by Shuler, Tara
“You’re wrong, Malachai. You are so wrong.”
“You don’t know the darkness that dwells inside me,” he said, shaking his head sadly. “You don’t understand the rage, the hate… this blackness that stretches over everything and blots out the sun. I see no light, anymore. I see only desolation.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way. Let me in. I can be your friend. I can help you, if you’ll let me.”
Malachai scoffed.
“No offense, but I highly doubt the wife of a demon can help an angel who’s fallen from grace.”
“I might not be able to help you get your wings back, or whatever it’s called, but I can be your friend. Please let me in.”
“I can’t do this. I can’t get hurt. I can’t hurt you.”
Malachai faded from sight.
“Malachai, please come back,” Beth implored him. “Malachai? Malachai!”
She sank into the soft grass and hid her face in her hands. Tears threatened, but she fought them back. She was so alone, and she needed a friend. A loveless marriage, a family she couldn’t trust, and friends who could not understand even if she tried to explain – it was nearly unbearable.
She heard a familiar whine behind her, and she turned her head to see Sam standing by the edge of the clearing.
“Sam!” she cried, reaching out for him.
The dog wiggled all over, and he rushed into her arms and knocked her over into the cool, damp grass. He licked her face adoringly, and she wrapped her arms around him and smelled the sweet mustiness of his snowy fur.
Beth and Sam rolled around in the grass. She laughed aloud as they wrestled. He nipped playfully at her, and she pinned him down and tickled his tummy mercilessly. She was delighted to finally have a friend, again.
The sun was starting to set, and she was a little afraid to be in the forest alone at night. Of all people, Beth knew better than most the dangers that lurked in the darkness. She called Sam to her side, and headed home.
Her emotions were torn when she returned home. Aztos was still away. Part of her was relieved. She didn’t want to risk another altercation with him over Sam. However, she actually missed his company when he was gone, though she was powerless to explain why.
Perhaps it was nothing more than loneliness. Maybe it was simply a fleeting fascination with him. It could have even been pity. He certainly fit the dark, brooding bad-boy image that so many women found attractive.
At times, though, Aztos was fun to be around. Sometimes he made her smile. Other times he made her laugh. Then again, sometimes he was frightening… almost terrifying.
Malachai, on the other hand, was kind. He seemed to see himself as a monster, yet he wasn’t. Aztos was hard to read. At times he was dark and terrifying, and at other times he almost seemed human. Malachai never frightened her. She could tell he was pure and good just by being near him.
Beth took Sam into the garage and filled his new bowls with food and water. She patted his new dog bed to let him know it was just for him, and she brought out all of his new toys and treats.
“I’m sorry you have to stay in the garage for now,” she told Sam sadly. “But my husband doesn’t seem to like you very much. I don’t know why. You’re a very lovable dog.”
She scratched Sam behind the ears, and he closed his eyes and snuggled against her. She wanted to take him inside with her – to curl up on the sofa and watch television, or to wrestle on the floor. But she knew Aztos would not approve, and she was trying so hard to get along with him.
Sam licked her cheek, and she nuzzled his furry neck.
“You beautiful boy,” she said. “Why can’t you be human?”
“Why would you want that mutt to be human?” Aztos scoffed behind her.
She jumped, startled.
“Aztos!” she cried. “I’m so glad you’re home!”
Despite herself, she flew to him and wrapped her arms around him.
“There, there,” he said, chuckling. “I am sorry it took so long. I should be home for a while this time.”
“Really?” Beth asked, hardly containing her delight.
“I kind of asked for some time off,” he said nonchalantly.
“What for?”
“You have been complaining of being lonely, have you not?” he asked. “I thought I should remedy that.”
Beth sighed contentedly and rested her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair, but seemed distant. Beth hardly noticed. She was just glad not to be alone. She was so delighted at the news, she didn’t even hear Sam’s low, rumbling growl behind her.
Beth followed Aztos through the door from the garage into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and hastily grabbed a glass bottle of beer and screwed off the bottle cap with his teeth, spitting it into the trash compactor, and slamming it a little harder than necessary.
“Is something wrong?” Beth asked him.
He shook his head, but more to clear some horrific scene from his head than to deny anything. Beth slowly stepped closer to him and placed her hands on his back. She felt his muscles tense under the clingy fabric of his shirt, and she laid her head on his back. For a moment, Aztos felt comforted.
“Talk to me,” Beth urged. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me.”
“It is nothing I cannot handle,” he said. “It is nothing I have not seen or done a thousand times before.”
“But it’s bothering you,” she argued. “I can see it.”
“Very little bothers me, anymore,” he denied. “I have seen and experienced too much.”
“Please don’t shut me out,” Beth implored. “You don’t have to handle all of this alone.”
Aztos grew uncomfortable, and he stepped away from her. He stood before the kitchen window and stared absently into the yard, swigging his beer as though he couldn’t get it into him quickly enough.
“I’m asking you to talk to me,” Beth pleaded. “I need you to talk to me.”
“We can talk, but not about this,” Aztos told her.
“Why? What is so painful you can’t talk about it with your wife?”
“It is not painful. I simply do not wish to burden you with it.”
“It’s not a burden, Aztos. Please. I’m asking you to talk to me about it.”
He turned to her with a pained look in his eyes, but he tried to hide it with an angry expression.
With his face inches from hers, he said, “And I am asking you to drop this.”
“Please,” she whispered.
Aztos could see the seriousness in her eyes. He could tell she did not intend to drop the subject, so he finally relented.
“Do you really want to know? Do you really wish to know what type of man you married, and what I am asked to do every time I leave?”
“Yes.”
“Let us sit down, then,” he suggested.
The two of them sat at the kitchen table, and Beth looked at him intently.
“I do not expect you to be able to handle this,” he warned her. “In fact, I suspect you will want nothing more to do with me once you hear it. I must ask you once more… are you certain you wish to hear this.”
“Yes, Aztos. I’m sure.”
“Very well,” he said. “My latest mission required me to claim the soul of the father of three young children, including a two-year-old girl who is very ill with leukemia. He made a bargain with my father to trade his soul for the money to care for his family, to be able to pay for his daughter’s medical bills. He attempted to renege on his contract by asking a priest for assistance, and I was called in to collect on the deal.”
“So you killed him?” Beth asked quietly.
Aztos clenched his teeth and answered, “That is exactly what I did. I thrust my dagger into his chest and listened to him beg for mercy. Then I twisted it upward and it tore through his heart. I saw the terror in his eyes – the pain and the agony as blood spewed from his mouth, and he tried to beg for his life through a sickening gurgle – and I felt nothing. Then I drug hi
s soul to Lucifer, and I watched with no remorse as he flung it into The Pit to burn forever.”
The muscles in his jaw clenched and relaxed several times, and his face hardened into a stony glare. It was almost totally devoid of emotion, aside from the clenching of his jaw and a faint glimmer in his shifting eyes.
“You’re lying,” Beth said with confidence.
“Perhaps you wish that were so, but I am afraid that is exactly what happened,” he snarled.
“The actions may have taken place,” Beth said coolly. “But I don’t believe that’s how you reacted to them.”
“You do not know me,” Aztos reminded her. “You do not understand where I’ve been. You could not possibly understand. Nor can you understand that demons do not feel emotions the same way humans do. We are bred to be that way. We have to be that way to do the things we are born to do.”
“You see,” Beth said. “A normal person would probably believe that. You do put on a pretty good show. But the thing is, Aztos, I do know you. I know you better than you think. I feel things inside you. You can’t hide from me.”
“I am not hiding anything from you,” he argued. “I am telling you exactly how it is.”
Beth reached over and put her hand on his arm. Her eyes locked onto his and refused to let go.
“You’re wrong,” Beth challenged him.
“After what I have just told you, I would expect you to despise me. Why are you still trying to comfort me?”
“I’m your wife, Aztos. I knew what you were when I married you, and I had a pretty good idea of the things you would be asked to do.”
“That was one of the milder stories. You could not begin to understand what I have done.”
“Why don’t you tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done?”
“I would rather not discuss such things.”
“Why not? You said it doesn’t bother you, right?”
“I… do not wish to frighten you.”
“But you said you don’t have emotions like that, so why should it bother you to frighten me?” she challenged him.
“I… am not supposed to discuss such things with outsiders, anyway.”
“Stop it, Aztos. You’ve already told me one thing. Just tell me! What is the worst thing you have ever done?”
“This will make you hate me,” he warned.
“You don’t care, anyway, right?”
“Fine. I was sixteen years old, so it was about six years ago. It was the first job I was ever sent to do. My father had insisted I take the job, because he wanted to toughen me up. He always said I was weak and pathetic.”
Beth cringed. She couldn’t imagine a father telling his son something like that – even a demon.
“A mother had made a bargain with my father to save the life of her newborn son. He was three days old, and he was born with a hole in his heart. The doctors said it was inoperable, and he would likely live only a few days.
“His father died a month earlier – shot and killed in the line of duty in Afghanistan. Her son was all she had left. So she asked my father to save her son in exchange for her soul. The doctors attempted the surgery, despite anticipating it would not be successful. The child made a full recovery, baffling everyone.
“Since the surgery was successful, the woman thought the deal was unnecessary, so she began to pray to God to get her out of her deal. She did not realize the surgery was successful only because Lucifer made it so as part of the deal. My father, of course, could not allow her out of her contract, so he sent me to collect.”
He paused, his eyes shifting toward the window and looking very far away.
“So you had to kill the mother?”
“Lucifer is not merciful to those who break deals with him. To take her soul would not have been enough.”
“So… what did you have to do?”
“My father forced me to kill the child while it was in the mother’s arms. She was feeding him from her breast, and my father and I appeared in the room. He pushed me forward and told me to choke the child with my mind. I hesitated, and he told me if I did not comply, he would kill both the child and the mother. So I…”
His voice choked, and he cleared his throat.
“I used my mind to choke the infant in her arms. She watched the child begin to struggle for breath, and then his tiny face turned blue. She called 9-1-1, but the infant died in her arms.”
Aztos appeared stoic. His face was blank and expressionless. Beth kneeled in front of him and put her arms around his waist, resting her head against his stomach.
“I’m so sorry,” she sighed.
Aztos’ face changed from stolid to confused.
“This is… unexpected,” he said, unsure what to do.
“What happened to the baby’s soul?” Beth wanted to know.
“It would have undoubtedly gone to Heaven, as all innocent souls so.”
“I’m sorry you were forced to do something so horrible,” Beth told him, looking up at him with pity.
“I did so without remorse,” Aztos said.
“No, you didn’t. You hesitated.”
“I only hesitated because I had never used the ability, before. I wasn’t sure I knew how. My father’s threat to kill them both only urged me to hurry.”
“So you were worried about the mother.”
“No!” he said a little too quickly. “I simply did not want to drag the assignment out any longer.”
“When are you going to stop lying to me?”
“When are you going to stop trying to see good in me that is not there?” he shouted, shoving her away and jumping from the chair. “I am a demon – a monster. I am irredeemable!”
“I don’t believe that!” she said, pulling herself up from the floor.
“Then you are a fool,” he spat at her with contempt.
“Aztos, I saw something in you the night we were married – when we were in your room at your father’s house. I’ve seen it a few times since then. You were almost…”
“Almost what?” he snarled. “Almost human? Like you?”
He scoffed in disgust.
“I may have married you to appease my father, but that is the only reason,” he snarled. “So do not fool yourself into thinking this is real. I have had enough of you. I am leaving.”
“Wait!” Beth shouted, but it was too late, for he’d already disappeared.
Beth sighed heavily and slouched into one of the hard kitchen chairs. Once again, she was left alone. Then she remembered Sam in the garage. She opened the garage door and looked around.
“Sam?” she called. “Come here, boy! Sam? Where are you?”
She flicked on the light in the garage and stepped out onto the cold concrete floor. She walked around the car, peered under it, and searched everywhere. The garage door was still closed, but Sam was gone.
“What the hell?” she muttered.
This was the second time Sam had inexplicably disappeared from a closed garage. It was too much to be a coincidence. She knew Aztos didn’t like him, though she wasn’t sure why. It had to be him. There was no one else who could have freed him.
Beth pressed her back against the hard wall of the garage and slowly slid down until the landed on her butt with a thud. The freezing cold of the concrete floor seeped through her jeans and caused her to shiver, but she was frozen – paralyzed with the kind of loneliness she never thought could exist. Everyone had abandoned her.
Chapter Seven
“Hello?” answered the voice on the other end of the line.
“Mom?” Beth responded.
“Beth!” Sharon gasped. “Oh, Beth! Baby, how are you?”
“I’m fine. I… miss you,” Beth admitted.
“I miss you, too, sweetheart,” Sharon gushed. “You have no idea how worried I’ve been about you! How are you doing?”
“Not so great,” Beth confessed. “Is Dad around?”
“Oh… honey…” Sharon stammered. “Your father and I have separated.”
“What? Why?”
“You know why.”
“Oh. Yeah, I get it.”
“Beth, you didn’t let me tell you before how truly sorry I am,” Sharon said. “I wanted to get out of the deal. I kept trying to find a way. I tried everything I could think of.”
“No, I understand. Well… I don’t understand why you’d do what you did. But I understand you couldn’t get out of it.”
“Is he treating you okay? He’s not hurting you, is he?” Sharon asked, clearly concerned for her daughter’s well-being.
“He’s actually not that bad,” Beth admitted. “I mean, he has his issues. But I guess he’s a lot better than you’d expect, considering he’s a demon and all.”
“So do you actually think you might like him?”
“I wouldn’t necessarily go that far. But… I actually do care about him. It’s hard to explain. There’s something about him.”
“Do you think you could ever be happy with him?”
“That I’m not so sure about. He’s not evil, but… he says demons don’t experience emotions the same way humans do. So, basically, this marriage will never be anything real. At least, not the way we think marriage should be.”
“So you don’t ever think you will be in love?”
“No. I don’t think that will ever happen. But I’m learning to make the most of the situation. I guess he is doing the same.”
“I’m still trying to find a way to get you out of this,” Sharon said.
“No!” Beth gasped. “You can’t do that!”
“Why not?” Sharon asked incredulously.
“Um… because trying to get out of bargains with demons is dangerous, Mom. Trust me, just don’t even try. I’ll be fine. Really.”
“How can you be fine when you’re married to a demon?” Sharon growled.
“I’m not the one who made the bargain, Mother,” Beth spat back. “You know what? I can’t do this. I have to go.”
Beth slammed the phone down on the receiver. It was all she could do to keep from slinging it across the room. It had been a mistake to even call her mother. The emotions were still too raw.
