“Gracie!” Jake hated the crazy candid photos I took of him.
Sam: Ew, gross. I would say I bump uglies better than he does, but I’m afraid of what picture you will send. Gotta go. See you freaks in a couple hours.
Me: YAY! Bye. Love you.
Sam: LY2
Thirty-eight
Jake
I had to meet Sam in the visitor parking garage on the other side of campus from the apartment. It was quite a hike, and I could have driven there, but I knew the extra run would help me mentally. He could have parked in his reserved spot under our building, but he’d rented it out for the summer. “Easy money,” he’d said.
“Dude, you tryin’ to show me up?” Sam pointed at my sweaty shirt then did the chest bump, back slap guy hug.
“Nah, just running a little more lately.”
“Well, hope you’re lifting a little more, too, ‘cause I got two bags to carry all the way down there, dip shit. I thought for sure you’d drive up here.” He handed me one of his bags, the bigger one, of course, and we headed across campus.
“So, you and Ashley, huh?”
“Yeah, man, it was the weirdest thing. I was out with some guys from high school and we were just kickin’ back at a sports bar when she walked in. She won me twenty bucks that night.”
“How so?”
“Well, Bill and Paul are always betting on whether they can get a girl’s number when we’re out. They scope the joint for an hour or so then pick one girl; if one of them gets her number, the other one pays him ten bucks. I never bet because it’s really just stupid. Dude, what are they building there? Wasn’t that one of the practice fields? They gonna make another field somewhere?”
“Sam, focus. Ashley.” Sam had the attention span of a gnat.
“Oh, right. So, of course, because Ashley is gorgeous, she was their bet for the night. When I realized who they’d picked, I told them I was in.”
“You didn’t let on that you knew her.”
“Wow, you’re quick.”
I stuck my foot out and tripped him up just a little. He dropped his bag and made a big scene just to crack me up. It worked.
“Anyway, she, of course, didn’t pay any attention to them, and I got her number.”
“She our age?”
“Yep. She’s great.”
“That’s awesome. Can’t wait to meet her.”
“She’s coming up tomorrow. So, you won’t have to wait too long. Hey, what’s Gracie doing tonight?”
“Mmm. We were planning on taking you to see fireworks.”
“What’s she doing for dinner?”
“Oh, now you can get some chick’s phone number so you move in on Gracie?”
“Funny. No, I thought we could make her dinner.”
When we got to the apartment, we dropped Sam’s bags off and jumped into my car to grab groceries.
“Dude, give me your phone. I left mine in one of my bags.”
I handed my phone over, assuming he was going to pick some music for the ride, but within seconds, he was cracking up...like busting a gut.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m texting Gracie and pretending to be you.” He laughed at whatever he was typing.
“Jerk. She’s gonna kill you.”
“She’ll never know.” He tried to hold in a devious giggle but failed miserably.
I shook my head. She would know.
“Uh. She knows.” He dropped my phone in my lap and hung his head.
“How’d she figure it out?”
“You don’t call your junk the squirmy worm?”
“Um. No.”
“Shit. Mental note taken.”
This was going to be an awesome weekend.
****
“Squirmy worm? Really, Sam? You’ve known Jake longer than me and you didn’t think that would sound strange coming from him?” Gracie giggled from the moment she walked into the apartment for the Italian feast we’d made for her.
“I thought that’s what everybody called it.”
“Nobody calls it that!” Gracie and I spoke in unison.
“Gracie, you get to meet Ashley tomorrow.” A huge piece of lasagna fell out of Sam’s mouth and we lost it.
“Who’s Ashley?”
“Jake didn’t tell you? I kinda have a girlfriend.”
Gracie squealed and pounded on the table.
“We need some music!” Sam grabbed my phone, threw it on the dock, and hit shuffle. The deep base of Gracie’s favorite Jane’s Addiction song blasted from the speakers. She whipped her head around and grabbed Sam’s hand before he could sit down. And there it was, the half-time show. Sam and Gracie were known for their impromptu dance routines. I grabbed a couple plates and pushed my chair back. I put them in the sink then leaned against the wall and took it all in. My two best friends, laughing and singing to “Mountain Song” by Jane’s Addiction.
“Hell, no to the grinding!” I shook my finger at them when Sam tried to take it too far.
“Dammit, Jake.” Gracie giggled and winked at me. That sparkle I thought had all but died was back. She was glowing.
“Come on, let’s help the pussy with his dishes so we can get out of here and head downtown.” Sam pulled Gracie toward the kitchen. Sam rinsed the silverware and Gracie filled the dishwasher while I put all the leftovers away.
“Guys, dinner was delicious. Thank you for making me lasagna.” Gracie walked over and kissed each of us on the cheek.
“Well, I had the hardest part. Do I get an extra kiss for slaving over the lasagna?” Sam gloated.
“You made that?” Gracie looked shocked. I was typically the one who cooked. Sam was a big help with everything else, but food was my job.
“Well, Gracie, you sound so shocked. That hurts my feelings.” He frowned until she gave him another peck on the cheek. He smiled and shook his head from side to side, like he’d just one-upped me.
“Sorry, Sam, I didn’t know you could cook.” She looked over at me with a strange look on her face.
“It’s the Italian in me. I come from a long line of famous Italian cooks. We just know our way around a kitchen.” Gracie and I stopped dead in our tracks and gave Sam a look. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Sam, your last name is Johnson.”
Gracie got him with that one and I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. It was like Sam and Gracie TV, and I loved every second of it.
Thirty-nine
Gracie
Downtown Knoxville was beautiful. Not one of us had ever stayed at school for the summer, so we had always done Fourth of July celebrations with our families and friends in our hometowns. I couldn’t wait to hang out with my two favorite men on the planet and watch the fireworks.
The festival took up the whole center of town. We walked around in the pink glow of the early evening sun. We drank fresh-squeezed lemonade and shared enough funnel cake to sink a ship. When we needed to sit for a while, we grabbed the only seats available, which happened to be the other half of picnic table already occupied by a young couple and their two small kids. I sat on the side near the woman and the guys shared the other bench with the man while we listened to a Caribbean band play the steel drums.
“I’m so sorry.” The woman, who looked to be close to our age, apologized when her daughter’s sippy cup landed in my lap. The two young parents were having trouble wrangling their two toddlers long enough to eat their dinner.
“It’s no problem. Are they twins?”
“Yes.” Her face lit up as she followed the little girl around the picnic table and back again to where I was sitting. “Emmit and Grace.”
“Nice to meet you, Emmit.” I turned and shook his little hand as he tried to climb over his dad’s shoulder to get to his mom, who was now standing directly behind her husband. I moved my legs around so the table was at my back just as two little pudgy hands touched my bare legs. “And, hello to you, Grace. My name is Grace, too. But my friends call me Gracie.”
A smile spread across her face, and she looked up at her mom.
“You guys go to UTK?”
We nodded.
“We met there.” She pointed back and forth between her and her husband, “I’m Sarah and this is James.”
“Nice to meet you both.” We all shook hands. “I’m Gracie, well, you knew that. And this is my boyfriend, Jake, and our best friend, Sam.” I kind of slipped when I called Jake my boyfriend, but he winked; assuring me it wasn’t a big deal. “We’ll be seniors next year.”
“A word of advice...” Sarah let Grace run after Emmit when he saw a clown with a huge bouquet of balloons floating over his head. She shooed James away to catch them. As soon as her husband was out of earshot, she continued looking back and forth between Jake and me, “Enjoy each other for as long as you can before you start your family. I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything. Those two little people are my world; they have blessed me beyond measure. But I miss my husband sometimes. I wish we would have waited a couple more years to have kids. Spoil each other with your time while you have it. Pretty soon, you’ll be out of school and in the real world.”
“Honey! I can’t get Emmit off the clown’s leg!” James laughed and pleaded with Emmitt.
“Gotta go. It was nice to meet you all.” She smiled sweetly and ran over just as Emmit toppled over and started to cry.
It was an interesting conversation. It made me realize I’d become accustomed to taking everything day by day, but I needed to think about my future and what I wanted.
Jake and Sam stood and each one took my hand in theirs as we navigated through the crowd toward the stage. I knew Calon was singing “The Star Spangled Banner,” so I wanted to be front row for what I knew would lift goosebumps on everyone in attendance.
We watched people and giggled at old couples in their lawn chairs. Some were paying absolutely no attention to one another while others didn’t let go of each other’s wrinkled hand.
“I want to be like that when we get old, Jake.”
“Pale and wrinkly?”
“No, silly! I want to still be holding your hand.”
“The last time we talked about graduating and getting jobs, you were freaked out, but now you’re picturing us together in our nineties?”
Sam looked up at me as if curious of my answer, as well. He dropped my hand. I assumed he sensed how intimate the conversation had turned. He really hated to be the third wheel, although we never thought of him that way.
“Yeah. Being with Noah taught me never to look ahead, because I never had any idea what was around the corner. Or in his case, which Noah would be around the corner. But the emotions I’ve uncovered through my poetry, my guitar, and learning how to feel with Calon, they’ve taught me how thrilling it is to anticipate what’s around the corner or even down the road.”
“Jake let you feel Calon? Like Calon Ridge? The rock star?” Sam’s head turned back and forth between Jake and me, but we momentarily made a silent decision to ignore him.
“So, I’m down the road?” Jake turned to me and kissed me lightly.
“Is there another Calon? That’s not a common name, you know.” Sam begged for an explanation.
Jake laughed at Sam then spoke with his heart. “You’re right by my side all the way to the end of the road.” He pulled me in for a big hug.
“Barf! Puking over here! Who’s got a bucket?” Now, Sam was just jealous.
Jake took my face in his hands. Our noses touched lightly, and he tilted his head to the side. He placed his lips on mine in such a gentle way, as though he was feeling me just as much as he was kissing me. Sam was still making gag noises, so our tender kiss was cut short when we both erupted into fits of laughter. But the three of us jumped when the mic screeched and Calon’s voice came through the speakers.
“Happy Fourth, Knoxville!” He smiled and raised his arms out to greet the huge crowd.
I was convinced the guy had no fear. There was nothing in the way he stood or the sound of his voice that gave any impression of hesitation or anxiety. He didn’t twitch nervously or anything. He was made for this. The crowd was still yelling and whistling until he pressed down on the air in front of him with his hands, asking them to quiet down.
“That Calon?” Sam tried to whisper, but it was a futile attempt.
I nodded and shushed him. I didn’t know what was running through his head, but I reached over and pushed his chin up to close his mouth.
“Before I sing, I’d like to make an announcement.” He looked into the crowd and his eyes locked on mine.
“Shit.”
“Breathe, Gracie. He’s not going to ask you to sing.” Jake’s voice was quiet and calming in my ear, but my heart was still pounding.
“Jake, you knew he was going to embarrass me?”
“He’s not trying to embarrass you. He’s proud of you, Gracie. And so am I.” He kissed me on the check and squeezed my shoulders.
“Gracie, will you join me on stage?”
Panic set in, the ground moved under me, and I couldn’t even think of walking onto the stage. I was light-headed and thought I would pass out. I shook my head in answer to Calon’s request.
“Come on, Gracie. Come up here.”
Jake pushed me a little and kissed my cheek. “Go get ‘em, rock star.”
“What the hell?” Sam was so lost.
I walked to the stairs that led to the stage, took a deep breath, then climbed them one step at a time. Calon could see my struggle, so he met me at the top and took my hand. Girls across the grounds gasped and squealed just because he was touching me. I rolled my eyes. We walked to the center of the stage. He dropped my hand and laid his arm across my shoulders.
“I want to introduce you all to a very good friend of mine.” He looked down at me, and a curl fell from behind his ear. He winked and his smile widened. “I am proud of this beautiful girl for a number of reasons, one being that she even made it up onto this stage without passing out.”
I slapped him in the stomach and he grunted into the mic. The crowd laughed. That one small interaction lifted some of the weight from my body. The huge mass of people before me reacted positively to something I did, and I didn’t have to painstakingly choreograph anything. It was just me.
“I am also proud of her, because, even though she is terrified of being put on the spot, she has agreed to be the opening act at our local shows before we begin our US tour sometime next year.”
The crowd whooped and whistled. That reaction was for their tour announcement. The attention was off me for a second. I let out a long breath between pursed lips.
“Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Gracie Jordan!”
The crowd welcomed me into a new universe with whistles, applause, and a few people even yelled my name. I was so stunned and in awe of everything that went on in those few moments, I almost missed what Calon said next.
“I am personally inviting you all to come out and see her debut performance next Friday at Mitchell’s. She will open for us. Ten o’clock sharp! Will we see you there?”
The crowd went wild. Someone in the center of the crowd caught my attention as he shoved his way through the masses away from the stage, apparently in a hurry to get out of there. My stomach rolled a little when I realized it was Noah.
That’s it. Walk away, coward.
“Wave to them, Gracie. And, for the love of God, smile. You look like you just swallowed paint thinner.” Calon squeezed my shoulder and leaned in, his curls brushed my face.
I plastered a smile across my face and waved. I was just thrilled they were all far enough away that they couldn’t see how badly my lips were shaking. I spoke through clenched teeth, “You could have told me you were going to do this, you ass!”
Calon leaned back with a big belly laugh and squeezed me even closer into his side. He kissed me on top of the head and leaned in toward my ear. “You never would have come.”
I looked up at him and smiled. He was righ
t. Somehow, without knowing my entire story, he understood my anxiety. My hesitation to climb out of my shell wasn’t foreign to Calon. We always met on a deeper level, and I couldn’t explain it.
One of the stagehands helped me off the stage after Calon pulled me in for a huge hug, which sent the women in the crowd over the edge. Jake and Sam were waiting at the bottom and enveloped me in a huge double hug, knowing I’d barely be able to stand on my own.
“That was huge, Gracie. You can do this, and I couldn’t be more proud.” Jake wrapped his arms around me, picked me up, and spun me around. Jake must’ve explained everything to Sam, because his incessant questioning had stopped and he just grinned from ear to ear.
Calon led the crowd in a gorgeous rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” while the fireworks ignited the summer sky. Jake, Sam, and I lay in the grass, snuggled close, and watched the light show that went on for much longer than any fireworks show I’d ever seen. Even the swirly, whistling ones, which triggered a memory of Noah calling them spermies, couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. I hadn’t even associated the fireworks with my first date with Noah until I saw those, proof there’d been a huge change in how I dealt with memories from my past.
I’d never forget that July 4th. As far as I was concerned, it marked a new beginning.
Although seeing Noah in the crowd tonight rolled my stomach, it also gave me a sense of relief, because it made me realize he no longer decided how I felt about myself. I knew the anxiety I felt when I realized how close he was wouldn’t just go away. I would probably have to see him many more times before that nervousness waned. But that little voice in my head, that kept knocking me down, was so faint, I could barely hear it.
From where I stood, he could no longer touch me.
Forty
Jake
Ashley arrived Friday afternoon, and Sam was damn near giddy about her being with us. We kind of chilled for the whole day. We shopped a little around town, ate a late dinner at the Café, and stayed in to watch a movie. She and Gracie hit it off beautifully. Sam and I spent the evening nodding in the direction of the girls and rolling our eyes. They seemed to enjoy each other’s company more than they enjoyed ours.
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 24
