by Abigail Agar
She, too, was imprisoned by her circumstances.
“What is it?” she asked him, looking at Jonathan with those big, brown eyes of hers.
“Hmm? What is what?” he asked.
“You appear sad. Or confused, perhaps,” she said.
“I was…I was just thinking that it is funny how, no matter what sort of lives people live, we all feel trapped. For instance, I often feel trapped by my life, working for the Duke. I would have thought that you live with such freedom, but now I find that you, as well, live in a sort of prison. You, as well, feel overcome by the rules which bind you,” he said.
“Well, most certainly. I believe that you are right. We all feel stuck. Everyone feels that their life is a prison and they would be better off living as someone else,” she said.
“Yes, I think so. I had not realized it before now and I feel ashamed that it has taken me so long to learn the truth. I really did think that I knew what life was like for so many others out there. I believed that I had the sort of empathy which would enable me to be understanding and to hold my own self in reasonable regard as compared to others,” he said.
“And now?” she asked.
“Now, I feel that I have been lying to myself for such a long time, thinking that others had it easier than I do,” Jonathan confessed.
Miss Windsor laughed gently and then covered her mouth, apologetically.
“What is it? What is so funny?” he asked.
“I am shocked that you managed to get all of that from my little story of my life. Honestly, I have told you only one thing and you now understand that many people feel trapped?” she asked.
“I never claimed to be clever. I fear that I have not often thought through this very important fact, but you have opened my eyes to it,” Jonathan said.
He meant it. She really had shown him something which he hadn’t realized before and he was grateful for it. Now, he was able to see the world a little bit differently and it was only the second time he had met Miss Windsor.
He found that she was exceptionally skilled at showing him a new perspective, but also that she was just fascinating enough to make him want to learn.
“Mis Windsor, may I ask, what is it about the cottage that you love so much?” Jonathan asked.
Again, she clammed up and looked away. For some reason, this was a difficult topic for her and he could not understand why. He thought that, maybe, if she had helped him to understand the other things, she could help him to understand her as well.
“It is just a very nice spot, I think. There is a lot about it that I admire,” she finally replied.
It was clear to Jonathan that she was not telling him everything. Her words were simply meant to appease him and get him to stop asking her questions.
He chose not to be bothered by that, determined that she should be allowed to have some privacy. It was unfair of him to keep pushing just because he wanted to know everything about her that he could.
Especially considering the fact that he had told her only lies about himself thus far. If he had, at least, been honest with her and helped her to know more about him, he might not feel so guilty about trying to learn more about her. But because he was hiding facts about his own identity, Jonathan knew that it would not be right for him to push Miss Windsor into sharing more than she was comfortable.
“Well, I think you have made the spot that much nicer. Your work on the garden and everything really is lovely. You have done a tremendous job,” he said.
“Thank you, Mr. Potts, You are too kind,” she said.
Jonathan winced. He didn’t like that she called him Mr. Potts. He wanted her to know his true name. It was going to be quite some time before that happened, if it ever did. In the meantime, he had to be content with how things were.
Chapter 9
Mr. Potts had wanted to know a lot of things which Ellie was not ready to share, but she didn’t mind so much that he was asking questions. It let her know that he was, at least, interested in her.
Maybe Mr. Potts wasn’t as interested romantically as she was, but Ellie was happy that she could not deny it altogether. There was certainly a chance that he liked her somewhat, wasn’t there?
She hoped that he would be content with what she had shared with him. She was not ready to tell him anything more. Certainly, she was not ready to share about the fact that this had been her childhood home, nor the full extent if what her life was like since living with her aunt and uncle.
Ellie wished that she could explain to Mr. Potts about all that. She wanted him to know more about her and about what made her happy and what made her sad. She wanted him to know about her family history and the things she had experienced that led her life to where it was now.
And yet, she knew that she had to maintain some of her privacy. She could not, very well, go around sharing the most intimate and personal details of her life.
“It is so peaceful out here,” Mr. Potts remarked as they sat in the garden. There were a few birds overhead and a couple of other little animals. A squirrel ran around the base of a tree and then climbed up.
“Indeed, it is. I love it here because I can always find some new creature to enjoy. They are always surrounding the place. I have never been anywhere so friendly to animals as this cottage and the land it sits upon. With the forest right there and all of this growth,” she said.
“I wish more people could appreciate what it is like to enjoy the beauty of nature. I am grateful to know that you respect it so strongly when there are many who find nature appalling and disagreeable,” Mr. Potts said.
Ellie laughed and nodded.
“Indeed, there are. I am always surprised by some of the things I hear people say when I am discussing the beauty of the world around us. Just yesterday, in fact, I was speaking with a lady who told me that she detests going for a walk because she believes that it is always an opportunity to be overcome by insects,” Ellie said, thinking back to her time with Mrs. Carruthers.
The day had been dull and unpleasant, but Mrs. Carruthers had finally let her return to the house. Ellie feared that she had done her duty well. She had been kind and sweet and had swayed Mrs. Carruthers into paying her heed and thinking that she might actually be a good woman for Wendell.
Ellie didn’t ever want to suffer through something like that again. She didn’t want to have to pretend to care about her time with that woman or about anything at all which Mrs. Carruthers had to say. She didn’t want to have to marry a man like Wendell whom she knew so little and found so boring.
She did not wish to share all that with Mr. Potts. He might think ill of her. Moreover, she found that she didn’t want him to know that there was a chance she would be courted very soon. It might discourage him from wanting to spend time with her and it meant that he could be afraid to move forward if he did begin to consider making her an offer of courtship.
It was quite a drastic hope for Ellie to have, but she could not help herself. She found that the more she thought about Mr. Potts, the more she liked him. And he would not have come to meet her if he did not feel the same, would he? He had gone out of his way, riding the horse to the cottage, just to sit and wait for her.
That had to be a sign of affection. She couldn’t imagine anything different.
Suddenly, in the middle of all Ellie’s thoughts, a voice cut through the air.
“Jonathan!” came the shrill call of a woman who was anything but patient.
Ellie’s eyes shot to Mr. Potts who was clearly in a panic.
“Jonathan!” the call echoed again.
“Is she calling for you?” Ellie asked.
“I believe so,” he said, scrambling to stand.
“Are you all right?” Ellie asked.
“Yes, yes. I am fine, but I must go. Thank you for the tea and for the conversation, Miss Windsor. It was wonderful and I do hope that we shall have another opportunity soon to enjoy one another’s company,” he said.
With that, Mr. Potts turne
d away from Ellie and quickly mounted his horse in a leap so smooth she wondered if it had actually happened.
“Goodbye, Mr. Potts,” she finally said.
“Goodbye, Miss Windsor,” he replied before taking off at full speed through the small forest.
“Jonathan!” came that same call.
Ellie was left entirely on her own in the garden. Everything was oddly silent, save for the obnoxious sound of a woman searching for Mr. Potts.
She wondered if it was the Dowager Duchess herself calling for him. Perhaps she needed him to get the coach ready to take her into town for some event. Mr. Potts would need to get everything set up for her and have the horses made ready for the journey as well.
Ellie accepted it, but she was sad that he was gone. She had been the one to leave the previous time the met one another, but now that she was the one left behind, she was deeply saddened by it.
And maybe it was not the Dowager Duchess at all, but another member of the staff. Either way, Mr. Potts had remarked on feeling like he was in a prison at the estate. Perhaps it was because of things like this where he could not even come this short distance without having to return.
Now that Ellie was alone, none of that mattered, though. She just wished that she had been given the chance to spend more time with him and she wondered when she would have that chance again.
What if her aunt was more diligent and careful to prevent it next time? After all, Ellie had been trying so hard to stagger her visits outside and to the cottage.
Aunt Glenda had given her permission to go out as long as she was wearing shoes and as long as she told her aunt that she was leaving. That way, Aunt Glenda would know when to expect her back and when to ensure that the neighbors were distracted and wouldn’t notice her coming and going.
Ellie winced when her aunt had made that suggestion. Was Ellie really so offensive as a person that her aunt had to try and hide her from everyone else who was living around them? It was so rude that she would think of it that way, but there was nothing Ellie could do to refute the woman who had brought her in and near enough raised her.
Ellie sighed, standing up from where she had been sitting and decided that, if Mr. Potts was gone, she could go inside and spend a little while relaxing and thinking back to her days as a child in the home. She went to the door and was surprised to see that it was open just a crack.
“Ellie, you fool,” she muttered to herself, irritated that she had forgotten to close the door and lock it. She was usually so good about things like that. It was a silly thing for her to forget.
Ellie went through the door and turned to head towards the family’s sitting room when she saw a man standing there in the middle of the room!
She had never seen him before and he certainly appeared to be a ruffian or a madman of some sort. His clothing was tattered and grimy, his hair shaggy and his face covered in a grey-brown beard. He was thin and ragged.
Panicked and shocked beyond anything she could say or do, Ellie froze. It was only then that the man looked at her with menacing, brown eyes. At that moment, she turned on her heels and ran from the cottage as quickly as she could, terrified that he was going to spring up behind her.
Ellie could not stop running and she did not dare to look back. If she were to look back, it might slow her down, giving him the advantage. And it could also send her into a deeper panic if he was close at hand.
She was just waiting for the moment when his hand would connect with her shoulder to pull her back, but it did not come. As Ellie sprinted away, farther and pushing herself faster than she had ever run before, she was relieved that he did not touch her. At last, when she was cresting the small hill on the road which led toward her aunt’s home, Ellie finally glanced back.
The man was nowhere to be seen. Whether he had run off to stay out of sight or he had never even left the house to come after her anyway, Ellie did not see him running behind her now as she had feared.
Everything was all right.
Except that everything was terribly wrong.
Ellie rushed down the hill, getting as far away as she could until she finally allowed herself to stop and take a few deep breaths.
Her breathing quickly turned into inconsolable sobs. This was her home, the home she had lived in as a child. This home meant everything to Ellie and she wanted to get back there, to spend her days there as she had for such a long time. She couldn’t understand why this man would come and try to take over when it was not his home at all. It was hers.
How was this fair? The cottage had been her one escape from the prison of her aunt’s home. And now, now that she was enjoying her time there more than ever, having made a new friend, this happened? Now, there was someone trying to take control over the cottage?
The man had clearly been trouble. Whatever was going on with him, Ellie knew that he had something wrong, but she could not exactly contact the constable or her aunt would find out that this was her place of refuge. Ellie was stuck in a bind.
It also meant that she would not be able to meet with Mr. Potts again until this man was gone. And what if she sent the constable but Mr. Potts was there and they arrested him instead?
No, there were far too many risks. If her aunt found out about Mr. Potts and that he and Ellie had been sitting out there talking, twice now, she would be furious. It would call Ellie’s entire reputation into question and everything would be an even greater mess than it already was.
She wasn’t ready to let go of the cottage. She still had to figure out something to get back into her home. Until Ellie was able to sort through everything which was happening, she knew that she was stuck.
As she wept in mourning over this great loss, Ellie allowed herself to cling to one hope. It was the hope that Mr. Potts would know what to do and that he would be the one who might take charge in contacting the constable to be rid of the man. After all, if Ellie couldn’t do it, maybe he would. Maybe he would say that he had been told by someone else that there was a madman in the cottage.
But how was Ellie meant to ask Mr. Potts to do this? She could not go to the estate of the Duke to find him and ask. She would have nowhere else to meet with him so long as the man was there.
In that moment, Ellie realized that it was all up to her. She had to get rid of him, even if it terrified her.
Chapter 10
Jonathan felt giddy. He couldn’t explain the child-like joy that welled up inside of him. He realized that there was nothing that could stop him from feeling this way. Whenever he started to think about Miss Windsor, his heart began to pound.
It was just something about her that gave him freedom and energy.
He was making his way to the house so that he could see her, hoping that they would be able to have more time together. Every time he made his way to visit her, in those few times they had experienced so far, he was drawn to her lovely smile, her vibrant mirth, and her penchant for all things of nature.
When Jonathan thought about the lies he had told, however, he still felt bad. He still knew that what he had done was wrong and that she deserve honesty. Unfortunately, he wasn’t ready for that yet. Maybe he still had time before engaging her with the truth.
At last, he arrived at the house. From outside, he could hear a bit of noise from within. He decided to go in and greet her, hoping that he would not startle her.
Jonathan reached the door and turned the handle, stepping inside, ready to call out. What he did not expect was to look up and see a strange, ragged man standing at the other end of the corridor.
For a moment, Jonathan froze. He didn’t know what to do and he was entirely confused by what was taking place before his eyes. It lasted only a moment before the panic set in.
