Still, there was the gold…the gold he had never told her about. Part of her wanted to hate him for that. Would he have let her sell the claim for pennies when it might be worth millions, just to try to keep her? Did he trust her so little? If he could not forgive her for hurting him over that marriage…maybe all the love in the world would not change the fact that they could never stay together. Yet living without him was an impossible thought now. Maybe she didn’t even have any choice. Maybe he had died! How could she go on living if he had?
She struggled to control her tears, realizing it seemed to be early morning. The doctor had given her something for her pain and told her to rest. Had she slept through the night? Had Ethan died without her being able to touch him once more, tell him she loved him? “Ethan,” she whispered. She wanted to yell his name, but to her amazement she had only enough strength for a whisper. She couldn’t even move her arms. Even taking a breath was an effort.
She closed her eyes, trying to think, remembering all that had happened. A bonanza! Ethan had said there was a vein of gold up on her claim that could be worth millions! Holliday had apparently known about it. What had happened to Roy Holliday? To Wayne Trapp and that man called Trevor Gale? What had happened to Ethan? She tried in vain to rise, but could not even get her head off the pillow. She remembered being told she’d lost a lot of blood. Was it really only yesterday she had finally told Ethan about the baby? Now there was no baby. She felt so empty, and more alone than she ever had as an orphan. Strangely, the knowledge that her claim might be worth millions brought her no joy at all. She would gladly trade it all to have her baby back.
She sensed a quiet movement to her left, and turned her head to see the door opening. “Ethan!” she whispered. She watched him step inside. He still wore the blood-stained pants, but he was shirtless. Gauze was wrapped around his middle, and she saw a small spot of blood on it at his lower left side. Rather than his usual glowing bronze color, his face looked more gray, and there were dark circles under his eyes, eyes filled with a deep grief. He closed the door and came toward her; it looked to Allyson as though it took all the strength he had just to move a wooden chair near the bed.
Allyson managed to reach out her hand. “I was afraid you were dead,” she told him, forcing a voice loud enough for him to hear. More tears slipped from her eyes. “Thank God you’re alive!”
Ethan took her hand. “I’m not so sure you should be glad of that, after the way I kept the truth from you.” He sighed deeply. “How do you feel?”
She couldn’t speak at the moment. She could only cry again. Ethan squeezed her hand, leaned over, and brought it up to kiss the back of it. “I’m so damn sorry, Ally. It’s all my fault.” He pressed the back of her hand against his cheek and just sat there for a few minutes with his eyes closed while she wept. Finally he kissed her hand again, then reached for a small towel lying on the stand beside her bed. He used it to wipe the tears from her face, then placed it in her hand. He rested his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to just forget about us,” he said softly. “With the baby gone, and you being a rich woman in your own right…” He sighed deeply. “If I had told you in the first place, we’d already have been down off that mountain a month ago and would have sold the claim or had someone else mining it. You wouldn’t have stayed up there working so hard. It’s my fault you lost the baby, Ally. I was so damn afraid to tell you about what I’d found, afraid that once you knew you had struck it rich, you wouldn’t want or need me anymore.”
Allyson held in a sob. “It’s really…my own fault,” she answered.
Ethan met her gaze. “How can you say that?”
Allyson studied the tragedy in his dark eyes. “I’m the one…who betrayed your trust in the beginning.” She took a moment to get her breath again. “You…had every right not to trust me. All you’ve ever known about me…is that I was so bent…on what I could possess, what I could own. All I have ever talked about…is finding that bonanza…being a rich woman…having something no one could take away from me.” She closed her eyes. “Ethan, once I knew I was carrying your child, I knew what my most important possession was. It was life…your life…the baby that lived in me.” More tears slipped quietly out of her eyes.
Ethan sighed and got up from the chair, walking to look out a window. “There’s no going back for either of us, and I’m not sure now how we’re going to make up for all the hurt and misunderstanding.”
Allyson studied him, remembering how he had suffered trying to get her to town for help and bring in Wayne Trapp and Trevor Gale at the same time. “I don’t know either, Ethan. I just know I’m glad…you didn’t die.”
He rubbed at his neck. “I was damn lucky. The bullet apparently didn’t hit anything vital. The biggest problem was loss of blood. The doc says he doesn’t know how I made that trip down without passing out long before I did.” He turned to look at her. “But I know how I did it. I had to get help for you. That was all I could think of.”
She sniffed back more tears. “Maybe neither one of us…realizes how much we’re loved by the other. After Oklahoma…I tried so hard…to forget you, Ethan…but I never could.”
He did not reply. He turned to look back out the window, and Allyson realized then that she had been hearing a lot of shouting somewhere in the distance. “This whole thing has started a real mess,” Ethan told her. “Wayne Trapp is blabbing like a baby. Apparently a former employee of Holliday’s, Joe Carson, I think his name is, killed John Sebastian on Holliday’s orders. The man has since fled Colorado. Once the miners found out about Roy Holliday’s underhanded schemes, they’ve gone wild. The doctor told me this morning they have all gone on strike up at his mines, wrecked parts of the processing mill, even blew up part of one mine. The U. S. Marshal is on his way up here, along with some army troops, to restore order.” He looked at her and smiled rather sadly. “You sure do know how to stir up a ruckus anyplace you go, don’t you?”
She wiped her tears again. “I never mean for any of it to happen. All I ever wanted…was just to be left alone…allowed my independence and to have something of my own. Why is that…so forbidden…just because I’m young and a woman?”
Ethan watched her for a few seconds. “I guess because men aren’t used to such things in a woman.” He walked closer again, leaning over her bed. “But that’s what I always loved and admired about you, Ally, your strength and determination. That’s partly what made it so hard for me to forget you after Oklahoma. We have a lot in common, you know. We both lost everyone who mattered to us, we both have pasts that hurt. We each admire strength and courage, value our ability to survive on our own. The one difference is that I have always known I wanted someone else in my life. I’m able to recognize that I can’t do it all alone. Without a woman I love at my side, I’m only half a man. You could never quite admit that you needed anyone but yourself, and that’s because you’re so damn afraid to care, because you don’t want to hurt anymore. Besides that, there’s a little part of you that could never quite decide if it was right to love an Indian.” He sighed deeply, turning away. “Now the whole town knows you’ve lost a baby. They know what we were doing up there, and that we were no longer married. We’ll have to testify against Trapp and Holliday, and none of it is going to be easy. You’ll have to face a whole town full of men who are never going to understand what we’ve been through. They’re only going to see it one way.”
“It doesn’t matter, Ethan. All that matters…is that I love you and you love me…and we don’t feel in our hearts…that we did anything wrong.”
He looked down at her. “And what about now? I lied to you. You’ve lost the baby because of it. There are a lot of things for you to think about, Ally. My being Indian, the fact that you could be a very, very rich woman; and there is a lot for both of us to forgive about each other. Whatever you do, I want you to be really sure this time. Until this mess is cleared up, maybe we’re better o
ff not seeing too much of each other. I’ll find someone who will be fair about it to go up to the claim and give you a true estimate on what that vein of gold is worth, then I’ll let you decide what you want to do about it, and about us.”
“Half of it belongs to you, Ethan. That was our deal.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want any of it, not if you aren’t part of the package, and that’s something you’ve got to make up your mind about.”
“I…already have. I’d trade that claim right now…and whatever millions it might be worth…to have our baby back.”
He leaned closer again. “But what if there hadn’t been a baby? I wouldn’t have wanted you to stay with me because of a baby, Ally. Now it’s down to just me and the gold, and your dreams. I don’t want you coming with me if you feel like you have to give up your dreams to do it. I don’t need that gold. I never told you, but I have a thousand dollars plus interest waiting for me in Colorado Springs, reward money for capturing that gang of railroad outlaws I told you about when I met Roy Holliday. That and the money I saved while working for him is plenty for me to get started ranching. The Indian in me just wants that simple life, Ally. I’m not cut out for hanging with Denver’s high society, running some kind of fancy business. I love you enough to take you without any extras. I’m just not sure you love me enough to do the same. You’d trade all that gold for our baby, but what about for me?”
“Are you saying…no matter what it’s worth…I should just give it all up?”
Ethan leaned down and kissed her forehead. “No. All I’m saying is, would I be enough, if you didn’t have the gold? If that claim had turned out to be worthless, would you have finally given up searching for happiness in money and possessions and come to Wyoming with me? There are a lot of ways to be rich, Ally. I just want you to understand what’s really important in life.”
Another tear slipped down her face. “But I do, Ethan. I just want to be with you.”
Ethan’s eyes began to tear. “You wait until you feel strong again. Wait until you find out just what that claim is worth. Follow your heart, Ally. I won’t blame you for whatever decision you make.” He touched her cheek. “I’ll stand by you through the trial and all. I imagine we’ll have to go to Colorado Springs for that. It’s going to take a couple of months to get everything settled. We’ve got some time to think.”
She grasped his hand and kissed it. “Please hold me, Ethan. The only time I feel really safe from the world…is when you hold me.”
He sighed deeply, sat down on the edge of the bed, and reached down, pulling her into his arms. They both wept over the loss of the little life they had created. “We’ve been through too much together, Ethan,” she whispered. “I don’t see how we could ever be apart again. I could never, ever forget you now, or live without you.”
He kissed the red hair he so loved. “I just want you to be sure.” He thought about how rich the vein of gold he had seen had to be. He had a feeling she still had not grasped the full reality of what belonged to her. When she did, especially once she was stronger, this all might change again. He told himself he must not fall all the way into the deep river of love that beckoned him. He just might drown after all, but then who was he kidding? He had already willingly dived into those menacing waters when he agreed to go up on that mountain with this woman. No matter what she decided to do, it was not going to change the fact that he loved her more than his own life.
Ethan finished packing. He was leaving in the morning for Wyoming, and Ally damn well knew it. She should have been back by now.
Had she done it again? The trial for Roy Holliday was over. He and Wayne Trapp and Trevor Gale had been sent to prison for murder and attempted murder. Riots up at the mines had caused a lot of damage, and army troops were helping to clean up the mess. He hadn’t been back up to Cripple Creek himself since coming to Colorado Springs for the trial. He never wanted to go back, but Ally had had no choice. A wealthy mine owner from Denver was interested in her claim. She had gone back with him to see the vein for herself and discuss a sale price.
That was what worried him. They had decided they would remarry when she came back. She was going to Wyoming with him, or so she had promised. But this was the first time she had seen the bonanza for herself. Knowing Ally, that could change everything. She was stronger again, feistier. She had sailed through the trial and the rude remarks about a woman “living up on that mountain with an Indian.” Like the Ally he knew, she had held her chin high and shown no sign of crumbling. By the time she finished testifying, few people were concerned with whether or not she had been living in sin. She had drawn their attention to the simple fact that she owned that claim and Roy Holliday and his men had tried to kill her to get it. She had rallied the whole town of Cripple Creek behind her, as well as half of Colorado Springs. The trial had been a sensation, and he did not doubt that the headlines about Roy Holliday’s life sentence made the papers not just in Colorado but all over the country. Little orphaned Allyson Mills, who had run away from that train with her brother over two and a half years ago, was now a famous woman. Famous and rich. She had a way of charming the worst of them, and now she had the world at her feet, and she damn well knew it. She could have anything she wanted, and once she saw that gold…
He tied the rawhide strings of his leather bag. Who was he kidding? He was a half-breed nobody, with just enough hard-earned money to get himself to Wyoming and buy up enough land for a small ranch. He and Ally didn’t have a damn thing in common. During the trial, there had been little chance to be together. For the sake of appearances, they had taken separate rooms; and because he felt Ally needed time to think about what she wanted, he had stayed away, let her alone. She had become the center of attention for everyone else, the subject of interviews and picture-taking. Some had depicted her as the poor young orphaned woman who had big dreams. Yes, she had strayed, with an Indian man who had somehow made her dependent on him, but the public had forgiven her. After all, she was young and alone. The poor girl had stood up against one of the richest men in Colorado and had won! There had not even been much mention of what he himself had gone through to protect Ally the day of the explosion, how he had almost died getting her down from that mountain, risking his life when Wayne Trapp had attacked her.
He smiled bitterly to himself and packed one more bag. He couldn’t care less that Ally had taken all the attention. He hated publicity, and he didn’t consider himself any kind of hero. He had just done what he could to help the woman he loved. His anger was not at the press or the public, or even at Ally. He was angry with himself, for ever having gotten himself into this mess in the first place. All he would have had to do was never get involved with Allyson Mills back in Guthrie. It would have been so easy. At the least, he should never have gone back that second time. Why hadn’t he just stayed away? And when he had seen she was successfully running that rooming house, knew she was doing just fine, why hadn’t he just gone on from there and stayed out of her life?
Because no matter how angry she made him, he loved her, that was why. Now he’d gone much too far. Now, no matter what she decided to do, he would never forget Ally Mills or get her out of his blood.
He finished packing the second bag, then rolled himself a cigarette and lit it, walking to a window to look out at the snow-covered mountains above Colorado Springs. Her dream was up there, not with him. He wondered if the pain in his chest would ever go away, or the aching need to have her back in his bed. They had not slept together since coming down off that mountain. Maybe he would never know that pleasure again.
Someone tapped on the door to his hotel room then, and his heartbeat rushed with a mixture of dread and anticipation. If it was Ally, she had probably come to tell him goodbye. He took a deep drag on the cigarette and walked to the door, feeling an ache deep inside at the sight of her when he opened it. She stood there wearing a deep burgundy velvet and taffeta dress with a matching velvet cape and hat. She looked every inch the sophisticate
d woman of the world, a far cry from the dirty-faced girl in baggy pants he’d seen every day up at the mine; certainly far removed from the wide-eyed woman-child in hand-me-down clothes he’d met back in Guthrie.
This was the real Allyson Mills. She had been through more than most women went through in a lifetime, and he had shared half of it with her. Yet at the moment he felt almost like a stranger. She was more beautiful than he had ever seen her. She literally glowed, and he knew it was because she had seen that vein of gold. He wished he could read her feelings better. She looked too damn happy to have come here to tell him she couldn’t go with him. Surely it hurt her some to do this.
“Hello, Ethan,” she spoke up.
Why did he feel like he had never even met her before? He stepped back to allow her inside. “I wasn’t sure you’d show up in time.”
She smiled and shook her head, stepping into the room. “Or show up at all, you mean.” She turned to look up at him as he closed the door, wondering if a more wonderful, more handsome man existed. Going back up to the claim without him had told her all she needed to know. It had brought a flood of memories, of nights snuggled close to his powerful body, feeling so warm and protected…and loved. Never would she forget how it had felt to know she was carrying Ethan Temple’s baby. She wanted to know that feeling again. “If I am going to be your wife, Ethan Temple, you simply must have more faith in me.”
She watched the doubt in his dark eyes turn to a flicker of joy, then disbelief. “You sure?”
“Very sure, but I’m not giving up everything, Ethan.”
He frowned, taking another drag on the cigarette. “What does that mean?” He walked past her and put out the cigarette.
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