn’t on my side, either.
Tomorrow marked two months.
Two months since she’d promised that time to Cameron, two months since I’d agreed to wait on the sideline, to give him a chance to fight. But I was done waiting.
And every song sounded wrong.
The one that played when I walked inside the beautifully decorated gala hall, Blake hanging on my arm, had been too fast and shrill. The one that filtered through the speakers when I excused myself to the bathroom to splash my face with water had been too low and ominous. The notes were all wrong, no matter what played, or who played it, and I realized music wasn’t the same when I wasn’t with Charlie.
Not anymore.
It was the end-of-the-year gala, a time for celebration, and a night when I would likely receive my first award as a teacher. And yet, I couldn’t find it in me to even pretend to smile. Because all night long, I’d had to watch from a distance as Charlie danced with Cameron, as she swayed in his arms to the awful music that had no rhythm.
She was more stunning than usual that night, her long hair pinned up in a delicate bun of braids, with soft tendrils hanging down to frame her jaw. Her eyes were dark and shimmery like stardust, playing off the midnight blue of her long dress. I needed her in my arms like I needed my next breath, but Cameron had her — he held my oxygen in his hands.
I was going to pass out if I didn’t get a gulp of air soon.
“They should be announcing award winners within the next half hour or so,” Blake said, flipping through the program for the evening. “It says it’s right after dessert, and they’re cutting up the cake now.”
I took a sip of my scotch, inhaling a stiff breath through my teeth at the burn. “Okay.”
Blake frowned, dropping the program to squeeze my shoulder, instead. “You okay over there?”
“Just nervous,” I lied.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Charlie. She and Cameron were dancing near the stage, and at that precise moment, her head was thrown back in laughter, and Cameron was smirking like he’d just shared the dirtiest secret with her.
My fist tightened around my glass.
“Oh, don’t be,” Blake said, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “You’re going to get it, and then we can celebrate tonight.”
She smiled suggestively at me, rubbing my neck, but I just took another drink with my eyes on the dance floor.
“I’m going to run to the ladies’ room,” she said, standing. “Freshen up before the awards start. Need anything? Another drink?”
“I’m good,” I told her, and as soon as she disappeared in the crowd, I pushed my way through it in the opposite direction — toward Charlie.
I drained the rest of my scotch on the way toward her, dropping my empty glass on a server’s tray just as she noticed me heading her way. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, warning me to stop, but it wasn’t physically possible now. My feet were moving too fast, my heart beating steady along with them, and I wouldn’t stop until I had her in my arms.
Cameron followed her gaze just as I reached them, and his eyes hardened at the sight of me, his arms tightening around Charlie.
“Mind if I cut in?” I asked him, forcing my most charming smile as I held my hand out.
There were others around us watching, including Mr. Henderson and his wife, and Cameron glanced at them with a forced smile of his own as he took a step back from Charlie, offering me her hand.
“O
f course not,” he said, loud enough for those around us to hear. “I’ll refresh our drinks.”
But before he stepped away, Cameron clapped his hand hard on my shoulder, squeezing with enough force to make me wince as he leaned in.
“Keep your fucking hands to yourself, Walker.”
“Well, I’ve got to put my hands on her to dance with her, don’t I, Cam?”
I smiled even wider, clapping his shoulder in return before I ripped away from his hold and pulled Charlie into my arms. I watched as she and Cameron exchanged a look, and once he’d gone, her eyes found mine.
“Hi,” I said, the first real smile of the evening settling on my lips.
Her brows pinched together at first, but then they smoothed, and she shook her head with a small smile of her own.
“Hi.”
“You look incredible tonight,” I said, shaking my head slowly as I took her in. She was even more glammed up than I’d realized from afar, from her makeup to the pearls that rested around her neck. “I mean seriously, how can you blame me for going crazy wanting to hold you in my arms when you look like that?”
“I’m with Cam tonight,” she reminded me, as if I didn’t already know. “Everyone here knows us, Reese. It’s… we have to be careful.”
“What does it matter?” I asked. “Tomorrow marks two months. Everyone is about to know, anyway.”
Charlie’s eyes fell to my tie, and she swallowed.
“Right?” I asked her, tilting her chin up.
She didn’t answer.
“Charlie. Tomorrow is—”
“I know what tomorrow is,” she hissed, glancing over my shoulder. “Okay? I know. But everything is just… complicated right now.”
“What does that mean? What’s complicated now that wasn’t exactly that same way last time I held you?”
“Oh, you mean two nights before you brought Blake to my sister-in-law’s hospital room?”
I pressed my lips flat. “I didn’t have a choice. And you left as soon as we got there, anyway.”
“I wonder why,” she snapped back.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I said, wanting so badly to pull her into me. But there were eyes everywhere, and I had to settle for enough room for Jesus between us as we swayed. “I didn’t want her to come, but she invited herself, and I couldn’t tell her not to come. She had just come home from seeing her dad in the hospital, and he’s dying, Charlie. He’s dying. I’m the only thing she has to hold onto and I just couldn’t tell her to sit home alone that day we came to the hospital.”
Words were flying out my mouth, but none of them seemed to make Charlie any happier.
“I know you’re mad at me, but she’s temporary — just like your situation with Cameron. We’re going to get past this,” I told her. “All we have to do is make it through tomorrow, and everything will be different.”
Charlie wouldn’t look at me, her lip pinned between her teeth as her eyes skated everywhere but up to mine.
“A lot has changed since then…”
The blood drained from my face, my heart thumping loud in my ears as I tried to keep us dancing. “What the hell does that mean? Are you… are you saying you might stay with him?”
Her eyes snapped up to mine, but she didn’t have a chance to answer before Mr. Henderson’s voice spoke over the fading end of the song.
“Let’s hear a big round of applause for our band this evening, The Ravendoors,” he said, the room breaking into applause as Charlie pulled back from me to clap with them.
My jaw was clenched, my hands clapping a little too hard as I tried to focus on the stage, all the while watching Charlie. I was losing her, or maybe I already had, and I couldn’t let her go back to her table with Cameron — not yet.
“If you’ll all make your way back to your seats, we’ll be starting the award ceremony shortly. But, before we do, I’d like to thank our sponsors for the evening…”
Mr. Henderson continued, the dance floor clearing as everyone found their seats, but before Charlie could make her way back to her table, I grabbed her wrist and tugged her in the opposite direction.
“What are you doing?” she whisper-yelled.
But I didn’t answer. It was all I could do to smile at people as we passed, putting on whatever show I still had to give. I didn’t care what anyone thought. I had to have her alone.
The gala was hosted on the top floor of one of the hotels downtown, and I pulled Charlie through the doors that led to the rooftop garden. Mr. Henderson’s voice was muffled as soon as the door closed behind us, and we were the only ones outside, everyone else already back at their tables to await the ceremony.
“We can’t be out here,” Charlie said, pulling her wrist free. “They’re about to do the awards.”
“I don’t care.”
I grabbed her hands in mine, pulling her behind one of the large trees that the garden lights hung from. It was a bit chilly that evening, though the days had brought spring on in full force. Charlie shivered once we were blocked from the view of the ballroom, and I stripped off my tuxedo jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders.
“Reese, we have to go back inside.”
“Not yet,” I argued. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
Charlie pressed her fingers to her temple. “Please, Reese. Let’s talk about this later. I don’t feel well, and—”
“It’s been two months,” I interrupted, waiting until she looked at me to say my next sentence. “Just tell him goodbye. Tell him it’s over.”
Charlie looked so small in that moment, wrapped in my jacket, her breath escaping her painted lips in little puffs of white. Her brows drew inward, her arms crossing over one another as she looked down at my shoes.
“Damn it, Charlie, tell him it’s over. Tell him the truth!”
“What, like you’ve told Blake?” she shot back, her eyes hard on mine again.
“I’ll tell her right now. Tonight. You want me to go get her and bring her out here? Because I will. I’ll do it.” I started for the door, but Charlie stopped me, pressing one tiny hand into my chest.
“Don’t be stupid,” she whispered.
“I’m not, I’m being serious.” I held her small arms in my hands, catching her gaze with mine. “I will tell her right now, Charlie. I want you. I want to be with you.”
Her lip quivered, but she looked up at the lights above us to force a calming breath. I let her capture it, watching the emotions wash across her face. I wanted to kiss her more than I could say, more than I wanted almost anything in the world — other than to hear her say she loved me, that she chose me, that it was all over and we could be together.
“I want to be with you,” I repeated, stepping into her.
I slid one hand into her hair, and she leaned into the touch with a sigh. I wished I could hold her like that forever, that I could have her in my hands that way and know I didn’t have to memorize the feel of her because there was no guarantee I’d touch her like that again.
I dropped my forehead to hers, our lips just inches apart, and I breathed in her scent before I asked the only question that mattered.
“Do you want to be with me?”
Charlie’s face twisted, her hands reaching out to fist in my dress shirt, and I heard the sound of my own heart crack when she spoke again.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” I asked, pulling back from her. I searched her eyes, confusion sinking into me right along with the overwhelming urge to jump off the roof. “You don’t know?”
“I don’t know!” she said louder, pushing away from me. She turned, pacing toward the city with her thumbnail in between her teeth, and I stared at the silhouette of her against those lights like I was in the middle of a bad dream.
“You do know,” I argued. “You know, Charlie. You love me. I know you do. You love me, damn it.”
“I do!” she turned, her hands outstretched toward me as tears flooded her eyes. “But, I love him, too. And I just
… I can’t… this is all too much. Everything I thought, it’s all just… it’s a mess. My whole life is upside down and I can’t see or make sense of anything.”
Her words stumbled into each other, they fell out of her mouth so fast, and her breaths were as unsteady as the heartbeat under my ribs.
“I need to sit down,” she said, one hand finding her head as she wobbled forward for the bench. “I need to think. I need time.”
“You’ve had time, Charlie,” I reminded her, grabbing her hand to help her sit. I took the place next to her, folding her hands in mine. “I know you love us both, I get it, but you don’t love him like you love me. I’m the one for you,” I said as she shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes again. “I’m the one for you and you know it.”
“Please, Reese.”
“Tell him. Tell him tonight.”
“I don’t feel well. Please, can we just—”
“Damn it, Charlie,” I said, and in the next instant, my lips were on hers, hard and needy and bursting with the urgency I felt in every inch of my being. I wrapped her in my arms as she melted into me, her tears falling to slip between our lips. She was crying because she knew the truth, because she knew it was me, and she didn’t want to hurt Cameron. I knew it, but I couldn’t wait any longer.
I had to have her now.
“Tell me you love me,” I begged her, my hands framing her face as I kissed her again. “But only if it’s true.”
“I love you,” she whispered, her face breaking with the admission. “I always have. You brought me back to life, Reese.”
She kissed me between her words, shaking her head like I was stupid to even question her love at all.
“I have never felt the way I feel with you with anyone else in my entire life. Saying I love you isn’t enough to really say how I feel about you. I cherish you, I want you, I can’t imagine having to live without you.”
Best Kept Secrets: The Complete Series Page 43
