“Difficult? You come barging in here uninvited with your secret agendas and favors. And you have the nerve to call me difficult?” Caleb asked with a look of disbelief.
Two could play at this game, Sierra told herself, as she deliberately baited him. “How could my agenda be secret when I just told you what I wanted?”
Caleb scoffed. “Where do you get your nerve, girl? I don’t know many people who would try to wrangle a favor from a man they tossed aside like yesterday’s newspaper.”
His words served as a direct hit to her gut. Her stomach clenched tightly. “I-I didn’t toss you aside...it wasn’t like that,” Sierra said in a weak voice as she felt her cheeks blush. She should’ve been prepared for his anger, she thought miserably. Instead she’d jumped feet first into this mission of mercy, acting on pure emotion rather than using her brain. She’d been so giddy at the prospect of seeing him again that she’d downplayed in her mind the very real possibility that he hated her. And why shouldn’t he? she asked herself.
Anger radiated from Caleb as he barked, “What was it like? Tell me. I figure eight years is a long enough time to wait for an explanation.”
Nervously, Sierra licked her lips, her emotions scattered as she tried to find an answer to Caleb’s question. “W-We were so young...too young. It would never have worked between us. I was afraid. Things were moving way too fast. We had no idea what we were doing.” She knew she was babbling, but she couldn’t stop herself from rattling off one excuse after another. Anything but the truth, she told herself. Not today.
As she spoke Caleb gazed at her with a bold intensity, his amber eyes boring into her own as if he was trying to find the truth hidden in their depths. Nervously, she avoided his gaze, intimidated by his piercing stare, frightened by the dark emotions coursing through her soul.
He stuck his chin out. “I’m supposed to be somewhere at the moment. I don’t have time for little girl games.”
Involuntarily, she let out a shocked sound. “This isn’t a game to me, Caleb!”
“Isn’t it? Wasn’t it always? Otherwise, why would you have walked away from me without a single word of goodbye?” He stood there glaring at her, his eyes darkly intense as he spoke. “I’m not a kid anymore. I’m a man...and I don’t like being played. What’ll it take to hear the truth?”
He quickly closed the distance between them until there was only a hint of a space separating them. Sierra sucked in a deep breath. Up close, Caleb packed an even stronger punch than from a distance. As much as he was acting like the devil himself towards her, Sierra had to admit that at the moment he looked as if one of the archangels had hand-crafted him. His skin looked as smooth and shiny as a arrowhead glistening in the sun while his closely-cropped brown hair lent him a boyish look that brought to mind the Caleb of old. He was way too handsome for his own good.
He reached out and touched her lips, tracing the outline of them. “You still have the prettiest lips I’ve ever seen. They’re very kissable lips.”
She knew she should take a step backward, but she couldn’t seem to move an inch. “This is totally uncalled for, Caleb.” Although it was unintentional, her words came out in a silky whisper. She hated herself for being so weak, but she couldn't ignore the feelings stirring within her.
He flashed a wide grin at her, as if he knew her innermost thoughts and feelings. “You’re blushing. I used to love the way you blushed. Remember how embarrassed you were the first time I kissed you? I can remember how beautiful you looked.”
Caleb was slowly dipping his head down toward her, his dark skin glistening, his movements slow and lethal, like a lion preparing to pounce on its prey. Sierra watched him close in on her lips as if in slow motion, reluctantly admiring his rugged physique and the sculpted facial features that were inscrutable at the moment.
Her heart was beating a wild rhythm. Perhaps Caleb had been nursing feelings for her this entire time. Maybe he still loved her.
Caleb’s face was now within inches of her own. He boldly reached out and trailed his finger down the side of her face, his fingers exuding warmth. She flinched at the unexpected contact, but didn’t pull away from him. She had lain awake so many nights dreaming of his kisses and wishing things had been different. There was no way she could’ve forced herself to pull away at this moment. Miraculously, even her dreams couldn’t compare with the reality of Caleb’s kiss.
He leaned towards her, his eyes locking with her own. His eyes lowered to focus on her lips, and for endless seconds she held her breath, sensing as if by instinct that he was going to kiss her. Suddenly, he tilted his head at an angle, lowered it and then grazed his lips against hers in a light kiss that felt as gentle as the rustling of an autumn wind.
Lord, help me, Sierra thought as his smooth as silk lips brushed against hers. Two minutes in his presence and all the old feelings had come rushing back. The scent of spicy aftershave filled her nostrils as Caleb lowered his head once again and captured her mouth in a powerful kiss that left her breathless.
For the moment she didn’t care about anything else. It was simple enough that he was kissing her, holding her. For eight years she’d fantasized about this moment, daring to dream that he’d hold her in his arms again, yet knowing that their love was off limits. Taboo. And now it was happening. “Beautiful,” he sighed, and she basked in the compliment.
For a moment Sierra considered pulling away from the embrace, but in her heart she knew that she wanted to kiss this man. He was the only man she had ever loved, and since then, all other men had paled in comparison to her first love. Perhaps he was the reason she’d never managed to give her heart to another. Sierra reveled in the kiss, rejoicing in the unexpected embrace. Suddenly he leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, his breath warm against her skin.
“Is this what you really came here for, Sierra?” he whispered. “For a few kisses?’
His words served as a bucket of cold water being poured over her head. Sierra pushed him away from her and took a step backward.
“I see you haven’t changed one bit, Sierra. You still have quite a temper!” he said in a spirited voice.
She shook her head her voice filled with disgust. “I see you’re the one who’s changed. Y-You used to be a gentleman.” Why had she allowed him to kiss her? And she’d actually kissed him back. Clearly, he’d been toying with her. How she wished she could turn back the clock by ten minutes. Truthfully, she wished she’d never had the crazy idea to turn up here in the first place.
“Well, I guess we’ve both changed,” he said in a cruel tone. “Eight years does that to people.”
She shook her head, chiding herself for her stupidity. She had no business coming here to see Caleb. It had been a waste of her time. She was no closer to locating Jock Matthews and fulfilling her grandmother’s deathbed wish. She was back to square one. “I was a fool to come here,” she spit out. “Don’t worry. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Sierra turned her back on Caleb and walked towards the door, her back straight, shoulders erect. If nothing else, she could still pretend she had her pride.
“Where are you running off to now? Neiman Marcus?” Caleb cracked with a hint of a sneer in his voice. “I hear they’re having a rich girl’s sale.”
Sierra turned back toward Caleb with blood pumping furiously in her veins. “No, Caleb. I’m not running off to Neiman Marcus. We’re burying my grandmother today.” She slammed the door as she exited Caleb’s place, determined to never come back again. Not ever!
**
Caleb watched with a gnawing feeling in his gut as Sierra left his place as if her heels were on fire. He clenched his fists at his side. He hadn’t meant to hurt her with his last crack about Neiman Marcus. Somehow he'd forgotten that the larger than life Lilliana Rose Jackson’s funeral was to be held today. He'd seen the raw pain in her eyes when she had mentioned her grandmother’s funeral, and he hated himself for adding to her suffering.
Another part of him rejoiced at hi
s ability to get under Sierra’s skin, because for so long she had been embedded in his mind, like a vise he couldn’t seem to pry loose no matter what he did. For so long she had been his obsession. Long days and endless nights he'd thought about Sierra, tormenting himself with images of her moving on with her life without him.
He considered it a minor miracle he'd managed to hide the turbulent emotions that had been swirling beneath the surface from the moment he had opened his front door and caught a glimpse of Sierra. Of course, she looked as lovely as ever. The once chin-length hair now hung past her shoulders in waves—a sophisticated, sleek style that gently framed her face and accentuated her beautiful bone structure. Her hair was still a brilliant copper color, like a brand new penny shining in the sunlight. In eight years her body had filled out magnificently, giving her a womanly shape.
Sierra! Eight long years of longing and loneliness. Eight years of loss. And now she was back. He knew she'd only come back for Lilliana Rose’s funeral, and for a brief moment, he felt as if someone had reached inside and painfully squeezed his heart. She hadn’t come back for him, he reminded himself. Why did he keep doing this? Hoping and dreaming for Sierra to come back to him was pointless. Way too much water had already passed under the bridge, and he had his pride to consider. After the way he’d treated her today he was sure she’d avoid him as if he was the devil himself.
And perhaps he was, considering the way he’d acted.
He needed to catch up with her and apologize for his surly attitude and rude comments. But how could he explain his actions without her seeing the hurt that lay under the surface? The last thing he wanted was to be an object of her pity. Once upon a time he had made a lovesick fool of himself over Sierra Jackson, and he'd spent almost a decade of his life ridding himself of the bittersweet memories that haunted him. He wouldn’t allow her to drag him back under.
The landline phone rang insistently, providing Caleb with a thankful diversion that prevented him from running after Sierra. He had already spent too much time thinking of her. What was wrong with him anyway? He’d stopped being a sucker a long time ago. Caleb walked toward the coffee table, his long legs reaching his destination in two quick strides.
“Caleb here. Talk to me,” he said in an abrupt tone.
“Caleb, you have to go after your grandfather. I think he’s been drinking again,” said the familiar voice on the other end of the phone.
“Awww. Where is he, Ma?” Caleb asked with a grimace. He didn’t bother asking his mother any further details about his grandfather’s condition. He had been down this road many times before. He knew the drill by heart.
“He was mumbling about Lilliana Rose’s funeral,” Lola Matthews explained in a tearful voice. “I couldn’t make heads or tails out of what he was saying, but I think you’d better head to the cemetery. It’d be a shame if your granddaddy ruins the Jackson’s service.”
“C’mon, Ma.” He slapped his hand against his forehead. “Of all the places I didn’t want to show my face today, Lilliana Rose’s funeral is pretty high on the list.” He let out a sigh. “I’ll do it.”
“You’re an angel, Caleb,” said his mother in a voice filled with gratitude. “Call me later and let me know if you track him down and if he’s all right. I’ll be waiting.”
Caleb abruptly hung up, letting loose with a few words brought on by frustration. He hated being placed in out-of-control situations. His grandfather was clearly on another bender and heading towards a dignified burial service for Briarwood’s grand dame. Sierra would never forgive him if his grandfather made a spectacle of himself at her grandmother’s funeral. He couldn’t allow it to happen!
Please, Lord. Help me find my grandfather before he ruins Lilliana Rose’s service.
Although Caleb hated the idea of crashing the funeral, he figured that it was surely the lesser of two evils. Before he headed over to Pinecrest cemetery, he would scour some local spots to see if he could find his grandfather. Without giving himself time to think anymore about it, he grabbed the keys to his truck and headed out on his mission.
**
She felt numb. She felt like a fool. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! She thought to herself, as she drove away from Caleb’s house in her white Jeep Cherokee. In a matter of minutes he had managed to make a fool of her and she had totally lost sight of the whole purpose of her visit. She cringed as she remembered how Caleb had insinuated that he, and he alone, was the sole purpose of her visit.
With a feeling of shame in her heart she realized he was right. She had wanted to see him from the moment Lilliana Rose’s deception had come to light. After years of suppressing all her feelings and emotions, she felt as if someone had released her from shackles. Seeing Caleb was her reward after years of punishment.
As Sierra drove past the Diamond Lil ranch she felt tears prick her eyes at the sight of her grandmother’s property. The Diamond Lil, named after her grandmother, had always been Lilliana Rose’s crowning glory. Out of all her siblings, Sierra had always held a special regard for the Diamond Lil - it was the place she’d always run to as child when she was upset or sad. It flowed in her blood.
Lilliana Rose’s father, Jessup Craddock, a former sharecropper turned cattle rancher, had built a small ranch and named it after his only child, Lilliana. After Jessup’s murder at the hands of the night riders, Lilliana had devoted all her time and energy into cultivating the Diamond Lil into the largest cattle ranch in the area. And she had done it. Little by little Lilliana Rose had built the Diamond Lil into the largest, most profitable cattle ranch in Texas. And after she struck oil on the acres surrounding the Diamond Lil, nothing could hold her back. Not a small feat for a African American woman running a ranch at that time period, Sierra thought with pride.
Within minutes Sierra reached the family homestead, a sprawling, grand estate designed by Lilliana Rose Jackson herself. The homestead had the rustic look of a country cabin, mixed with the elegance and grandeur of a stately mansion. The interior of the house showcased stone fireplaces, hardwood floors, gleaming bay windows, french doors, priceless artwork and more than twenty-six rooms. For Sierra, it had always been home.
Sierra entered the house through the kitchen and quickly raced up the back staircase, carefully avoiding coming face to face with any family members. She needed a few minutes alone to reflect on what had just happened with Caleb before getting ready for her grandmother’s service. Once she reached her bedroom, she plopped down on to an antique rose-colored chaise longue that Lilliana Rose had sworn once belonged to a famous member of the French aristocracy. Sierra smiled at the memory of her grandmother’s outlandish tales, which were designed to amuse her grandchildren and tickle their fancies. She had always made them howl with laughter.
It dawned upon her that she had no business laughing at anything, and she frowned as she reflected upon all the various reasons that she should feel miserable. Frankly, there were too many to count. She felt completely overwhelmed.
“How are you holding up, sis? You look worn out.” Sierra looked up as her older sister, Jacey, quietly entered her bedroom, dressed head to toe in a fuchsia ensemble. If Sierra didn’t feel so rotten she would’ve smiled at the sight of her sister dressed in her flamboyant outfit for the funeral.
Lilliana Rose had stipulated to Yancy Barnes, the executor of her will, that any and all mourners at her funeral attire themselves in only bright colors. Her grandmother had always believed that life was for the living, and once a person passed away they passed into another, more glorious world. Heaven! It was Lilliana’s belief that no one should cry for her at her funeral because there were no tears in heaven. She’d always known God would be waiting for her there with His arms wide open.
Unable to control her emotions any longer, she made a strangling gesture with her hand, wishing that Caleb’s neck was available for throttling. “I’m so frustrated and upset. I was trying to do something good, but it turned into an epic fail. I’m a fool for even trying to make things righ
t.”
Jacey held up her hands. “Whoa. Slow down. I have no idea who or what you’re talking about.” Like the woman herself, Jacey’s voice was cool and controlled. As usual, Sierra wished she were more like her older sister. “Why don’t you start at the beginning,” Jacey advised.
Sierra let out a long sigh, her graceful fingers crossed in front of her in prayer-like fashion as she silently asked the Lord for guidance. She needed to calm down before the funeral. She needed to get her head on straight. “Oh, Jacey. I’m in big trouble.”
“Sounds like man trouble,” Jacey said with a knowing look. “You’ve only been back in Briarwood for forty-eight hours. Call me crazy, but that’s a pretty short span of time to let a stranger get under your skin.”
Sierra avoided eye contact with her sister, unwilling to let on that Jacey had stumbled upon the truth. Indeed she was having man trouble of epic proportions, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to explain about Caleb. Somehow the topic still felt taboo to her. For so many years she had put the memory of him aside due to shame and despair.
“It’s Caleb, isn’t it?” Jacey asked, her eyes wide with surprise.
Sierra felt her cheeks flush in response to Caleb’s name.
“I knew it!” Jacey cried triumphantly. “I can tell I’m right by your expression.”
“How do you even remember Caleb? It’s been so long since he and I were together.” Sierra was always amazed by her sister’s ability to remember names, faces, dates and times.
“How could I forget Caleb Matthews? Tall, dark and handsome - just the way we Jackson women like em. You were crazy in love with him in high school. Don’t you remember all those times you called me at Stanford asking me for advice on how to win his heart? I knew you were head-over-heels in love with him from the very start.”
Sierra smiled as she remembered her youthful innocence and the first blush of young love. Her heart had been overflowing with affection for Caleb and she hadn’t cared if the whole world knew about it. She had loved him with all her heart and soul. She had felt proud every time he called her his girl. “I was so naive,” Sierra said with a wistful shake of her head. “I really believed we were going to end up together.” Her voice wavered and to her surprise she burst into tears, her petite frame wracked by heartwrenching sobs.
Through The Fire (Guardians, Inc. Book 2) Page 2
