CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Wednesday morning, in a piss-poor mood, Jason got a call from Michael Braxton in New York. He’d just gotten back from Paris on some photo shoot. Michael Brighten, the other missing artist, had surfaced yesterday, as well.
“What the hell is all this about?” Braxton snapped. “I didn’t intentionally put her on the cover.”
Jason didn’t believe him, but since he now knew the man wasn’t Sue’s stalker, he really didn’t care to speak to the guy. Frankly, he wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone.
He’d barely gotten him off the phone when Chase walked in.
“You look like shit again today,” Chase remarked. “Woman troubles?”
“Back off,” Jason growled. Sitting at his desk, he downed his fourth cup of coffee. It tasted like it was made last week, but he didn’t care. Nothing tasted right. Nothing felt right. He was missing his right arm.
Suddenly hearing what his partner said, he snapped his head up. “Did Sue say something?”
“No. It’s written on your forehead,” Chase replied. “You’re miserable. Only a woman can make a man that miserable.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” Jason tossed his Styrofoam cup in the garbage and stared at yesterday’s jelly donut. He hadn’t bothered to eat it or throw it away.
“Okay. I’ll tell you something you don’t know,” Chase agreed. He sat down on the edge of Jason’s desk. “But you asked for it.”
“Spare me,” Jason muttered.
Chase ignored him. “Maybe it’s time for you to grow up and stop treating women like they’re something to play with and toss aside.”
Jason heel-kicked his chair back until it made contact with the wall. “Maybe it’s time for you to leave my office before I start tossing your ass out.”
“Why? Because the truth hurts?” Chase stood.
“You don’t know the truth,” Jason snapped. “And you sure as hell don’t know what I’m feeling.”
“Oh, from where I stand the truth seems pretty fucking evident. And I ‘d bet my right nut that I know what happened. Sue’s probably wanting more out of this relationship than you’re willing to give. But you love her. Which explains why you’ve got your head up your ass, because you’re hurting, man. So admit it and just—”
“And just what—ask her to marry me?” Jason pounded his fist on the edge of the desk. “Is that what I should do?”
Chase leaned back. “I don’t expect you to go that far, but at least talk about the future.”
Jason shot up and went to the window. Swallowing his pride, realizing he wasn’t mad at Chase but at the situation, he glanced back. “I asked Sue to marry me.”
Chase got a surprised smile on his face. “You did? Hot damn!”
Jason pressed both palms into his eyes, pulled them away, then met Chase’s eyes. “She refused.”
His friend’s smile vanished. “Crap. I really didn’t see that coming.”
Jason’s throat felt tight. “I didn’t see it coming, either.”
Chase crossed his arms on his chest. “Wait a minute. Something doesn’t feel right. You asked her to marry you, and she flat out said no?”
“She didn’t exactly flat out say no…” Jason shoved his hands in his jean pockets.
“What exactly did she say?” Chase asked.
“She said…she said, ‘You didn’t even know the sex of your cat and haven’t even named it yet.’ ”
Chase got a blank look. “Huh?”
“Thank you! That’s exactly how I felt.” Jason pulled his hands out of his pockets. “What the hell does not naming my cat have to do with us getting married? And I mean, damn! I don’t know how to tell the sex of a feline. I even looked it up on Google and I still can’t tell.”
Chase looked as if he might say something amusing, but Jason was on roll.
“And I’ve tried. I don’t get it. I don’t understand.”
Chase shook his head. “Are we still talking about the sex of a cat?”
“No!” Jason glared at him. “I’ve tried to make her happy. Tried really hard. I went over all things I ‘d done wrong with other women and didn’t do them with Sue.”
Chase sighed. “Wait. I’m lost again. Let’s go back to the first issue.” He held up a hand. “You got on your knees and asked her to marry you and—”
“I didn’t exactly get on my knees,” Jason admitted.
“Well, position isn’t everything,” Chase allowed. “But you told her you loved her, right?”
“Not…exactly.” Jason’s chest ached.
His friend let out a huff. “Before I explain how badly you screwed up, tell me the rest. Exactly what did you say to Sue?”
“I said…” He got a distinct feeling Chase was about to say this was all his fault. And God help him, but he wasn’t sure he could handle knowing that. “What does it matter what I said? I offered, and she turned me down.”
“Offered? You don’t ‘offer’ to marry someone. You ask. Actually, you beg. That’s what the whole on-the-knee position is about.”
“So I used the wrong word. It’s just a freaking word.”
“Oh, but words matter. Women need to hear certain things. And Sue’s a writer, so words are probably even more important.”
The truth started swimming around in Jason’s head and gut. He’d screwed up—but if this was all his fault, didn’t that mean he could fix it?
“It’s like going to third base without touching first or second. Men don’t always need those other bases, but women, well…you know women, you know what happens if you try to jump bases. Words are like bases to them.”
Jason raised his hands in frustration. “Well, I’m royally screwed then. Because I’m not good with words. Or any of that stuff.”
“That’s because you’re a man. None of us are good at this stuff. But if you want to make a woman happy, you gotta at least work on your presentation. Just like we work on first and second bases.”
Jason crammed his hands in his pockets and then pulled them out. “You’re good at this. You can say things. Things like that missing arm crap. You make it sound profound. I’m not…profound.”
Chase smiled. “I do sound good, don’t I?”
Jason ignored him, because this wasn’t funny. And he was still hurting as if someone had taken an ice pick to his heart. “I can’t do fancy words.” He looked at Chase and admitted something he’d never admitted to anyone. “I’m scared. I feel like I’m back in foster care, about to be tossed out of another home.”
Chase’s smile vanished. “We’re all scared. They’re women, and we’re just mortal men. But you can do this.”
Jason looked at the ceiling; wishing, hoping, fear climbing up his throat. “I’m not so sure. You know how to say the words. You know what I’m good at?” He swallowed. “I’m good at packing up and getting the hell out without looking like I care. That’s what I’ve done all my life.” When he glanced back at his partner, sympathy crossed Chase’s expression. Jason hated sympathy.
“Look,” Chase offered. “You did something right with Sue or she wouldn’t have given you the time of day. I know that. And you know that, too.”
Did Jason know that?
Chase pointed at him. “And it’s not just words. I mean, yeah, there’s some words you’ll need to say, but I know Sue.” He thumped Jason’s back. “She’s not expecting you to be Romeo. I think she just wants to know that you really want this.”
“I do want this,” Jason said.
“Go to her. Buy some flowers,” Chase suggested. “Do some soul-searching and ask yourself what she really wants. If it’s to name the cat, name the freaking cat. And tell her…tell her what you just told me. Tell her you’re scared.” A smile pulled at Chase’s mouth. “Women love to know men are scared. It’s a power trip for them.”
“A power trip,” Jason repeated. Right then he realized he’d given Sue the power to hurt him by loving her. This was what he’d wanted to avoid. What he’d b
een avoiding all his life. But for the life of him, he wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry that he loved her.
He met Chase’s gaze again, suddenly hopeful. “What else do I tell her?”
“The truth,” Chase said. “And stop pretending that you don’t care.”
Jason let out a breath. “What if she turns me down again?”
“What if she doesn’t?”
Chase started out of the office. He hadn’t gotten past the door when he swung back around. “Oh, yeah. And if you really want to win Sue over, you’ll have to stop kissing her ex-husband.” Jason raised his eyes and stared. Chase held his gut and laughed. “Yeah, Sue told Lacy about that.”
Jason snatched the day-old jelly donut off his desk and slung it at the door. Chase ducked, but the donut hit another mark.
There, behind Chase, stood the purple-haired old woman, AKA the Cucumber Lady, with helmet hair. “Men!” she growled and eyed the jelly-filled donut glued to her chest. “Pains in the rear, every one of them!”
“I’m…sorry.” Jason had to bite back a laugh when he saw the laughter in Chase’s eyes.
She pointed her finger at Jason. “That high and mighty limo service you recommended didn’t show up again.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Sue parked in front of Maggie’s and placed a hand over her nervous stomach. Dressed in her pink suit, makeup perfect, she was ready for her signing and ready to face Jason’s mom. Or at least she was pretending she was ready. After her father died, Sue had learned that pretending to be stronger was the first step to actually being stronger. Until she got over Jason, she was pretending she wasn’t dying inside.
When Maggie called this morning and mentioned Sue had forgotten to sign her books, Sue had offered to stop by before her actual autographing. Maggie had sounded so delighted that when the reality of what she’d agreed to do set in, Sue hadn’t had the heart to cancel. So here she was, at Maggie’s house, about to go inside and pretend that everything was hunky dory when in reality there was nothing hunky or dory.
Squaring her shoulders, she stepped up to the porch. Maggie opened the door wearing a smile and a yellow dress the same color as her kitchen. The woman hugged Sue and then drew her out to the back of the bed and breakfast to her private residence.
“Come, sit down and have tea. Or do you have time for tea? I could make it really fast. I have orange or lemon snap. The books are in here.” She led Sue into the living room. “I have cookies, too.”
Sue forced herself to smile. “I have time for a quick cup. Thank you. I’ll take what ever tea is your favorite.”
“Good.” Maggie walked into the kitchen, and Sue looked around the room, her gaze drawn to all the photos. A knot tightened her throat as she looked at one snapshot of a young Jason mowing the lawn. As Sue’s finger passed over the image, her heart clenched.
“Is my boy behaving?” Maggie set two cups on the coffee table. A spicy lemon scent wafted up with the steam.
Sue folded her arms around herself. “He’s…behaving fine as frog’s hair.”
“Frog’s hair?” Maggie looked at her, and Sue decided she really needed to pitch that saying. It always got the same confused response.
“He’s been fine,” she clarified, even though it was a big fat lie.
Maggie motioned to the photograph Sue was studying. “You want to see my favorite pictures?”
As painful as Sue knew it would be, she told the truth: “I’d love to.”
Maggie walked to the coffee table. She opened up a Bible and pulled out a thin strip of photographs, the kind that were taken in those tiny curtained booths in shopping malls. Images of giggling girlfriends came to Sue’s mind. When Jason’s mother gazed at the strip of photos, tears filled her eyes. Then she handed them over.
Sue looked down and her breath caught. The sheet of photos held a teenage Jason with Maggie. Yet, neither of them was giggling. Black eyes and bruises marred both faces. Maggie’s, however, looked worse.
Sue touched fingers to her lips, hoping to stop them from trembling. Looking up, she asked, “What happened?”
Maggie blinked away tears. “My husband Ralph. He wasn’t always bad—not good, mind you, but not always bad. However, he drank, and when he drank he was mean.” She folded and unfolded her hands. “He’d been sober for almost three years. Most of our marriage he traveled with his job, and I felt so alone. We hadn’t been able to have kids, and I thought if we took in a child it might help us become a family.”
Palming the edge of the sofa, Maggie paused before continuing. “The foster care program asked if we’d come and meet Jason. I wanted a younger child, but the day I met that boy I saw something in him. Loneliness, maybe.” She hesitated again. “I learned he’d been taken from his mother at eight while she went into a drug treatment program. She was supposed to get him back when she got well. But, she changed her mind.”
Even though Sue had pretty much heard this, she hurt for Jason all over again.
“The caseworkers told me Jason was hard to work with, but…it was as if everyone had given up on him. I had to try.” Maggie sat down on the small melon-colored sofa and motioned for Sue to sit beside her.
Sue dropped down beside Maggie, feeling emotions crawl around her chest. Strongest of all was wonder: How could anyone have given up on Jason?
“They were right about something,” Maggie continued. “Jason was a trying young man. I set rules. He’d break them. I set curfews, and he’d not make them. And whenever I’d try to talk to him, he’d look as if he expected me to call someone to come get him.” Maggie stared at her hands. “I was tempted a time or two. But I couldn’t do it.” When the older woman finally looked up, Sue saw in her eyes the same emotion that seemed to be bouncing around Sue’s own chest.
Sue felt her eyes begin to water. The question she’d just asked herself, Who could give up on Jason? took a lap around her aching heart. Had she not given up on him?
Maggie continued, “Once I took in Jason, Ralph practically never came home. Every six weeks he might show up for a few days. I noticed he was drinking again.” She shook her head. “He and Jason hardly even knew each other. And neither of them seemed to want to get to know each other.” Fidgeting with her dress, Maggie went on. “Then, the last time Ralph came home, he…he went crazy.” She pointed to the picture Sue had forgotten she held.
“All I remember was Ralph coming at me and hitting me. Over and over again. Then Jason ran in, screaming for Ralph to leave me alone. Ralph turned on him. They fought. It was really bad. Finally, Jason threw Ralph out the front door, tossed him his keys, and told him that if he ever came back, he’d kill him.”
Maggie placed a hand over her mouth as if to hold back emotion. For Sue it was too late. Tears rolled down her face, smeared her mascara, and totally ruined her makeup—the makeup she’d applied perfectly for her signing. But she didn’t care.
“Jason drove me to the hospital. I told the doctor that I’d fallen, but Jason wouldn’t hear of it, and he told them the truth. The cop that came to the hospital that night, he somehow made an impression on Jason. They talked for a long time. They kept me in the hospital that night.” Bigger tears filled Maggie’s eyes. “Jason wouldn’t leave me. He said I needed him and he was afraid Ralph would come back. The next day, on the way home, he took me by the dime store and made me get in this booth. He said that every time I thought about taking Ralph back I was going to look at these pictures and see what he’d done to us.”
Maggie looked up. “Us. He called us an us, as if we were a family.” She paused. “After that, Jason was different. Oh, he was still a handful, but I never had to tell him to take out the trash or mow the lawn. He seldom broke curfew or skipped school. It was as if all he’d needed was…was…”
“To be needed.” Sue finished the sentence for Maggie and wondered how she’d missed the truth for all this time. She pulled a tissue from her purse. “He was afraid to love someone, but if they needed him, then that made it okay. Because
then they wouldn’t leave him.”
Just for a second, Sue remembered Jason accusing her of being too in de pen dent. And she wondered…Had she herself been a little afraid to need him? Had she let her own past keep her from completely opening her heart?
How long could she cling to the anger she secretly felt at her father for dying? How long could she blame Collin for being who he was? Her father hadn’t meant to die, and after seeing the pain in Collin’s eyes the other night, she should know he would have never chosen his path if he’d had a choice.
“Exactly,” Maggie said. She touched Sue’s hand. “He’s a good man. I know he can be trying sometimes, and I feel partly to blame because I guess I didn’t know how to teach him any different. So I just made sure I always needed him, so he would let me love him and so he would love me back. And I know that’s not right, but I didn’t know how to make him see.”
Sue looked down at her pink shoes and wondered if understanding Jason was enough. Maybe it isn’t, a voice whispered inside her head, but it’s a start.
And it was time for her to start fresh, too.
Hope chased away the emptiness she’d felt since he’d walked out of her house last night.
She looked at her watch. “Oh, crappers. I’m going to be late to my own autographing. I have to go. Is it okay if I come back and sign books tomorrow?” She would have offered to come by after the signing, but she now had other plans. Very important plans.
Maggie gave a watery smile. “I talked your ear off.”
“Oh, please.” Sue cupped the older woman’s hand in hers. “I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed to hear all this.”
“Well, I was hoping…”
“Keep hoping.” Sue gave her a quick hug and dashed out to her car.
As she drove, she considered calling Jason, but she wanted—needed—to say this right. After the autographing, Jason Dodd was going to hear from her.
She arrived five minutes late, apologizing profusely. The program director led her to the mystery section where a table was set up and a group of unfazed people stood around munching on snacks. At times, Sue swore people came for the spinach dip and not for her books.
Divorced, Desperate And Dating Page 33
