by R. Cayden
“Nope,” I said, meeting his eye and keeping my voice cool and confident. “I come back through Seattle every now and then, but I haven’t seen this old dump in longer than I can remember.”
He squinted, still assessing me. “So what is it then? You looking to get back into the family business?”
“You still bilking your tenants?” I asked, playing dumb about the drugs I knew were waiting in the other office.
He chuckled under his breath, leaning back in his chair. “Something like that.”
I shook my head. “I’m out of the game, Uncle. I’ve been retired a long time, and I have no intention of getting back in.”
He studied me, then started to nod slowly, apparently buying the excuse. Before we could take the banter any further, however, a boy walked through the office door. He had the same square jaw and striking eyes as all the men in my family, but still in his early teens, he hadn’t quite taken up the macho swagger people like my uncle favored.
The boy had a cup of coffee in his hand. Averting his eyes, he placed it on my uncle’s desk. “I heard a commotion,” he asked softly. “Is everything okay?”
“Just a little mix-up with your cousin here,” he said, gesturing to me.
The kid looked my way, and I took in a sharp breath when our eyes met. It suddenly seemed very clear. My uncle’s daughter had a kid of her own a few years before I disappeared, and now he was standing before me, grown in ways I had never imagined.
“You must be James,” I said.
“Everyone calls me Jim,” he answered. “You’re my cousin?”
My heart ached to hear the confusion in his voice. I’m sure he hadn’t heard a damn thing about me over the years, although I was hardly the first person in the Richter family to disappear. I thought of all the memories I had missed with him and all the chances to bond. It was like another thing my family had taken away from me, but as I did my best to smile at him warmly, I knew that I shared the blame.
“I’m your cousin,” I said. “My name is Maddox.”
“Cool,” he said, his eyes trailing across my tattoos.
And then my heart stopped all over again. It hit me like a flash of lightning—this kid was gay. I wasn’t sure how I knew, and he hadn’t done or said anything stereotypical. But as our eyes met, the truth seemed so clear. I couldn’t deny it.
I had come into the office thinking I could get my uncle to unwittingly share some information about the break-in or give me some nugget I could use to keep Malcolm and Gunner safe. But as Jim greeted me, I suddenly felt an incredible responsibility to him. He seemed like such a sweet kid, and I knew he was being raised without a single good role model, let alone someone who was affirming of gay people.
Hell, he was bringing coffee to my uncle first thing in the morning and not even blinking an eye at the men I had left wounded in the hallway.
This kid needed me.
“On your way, Jimmy,” my uncle said. “We’ve got business to discuss.”
Jim gave me one last look, and my protective instincts rose up like a tiger. “Maybe I’ll see you soon, kid,” I offered, but just as quickly as that, he was gone.
My uncle sipped from the coffee, his fat lips curling over the edge of the mug. “If you think I’m going to help you make amends with your father, Maddox, you’re wrong. He and I don’t talk much these days, and I can’t say I’m particularly inclined to use my influence to try to do you a favor.”
I nodded. One thing about Uncle Elmar—he never beat around the bush. “I’m not asking for any favors,” I said. “And I’m not pretending there’s any love lost between you and me. But I expect I’ll be coming around the city more often these days, and you know the old family saying. Richters always stick together.”
“Big words from the man who ran off with his fairy boyfriend.”
I bit my tongue rather than jumping in to defend Declan. I wasn’t here to start a fight. Instead, I rose to my feet, then tapped my knuckles on his desk. “You’re a busy man,” I said. “I don’t want to keep you from your responsibilities any longer. But maybe I’ll try to stop by again soon, catch up with the family a little more. Stick together.”
I emphasized the last words. For as cruel and shady as my family was, that saying was the closest we had to a code of honor.
“Come in through the front next time,” he sneered, turning to a stack of papers on his desk. “Save me some money on medical bills.”
I opened my mouth to say something else, but he had already moved on, shuffling through the papers as though I wasn’t there.
Richters always stick together. When I had been a kid, that saying had seemed like the most hypocritical thing in the world. What use was looking out for your family if your family was just going to turn around and hurt someone else?
But with Jim fresh in my mind, I found a whole new resonance. It wasn’t just that he seemed to be gay, although it broke my heart to think of him growing up in that homophobic family. Jim was being raised by some pretty awful men, and I had no doubt they were teaching him the worst kinds of lessons. He needed someone to guide him and show him there was a different way. Otherwise, he’d end up just like me, self-destructive and angry. Or even worse, like Uncle Elmar.
I strolled back through the hallway, the thugs I had thrown to the ground earlier ignoring my eye contact. They must have gotten word that I was a Richter, and none of them would be foolish enough to upset the hierarchy.
When I stepped back into the sunlight and returned to my motorcycle, a wave of determination came over me. There was probably still a goon watching Malcolm’s building, although from the way my uncle talked about things, he seemed as clueless as ever. Nothing had really changed with our situation, but one thing was different.
I was ready to return to the city and to face my responsibilities head-on. And for that, I owed Malcolm and Gunner a huge debt of appreciation.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Malcolm
“I don’t why you insisted on having us out here for the weekend,” I said to Maddox, “but now that I have my hands in the dirt, I couldn’t be happier.”
He squatted down beside me, his jeans stretched taut across his muscled legs. “It’s late in the season, but with the hoop house there, we can keep a few things going. I’m glad you’re here to help out.” He ran his fingers across this dirt, then rose back to his feet. “Anyway, who says I need an excuse to have you out here?”
I stood up beside him, a grin filling my face. “I guess I’m just still trying to process the fact that we’re all together. It seems kind of like a dream still.”
“After you showed all that backbone in telling your parents, it hardly seems right to ignore the obvious,” he said.
He’d referred to the disastrous meeting with my parents that way a few times. It was like he didn’t see the nervous, frightened mama’s boy I always felt like. Maddox and Gunner both actually complimented me on the whole thing, like it meant I was strong.
I was having trouble feeling that way myself, considering I still needed the two of them to really believe in myself. But hearing all the compliments definitely helped.
“Hey,” Maddox said, his finger landing beneath my chin to pull my face up. “I take it from the look on your face you still haven’t heard from them?”
I shook my head. “I’ve tried to call a few times, but it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. We’ve never had an argument like this, but then again…”
“You’ve never dated two guys at once before,” Maddox said, finishing my sentence.
“Hell, I’ve barely ever disagreed with them.”
“I know there’s nothing like your parents,” Maddox said. “It’s one of the reasons my own family was always able to make me so angry. They’re a part of our story, whether we like it or not. But I hope you know Gunner and I are going to be here for you. We’re going to be a part of your story, too.”
A warm feeling filled my chest, like the sun had come out after hiding behind the
clouds all day. “Thanks, Maddox. I feel the same way about you.” I glanced around his yard, admiring the beauty of the place. “And having a place like this to retreat to definitely helps, too.”
“I love having you two out here,” he said, draping an arm over my shoulder as we looked at the hillside together. “Trust me, no matter how much I claimed to want peace and quiet all those years, it was always a little lonely here in the mountains.”
I heard the back door bang, and when I looked up, Gunner was strutting down the steps and into the yard. He had on his black leather jacket, and a cigarette dangled between his lips.
Maddox chuckled. “Gunner, I guess I haven’t seen you smoke in a while. I almost forgot you did in the first place.”
Gunner lit his smoke, standing a bit back from the two of us and blowing the smoke off to the side. “I’m down to two a day,” he said, holding up two fingers. “This is number one.”
Maddox looked down at me, an eyebrow raised. “It wasn’t my idea!” I said. “Although I’m not complaining.”
Gunner shrugged and shoved his free hand in his pocket. “If his parents do come back around, it will be one less thing they’ll be able to hold against me.”
I cleared my throat, eager to move on from the subject of my parents. No matter how mad I was at them for rejecting such good guys, it still broke my heart that they weren’t returning my calls. “Anyway, I’m glad to report that things have stayed quiet at my apartment. A repair guy even came over to take care of the problems I was complaining about all summer.”
“Do you think that means we’re in the clear, Maddox?” Gunner asked. “Your family would have made some sort of move by now, if they had any idea what we did?” He puffed on his cigarette. “Pretty chill if my first surveillance operation was a success, though.”
Maddox made a gesture like he was swatting in the direction of Gunner’s butt, and Gunner jumped in place, laughing. “What? Just saying.”
Maddox frowned and got a distant look in his eyes. Even though he was happy to help me through problems with my parents, he was still reluctant to talk about his uncle. I didn’t know if he was still frustrated with Gunner and me for breaking his rules, but his muscles got all tense whenever the subject came up again.
I reached out, stroking his arm softly, and felt him relax a little. “It’s hard to say,” he answered. “These things can move very fast or very slow. Have you been following my instructions, Malcolm?”
I nodded. “Very thoroughly,” I answered. “Gunner hasn’t been coming over, and I haven’t done anything suspicious or unusual. And I definitely haven’t interacted with the realty company, outside of paying my rent on time and being polite with the repair people they sent by.”
“Very good,” Maddox replied. “It helps that you’re about the least suspicious person I could imagine. Even if they do have their attention pointed your direction, I doubt anyone would suspect the children’s librarian.”
I smiled, feeling the wind come through the trees and blow across the yard. “Maybe it’s actually all set, then,” I said. “Maybe I can just settle back in and feel normal again.”
Gunner finished off his cigarette, stubbing out the butt and pocketing it carefully. “All three of us have a lot more settling in to do,” he teased. “And I think it all starts with getting you undressed again.”
I laughed as blood rushed to my cheeks and waved my hands in the air. “I want to get some more gardening done while it’s still daylight,” I giggled. “And I’m not so sure my rear can take much more of you two settling in, not after what I woke up to this morning.”
Maddox chuckled, then joined Gunner across from me, throwing his arm casually over his shoulder. “We’ve got a plan to spend some time in the welding studio together anyway.” He nodded to the garden. “Have fun with that. It’s as much my garden as yours now.”
I smiled, then dropped back down to my knees while the guys headed into the welding studio. My heart was still heavy with the rejection of my parents, but every day that passed, and every day I spent with Maddox and Gunner, it felt a little easier to carry that pain.
GUNNER
Maddox held out a pair of heavy gloves and a leather apron for me. A large pile of metal sat in the middle of his workshop, and tools and equipment hung on the wall behind him.
“How long did you take you to buy this equipment?” I asked.
Maddox turned to a large tank of gas, fiddling with some knobs while we talked. “Not too long. I had a pile of money to spend when I moved out here full-time, which helped. Why? Are you still thinking about welding as a possible career?” He turned back my way, then handed me a large protective facemask and visor. “I thought you were liking the Steel Rose.”
“I do like it,” I said, taking the visor and tucking it under my arm. “Brick and Lilith are great, and even though the customers can be pricks sometimes, I’m into the vibe of the place. But I don’t know if that’s where I want to spend the rest of my life.”
He shrugged, leaning back against the work table. “Who said anything about the rest of your life?”
I licked the back of my teeth, trying to think of a way to say what I was feeling. “I just think I need something that can pay a little more, maybe offer me a little more stability.”
Maddox stared at me for a second, then started chuckling.
“What?” I asked, sticking my fist against my hip. “What the hell is so funny about that?”
“I’m sorry!” Maddox said, still laughing a little. “I just never would have thought I’d see you standing there talking about stability. Hell, it wasn’t that long ago you were breaking into strangers’ houses for fun and dreaming of a job at a dive bar.”
I grabbed a hammer from the work bench, spinning it in my hand to let out some anxious energy. “I’m still that guy,” I said. “Don’t think I’m not a badass.”
Maddox held his hands in the air. “No doubt about it here.”
I set the hammer down, sighing. “I’m just saying, Maddox, you had to settle down at some point, right? You had to retire from the game and get some practical job like welding—”
“Whoa!” he said, laughing again as he interrupted me. “Now you’re making me sound like some stick in the mud. Wait until I show you how to work this MIG welder. That’ll get your heart pumping again.”
“Fuck,” I said, shoving my hands in the pocket. “It’s just...”
Maddox stepped forward. “Go on,” he said. “You know I’m not going to judge you.”
And it was true. In fact, Maddox was about the only person who could actually help me out with my problem. Not only was his life pretty similar to my own, but we had another thing in common, too.
“I want to take care of Malcolm,” I said. “I want to provide for him and protect him. It’s great that you’re around, and I know that you can do all of those things too. But…” I trailed off again, the words disappearing.
“You want to know you can take care of him, too. All on your own.”
“I do.”
Maddox stepped forward, then planted a kiss on my forehead. I felt his arms around me and smelled his scent in the air. As he stood there, my insecurities began to shrink.
“I know I can take care of him,” I said. “I just feel frustrated that I haven’t figured out how yet.”
“Gunner,” Maddox said, “I see you taking care of Malcolm every day we’re together, and money has next to nothing to do with that. Just think about the way you stood up to his parents or all the little things you do for him. I’m sure if Malcolm were here, he would say the same. I’m not going to discourage you if you want to pursue a different career, but don’t think for a second that you’re less of a man just because you can’t buy him a mansion.”
“Sure,” I said. “But making him breakfast in the morning or driving him to work in my truck can only go so far. What happens down the road when I fuck it up? Because you know damn well I’m going to fuck it up again.”
Maddox pulled me a little closer. “Trust me, kid, I know that there’s always another chance to fuck it up. But I also know that the three of us stick together when that happens. We’ve all made mistakes, and we’ve all found our way through those mistakes together.”
I leaned forward, pressing my forehead against his chest. His arms were so strong around my shoulders. A part of me wanted to just stay there forever. After a moment, however, I forced myself to step back.
“I don’t know if I actually want welding to be my career,” I said.
“You might feel in a rush to figure stuff like that out,” Maddox said, “but you’ve actually got plenty of time. Let me show you a few of the basics here, and we’ll see if you enjoy it. And if you don’t, no sweat. You’ve got a bright future, Gunner.”
My chest swelled with pride to hear him say it. Without saying more about it, we fell into the lesson. Maddox introduced me to the equipment and explained the basics of how the flame worked. He taught me how to use the ground clamp and how to operate the welding gun at the right angle, and he let me take a couple of passes over some scrap metal. In no time, I was pouring sweat and moving the welding gun like a pro. I got so into the task, I didn’t even hear when Malcolm came into the room.
“I’m done gardening,” he hollered over the noise of the machine. Maddox flicked it off, and I pushed the visor back to see better. Standing there in his white T-shirt and a pair of jeans, Malcolm had a couple of beers in his hands.
“I thought you might both want a drink,” he said, setting the bottles on the table and adjusting his glasses.
“Sure do,” I answered, grabbing the beer and kissing him on the cheek.
Maddox and I clinked our bottles together, and Maddox explained the basics of the welding equipment to Malcolm. He listened carefully, complimenting the workshop and picking up right away on the science facts that Maddox offered. As I watched them laugh and relax together, the anxiety from earlier fully washed away.
