Trapped

by Duncan, Lillian;

  And I don’t end up back in the loony bin…oops, the clinic. Angelina sat down.

  The doctor got right to the point. “So, what are your plans? After you get out.”

  “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave.” Being in here was safer than being out there. “Maybe I should stay for a few months instead of a few weeks. I really don’t mind.”

  The doctor nodded as if that meant something important then jotted on her notepad.

  Angelina hated when the doctors did that. They always seemed so serious, so full of gloom and doom. As if every word she said had deep, psychological meaning.

  Dr. Markley smiled as she looked up from the file. “I believe you’re ready. I know it’s scary out there. But once you understand that you’re safe, that not everybody is out to hurt you, you’ll be fine.”

  Why was it so hard for them to understand that if it happened once, it could happen again? Surely there were more serial killers out there waiting. Her fame brought them out, gave them opportunity to stalk and terrorize her. But Angelina only nodded.

  Dr. Markley looked at Keren and Peter. “Angelina and I have had a few discussions about the fact she needs to regain her independence as well as find her place in the world.”

  “What’s that mean?” Keren asked.

  “I’ll let Angelina tell you.”

  Angelina looked at Keren. “It means I can’t live with you forever. I’m sure you’re happy to hear that.”

  “We don’t mind at all. You haven’t been a bother. Right, Peter?”

  He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “Right. You’ve been the perfect house guest. Not a problem at all. We love having you stay with us.”

  “Thanks for saying that, but sooner or later, I need to move back home. I guess.” She looked over at Dr. Markley, who smiled her agreement. “But maybe not quite yet. And I’m getting a job. I’ve spent my life doing nothi—”

  “That’s not true.” Keren voiced with fierceness.

  “Please let her finish.” Dr. Markley said with a firm voice.

  Keren had become her protector the past few months. And her cheerleader. But Angelina had learned from Dr. Markley that too much protection was as bad as too little. Even though Keren’s heart was in the right place, too much protection from Keren had allowed her to get trapped again. Not with Luther, of course, but it still hadn’t been good for Angelina to stay in Keren’s guest bedroom for months.

  If Nate hadn’t shown up, who knows how long she’d have been there. Now that she was out of it, she had no intention of getting trapped in it again. “I’ve spent my life doing nothing. Living off the money I’ve inherited. Sure, I’m involved in a few charities, but most of my life has been about me. I’m tired of that life. I’m not sure what that means yet, but I…I need to do something. Something that makes a difference. Something important.”

  “I think that’s wonderful, Angelina.” Peter smiled. “If there’s a way we can help, let us know. We want to support you in any way we can.”

  “Thanks, Peter.”

  “Of course. We’ll do anything you need. I just meant there’s no reason for you to get a job.” Keren looked at Dr. Markley. “It’s not as if she needs the money.

  “Don’t you think I’m capable of getting a job?”

  “Well…I just…jobs are stressful. Believe me, I know that. People telling you to do this, and that. And do it now. And that’s not the right way. Do it again. Very stressful. Don’t you agree, Doctor Markley?”

  “That’s true. Jobs are stressful but—”

  “See.” Keren looked pleased as if the doctor had agreed with her. “It’s not like you need the money, Angelina. Besides you didn’t work before. I thought the point of all this was get you back to the way you were. You were fine the way you were.”

  Angelina wished that were true. Even Luther knew she’d become spoiled and selfish. Don’t think about him. She shook her head. “I’m not the same person I was. I can never be that person again. And the truth is I don’t even want to be that person anymore. I want more in my life than going out partying and spending money. I want to find a way to help people.” Angelina looked at the doctor to see what she thought about it.

  Dr. Markley nodded with enthusiasm. “That’s a wonderful attitude, Angelina. I completely agree with you. Being a contributing member of society is important. And I didn’t get to finish what I was about to say. Jobs can be stressful, but not all stress is a bad thing.”

  “Jobs aren’t the answer to everything,” Keren said. “They can even be more stressful.”

  “True but doing a job well can help build self-esteem. When we do a job well, whatever it is, it makes us feel good about ourselves.”

  “And you think Ange needs more self-esteem?” Keren asked.

  “Angelina.” Angelina corrected her cousin.

  “Sorry, I meant Angelina. Anyway, she’s always had more than enough self-esteem.”

  “I know it might have seemed that way but I’m not sure that was ever true, Keren. I’ve come to realize I might have been hiding behind the glamorous image of Ange.”

  The doctor smiled at her.

  It had taken a long time for Angelina to admit that during their sessions.

  “I’d like you to explain to Keren why you felt the need to change your name,” Dr. Markley said. “That way she’ll be more understanding about it.”

  “Mostly because that man…Luther…called that name over and over. Almost like a taunt.” She shuddered. “I hate that name now. Plus, Ange was all about herself. I want to be different now. I…I want to be someone my parents would be proud of.”

  “I’ll try to use Angelina from now on. It’s just a hard habit to break.”

  “I know.”

  “And nothing wrong with changing your name. A lot of people do. But if it’s because you’re ashamed of what happened to you, that’s a different story.” The doctor looked up from the notes she’d been writing. “Just remember, Angelina, you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “I wouldn’t say it’s about shame. It’s more about…” She searched for the right words. “I don’t want to sound as if I’m bragging, but I was famous. Maybe not as famous as some people but famous enough. I just want to live a quiet life now. Not be in the media spotlight.”

  “That sure doesn’t sound like you, Angelina. You loved all that hoopla and excitement,” Keren said. “I don’t think you should give all that up because of Luther Marks.”

  “I’m a different person. I don’t need all that attention.” She shrugged. “Besides everyone just wants to feel sorry for me and treat me as if I’m a fragile tea cup about to shatter.”

  The doctor made another note then looked up. “Maybe that’s because you feel that way. Do you? Feel like a fragile tea cup?”

  Angelina hadn’t thought this would turn into a therapy session. “Not really. I just don’t want them to pity me.”

  “I can understand that. But this isn’t about them. It’s about you, I don’t think you should talk and talk about it all the time to the exclusion of other things. But when the situation calls for it, you need to be able to discuss it. Honestly and openly. Especially with those closest to you.” Dr. Markley nodded toward Keren and Peter.

  “I don’t like talking about it. What’s the point? It won’t change what happened.”

  “True, but talking gets it out of your head.” Dr. Markley looked at Keren. “Does she talk about it with you?”

  “No.” Keren looked at Angelina. “Not really, but you can’t blame her. It was a horrible ordeal. I wouldn’t want to relieve such a nightmare either. As far as I’m concerned it’s in the past and that’s where it needs to stay.”

  Angelina smiled at her cousin, grateful that someone understood. Of course, she thought about it and relived it in her nightmares almost every night. Even daytime was hard, sometimes.

  “I don’t feel comfortable forcing the issue,” Peter said. “
But we’re here for you, Angelina. You know that. If you want to talk, we’ll listen.”

  “I know that, Peter. You’ve both been so kind. Letting me live with you. Letting me invade your privacy. It’s not fair to you. You’re practically newlyweds. You need your privacy.”

  “We don’t mind at all. As Keren always says, family helps family.” Peter sounded sincere.

  “Which brings us back to the point I want to talk about today. Your living arrangement. It sounds as if you’re planning to go back to your cousin’s. Is that true?”

  Angelina glanced at Dr. Markley. Something in her tone made her think the good doctor disapproved. “I guess. But not forever. Unless you don’t think I should go back at all?”

  “It’s not about what I think.” The doctor tapped her index fingers together. “But at some point, you need to live on your own again. And it might be easier if you do it when you leave here. If you go back to their house it will be too easy to fall back into old routines.”

  Living on her own was just another way of saying being alone. Which was why nobody had even known she was missing. But Dr. Markley was right. She couldn’t expect to live with Keren and Peter forever. Her father would be ashamed of her for being weak, depending on others to take care of her. “You’re right. It’s time I learn to live by myself again.”

  Keren leaned forward. “I don’t think she’s ready for that quite yet. But I’m sure you must be so tired of our tiny house. It’s nothing like what you’re accustomed to.” She turned to the doctor. “Angelina has a wonderful home in Mt. Pleasant. Not like our little house.”

  “You have a lovely home, too.” Angelina told her cousin. “And I really do appreciate you letting me live there with you.”

  “And I love you living there, but, maybe the doctor’s right. It might be time to think about other…living arrangements.”

  “You don’t want me to live with you?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant at all, Angelina. But the doctor says you need to regain your independence. Maybe, you should move back to Mt. Pleasant and Peter and I could live in that apartment above the garage. It’s still there, right?”

  Angelina didn’t want to live in her childhood home. Too many rooms. Too many places for a person to hide. And it represented everything she used to be. Money and extravagance. “That apartment is even smaller than the house you have now.”

  “But that way we could live right beside each other. You could come over anytime you wanted. Even for dinner every night, but you could still have your independence as well. We wouldn’t mind, would we, Peter? If it helps you.”

  “But it’s such a long drive back to Cleveland for Peter’s job.” Angelina interjected before Peter could answer.

  “Not that long.” Peter nodded. “And that way we could save the money to buy our own house someday.”

  “There’s no way I’ll let the two of you live in that tiny apartment. It barely has the right to be called an apartment, but you could live in the main house. I could live in that apartment. It would be fine for me. I’m only one person.”

  Keren’s eyes widened. “Well, I never thought of that. But if that’s what you want, I guess that would be fine with us. Wouldn’t it, Peter?”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “The house is just sitting there, and I’m paying for the upkeep on it anyway. Of course, I forgot to renew my landscaping contract, but that’s been taken care of now. I should have offered it to the two of you in the first place. It was rude of me not to. But it would mean more of a drive for you to get to work, Peter.”

  He shrugged. “Not so much that it would be a problem.”

  “Whatever you want, Angelina.” Keren smiled. “Besides, it might be nice for you to move back to Mt. Pleasant, don’t you think? It’s a smaller town, and it’s your home.”

  “I guess.”

  “Great, we’ve got the housing arrangements down.” The doctor made a few more notes. “And the good news is Mt. Pleasant is much closer for your appointments with me. I’d give it a little time before you go job hunting. In the meantime, maybe some volunteer work. There shouldn’t be a lot of stress involved in that.”

  “That might be fun. Until they find out I’m crazy.”

  Keren leaned toward her. “You’re not crazy. You have PTSD and that’s very curable, right, Doctor?”

  “It certainly is. With time and some effort on your part. Nothing good ever happens without a little effort.” She smiled. “Or a lot.”

  “You keep saying that, but I don’t feel as if I’m getting any better. I’m getting worse.”

  Dr. Markley looked at Angelina. “It only seems that way. But one thing I’ll insist on if I agree to release—”

  “If you release me? What does that mean?” Maybe she wouldn’t have to leave, after all.

  “I misspoke. I meant when I release you. Along with your medication and your continued counseling sessions with me, I insist you join a support group.”

  A support group? Angelina was sure there were worse things—but she couldn’t think of any.

  11

  Angelina pulled into a parking spot at the church but didn’t get out of the car. She really didn’t want to be here. Keren was right—what was the point of listening to everyone else’s problems? She had enough of her own, and there was no way she wanted to talk about them to a roomful of strangers. Life was hard enough. What was the point of dwelling on the bad things?

  But Angelina really did want to be healthy again. So she would go even if only once. She’d survived Luther Marks so she could survive this.

  That first night in her apartment—alone—she’d been terrified. Instead of sleeping, she’d spent the night on the sofa staring at the door, waiting for someone to try to break in. But it had gotten better. At least she could sleep now—with all the lights on, but still, it was sleep.

  First step to live alone. Second step to go to a support group. So here she was. Looking at her reflection in the rearview mirror, she put on her dark brown, horn-rimmed glasses. They added one more layer of protection against being recognized. Along with the glasses, her hair was back to her natural chestnut brown. And she’d chosen to have a popular wedge cut, getting rid of her trademark long hair.

  And just in case the hair color change, the cut, and the glasses weren’t enough, she’d given up the flashy clothes as well. Most days she wore jeans and a T-shirt. She hoped people wouldn’t automatically know who she was. She wasn’t Ange Matthews any longer. But she needed to find out who Angelina Matthews was.

  Maybe this group would help.

  Taking a deep breath, she opened the car door and walked to the church. Her feet stopped at the door. She really didn’t want to go in there. Maybe she’d come next week. Tonight was not the night.

  Footsteps pounded on the walk.

  Angelina’s heart raced, and her fear notched into overdrive.

  “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, dear.” A matronly looking woman, probably in her mid-fifties, stood before her. Her gray hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her hands held two plastic containers.

  “Not your fault. I get a little jumpy at noises.” Angelina forced a smile.

  “Don’t we all, dear? You here for the meeting?”

  Angelina nodded. “I guess.” Not really.

  “Can you open the door for me?” The woman motioned with her head toward the door. “My hands are full.”

  Angelina held the door open but didn’t move beyond it.

  The woman looked back at her. “Come on. It won’t be nearly as bad as you think. The first time is always the hardest. But it’s been quite helpful to me. I’m sure it can be for you, too.”

  A picture of her running back to her car flashed in Angelina’s mind, but she brushed it away. Time had come to take control of her life. Luther wouldn’t win. He’d trapped her in his basement, but that didn’t mean she had to stay there. She had to do this.

  As Nate said, baby steps.

&nbs
p; Of course, this felt more like a giant leap. Angelina took a deep breath and walked inside.

  “Don’t look so worried, dear. It really isn’t as bad as you think.” The woman smiled. “My name’s Rosie.”

  “I’m Angelina.” She felt like a fraud when she told people her name. She’d gone by the name Ange for so long it was a part of her. A part she wanted to forget.

  “What a beautiful name, Angelina. Follow me. I’ll show you where the meeting is.”

  Angelina relaxed as she walked beside Rosie. She’d not given any indication of recognizing her. Maybe no one else would either.

  The woman kept up a steady stream of chatter as they walked down one hall and then another. Every now and then Angelina muttered a sound of agreement that seemed to satisfy Rosie since she kept talking.

  Surely this woman didn’t need a support group. She looked like a grandmother and seemed so normal—even happy. What Angelina wouldn’t give to feel that way again.

  Eventually they walked into a conference room. A large oval-shaped table dominated the room. It reminded her of the conference room where Dr. Markley had insisted she join a PTSD support group.

  There were three people already there—all men. Two sat in chairs, and one was pouring coffee into a ceramic mug.

  He turned and smiled as they walked in. “Hey, Rosie. You brought a friend.”

  “I just met her at the door, but I’m sure she’ll become a friend. She looked as if she wanted to run away, but I wouldn’t let her.” Rosie’s laugh tinkled. “It will be good to have another woman here for a change.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” One of the men at the table said.

  The man with the coffeepot shook his head. “Don’t let Rosie make you do anything you don’t want to do. We’re all about free choice here. You can still run away if you want. The meeting doesn’t start for another three minutes. Of course, I hope you’ll stay.”

  Angelina managed a smile, “I’ll stay.” This time.