by Abigail Agar
Her own mother and father had enjoyed adventures with one another, going outside and seeing the world around them. They had breathed in the fresh air and indulged in days of walking and riding and hiking.
Ellie wanted these same things for her life. She wanted to feed the animals which came her way, something her aunt utterly detested to see her do. She wanted to dream of a larger life outside of her closet bedroom.
That day would come, she believed. It had to. There was no chance that she would be content to wile away her days indoors like every other young woman who lived and breathed courtship and dresses.
If Mr. Carruthers couldn’t see who Ellie truly was, he was not the man for her. She only needed to make her aunt understand that.
Chapter 2
Lord Jonathan Cornwall, the Third Duke of Danby may have held a title and great wealth, but there was nothing which could prevent him from sinking further into his chair as his mother scolded him for the hundredth time. Despite being a grown man and having the world before him, he was still just her son.
“You made such an error and now it cannot be undone. Even at the next ball, she shall not dance with you because she is unlikely to forgive you,” his mother said.
Jonathan sighed, watching his mother with deep, blue eyes. She was always fretting about his behavior and his lack of interest in finding the right society woman to marry. No matter how much he tried to explain to her why he did not care for them, she would not hear it. She was always judging him for being too lazy with women and not making the best of himself to entice them.
“Mother, please. I do not love Lady Tibbins,” he said. It ought to have been a simple thing to say, and she should have left him alone about it. Jonathan could not understand why his mother continued to turn this issue into something larger with every woman he rejected.
Still, his mother would always find a new young lady of society to try and convince him to court. He was never happy with their vapid behaviors but his mother couldn’t understand that. She came from a generation where women had more depth to them, but they were not aware that they had raised their daughters to be so spoiled.
“That is because you do not know her. And how must you get to know her? By dancing with her. You ought to know that by now, Jonathan. If you wish to find the right sort of wife, you must dance with her at a ball. I am certain that you shall find her. Honestly, what were you thinking? You did not even ask her to dance? Did you speak with her at all?” his mother questioned.
“I did not because I did not wish to, Mother. You never told me that I must dance with her, so why would I have done so? I have no care for her,” he said.
“You ought to have just known, Jonathan. Honestly, do I really have to tell you every woman you are meant to dance with and have an interest in? How can you not have figured it out by yourself?” she asked.
“Mother, you are asking the wrong question. The question is how could I possibly have figured it out myself? You did not tell me that you had suddenly decided that I am supposed to marry this woman. When did you choose her for me?” he asked, challenging her.
It was infuriating. His mother was always angry at him for not courting this woman or that. She always seemed to have someone in mind and she was always mad at him for not knowing it instinctively.
Jonathan didn’t like the women he met at balls. He didn’t like the young women of society who always had some silly thing to say and inevitably gossiped about another young lady. It was a constant battle of women trying to prove that they were better or more desirable than others and it was the last thing Jonathan wanted to listen to.
Yet, his mother hardly seemed to care. She was far more determined to marry him off than to ensure that he was marrying the right sort of woman. She didn’t mind if he had to wed someone he disliked or who was not at all the right sort of lady for him.
“I wish you had danced with her,” his mother said again. She was going on and on about this, even if Jonathan had already given her good reason as to why he had no intention of dancing with her, not the previous night and not at any future balls which were coming up in the season.
“Mother, Lady Tibbins has no interest in me either. She is boring and shallow, and she thinks that I am boring and odd. Why must I try to entertain her good graces when I truly see nothing which may happen between us? If she dislikes me and I dislike her, why are you trying to encourage a relationship?” he asked.
“Because you ought to at least try with her. You may find that you like her very much and she will most assuredly come to like you as well. Why wouldn’t she? The two of you could be very happy together if you only made the effort,” she said.
Jonathan sighed. He was used to his mother trying to interfere in his life, but this was just too much. She couldn’t see that he was not happy with this arrangement and that he believed himself deserving of something entirely different.
His mother was a good woman who wanted what was best for him and he had to acknowledge that. It was just that what she believed to be best was far different from what he believed it to be, and that frustrated him a great deal.
“Mother, I have done all that I can, but I cannot force myself to love someone in whom I see very little heart. She may be the right sort of woman for some men, but she is not the right woman for me. I am very sorry to disappoint you, but you have to understand that I cannot force myself to believe something when I do not feel it. I cannot force myself to love someone who is simply not the right woman for me,” he said.
“I just want you to be happy and I want you to marry. You need to find a wife soon so that you can have a full life. You need to have children quickly, Jonathan. I do not like the fact that you are waiting all this time, and I do wish to have grandchildren, you know,” she said.
“Yes, Mother, I know, but I am not going to marry a woman I do not love just to give you grandchildren. Do you really want to have them when I have no care at all for their mother? Do you think that I ought to force Lady Tibbins into marriage when she does not want it any more than I do?” he asked her again, trying as hard as he could to remain patient when he was incredibly frustrated that she would not listen to him.
Jonathan had grown accustomed to this by now, but that didn’t change how desperate he was to leave it behind. His mother was always going out of her way to guilt him, especially since his father passed away. She would remind him, time and time again, that he was the one who had a duty to maintain the good name of the family. He had to keep their reputation spotless for the sake of his father.
Although there was a lot at stake for the Cornwall family, Jonathan was confident that he would succeed in doing everything that his mother truly wanted. He would give her what she hoped for, so long as she was willing to let him live his life without constantly interfering and forcing him into marriage with a woman he disliked.
He could give her grandchildren, give her a daughter-in-law, give her the excitement of family. But he could not abide to give her anything which might force him to compromise his greater hopes.
He dreamt of a woman who would truly love him, one who could appreciate the world and enjoy it with him. Jonathan did not want a wife who was a painted doll, ever sitting in the drawing room, pretending to stitch when she was really just sipping tea and gossiping.
“Mother, forgive me, but I must depart. I have to go and see Simon,” he said, realizing that it was getting later than he had planned to leave. Desperate to see his friend and have a chance to discuss matters, Jonathan rushed out as quickly as he could.
By the time he reached the home of his dear friend, Simon Potts, Duke of Rand, Jonathan was overwhelmed. He continually hung his head, and his blonde hair fell forward into his eyes. He kept having to brush it back with his hand in order to keep it fashionably out of his face.
Simon, he knew, would tease him about it. But, ultimately, the two were as brothers. They were close enough that Jonathan didn’t mind when Simon mocked him. It was very nearly a compliment
much of the time.
“Goodness, what has happened to you?” Simon asked.
“Why must you ask such a question? You know that I am not like you. I am not always in such a perfect state,” he said, teasing Simon.
“Perfect? Hmm. I am quite glad that you think so. I do find myself to be rather exceptional, but I was not aware that you agreed on that point. I do think that, perhaps, you give me too much credit. But if you insist upon showering me with favor, I shall not refute it,” Simon said, grinning arrogantly, although Jonathan knew that it was in jest.
The two burst into laughter. They had always enjoyed humoring one another and were akin to brothers in how they laughed and mocked one another with ease and immediate forgiveness. There had never been a time when Jonathan did not know with utmost certainty that he could trust Simon with his very life.
“Shall we ride?” Simon asked.
“Nothing would please me more,” he said, meaning it with all his heart. Nothing was more freeing and more of a relief to Jonathan than the opportunity to ride his steed.
“You are certainly dressed for the occasion,” Simon said.
Jonathan looked down at his riding clothes. They were already dirty from having ridden to Simon’s home, but it was rare that anyone saw Jonathan outside of dirty riding clothes unless he was at a ball or other formal affair. He never thought it necessary to dress for anything different.
They rode the horses through creeks and forests, through water and dirt and dust and leaves. It was messy, but it was freeing.
Jonathan grinned as he and Simon raced one another, each trying to best the other and be the winner. But he knew, without a doubt, that Simon was going to lose. No one was a better rider than Jonathan. He was proud of his abilities and prouder of the fact that he didn’t have to try. When it came to animals, he knew precisely what he was doing and how he could get on his way with ease.
When Simon would start to gain on him, nearing the point where they were even, Jonathan would just race harder and his steed knew exactly what to do. They were unified, the two of them. Jonathan had been riding him for years.
They continued on for nearly two hours before returning to Simon’s estate and going inside for lunch and tea.
“I shall never best you,” Simon said, shaking his head.
“Perhaps not in riding, but I do think you are my superior in many other areas. You know that I hate to admit that, but how can I deny it?” Jonathan asked.
“I suppose that is true. For instance, I am far better with women than you shall ever be,” Simon said with a laugh.
Jonathan shrugged. He had come to see his friend so that he could get away from talk of women.
“What is it? Did I say something wrong?” Simon asked.
“You are fine. You mustn’t worry about it. It is only that my mother has decided to come after me on the point of women. She wants me to marry Lady Tibbins now,” he said.
“Oh, good heavens. You did tell her, didn’t you, that Lady Tibbins is frightfully full and extremely in love with her own reflection?” Simon asked.
“I certainly did. She thinks that I have not given her sufficient opportunity to show me what she is really like,” he said.
“I shall tell you what she is like. She is exactly what she appears to be. Boring and shallow.”
“Yes, well, it hardly matters. I have no qualms with finding love, but I am in no rush. I would rather find the right woman than just marry anyone,” Jonathan said.
“Spoken well! I wish that I could have your patience. Truth be told, I am very eager to marry. I do not know if I shall ever find the right woman, but I must try I suppose,” Simon said.
“Of course you must. We both shall find the right women in time, but it is better to be patient than to be unhappy, is it not?” Jonathan asked.
“Yes, yes, I know. I shall try, although I cannot say that I am going to succeed,” Simon said.
“Well, that is better than nothing. We can do it, you and I, but we must keep at bay those women who are not right for us,” Jonathan declared.
However, Jonathan felt certain that he would never meet the right woman. He would simply have to continue hoping. If he did meet the right woman, though, would she come at the right time? What if he was already married off to some woman whom his mother had chosen for him?
There were a great many anxieties he felt when he thought about it, but Jonathan was determined to push past those feelings. He had to look to the future with hope. Even if that hope seemed foolish.
Chapter 3
Ellie was desperate to get out of the house. She could not imagine the rest of her days like this. Although she had always been stuck inside, it was getting worse.
Ever since she had been spotted outside barefoot, her aunt had been more and more insistent upon keeping her indoors. She was not giving her the same chance to roam freely as she has been given before.
Ellie found this entire situation of being encouraged to marry someone she did not love to be exhausting. She was trying so hard to keep her aunt happy, but she was failing.
“Eleanor, we are going to be out for a little while. I trust that you shall ensure that everything is kept in order?” her aunt asked, coming into the parlor where Ellie was seated.
“Yes, certainly,” she replied. Even if she was already considering the possibility of sneaking out, she was not about to let on that the thought had even crossed her mind. If she had to do a bit of cleaning first, she would, so long as it convinced her aunt that she had been busy in the house.
The maid was out, and she really didn’t care whether or not Ellie was around anyway, so there would be no one to witness the event. Indeed, it felt as though a miracle was occurring, allowing Ellie to run free as she wished for a short time.
“Very well. You know, you have been much less peculiar these last few days. Perhaps that was all we needed; just a little bit of time for you to come to terms with your strange ways. Anyway, we are going to get Katherine some new ribbons for her hair. And possibly those pearl pins if we are able. My goodness they were lovely, were they not, my dear?” her aunt asked Katherine.
“Yes, Mother, but you know that I have more than enough clips, pins, and bobbins for my hair. There is no reason to add to the collection,” Katherine said, looking embarrassed to be having this conversation in front of Ellie.
“Oh, hush now. You deserve it, my love. You know that your mother cannot resist spoiling you a little bit now and then. That is precisely what mothers are for,” she said.
Ellie stiffened. Hearing this talk of mothers was painful, but she tried to ignore it. She would have given anything to see her own mother again and it had nothing to do with wanting to be spoiled.
“All right, Mother,” Katherine said, still uncomfortable.
“Oh! Oh, dear, I have taken the wrong gloves. Give me but a moment, Katherine. I need to get the ivory, not these silly things. They are stark in contrast,” her aunt said.
“Yes, Mother,” Katherine said with a practiced patience.
The moment Aunt Glenda was out of the room, Katherine drew near to Ellie, relaxed and apologetic.
“She does not realize the insensitivity of her words. I am so sorry, Ellie,” Katherine said.
“It is quite all right. I understand. I really do. Aunt Glenda just wants to be the best mother she can be for you,” Ellie said.
“Still, I wish that she would recognize that she is not so good to you,” Katherine said, looking away, unable to make eye contact in her acknowledgement of the fact.
“Perhaps, one day, she may come to realize that I, too, am deserving of her care. But, if not, well…at least by then I shall be married off to Wendell Carruthers,” Ellie said, giggling against her dread.
