Trapped

by Duncan, Lillian;

  “That’s the right attitude. How about we walk back over to your apartment together. That way you can see it’s safe.”

  It would be safer to be here with Keren and Peter. Even if it was a nightmare, she could have another, and try to jump out the window again. Of course, this room had windows, too.

  Keren stood in the doorway. “I think she should just move in here. After all, it is your house, Angelina. And you’ll be safer here. And we can be together.”

  “She’s safe there.” Dr. Markley’s voice was firm. “It’s just as safe in her apartment as it is in this house. But it’s up to you, Angelina. Do you want to move forward or go backward?”

  If she stayed here, that would be a step backward. Got to keep moving forward. It was the only way to get un-trapped. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Keren. The doctor’s right. I’ve got to learn to live on my own again.”

  “I don’t know about that. Even Peter agrees that you should be staying here. In your own house. Not in that ridiculously tiny apartment.”

  Dr. Markley watched Angelina. She shrugged. “It’s up to you. But it’s important to keep moving forward.”

  She needed to fix the broken watch—her life. Get it ticking again. Taking a deep breath, Angelina got out of bed. “Then let’s go check my apartment.”

  16

  Angelina walked around her apartment. She’d triple-checked all the windows. All two of them. One in the living room and the one she’d jumped out of in the bedroom—fixed and safe.

  After Nate and Dr. Markley left, it had been a busy day. Not only had the repairman fixed the window, but the security company had been out and installed a security system in her apartment. They assured her that they’d be out in a heartbeat if the windows or the doors were tampered with. Nobody could get in. Unless she invited them or they had the code. And she’d only given Keren and Peter the code.

  She’d been too busy to think about Nate’s kiss, but now it was replaying in her mind. That soft touch on her cheek had…awakened something inside her. It had been a friendly gesture. A quick peck to show he cared. He wasn’t like any of her previous boyfriends. He wasn’t rich or famous, but he was…real. Nate was such a good and godly man. Of course, such a man wouldn’t be interested in her. Not after most of her exploits had been televised. But still, the thought of her and Nate together made her smile. “Stop it, Angelina. No sense thinking about something that will never happen.” Just having Nate as a friend was more than she deserved.

  Time to go to bed.

  After checking the doors and windows a fourth time, she slipped into bed. She fought the urge to keep the light on. She touched the lamp and the room darkened. In the next instant, both nightlights in the room came to life giving off a soft glow. Enough to allow her to see there was no one in the room with her.

  Another baby step forward. Lamp off—nightlights on.

  The electrician also come out that day, changed all the fuses, and assured her they wouldn’t go off again. As long as she wasn’t in complete dark, she’d be OK. She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes.

  “Ange,” the whisper seemed all around her.

  “It’s not real. You’re not real. You’re dead and you can’t hurt me.”

  “Ange, do you want to play?” the whispered response was evil.

  Breathe in—breathe out. Slowly deeply. Not real. Keeping her eyes closed, she refused to give into the terror. And eventually she fell asleep.

  When Angelina opened her eyes, light streamed in the window she’d jumped out of yesterday. She stared at it. If Nate hadn’t been there, she’d have been seriously hurt. But Nate had been there. Again.

  She smiled at the thought of him but then the reality of the day broke through. Angelina wanted to stay in bed. The anxiety attack at the meeting, and then the nightmare, had destroyed her moving forward with her life. And she’d heard Luther’s voice again last night.

  The voice seemed so real. She wondered if she should just put the covers over her head and accept her fate. Move back in the house with Keren and Peter and let them take care of her. The rich, crazy woman that everyone in town would pity.

  Maybe Keren was right. She kept saying Angelina was moving too fast. But she’d heard Luther calling out to her last night and hadn’t jumped out the window. Thanks to Nate, she’d refused to give into the terror. Maybe there was still hope for her.

  It was a victory that she’d not again succumbed to the voice in the dark. Hopefully only the first.

  Tears filled her eyes as she reached for the support group index cards on her night stand.

  With God, all things are possible.

  She read it again and again. Did she believe that? Or was she giving up because it was hard?

  The past few weeks had been filled with progress. Lots of baby steps as Nate would say. Going to the group. Volunteering at school. Coffee and doughnuts with Nate. Not jumping out the window last night.

  All progress. Victory.

  Nate being one of the leaders of the support group was a shock. No wonder he’d been so kind, so compassionate toward her, He’d had his own demons to face. And he’d succeeded.

  And what about Rosie, and Max, and Fred? If they could do it, why couldn’t she? After all they were in the process of succeeding.

  Thinking of Fred, she remembered she needed to call the plant manager. She should have done it yesterday but with all that happened, it had slipped her mind. At least she could do that much for someone. She grabbed her phone from the nightstand.

  After the call, she stared at the index card.

  With God all things are possible.

  Just because she wouldn’t be going back to the group didn’t mean she couldn’t get healthy.

  And with God that could happen—no it would happen.

  She’d made progress and she meant to continue.

  Seeing the kids would be good. They made her smile. She was ready to read to them that morning so she could forget all about the past few days. She’d discovered how much she enjoyed being with children. It was amazing—and fun to watch them be themselves. Had she ever been that carefree? Probably. But certainly not lately. But she wasn’t giving up just because she’d had a bad day.

  With God, all things are possible.

  She got out of bed. After a shower and breakfast, she found enough energy to go to school. After reading, she stopped at Charles’s desk. “Hey Charles, how are you today?”

  He looked up, his eyes wide.

  What had happened to make this little boy so frightened of the world?

  “I’m OK,” he whispered.

  She knelt down beside him. “Sorry, I didn’t choose you today, but I can’t pick you every time. That wouldn’t be fair to the other kids.”

  “I know.” He smiled, his voice so soft she could barely hear him.

  Her heart hurt for him. Life shouldn’t be so scary for children—or for adults either. But then again, the world was a scary place. Maybe she could make it a little less scary for him. “Would you like to help me carry my books to my car?”

  He nodded.

  “Let me ask Miss Dawkins.”

  A moment later, she handed him two of the lightest books. Everything about the little boy seemed fragile, much like the way she felt. They left the classroom.

  “So, Charlie…is it OK if I call you Charlie? You look more like a Charlie than a Charles.”

  His gaze moved up to her. “I guess. But if you want you can call me Carlos.”

  “Why would I call you that?”

  “It’s my other name.”

  “You mean your middle name?”

  “I don’t know. Mama used to call me Carlos, but now she calls me Charlie, too.”

  “So, Charlie−Carlos, what do you like to do for fun?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Her mind searched for a topic that he’d respond to. “Do you like football or are you more of a soccer guy?”

  “I don’t know.”

&n
bsp; “Well which one do you play with more? A soccer ball or a football?”

  “I don’t have a ball.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad.”

  “Mama says toys are a waste of money. But I do have some books.”

  She held open the door, and he walked outside. “Well, this won’t work, Charlie−Carlos. You have to hold the door open, or we’ll both get locked out.”

  He giggled. “That would be funny.”

  She laughed along with him. “That would NOT be funny. You hold the door, and I’ll be back in a minute.” She ran down the steps, put the books in the car, and then went back to the door. She reached to get his books. He turned his head away—almost cowering. Angelina’s stomach knotted. “Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you, Charlie−Carlos. I just wanted the books.”

  He handed them to her without a word.

  “I’ll be right back. Don’t even think about shutting that door, Charlie−Carlos.”

  He smiled, but the light was gone from his eyes.

  Once again, she trotted out to her car, and then returned to the door.

  Charles-Carlos held the door open with a solemn expression.

  “Thanks so much, Charlie−Carlos. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

  He motioned for her to come closer so she knelt down beside him.

  “Better not call me that. I forgot that Mama told me not to tell anyone about that name. It’s a secret. Nobody’s ‘sposed to know I’m Carlos.”

  She didn’t like the sound of that. Kids weren’t supposed to keep those kinds of secrets. “Oh…OK, then I’ll just call you Charlie.” After walking him back to his classroom, Angelina went straight to the principal’s office.

  The woman looked up from her paper work. “Oh, Miss Matthews. How’re things going?”

  “Oh, really good. The kids are great. I really enjoy reading to them and talking with them.”

  “That’s good to hear. Is there something you needed?”

  “Well…I…ah…was wondering. Would it be appropriate for me to buy one of the students a few books, and maybe a soccer ball?”

  The principal looked at Angelina over her glasses. “Mmm…I’m not sure that’s the best idea, Ms. Matthews. It could cause a problem. The other children might get jealous. Who’s the child?”

  “Charles Wright.”

  “He’s a strange little one, isn’t he?”

  “Sort of. He told me today that he didn’t have a soccer ball or a football. His mom thinks toys are a waste of money. So I’m guessing that means they can’t afford it. Every kid should have a ball, don’t you think?”

  “I see. No wonder you wanted to buy him a few things.” She shook her head. “I know it seems like a harmless thing to do, but I’m glad you checked with me. I’m afraid it might cause more problems than it would solve.”

  How could buying a child a gift cause a problem? Of course, she wasn’t an expert. “I’m worried that he might be getting abused. At home. Or maybe being bullied here at school.”

  “Really.” The principal took off her glasses and stared. “Why would you think that? I haven’t had any reports about it. The teachers are mandated to report any signs of abuse. ”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing, but when I reached for the books he was holding for me, he sort of cowered away from me. As if he thought I would hit him or something.”

  “Some kids are like that, but we can’t be too careful about such things. I’ll tell the teacher to be on the lookout for bruises or anything unusual. And to watch for how the other students treat him.” She tapped her fingers on the desk. “But I’m sure he’s fine. Otherwise the teacher would have told me so.”

  “Of course. By the way, do you know Officer Goodman?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “There’s no reason to get him involved in the matter. In fact, there’s no need for him to get involved at this point. As I said, we’ll keep an eye on Charles.”

  She shook her head. “Oh, no. That’s not why I was asking. He’s a…he’s a friend. I just wondered if he was here today. I saw him last week when I was here and wanted to say hi if he was around today.”

  “Oh, I see.” Her tone returned to friendly. “Nate is so wonderful with the kids. They all love him.”

  “Is he here today?”

  She held up a finger as she walked toward her door. “Hold on. Let me check.” A moment later she was back. “Not here. He won’t be back until Thursday. I guess one week he does a Tuesday and the next a Thursday.”

  “Thanks.” Angelina was surprised at her disappointment.

  “Thank you for being so concerned about little Charles. And I’ll tell the teacher to keep an eye open for any problems. We want all of our students to feel safe. Here and at their home.”

  Angelina walked out to her car. She’d been looking forward to seeing Nate again. Or maybe she just wanted an excuse for a doughnut. A few minutes later, she pulled into the bakery parking lot. She perused the array of tasty treats.

  “Imagine finding you at the doughnut shop.” A man came from behind her.

  She grinned. “It’s your fault. I had no idea the doughnuts here were so good. I decided to treat myself to one.”

  “Me, too. Or maybe three. It’s important to fuel this body, you know?” Nate patted his stomach.

  “Well if I keep stopping here, I might have to start working out. Too much fuel isn’t a good thing.”

  “You don’t need to do that. Your body is just fine.” His face turned pink. “I…never mind. Anything I say now won’t sound any better.” He winked.

  She touched his sling. “How’s your shoulder?”

  “I’ll live.”

  “That bad?”

  “Not at all, but I was thinking I could use it to wrangle up a little pity from you.”

  The waitress walked over. “That will be two fifty.”

  Angelina handed her a ten. “I’ll pay for what he wants, too. It’s the least I can do.”

  When they were settled at the table, Nate took a huge bite from his glazed doughnut. “All the doughnuts are good, but I love the glazed ones.”

  “I can see that.”

  “I’m glad to see you out and about.”

  “Because of yesterday?”

  He nodded. “I was afraid you’d get discouraged. Give up.”

  “That’s exactly what I planned to do, but I started reading my Bible verses from the group. They helped.”

  “Nothing like God’s Word to keep us on the right track.”

  “It’s all about those baby steps you and Dr. Markley keep talking about. But yesterday wasn’t about baby steps forward. I went backward—lots of giant steps backward.”

  “That’s the way it happened with me, too. I’ll think I’m finally over it, and then something would trigger a memory, and I’d be stuck in the darkness again. The important thing is to keep your eyes on Jesus. And to not let yourself get trapped in the bad moments.”

  She wished she had that kind of faith. “I’ll try but…it’s so hard. I can’t believe I actually jumped out of the window for something that wasn’t even really happening.”

  His gaze turned serious. “It was happening. In your mind. You have to give yourself the time you need to heal. And Dr. Markley is really good at her job. If she says it was the meds, then it probably was the meds. So there’s nothing for you to be concerned about.”

  “But it felt so real. I heard the voice again last night but kept telling myself it wasn’t real. I can’t believe it, but eventually, I fell asleep.” She sighed. “Let’s talk about something else. I was really shocked when you walked into the meeting the other night. I had no idea you were the other group leader.”

  “Yeah, I was a little shocked to see you as well. Cooper had told me there were two new members, but I had no idea one of them was you. I guess I should have thought about it when you told me you were going to a support group. The group works. And this group has some really great members.” After taking a drink of coffee, he looked
at her. “Speaking of members, I wonder what will happen if Fred follows through on putting the application in to Diamond.”

  “Hopefully, good things.” She smiled. “I forgot to call yesterday, but I called first thing this morning.”

  “That’s really nice of you.”

  “It wasn’t that big of a deal. Cooper said we create our own life by our actions. So I’m trying to sow some good seeds. And please don’t tell Fred that I had anything to do with it. I’d rather he not know.”

  “Wouldn’t think of it, but that doesn’t sound much like the Angelina I used to hear about.”

  She grinned as she took a bite of her cream-filled doughnut. “Good. I don’t like that person very much anymore. So how did you end up as one of the group leaders?”

  “I told you what happened with the little girl. What I didn’t tell you is that I fell apart after that.”

  She nodded. “I can imagine.”

  “I quit my job and decided to start drinking instead. I was quite the mess and ended up in a homeless shelter. But I found God there. Eventually I found my way back home to Mt. Pleasant. And the rest is history.” He popped the last of the doughnut in his mouth as he reach for his coffee cup. “But I couldn’t have done any of it without God.”

  “Wow. That’s pretty impressive.”

  “I’m not the one to be impressed with. It’s all God. With God, all things really are possible. So, what’s going on with you today?”

  That was the exact verse that had gotten her out of bed. “Just finished up at school and I had a discussion with the principal. I’m not so sure she was happy with me.”

  “Why not?”

  “I expressed some concerns about one of the little boys in the class I work in.”

  “What kind of concerns?” His tone turned serious.

  “Well, first, he barely speaks above a whisper when he talks, which isn’t much. Today I reached for the books he was holding for me, and he cowered as though he thought I would hit him. And then, the really odd thing is, he told me he used to have another name but it was a secret.”

  “Another name?” He arched a brow. “That is odd. I’m surprised Margaret wasn’t more concerned.”