I chuckled again, fluffing the pillows on my bed before leaning back against them with the phone on my chest. “I’m not dying. I’m perfectly healthy. And I’m in Pittsburgh… well, Mount Lebanon. I’m staying with my uncle and taking piano lessons with Reese Walker. Oh, also, I sha—”
“Wait, wait, wait,” she said, cutting me off. “You’re in Pennsylvania? And you’re taking lessons with the Reese Walker? What the hell, Sarah? Why haven’t you told me? Why have you ignored my calls and texts?”
I sighed. “It’s… complicated.”
“Break it down.”
“I can’t,” I said on a swallow. That earned me a huff on the other end, and I sat up a little straighter, pinching the bend of my nose. “Look, I know it’s frustrating. I left, I didn’t come back, I ignored you and everyone else who reached out to me. And now, I call you out of the blue, and I still can’t tell you everything. I know that is stupid and upsetting, but… I love you, Reneé. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister and I really, really need you right now. And I know it’s not fair, but I’m asking you to understand that I can’t tell you everything about why I left Bramlock, but that I am okay.” I paused. “Well, for the most part, anyway.”
She huffed again, a long pause lingering between us before she spoke. “That’s really not fair.”
“I know.”
“And it’s really selfish, too.”
“I know.”
Reneé paused. “But, I love you. And if you can’t tell me yet… then, I guess that’s okay.”
I let out a long breath of relief. “Thank you. Thank you for understanding.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled. “Now, you said something about needing me. What’s going on?”
“Well… it kind of has to do with Reese.”
“Reese? You’re on a first-name basis with a piano god?”
I blushed, fingering my necklace. “I may be on a lip to lip basis with a piano god.”
“WHAT?! Okay, enough teasing. SPILL.”
I laughed, launching into the story from the very beginning. I told her about the lessons, how I still wanted to go to Carnegie and play in New York City and Reese was my way to get there now that I had dipped out of school. I told her about our lessons, about the incredible way he played, the way he taught. I told her about Charlie, about Reese opening up to me, and me opening up to him about my dad — which she gasped at, since she was pretty much the only other person I’d ever told. Then, I told her about the kiss — and how I’d jumped off him and ran out.
We’d had to run over that quite a few times for her to understand.
Of course, I didn’t tell her what I told him — about Wolfgang, about what had happened that December night at Bramlock. But, I tried my best to explain that it was clear we couldn’t be together like that.
When all was said and done, Reneé blew out a long whistle, digesting everything I’d said.
“So, your hot ass, piano god of a teacher makes a move on you. You reciprocate that move, and then you run out because… you’re too young for him?”
“And I’m his student. And he’s my uncle’s employee.”
“Yeah…” she said on a long sigh. “I guess that all makes sense. But, you still like him. You still want more, even though you told him you don’t.”
I sighed, because she was right… but even with telling her all that, I was leaving out the biggest piece of the puzzle.
I’m scared. And damaged. And I don’t know how to be intimate with anyone because all that desire was stolen from me.
“And, you told him he should go on a date with someone else,” Reneé continued. “And he listened.”
“Damn him for being true to his word.”
She chuckled at that. “Well, bestie, as much as I hate to say this, I think you put yourself in this pickle.”
I groaned, covering my face with a pillow before throwing it across the room. “I know, okay? I know. The question is, what do I do about it now?”
She let out another long sigh, the silence growing between us.
“Honestly? I think you should tell him how you feel.”
I scoffed.
“No, seriously. Tell him you still like him, you don’t want him to go on dates with other women, but you also don’t know how to even begin to be with him yourself. Tell him everything that worries you — his relationship to you as your teacher, his job with your uncle, the age thing. Just give him a chance to talk to you about all your concerns, see if they concern him, too. If they do?” Reneé clucked with her tongue. “Well, then, there’s your answer. You draw the line and stay on opposite sides of it. But, maybe he has answers for the questions. Maybe he doesn’t care about the age or his job. Maybe he wants you, and that’s all there is to it.”
I made a face. “That’s an awful dreamy way to look at things.”
“My favorite way.”
I smiled at that, because it was true. If there was a way to personify sunshine, it would be recreated in my best friend.
“I’ve really missed you,” I whispered. “Thank you, Reneé. For listening. For being there for me when I was gone for so long. And for not judging.”
“I’ve missed you, too. But you’re never allowed to leave me like that again.”
“Deal.”
“Oh, and please, you know I’d never judge you. Honestly, I don’t know how you thought I could with this situation. It’s like every girl’s fantasy.” She snickered. “I wish my hot professor would kiss me.”
My stomach dropped at that, bile rising in my throat when I realized she was talking about Wolfgang. I was still swallowing that bile down when Reneé spoke again.
“By the way, did you hear that he got the Roger H. Belanger Award today?” She laughed. “I’m surprised it took them so long. He’s clearly the best professor our campus has ever seen. Anyway, they’re doing this big award ceremony for him. It’s next week.” She gasped. “Oh, my God. You should come, Sarah! You can stay with me, we can go out, you can see everyone again. I know you’re over our measly university now that you’re studying with the Reese Walker, but you could slum it for a while, right?”
That bile I’d been able to swallow down quickly resurfaced, black invading my vision as I blindly felt my way through my bedroom to the bathroom attached.
“Come on, you have to come! I graduate at the end of the summer. This could be a last little send off.”
I blindly felt the bathroom wall for the light switch, flicking it on without a single inch of light reaching me. The darkness creeping in was too strong, and I blinked against the black, trying to see. Trying to breathe.
“I have to go,” I managed. “I’ll text you.”
“Sarah?”
But I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer.
As soon as I ended the call, I hit my knees and forfeited my dinner into the toilet.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
* * *
Reese
“So, that’s when I said… ‘just because these red bottom heels are hot doesn’t mean I won’t shove one straight up your ass if you talk to me like that again.’”
Jennifer snapped her fingers, laughing at her own story as I turned the steering wheel, finally making it to the street her house was on. I forced a smile, trying to be polite, but I was about to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get her out of my car in the next five minutes. I couldn’t wait to put this night in my past, to go home and drink as many beers as it took to forget every minute of it.
I’d known before I’d even agreed to the date that it would be a nightmare, and I was right.
And it was all Sarah’s fault that I’d subjected myself to it.
I knew I shouldn’t blame her, couldn’t blame her — not when I was a grown-ass man capable of making my own decisions. But it had been her who had pushed me. It had been her who had said I should go on a date with someone who wasn’t her.
She’d wanted to make a point, and I’d heard it loud and clear.
Again, I couldn’t be mad at her for pointing at that line between us and reminding me of it. That day at the park, I’d proven to her that my word wasn’t as good as I’d promised. I’d stared at her too long, stayed too close to her after our fall… and I’d clearly failed to hide the fact that I desperately wanted to kiss her again. I’d failed her in every way possible, and she’d nailed her intentions home when we were back in my car.
She literally begged me to go on a date with another woman. That’s how badly Sarah wanted me to stay away from her.
And in all honesty, after that day? I thought maybe she was right. Maybe I should go on a date with a woman my own age, get my head right in all aspects — mind off Sarah, moving forward after Charlie. I got it. I understood how it could possibly be a good thing for me.
But in my gut, I knew it was a terrible decision.
And from the moment I picked Jennifer up, I’d been living in my own personal hell.
As if the mindless conversation and completely overpriced dinner hadn’t been bad enough, she’d practically molested me under the table, making her intentions very clear. I didn’t know what made me more uncomfortable — the stuffy suit I was in, the stuffy restaurant I’d had to endure for two hours, or the stuffy woman who couldn’t keep her hands to herself.
When I pulled up to her house, I realized the worst was yet to come.
“Well, this is me,” she breathed, glancing at her beautiful, luxurious home that was entirely too much for one woman before turning back to me. Her eyes were lazy from the wine, red lipstick smudged a little at the edges as her lips curled into a wicked smile. “Thank you for a wonderful evening, Reese.”
I forced another smile. “It was my pleasure.”
Her eyes slipped from mine to my lips before she leaned over the console, her mouth on track for mine. My heart thundered in my chest as I considered my next move. Whatever it was, it would be ugly — because I was not kissing that woman.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to figure it out just yet, because she paused with her mouth just a few inches from mine. Her hand grazed my knee before she ran it up the inside of my thigh, and as much as the old me would have jumped for joy at the easy lay, the new me wasn’t even capable of getting hard.
She wasn’t what I wanted.
She wasn’t who I wanted.
“Why don’t you come inside,” she whispered, licking her lips as her hand crawled higher. “I’ll make us some drinks.”
I’d always given Jennifer credit for her boldness, but in that moment, I wished she were a little more coy. I wished she wasn’t so aggressive, just so I wouldn’t have to have the very uncomfortable conversation that was about to take place.
I covered her hand with my own, clearing my throat as I stopped her before she could grab what she really wanted to. It only seemed to fuel her, that wicked smile climbing on her lips as she leaned in closer.
“I think we should call it a night, Jennifer.”
She paused, just an inch between us, her eyes still on my lips like she wasn’t sure she’d heard me right. Her salacious smile slipped just marginally before it was back, more drive than ever in her eyes as she closed the distance between us.
“Yeah, sure. Let’s call it a night,” she said just before her mouth met mine.
She inhaled at the contact, sucking in a breath on a sexy moan as she kissed me. And everything I’d tried to escape that night was no longer avoidable.
I pulled back on a grimace, placing my hands on her arms to hold her away from me. Jennifer panted, eyes flicking between mine as her chest heaved, confusion rolling over her.
“I really think I should go,” I said, firmer this time.
At that, her little mouth fell open in a stretched o before she popped it shut again.
Her brows drew in, lips pursed as she yanked away from my grip. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she seethed, snatching her purse from the floorboard and strapping it over one shoulder before turning on me again. “Do you not see how incredibly out of your league I am? You should be so lucky to take me on a date, let alone get an invitation inside my house at the end of the night.”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “If you’re so out of my league, then it shouldn’t bother you that I don’t want to come inside.”
Jennifer scoffed, poking me hard in the chest. “What is your deal? You want me, I know you do.”
“Jennifer,” I sighed her name, pinching the bridge of my nose as I shook my head. “Please, don’t do this. It was a nice evening, but really, I—”
“She doesn’t love you.”
The words I was about to speak died on my lips, hanging there along with my jaw. “Excuse me?”
“Charlie,” she clarified, spitting her name like a curse. “Charlie Pierce does not love you, Reese. She never did. She never will. She’s married,” she spat. “In case you forgot again.”
I gritted my teeth, the muscle in my jaw tight and tense. “I don’t know what you’re—”
“Oh, cut the bullshit, Reese. Everyone in this town knows that something happened between you two, even if we don’t have all the details. She had an affair, got it out of her system — got you out of her system — and now she and Cameron are happier than they’ve ever been. And you?” She laughed. “You’re walking around town like a sad, pathetic loser.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And here I am,” she said louder, ignoring me. “Offering you something most men in this town dream about, and you can’t even find your balls for one fucking night to—”
“THAT’S ENOUGH.”
My voice was loud and firm, chest heaving as Jennifer sat there in my passenger seat, gaping at me like a fish.
“You don’t know anything about me, Jennifer. Nothing. And I don’t give a fuck what you or anyone else in this town thinks. There is only one person on my mind tonight, only one reason why I do not want to go inside that house with you, and it’s not Charlie.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You haven’t dated anyone. Who else could you possibly be thinking about?”
“It’s none of your goddamn business,” I seethed, hitting the unlock button even though the doors were already unlocked before. “Goodnight.”
Jennifer was still watching me through the slits of her eyelids, her mouth pursed as she tried to decipher what I’d just said. I was pissed that I’d said that much, but she’d pushed me, and bringing up Charlie was like shoving her long, manicured fingers into my most tender bruise.
“Goodnight, Jennifer,” I said again, hands on the wheel and eyes on the road.
I didn’t look at her again, not when she huffed, flinging her door open before slamming it behind her, and not when she stormed up her driveway to her house. Even though I wanted to peel out of there like a man on fire, I waited until she was safely inside, letting out a long breath of frustration as I finally threw the car in drive.
I sped the whole way home, mumbling curse words as steam rolled off me more and more with every turn. How dare she? How dare she presume to know anything about me, and then, take that “knowledge” and try to use it against me like that.
Jennifer Stinson was a bitch — that was just the only fucking word for her. Capital B-I-T-C-H. Still, her words had struck a chord.
She doesn’t love you.
Only it wasn’t Charlie I thought of when she’d said that.
I swallowed, trying to fight through the chaos of the night to digest the feelings I had beneath it all. It seemed impossible, to peel back the layers I’d sheltered myself under for years. I didn’t want to figure it out, I decided, and I was in the process of locking up that cellar of shit when I turned onto my street.
I was within minutes of a beer, and it was all I could focus on.
Until I saw her.
Sarah was on my porch, sitting with her feet on the step and her arms wrapped around herself in a little ball. She rested her chin on her knees, barely lifting her gaze when my car swu
ng into the drive.
I watched her from the safety of my car for as long as I could before dragging myself out of it, locking it behind me with two beeps that broke the silence of the night. Sarah sat up a little straighter as I approached, her wide eyes scanning the length of me before her gaze found mine.
Why did the entire world seem to stop when our eyes met?
Those honey pools sucked me in, pulling me under like a rip tide as she looked up at me. She seemed so small in that moment, so vulnerable and exposed with her sweater-covered arms wrapped around her long legs. It was unlike I’d ever seen her before. Even when she was telling me about her assaulter, she held her chin high, back straight, strength rolling off her like steam off a train.
She was unbreakable, it had always seemed — and yet, in that moment, she was a woman in pieces on my doorstep.
I slid my hands into the pockets of my dress slacks, glancing down each side of my street before I found her gaze again. I didn’t know what to say.
Should I ask why she’s here? Invite her inside? Ask if she’s okay?
I wanted to reach out to her, but the petulant side of me that had been brought to life by Jennifer’s comments refused to let me. It didn’t matter that I knew I couldn’t blame Sarah for putting me in that situation. I still did. And as much as I wanted to hold her, to make sure she was okay — I also wanted to tell her to leave me alone.
I wanted everyone to just leave me the fuck alone.
All those thoughts were stuck in my big, stupid head, and the only thing I could do was wait for her to speak first.
Time stretched between us, long and heavy as we watched each other. There were a million questions in those eyes of hers, and I knew she likely saw each and every one of them reflected in my own.
Slowly, after what felt like an eternity, Sarah unwrapped her arms from where they held her legs, bracing herself on the large column by the stairs before pushing herself to stand. Her brows drew together, and where she stood now under the porch light, I saw the remnants of dried tears on her cheeks.
Best Kept Secrets: The Complete Series Page 71
