“What are you going to wear?” the nurse asks and she gets a smug look like she’s won.
Damian takes the blanket from the bed and throws it around my hospital gown-clad shoulders. The nurse is just about to open her mouth again when he yanks his wallet out. He throws a couple of dollars on the bed, and then he shoves her away from me.
“Time to go home, Gorgeous,” he whispers. He wraps the blanket tightly around me, and then he picks me up. Without sparing the stunned nurse another glance, he stalks out of the room.
I avoid any eye contact with the people around us and keep my eyes on Damian’s chest. When we’re out of the hospital, it hits me that I won’t see Annie again. I’ll miss her so much.
I’m so tired of never getting to say goodbye to people. They always just fade into my past.
CHAPTER 14
DAMIAN
I drive until I feel that we’ve put enough distance between us and that town. I find a motel, and when I turn off the car, I take a moment to look at our surroundings.
It’s close to midnight, and the parking area is quiet with just four cars.
It’s dark in the car, and I hate leaving Cara here, but I need to go get us a room. “I’ll be right back.” She doesn’t answer me, and I get out quickly. I make sure to lock the doors, and then I jog to the office.
The place is filthy and run down, but it’s the best place to hide. People don’t notice you around places like this. They’re too busy dealing with their own shit.
The man at reception doesn’t make eye contact as he comes to stand in front of the counter. “What can I do you for?” he asks, either half drugged or half asleep.
“One room for one night.”
He checks me in and gives me a key. I rush back to the car and quickly take my bag from the trunk. It has the first aid kit in it, and I’ll need it for Cara. I unlock her door, and when I have it open, I pick her up. Her head falls to my chest, and for a moment I think that she’s asleep. I glance down and see that her eyes are open. The only life in them is the tears shining in the dim light coming from the dingy motel sign.
I walk to our room and let her body slide down mine. “Just lean into me while I unlock it,” I whisper. Her hands are fisted in the blanket, but she leans into me. At least she’s still with me.
I quickly unlock the door. I move us into the room, locking the door behind us. I switch on a light and then help Cara to the bed. I close the curtains, and then I get the first aid kit.
I sit down next to her, and only then do I take a deep breath.
What a fucking mess. We’ll have to get new identities. I have so much cleaning up to do so they won’t find her again.
I rub tiredly over my face and take a moment to close my eyes.
“I keep losing people,” she whispers brokenly. “I just keep losing them like they’re a set of keys or a sock.” She sniffles, and I open my eyes to look down at her.
The first time I saved her, she was beaten and out of it, but not even that compares to the haunted look staring back at me right now.
“Let me clean your wound and then we’ll get some sleep.” I have no false words to offer her as comfort. She’ll just have to find her way back to me on her own at a pace she’s comfortable with. We’re back to square one, but this time around I can’t find it in me to be clinical. She’s not just a job anymore. She’s become so much more than just a person in need of help. I’m not sure what she is, but she’s not just another target.
I reach for the blanket but then pause. “Is it okay if I clean the wound?” I don’t want to be the cause of any discomfort for her.
She nods and lies flat on her back. The previous time I had to clean her wounds, she would look away and stare blankly at some spot on the ceiling or wall, but now her eyes find mine.
“I’ll be quick,” I whisper. I pull the blanket from her, and then I push the stupid gown up until I have a clear view of the bandage around her wound. She’s wearing one of those hospital panties. I’ll go and get her clothes first thing in the morning. She can’t travel in a hospital gown and blanket.
I open the first aid kit and take out the antiseptic and some wipes. I pull the bandage off and throw it on the floor. I can feel her eyes on me as I start to clean the area around the wound. I’ll have to take her to a doctor to get the clips removed.
Once I’m done cleaning the wound, I glance at her. “Can you sit up so I can put the fresh bandage on? There’s no tape to stick it on.”
She struggles until she’s resting on her elbows. This is the part where I should let her struggle, so she can get stronger, but … I just can’t.
I reach for her and slip an arm around her back. I pull her slowly into a sitting position.
She looks away to some spot on the other side of the room. “Please don’t be like this,” she whispers.
I frown, not sure what she means. “Like what?”
When her eyes come back to mine, her chin is quivering. “Don’t be nice to me. I don’t deserve it. Be like you were when you first found me. Just be cold.”
Her eyes dart away again, but I take hold of her chin, bringing her face back to me. “Look at me,” I bark, and her eyes snap to mine. “What the fuck are you thinking up in that head of yours?”
Her hands clutch the harsh material of the gown, and she swallows hard. “It’s all my fault,” she whispers hollowly. “You said so yourself.” I frown at this.
“What’s your fault?” I work my jaw to stay patient with her.
“Everything,” she whispers, her eyes dropping to my chest. “They found me because I was careless. They beat me… they raped me because I let my guard down.” A tear slips over her cheek, and for a moment, I stare at it, thinking how wrong she’s is.
“No, Cara,” I say. “You might have let your guard down, but it was never your fault that they beat and raped you.” I hate the words as they leave my mouth. They’re such ugly words to link to her.
She shakes her head while her eyes are staring blankly at my chest. She’s losing it. Fuck, I wish she would scream and cry. I wish she would show more emotion and just let it all out.
“I… I brought it on myself. I didn’t fight hard enough. I didn’t… I ran away, and they found me again… I killed my baby,” she gasps, every breath coming faster than the previous one.
I frame her face with both my hands, forcing her to keep still. Her hand grips my wrist, and her nails dig into my skin.
“You didn’t kill your baby,” I say. My voice cracks under the weight of the sadness I’m feeling for her. “Cara…” I don’t know what to say to her. I press my forehead to hers and just hold her still. Her breaths are heavy with guilt and pain.
“Life throws these curveballs at you so you’ll grow from them, so you’ll become the best possible version of you. It sucks, but you’ll get through this, and you’ll be so much stronger.”
She lets go of my wrist and grabs my shoulder. She pulls at me and I move closer, enveloping her in my arms.
“I can’t, Damian,” she chokes on the pain that’s eating her alive. “I can’t take any more. I’m done. Fuck life. If this is what life is like, then I’d rather die.”
I press a kiss to the top of her head and just hold her tight. She’s been through hell. All I can do right now is to help keep her standing. She just needs time.
When she calms down, she pulls slightly away. “I don’t understand,” she whispers. “How did they find me again?”
The muscle in my jaw starts ticking. She can’t deal with more shit. Fuck!
Her eyes search mine and a slight frown forms between her eyes. “Tell me,” she urges more insistent this time.
I wipe a hand over my face and shake my head. This is going to kill her.
“Damian,” she whispers, her voice filled with fear of the unknown. Her mind must be conjuring up all kinds of shit.
I can’t look at her as the words come. “He knows my name. When they have to pay me, I give them my name and bank
details.” I shake my head again, knowing that it was my fault this time. They found her because of me. “They must have people in law enforcement, and when the search for Weston popped up, they went to check if it was you. I was stupid. I slipped up, and you paid for it.” The words settle heavy in my gut. Cara got hurt because I led them straight to her.
“You said ‘he’ knows your name? Who?” She starts to fidget with the blanket, and for some reason, the piece of material pisses me off. I pull it away from her. I dig in my bag for one of my shirts, and I don’t think as I slip the material over her head. I pull the hospital gown down her arms and then slip one arm at a time through the sleeves. I tug the material over her chest and for a split-second, I get a glimpse of her breasts.
The first time I saw her, she was naked and beaten. I saw her as a target I had to get out of a shitty situation, not a woman. Not once did I think of her as a woman… until that night she walked into the kitchen wearing that damn short skirt.
My eyes dart to her face, and I’m not surprised when I see her eyes are huge, and her lips parted with what looks like a mixture of shock and terror. I’ve crossed the line. Shit, I shouldn’t have done that!
I quickly grab a bandage and start to wrap it around her wound. When I’m done, I tug the shirt all the way down and then keep myself busy with getting rid of the dirty bandage and wipes.
When I walk back to the bed, I know I have to say something to break the tension that’s hanging so heavy in the room.
“Who?” she says again, but this time I can feel that she’s uncomfortable with me.
“Tom.” The name falls heavy between us.
My eyes dart around the room before resting on her face. I watch as the name sinks in and then a distraught look pulls tightly at her skin. She starts to shake her head but stops and then just looks down. She wraps her arms around her in a defensive move that makes me want to hide her from the world.
I sit down on the bed, and this time I keep my distance. “I’m sorry, Cara. He thinks that by giving you up, he can save his own ass.” I shake my head. “He’s as good as dead. As soon as you’re dead, they’ll kill him, too. They’re just using him to clean up the last of your family.”
“I still don’t understand any of it,” she whispers so softly I almost miss some of the words.
I can’t hide this from her. Knowledge is power. The more she knows, the better she’ll be able to protect herself.
I thrust a hand through my hair. “Tom and your father got mixed up with the wrong people. These people don’t fuck around.” I get up again and wipe my hands on the back of my jeans. “We’ll have to get new identities again. We can’t go home. Now that they know I’m helping you, they’ll be looking for both of us.”
Her head snaps up, and she struggles to get up. Panic flashes over her face, and then she rasps, “You need to leave. You need to… go. Go… right now!” She loses her voice, and her movements grow more frantic. She manages to get to her feet, and then she shoves my bag towards me with her foot. “Leave, Damian!” she begs as tears start to stream down her face.
“Cara,” I say loud and clear, so she hears every word, “I’m not leaving you. There’s no fucking way I’m leaving you.”
“Please!” She crumbles to the floor, and that’s about as much as I can take. I kneel in front of her, and she grabs at my arm, pulling herself closer to me. Her arms go around my neck, and she sputters into my chest, “They can’t get you, Damian. Please go. I can’t watch you die. Not you. Please go. Disappear. Just go.” Her breaths are way too fast as she stammers her plea.
I take her face in my hands and lean in closer to her. “They won’t kill me. They won’t find us. I’ve got you, Cara. You’re safe. I’m safe. We’re going to disappear. I’ll make sure they can’t find us.”
She tries to shake her head in my hands, her eyes wild with fear and somewhere deep inside of me it registers that the fear in her eyes is for me.
She doesn’t fear me, she fears losing me.
She cares about what happens to me.
I stare hard at her as the thought sinks deep into my heart. She’s not as fucked up as I thought. She’s just in a world of pain, but we can deal with that, as long as she still cares about something.
“You won’t lose me, Cara.”
“I will,” she cries out, and her face crumbles under the weight of her emotions.
I sit flat on my ass and pull her body between my legs. Leaning back against the bed, I hold her to me. I pepper her head with kisses, and when she looks up, one of those kisses lands next to her eye. She doesn’t move, and I feel her hair tickling my cheek. “You won’t lose me,” I whisper again.
She curls her body into me and buries her face in my chest. I feel her fingers dig into my shirt. “I lose everyone I love.”
The words fold around me like a blanket, giving me warmth for the first time since Leah died. I’ve been stuck in a frozen wasteland for so many years, I’ve forgotten what warmth feels like… until Cara.
CARA
I fell asleep on Damian. When I wake up, I feel groggy and stiff.
Damian doesn’t say a word but gets up, pulling me up along with him. He throws the cover back and then waits for me to get into bed before he gets in behind me. His arms come around me, and he curls his body around mine until my back is pressed tightly to his chest. I feel his breath on my hair, and I try to focus on it.
I don’t know why I’m still alive. I don’t understand how my heart can still keep beating when it’s been torn to shreds.
I have seen all I’ve cared to see of this unforgiving world. I want to leave it. I wish I could turn time back to before I was conceived. All I can remember of the time before my first memory is nothing, and I want that so desperately – just nothingness.
This life has hollowed me out. There’s nothing left of me. I thought I found some happiness with Annie, but no, that was just life giving me the finger.
Neither of us falls back to sleep. My mind drifts to Damian and how comfortable I’ve become with him touching me. Maybe it’s because he’s saved my butt twice.
As soon as the sun starts to rise, Damian gets up. I glance over my shoulder and watch as he phones someone.
“Jeff,” Damian’s voice is harsh again. There’s no trace of the man who comforted me the night before. “We need to disappear. Don’t even pack your shit. Just go.”
I sit up and watch Damian. “We’ll be fine. We go with the retirement plan. I’ll check in with you once the dust has settled.”
When he tucks the phone back in his pocket, I can’t help but ask, “Retirement plan?”
“Yeah.” He nods as he walks to the window. He peeks through the curtain before he turns back to me. “We have one stop to make before we head south.”
I might be a mess right now, but I’m not so out of it that I don’t notice that he’s intentionally keeping me in the dark. I let it go for now and slowly get out of bed. I walk to the bathroom and cringe when I see the state of the shower. It’s filthy. No way in hell am I using it.
I turn to the basin and rinse my mouth a couple of times. It does nothing to remove the stale taste from my mouth.
“Here,” Damian says, holding a toothbrush and toothpaste out to me.
I take it and quickly brush my teeth. I make sure to rinse it properly before he takes it back.
I smooth my hair out, and then my eyes widen as I watch Damian brush his teeth. I take a step back and just stare. He’s using the same toothbrush.
Last night he took it upon himself to dress me in one of his shirts.
He came to help me… again.
At the hospital he said I’m his wife. Not sister. Not cousin. He chose to make me his wife.
Shit!
I rush out of the bathroom. The small space of the motel room feels like it’s suffocating me.
My mind starts to race frantically. I care about him, sure, but I’m a wretched mess. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for a relationship
.
I already have a ton of shit to deal with. I don’t need this.
I pull at my hair as panic flares through me. I need Damian. I know I won’t survive this without him, but… what if he wants more? I can’t give him more. Fuck my life.
The wound starts to ache, every pulse of pain in rhythm with my racing heart. I sit down so my body won’t take too much strain and then start to chew on my thumbnail.
Damian comes out of the bathroom, and his eyes lock with mine.
“I… I…” I start to stutter like an idiot. I pull at the shirt, trying to make it longer. I’m hyper-aware of my lack of clothing.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he grumbles, and then I watch him leave.
I sit frozen, not sure what’s happening. “It’s your imagination,” I start to talk some sense into my confused head. “You’re just friends.” I wipe my hands over my thighs and then pull at the hem again. “You always wanted a friend, and now you have one.” My heart squeezes tightly in my chest. “Be happy,” I snap. “You have a friend. You’re not alone…” My thoughts turn to Annie and the baby, and then I whisper, “… for now.”
Who knows for how long I’ll have Damian before I’m forced to give him up? This is why I left him in the first place - to avoid shit like this.
To avoid getting hurt.
One day he’ll be gone. Just like my parents. Just like Annie. Just like the baby.
I sit and stare at the floor, and it feels as if my soul is slipping into a bottomless pit of despair and emptiness.
It feels like I’m detached from life itself. The sun keeps shining. The wind keeps blowing.
My body keeps breathing, but I’m drained … just empty, and it’s the most lost feeling I’ve ever felt.
DAMIAN
I tuck my hands deep in my pockets as I stalk to the Walmart that we passed on the way to the motel.
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