by M. E. Parker
chapter twenty-six
Andy
I tossed and turned for an hour after Chance left. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t just mad at Chance the night before, I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself for falling for him. I was mad at myself for losing my shit when I saw that picture. I was mad at myself for wanting more. I was the one who told Chance he shouldn’t come out until he was ready. The truth was, I wasn’t sure Chance would ever be ready to come out. That thought terrified me. Every single time he woke up in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning, and snuck out of my apartment, my heart broke a little. I need to figure out how to manage my expectations, I told myself. If I didn’t let myself hope for more than what he could give me, I wouldn’t be disappointed.
I rolled over on my back and let out a breath. At least he promised not to see anyone else. Maybe it was good we were going home for a couple of weeks. We wouldn’t be able to see each other. Maybe some time apart would give me time to get my emotions in check. My phone rang, startling me out of my thoughts. I was surprised to see that it was Chance calling.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey,” Chance rasped and cleared his throat.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah. I just wanted to see what time you were planning to head out.”
“I don’t know. I guess as soon as I can get motivated to get out of bed, shower, and pack.”
“I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
I quickly sat up in the bed. I was sure I’d missed something. “Wait. What?”
Chance laughed. “I’ll be over in an hour. Get up and get moving, sleepy head.”
“Chance.”
“Andy.”
“Um, did I miss something?”
Chance chuckled. “No, I was just thinking it was stupid for us to drive separately when we’re going to the same place.”
“But your parents? They’ll think…”
“They’ll think what? That I gave you a ride home. So?”
“But Cam’s still here. He’ll probably still be here in an hour.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I don’t care, Andy. I mean, if you don’t. Cam won’t care if I give you a ride back to Wytheville, will he?”
I let out a sigh. “Of course not, but he’ll ask a lot of questions. I don’t like lying to him, Chance.”
“So, don’t lie.”
“But I don’t want to— I mean, I promised you I wouldn’t say anything.” I stumbled over my words trying to figure out what was going on.
“I know. Listen, I’m not ready to tell the world about us. Wait. That’s wasn’t fair. I’m not ready to tell the world about me. But I realized this morning that I’ve been selfish. I haven’t been thinking about you. My issues don’t have anything to do with you and you shouldn’t have to lie to Cam. You trust Cam, so I trust him, okay? I haven’t figured everything out. But I know if we’re going to be together or whatever we are, I can’t expect you to keep lying to your friend. And, to be honest, I’m really tired of sneaking out of your place every morning before the sun comes up. So, if you want to tell him about us, I’m okay with it if you are.”
As I listened to Chance, I barely noticed the tear streaming down my cheek. It wasn’t exactly a profession of love, but it was something. “Are you sure, Chance?” I asked, hoping he couldn’t hear the crack in my voice.
“I’m sure. I’ll be there in an hour.”
As soon as we hung up the phone, I tossed it on the bed and laid there staring at the ceiling. What the hell just happened? I thought to myself. Five minutes before Chance called, I had no hope of seeing him outside of the four walls of my bedroom, and now he wants me to make the three-hour drive with him to Wytheville and he wants me to tell Cameron about us. What am I supposed to do with that? I knew if I tried to overthink it, I’d go insane. So, I got up and took a shower. I felt like I was moving in slow motion. My heart was beating so hard, I thought it might pop out of my chest. This is big, right? It means something? I mean something to him?
I was in a daze as I packed my bag. I felt water droplets from my wet hair drip down my back when I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the time on my phone; he was almost twenty minutes early. I raced to put on some clothes. Just as I was pulling a shirt over my head, Cam appeared in my doorway. “Your ride is here,” he said with a smirk.
I cleared my throat. “Okay,” I said, quickly zipping my duffle. “It’s uh… Chance is… We’re riding together, you know, since we’re going to the same place.” I looked up at Cameron. He was grinning. He definitely knew something. But he didn’t look pissed. Why doesn’t he look pissed? He’s been mad at me for two weeks.
I picked up my bag, threw it over my shoulder, and walked towards the door. He moved out of my way. That was way too easy. No questions. No snarky comment. Something weird is going on. I walked out to the living room to see Chance standing there. Smiling at me. Running his long fingers nervously through his thick, dark hair. “So, you told him?” he asked as a hint of a blush crossed his cheeks.
I would have fallen over in a flat-out swoon if I wasn’t so freaked out. I snapped my head around towards Cameron who was giggling under his breath. “Told me what?” Cam teased.
“I-uh-I, we, Chance and I, we, umm, we’re…” What the hell was I supposed to say? We’ve been hooking up every night for the last three weeks. Chance reached for my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. As he ran his thumb reassuringly over the back of my hand, all I could think about was the fact he was holding my hand. In front of Cameron. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I stood there frozen as I felt all the blood in my body rise to my cheeks.
“Oh. My. God. You guys are so fucking sweet, I think I might have to puke.”
I shook my head. “Umm, so, yeah. It’s… I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner,” I stammered as I cleared my throat.
Cam walked across the room and hugged me. “I’m happy for you, Andy,” he said, letting go of me and looking over at Chance. “For both of you.”
I looked at Cameron, grinning from ear to ear. “Cam, so, Chance isn’t out. We haven’t told anyone.”
Cam cocked his head to the side. “I know. It’s okay. I won’t say anything. Thanks for telling me, though,” he said with a lopsided smile. I let go of Chance’s hand as he peeled my duffle bag off my shoulder and threw it over his.
I walked over to Cam again and wrapped my arms around him. I felt terrible for lying to him. “I’m so sorry I lied to you,” I whispered in his ear.
“It’s all good, Maybury. It wasn’t your secret to tell,” he whispered back. “But you owe me details.”
I laughed. “I promise. I’ll Facetime you as soon as I get to Mom’s. Tell your uncles Merry Christmas for me?”
“Of course,” he said, pushing me away from him. “Get out of here.” I walked past him to the door and Chance followed. Cam called out, “Wait.” I looked back and Cam’s hand was on Chance’s shoulder. “Come here, you big, dumb jock.” I watched as Cam and Chance hugged. It was a bit awkward and Chance’s face turned red as soon as Cam whispered in his ear too loudly, “If you hurt him, I will kick your ass.” Chance laughed as Cam pushed him away. “Merry Christmas, asshole,” Cam said.
“Same to you, Cam,” Chance said, laughing as he followed me out the door.
“Hey, quarterback,” Cam called down the corridor as we walked to the stairs.
“Yeah?” Chance answered, looking back.
“Those jeans don’t work with that shirt. You should wear darker jeans with that shirt.”
I looked back at Cam and shook my head and laughed as he slammed the door shut.
“What the hell was that?” Chance asked.
“He likes you,” I said, grinning.
“He has a funny way of showing it.”
“I’ll explain in the car,” I said as we walked out of the building.
As we drove away fro
m campus, Chance put his hand on my knee. “So, are you going to tell me how you figure that Cameron likes me?”
I laughed. “Well, he only gives fashion advice to people he likes.”
“That sounded more like an insult than advice,” Chance murmured.
“You’ll get used it. He can’t really distinguish between insults and advice, but his heart is in the right place.”
“Oh yeah? Well, right before that, he threatened to kick my ass.” Chance squeezed my knee and another flock of butterflies set loose in my stomach. I think it was that moment I knew I was a lost cause. There wasn’t going to be any getting my emotions in check. I was too far gone.
I wiped the sweat from my brow. “He’s just protective. I wouldn’t worry about it. He’s all talk. He wouldn’t really kick your ass.”
Chance laughed. “I’m not really worried about him kicking my ass. I’m just saying, I’m not sure he likes me.”
I grinned at Chance. “He likes you. Trust me. You should really be more worried about him kicking your ass than whether he likes you.”
Chance chuckled again. “Yeah, right. Okay.”
“Seriously. Cam’s a badass. I’ve seen him take down a guy twice your size. He may be small, but he’s dangerous.”
Chance’s chuckles evolved into laughter. “Cam?”
“I’m totally not kidding. He’s into this mixed martial arts shit and has all these black belts—taekwondo, karate, and I don’t know what else. Our freshman year, some big dumbass started some shit outside of the Wild Orchid. He was calling us faggots, fudge packers, cocksuckers, and every other vile name you could think of. Cam got in his face. I was two seconds from calling 911 when the guy took a swing at him. Cam ducked and had him on the ground before I even knew what was happening. Cam’s knee was in his back and he had the dude’s arm pinned behind his back. Cam made him say ‘gay uncle’ before he let him go.” I laughed. It wasn’t funny when it was happening, but it was funny to remember.
I looked over at Chance; he looked shocked. “Cam, really?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Yeah. Really.”
“Who was the guy?” Chase asked with a clenched jaw.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was one of his teammates. I would if I needed to, but I didn’t feel like it was the right time. “Just an asshole. Nobody important.”
“Does that happen a lot?” I looked at Chance’s face. It looked white. Probably not the best story to tell someone who is trying to decide whether to come out.
I put my hand over his. “No, Gilcrest is cool. Sure, there are a few idiots, but most people don’t care. Nothing like that has happened since freshman year. I guess it could be because word got around not to mess with Cam, but honestly I think it’s because most people just don’t care.”
Chance nodded and let out a breath. But I could see him thinking and I hated that he looked so anxious. “Hey,” I whispered, “you don’t have to worry about that stuff. Look at you. Nobody would mess with you.”
He shook his head. “I’m not worried about me. I just don’t want anyone to treat you that way. I should have been there for you. I’m glad Cam was there.” I looked at him and his eyes were watery.
“Hey, Chance,” I said as I squeezed his hand. “It’s not a big deal. Honestly, if Cam wasn’t there, we would have just kept walking and ignored it. Nothing would have happened if Cam hadn’t got in his face. I think the best way to deal with small-minded assholes is to pretend they aren’t there. There’s no reason to waste energy on people like that.”
He shook his head. “I hate myself sometimes for not being there for you for the last few years.”
I rubbed his arm. “Hey. Stop. That would’ve happened no matter what. Shit happens. You just ignore it and keep living. Unless you’re Cam, I guess, and then you pull some ninja shit out of your ass.” Chance laughed, but his laughter didn’t quite reach his eyes.
I reached up and ran my fingers through his thick, dark hair. “Thanks for driving me home, and for letting me tell Cam about us. That means a lot to me. This means a lot to me,” I said, squeezing his hand that was still resting on my knee.
He turned and smiled at me. “This means a lot to me too, Andy.”
chapter twenty-seven
Chance
It was Christmas morning. I picked up my phone and looked at the time. 6:30 a.m. I was up half the night texting with Andy. The other half of the night I’d been tossing and turning. It was odd how much I missed him. It had only been a few weeks, but I’d gotten used to sleeping next to him. It killed me to know how close he was and not be able to see him or touch him.
As I stared up into the darkness, I wondered if I was in love with Andy. “Is this what it feels like?” I whispered to no one. It wouldn’t be long before my parents would be leaving for church. It was tradition. My mother and father would prepare a Christmas meal for anyone from town who didn’t have a place to go for Christmas. There’d also be a short church service. I’d always joined them when I was a kid, but by the time I went to high school, I elected to sleep in on Christmas morning. I hated it when I was little, having to wait until dinner to open gifts. I was sure my parents were trying to torture me. But that morning, I couldn’t wait for them to leave. I planned to spend most of the day with Andy. He didn’t know. I wanted to surprise him. I knew his mother was working and they wouldn’t be celebrating until later. It was the perfect opportunity for us to see each other.
As soon as I heard the garage close, I jumped in the shower and threw on some clothes. I grabbed Andy’s gift off the bed and went down to the garage to get the boards I’d picked up from the hardware store the day before. I could hardly wait to see Andy, but first I wanted to work on the treehouse. I had a perfect view of that treehouse from my bedroom window and those loose boards had been driving me crazy for at least two years.
I was just beginning to replace the last one when my phone dinged with a text. I smiled when I saw it was Andy.
Andy: I may need your help.
Me: Yeah?
Andy: I think someone has broken into my backyard and is hammering very loudly.
Me: Huh. Weird.
Andy: Yeah. Weird. Do you think I should call the police?
Me: Nah. I don’t think you can actually break into a backyard.
Andy: What about trespassing or disturbing the peace? All the hammering woke me up.
Me: Merry Christmas sleepyhead.
“Merry Christmas.” Andy’s voice startled me, and I jumped.
“Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me,” I said, trying to catch my breath. I looked down from the treehouse at Andy wearing a pair of plaid sleep pants. He had on a tight grey t-shirt, and a red scarf was wrapped around his neck. A sexy stubble covered his jaw line and his hair was a mess. He looked fucking adorable standing there. Laughing. Holding a mug of steamy coffee in one hand and his phone in the other.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked after he managed to stop laughing.
“I had to do it,” I said, grinning down at him. “These loose boards have been driving me crazy for at least two years. I can’t let my first design go into disrepair.”
“Two years?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah. I have a perfect view of this treehouse from my bedroom window.”
“Is that so?”
“It is,” I said, smiling at him.
“Well, can you take a coffee break?”
I shook my head. “Finishing the last board right now,” I said as I hammered in the last nail. I climbed down the ladder and grabbed the coffee out of his hand. “Why don’t you come up and see?” I asked, climbing back up the ladder. Andy followed behind.
“Oh my gosh, is it just me, or has this place gotten smaller?” Andy asked as he sat down and pulled his knees up to his chest.
Laughing, I said, “I’m pretty sure we just got bigger. I did see something that I never noticed before.”
“Yeah?”
�
�Yeah. Look,” I said, pointing to a board on the floor just in front of Andy.
He looked down, pulled his glasses up on his head, rubbed his eyes, and looked again. I watched his cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. There was a tiny heart carved in the board. In the middle of the heart, A+C. I could feel the smile spreading across my face. “Oh my gosh, Chance, I swear I didn’t do this. I don’t know where it came from,” he said, looking up at me with wide eyes.
I tried to suppress my laugher. “Sure you didn’t, Andy.”
He looked back down again. “I swear. I didn’t. I don’t think. I mean, I would remember, right? No, I swear I didn’t,” he said, running his finger over the heart.
I snorted. “Maybe someone broke in to the backyard and did it.”
Andy shrugged. “It’s possible. I mean, A and C are common initials. This could be anybody. But what are the odds?” He looked up at me and smiled. “You don’t believe me, do you?” He looked back down and touched the little heart again. “Chance, I would tell you if it was me … Wait. This is a new board.” He looked back up at me, grinning, and I waved my pocket knife back and forth. “Oh my god, you enjoyed that, didn’t you?” he said as he playfully pushed my shoulder.
I shrugged, laughing. “A little bit.”
He shook his head and smiled. “Judging by the shit-eating grin on your face, more than a little bit.”
“So, do you like it?” I asked.
He looked up at me. He didn’t answer. I could tell by the smile on his face and the blush on his cheeks that he did. I reached up and touched his face, tracing his jaw line with my thumb. “God, Andy, it feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Four days, seventeen hours, and,” he said glancing at his phone, “thirty-six minutes or something like that, but who’s counting?”
I leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. I’d never felt like that before. I’d never felt such a strong need to be close to someone. I wanted him naked. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. But I needed him to know how I was feeling. I pulled back. “I want to ask you something. But I can’t figure out how to do it without sounding completely gay.”
