I can’t breathe. I can’t hear the words he’s saying, they hurt too much. I scoot off of the bed and walk away from Damian and his honesty.
I’m not sure what half of what he said means. I’m not sure what he feels for me. I’m not even sure how I feel about him.
I’m dead sure that I’m far from ready for any kind of relationship.
I was right. It’s time to leave.
The water is red all around me, and the blood tastes sweet. I hear the familiar sound coming at me, and I wait for the pain to slice into my back, but then it burns.
The sound isn’t the propellers hitting at the water, it’s skin on skin, hitting, kicking, raping. The water holds me. It starts to claw at me, groping, with long watery fingers. They’re everywhere. Inside of me, until there’s only water and nothing left of me.
There are dark clouds scattered across the heavens, the same color as Damian’s eyes. I stand at the backdoor staring up at them, and I take my first step out into the backyard.
Jean is somewhere inside the house, and I want a moment longer to myself after the rough night I’ve had. I walk towards the lining of trees behind the house. When I get close, I see a small creek. It’s really pretty out here, and I regret not coming out sooner.
I sit down on a fallen branch, and I stare at the trickling water, glistening over the smooth rocks. I close my eyes and listen to the soothing sounds all around me.
“Here you are.” Her voice shatters the peace around me, and I groan inwardly. “I saw you walking this way and was hoping to find you.”
I squint up at her. She has an odd beauty. It screams at you to notice her. It’s a beauty that belongs under a spotlight. I quickly glance away. She doesn’t belong here all dressed up, with her sandals and frilly blouses. Her eyes are dark with make-up, and it brings out the blue of her eyes, but still – she doesn’t belong here.
I start chewing at the skin on my thumbnail, nervous tension coiling in my stomach.
“So what do you think of Damian?” she asks as she sits down next to me. I hate that she’s followed me out here.
I scoot up a little, so we’re not too close to each other. Damian is the last subject I want to discuss with her.
“He’s nice,” I give the most average answer I can think of. It’s one of those questions I can’t really answer because the truth is that he’s scary as fuck. He’s a killer – a monster with a heart of gold.
“Nice,” she repeats my word, but it sounds different coming from her. I stare hard at the water.
“Have you been friends for long?” The words just spill out of me. I clench my fists and jaw.
“We’ve known each other for a few years now. He’s different than all the other men I know. Of course, you would know that seeing as you’re living here… and all.”
I don’t know what she means, and my head jerks to the side as I glance at her. There’s a faint smile around her lips, almost dreamlike.
“I met him at the bar. You know the one I sing at?” she asks. “You can say we are friends … I guess.”
I dart up. I don’t want to know what the ‘I guess’ means.
“Did you sleep alright last night?” I ask, and I start to turn away from the answer coming. I shouldn’t dig. I should leave well enough alone.
“I did eventually,” she sighs and gets up too. “I…” she stutters, and I have to wonder if it’s real or if she’s faking it for sympathy. “My brother got himself into a tight spot with a gang, and they keep coming around the house. It’s not safe for me there. It’s really nice of Damian to let me stay until I can figure something else out.”
I don’t need to hear this. Her life does not concern me. I’m just passing through. A year from now Damian will only be a memory. I feel a pang of sadness which I don’t understand. It’s not like Damian and I are in any kind of relationship. ‘It’s because you feel grateful,’ I tell myself.
“Now they’re starting to phone me, demanding that I know where he is,” she goes on as if I should care. And somewhere deep inside of me, I feel guilty for not caring. How stupid is that? She doesn’t care a single fuck about me. “At least Damian was there to take the call last night.”
Now I care. Why the fuck, I don’t know.
“He was so sweet,” she almost purrs.
I tell myself to walk away. Turn. Walk. Go! This does not concern me.
“It’s always comforting to be held by him.”
Finally, my legs listen and I start to walk.
“Coffee,” I mutter the word out as I leave her behind.
It shouldn’t bother me that Damian was with her last night, that he held her. He means nothing to me besides being a temporary safe haven that has reached its expiration date.
She laughs a lot for someone who’s going through a hard time. She touches him a lot too. A quick squeeze on the arm. A hug. Every time she touches him, I hate her more and more. By the end of the first day, I have a bitter taste in my mouth, and it’s called Jean.
Jealousy doesn’t make you nasty. It makes you a fucking actor. It eats away at you until there’s nothing left of the person you used to be. You have to act to become someone, a better person than the one you’re jealous of. Does that make sense?
I hear him go into her room in the middle of the night. Seeing that it’s right next to mine, I can’t miss it. It’s killing me, and I don’t even know why.
She’s been here four days, and again Damian goes to her room. I hear her laugh, and then they walk down the passage.
I shoot up. I’m out of my room sneaking down the damn passage like a criminal. It’s dark as I take the stairs down. There’s a faint light coming from the living room, and it lights up a small piece of the entrance hall. I peek in slowly, and I go cold.
They’re lying on the couch that’s been pulled out into a bed. They’re watching a movie. I don’t know which one. She nudges him, and he nudges her back. This is a side of Damian I’ve never seen.
“So you like sci-fi and fantasies.” I hear her say something about him I didn’t know. I should know that. Fuck, we’ve been living together for a while now. “Your favorite food is Thai chicken curry, and I’m keeping you to it,” she laughs again. “Tomorrow, you’ll make me some.”
Tears sting my eyes, threatening to fall.
He eats curry? He’s going to make her some? I don’t know why such mundane facts about him are affecting me so much.
“If you’ve been a bachelor for as long as I have been, you learn to cook, Babe,” he teases, and I close my eyes.
“You cook, and I’ll stick to singing,” she says.
“You do that.” He throws his arm around her and pulls her in for a hug.
My eyes are glued to them as they laugh and joke. I’m jealous of the friendship they have.
“Come, back to bed with you,” he says, and I turn and run.
I run for the bathroom, and I quickly close the door, leaving it open only an inch. I stand with a thundering heart and huge eyes.
I hear her door close but not his. I only hear her door close.
I slide down the wall until my ass hits the floor. After a few minutes, I lie down and place my hands over my ears, just in case. I don’t want to hear them fucking.
Something nudges at my shoulder, waking my aching muscles.
“Cara?” I open my eyes, and I stare at the bathroom tiles. Shit! I fell asleep on the floor. I pull myself up against the basin, feeling groggy.
“Are you okay?” Damian asks. I can feel his eyes burning a hole into my back.
“I’m fine,” I grumble. I wipe the sleep from my eyes. I open the warm water and wait for a second for it to run warmer before I splash some over my face. I fall into my morning routine of brushing my teeth and washing my face.
“Cara, it’s three in the morning. What have you been doing in here?” I hear actual concern in his voice. Even that hurts.
I finish drying my face and turn around, and without a glance in his direction, I pu
sh past him. How do I explain to him what I saw? How do I explain that I’m jealous of a stupid friendship?
I go to my room and crawl into my bed because I’m still tired. The next morning I oversleep horribly. I get up and quickly drag on a pair of jeans.
I’m fine. I’m a survivor. I’ll make it on my own. I will my heart to beat stronger.
I’ve just put on a bra when he knocks. I grab a shirt and don’t bother answering. I have my back to him as he comes in. My hands are cold against my skin as I pull the shirt over my torso.
“I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s eating at you,” he says.
I pull on my sneakers and then only turn to him. “Nothing’s wrong,” I snap irritably.
“What the hell crawled up your ass?” he snaps
“Her!” I shriek. “The woman you have under the same roof as me.” I’m going to lose my shit right here. I’m going to go fucking crazy. “I saw the two of you, Damian. I fucking saw you, and it’s total bullshit that she gets to see that side of you.” I straighten my back and take three deep breaths.
I close my eyes and will myself to calm down. I won’t crack. I won’t break. Not over her and him.
When I open my eyes, he’s standing in the exact same spot, and his face is giving nothing away. Always the cold killer when it comes to me.
“You know what? Screw this shit. She can have you. If I meant anything, I would’ve been your friend. I would have been the one you were lying with, talking to, watching a movie with. It’s obviously not the case. I’m just a mess you have to clean up, right?” I finally finish.
“We’re just friends,” he starts.
I shake my head hard. “And we are not. Don’t keep your friend waiting.” With every word I say a piece in me shuts down, becoming stone again. I don’t even know why I care what he does.
‘You thought you finally made a friend, you idiot!’ a voice taunts me.
“So I’m not allowed to talk to other women?” he snaps, clearly upset with me.
“I can’t tell you what to do, now can I? I’m just passing through.” He can fuck any woman. I have no right to him.
I was a fool to trust that this would be a safe place for me to stay.
“What’s really bothering you?” he asks, actually wanting me to finish but I’m done having this conversation. There’s nothing else to say.
“I’m sorry for my behavior, it was uncalled for. I have no right to tell you what to do.” My voice falls flat. I don’t take my eyes away from him. I deflate inside until I’m empty.
I breathe. I breathe. I breathe. That’s all I do. One breath at a time.
“That’s it?” he asks, and he takes a step towards me as he goes into predator mode, but this time it doesn’t scare me. “Now you’re sorry all of a sudden?” he hisses.
I nod, twice. “Yes,” I say clearly, “I’m sorry. You have all the right to do as you want. This is your house.”
He stares at me a moment, and I wonder what he’s thinking. I should just have kept quiet and left.
“She is just a friend that needs a place to stay,” he explains to me again, but this time he says the words slowly as if I’m some stupid fool.
“I understand,” I answer too quickly, and he shakes his head.
“You’re not listening to a word I’m saying anymore, are you?” he asks.
“I am,” but he’s right because as long as someone else is living here, getting closer to him, and making him laugh, I have no place here.
It’s not safe for me anymore. Time to move on. I’ve already stayed too long.
“I said I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m overreacting. I’m going to go make coffee now.” I end the discussion. I walk by him and sigh in relief when he doesn’t stop me.
CHAPTER 10
DAMIAN
I don’t know what’s wrong with Cara. It’s driving me insane. I honestly didn’t think she’d react this way to Jean staying here.
Jean is just another job. She’s paid a fee for my protection. It’s only temporary, so I hope Cara will get over it.
I sit down on her bed, and I stare at the floor. Cara is too deep under my skin. I shouldn’t care what she thinks and feels, but I fucking do.
CARA
I take one look at them in the kitchen, him at the stove making the stupid curry, and her sitting on the damn table. Yuck, I have to eat off that thing.
I head out the back door without a second glance. I should’ve put on a sweater. It’s cold out.
The clouds have been rolling in thicker, and it looks like one hell of storm is about to come down. Just like inside me.
“Why can’t I just have a normal life?” I mumble as I walk through the trees. I stay outside for a long time until the first drops start to come down.
I walk back slowly as the heavens open up, and I stop halfway to the house. It’s cold, but I’m honestly contemplating staying outside. The rain soaks my clothes quickly, and it’s with a heavy heart that I walk back to the kitchen.
“Oh darling, you got caught in the storm,” Jean pours out her concern, and I smile back, too wide.
“No, darling, I just love walking in the rain. Come to think of it, I’m not quite done yet. I just love water so much.” I turn around and head right back out into the rain because her face is too much to look at.
I walk around the house aimlessly. I’m freaking freezing my butt off, but I’m not ready for that sugary fake thing in the kitchen.
“Cara,” Damian snaps behind me.
“Freaking hell, man!” I shriek. “Stop doing that stealth thing!” I snap my fright away.
“You love freezing your ass off?”
“Yeah, I just love getting wet,” I snap back.
A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, and heat flushes my neck. I didn’t mean it like that. Shit!
He takes a step forward and another until the heat from his body drives some of the cold from my chest.
He presses his lips to my temple, and then he turns and walks away. “Please come in. I don’t want you to get sick.”
I don’t follow him immediately. I watch him disappear inside before I say, “I need to find a way to live on my own.”
It’s no surprise that I can’t sleep that night. I’m a freaking mess. I open my door, and as I’m about to take the step in the direction of Damian’s room, I hear her.
“I haven’t seen her since this afternoon. She’s a real quiet one.” There’s a moment’s silence. “No, he’s wonderful,” she coos at whoever she’s talking to. “I’m settling in for the long haul.” She sighs dreamily, and the sound makes me cringe. “I don’t think he has someone in his life, well not for long. I’ll fill that gap real soon. He’s sexy and dark. You know I love that in my man. It’s just a matter of time before I’m back in his bed.”
I’ve heard enough. I walk to the cupboard and get dressed in a pair of jeans, a warm shirt, and sneakers. I drag a sweater over my head and grab the passport and I.D. I slip out my room and sneak down the passage. As I pass her room, she says, “Men want only one thing, darling, and he’s a man. He already can’t keep his hands off me.”
I walk faster, rushing down the stairs. I’m careful with the lock on the front door. I don’t want to wake Damian. I open the door slowly and then I run. I don’t even bother closing the door behind me. I run as if my life depends on it.
I run like I should’ve run back when I met Steven for the first time.
When I get to the main road, I just head in any direction. I’m not sure how far I am from town.
I don’t have any money. The thought makes panic blossom in my chest, but I shove it down. I can worry about that once I reach the town.
I don’t stop running until I hear the sound of a car. I don’t think of my safety. I think only of getting away. I need to get away from my memories, from that woman who will sink her claws into Damian, and from the feelings I’m starting to feel for him.
I’m not ready for anything remotely
related to sex, and Jean is. She’ll be able to give him what he needs. I’ll never be whole again. Damian deserves more than my broken, filthy soul.
I hear a car, and soon lights appear, breaking some of the darkness. I wave my arms, but the car just keeps going. I’m stupid for leaving in the middle of the night. No sane person will stop for some random stranger.
I quicken my pace so I can put as much distance between me and the house, just in case Damian notices I’m gone.
I’ve been walking for a long while when I hear another car. I wave my arms as it gets closer, praying this one will stop.
It slows, and bright lights flash over me. Anxiety eats at my insides until the car pulls up next to me. It’s not a car. It’s one of those homes-on-wheels things. I don’t know what they call them. RVs? Hell if I know. There is a middle-aged woman behind the wheel, and she’s smiling.
“Honey,” her heavy accent drags the word out, “what’s a little thing like you doing out alone in the middle of the night?”
“I need a ride, please.” My tone is tense but still hopeful. She’s a woman, a smiling one – that’s a good sign, right?
“Hop on in then,” the woman says with a concerned look on her face. I quickly open the door and get in before my fear makes me run back to Damian. Once she pulls back onto the road, I sigh with relief.
“You running from someone?” she asks just like that, without wasting any time.
I stare wide-eyed at her, not sure what to tell her. I didn’t think the leaving thing through.
“Don’t need to tell me, but a little thing like you running around in the middle of the night, now that’s real dangerous. I’m figuring you’re running from someone more dangerous?”
Predator Page 10
