Now she’s searching for her wings
Her heart was frozen in time; her mind was gagged and bound
She cried a million tears, but barely made a sound
But now someone lay beside her, he was the music to her soul
He held her ‘til the demons passed, and he kissed away the cold
Down, down, down
Where there is no bottom
Down, down, down
Where the suffering begins
Down, down, down
She didn’t know she’d fallen
She’s still searching for her wings
The bad memories fade, and her scars begin to heal
New life breathed into her soul, her heart was his to steal
He came unexpectedly, the savior
of her heart
He held her close and warmed her soul and watched her life restart.
Down, down, down
He caught her at the bottom
Down, down, down
Where the healing begins
Down, down, down
True love is where she’d fallen
Where she finally found her wings!”
I swore the song was more intense this time than the last time Jake and I had danced to it. We were in such a different place. I was stronger and more independent, and our relationship took a new step every day. We made strides toward something more beautiful than either of us could have imagined.
Each of our three couples left after Calon’s performance. We walked hand-in-hand and talked and laughed. That’s when I noticed Ashley’s foot wasn’t bandaged anymore.
“Ashley, can I see your new tattoo?”
We all stopped walking, and she held her foot out toward the center of our group. In the most beautiful delicate script I’d ever seen were the words, “et ego dimitte.”
“It’s beautiful. What’s it mean?” I hoped that wasn’t too personal of a question for her.
She took a deep breath and looked up at Sam who nodded and smiled.
“It’s Latin for, I forgive.” She lifted her eyes to mine. “I was raped.”
Forty-two
Jake
“Maverick, I don’t know how I am going to go through with this. It seems so underhanded and dishonest.”
“Stop being such a pussy, Jake. It is underhanded and dishonest, and that’s what makes it awesome. So, what’s the final breakdown?”
“I’m meeting Chelsea—”
“Is she hot?”
“Yes, she’s hot. Now shut up for a minute.”
“Sorry.” We sat at the kitchen table like they do in the big heist movies. Hands folded and stress lines between our brows.
“Okay, so, I’m meeting Chelsea outside of Sigma Chi at ten o’clock. Apparently, that’s when the OML party opens to the little sisters and their guests. It opens to the people on the list at eleven.”
“And where do we find this DVD?”
“I have no idea.”
“Oh, well, that’s reassuring. What the hell, Jake? You don’t even know where it is?”
“I looked online for a floor plan and the one I found showed a ritual room. Looked like it was somewhere between the kitchen and the dining area.”
“You looked online? Jake, you know how secretive all the Greeks are. You really think they’d let the location of a room where they store sex DVDs be revealed? Maybe it’s still in Noah’s room.”
“Gracie mentioned that one time. Someone dropped off a DVD and slid it into one of Noah’s desk drawers. I will kill him if it’s there. Means he still watches it.” Bile rose in my throat.
“You can’t kill him, tonight. You have to pretend to be his old chummy roommate again, remember?”
This was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done. I had to be close enough to strangle Noah while I pretended Gracie and I had broken up, just so he didn’t suspect anything. I also felt bad about using Chelsea to get in. Nothing about our plan felt comfortable.
“All right, so Chelsea gets us in. We mingle and just so happen to meet up with Noah and hope he invites us upstairs.” I figured simple was good.
“Dude, then he’ll be in the room with us. How’s that going to work?” Mav looked confused.
“The drawer, remember? It could be in one of the desk drawers.”
“Right.”
****
Chelsea was wearing a hot pink tank dress that was so tight, it left nothing to the imagination. She waved from under the street lamp right outside the Sigma Chi house.
“She’s not wearing anything under that dress.” Mav’s whispers were rarely quiet. I pushed him away so he’d shut up.
“Hey, Jake. Who’s this?” Chelsea looked a little annoyed that I brought someone with me.
“This is my buddy, Maverick. Thought I’d bring him along for the ride. Should be a good time, right?”
“Yeah, sure. Come on. I heard they tapped the keg hours ago.” She grabbed my hand, and her shrill giggle almost burst my eardrum. Oh, good God.
As we made our way up the walkway to the huge, wood front door, Chelsea sang to the song blasting from the open windows.
“You guys stay right here. I have to get one of the brothers to make sure it’s okay that I’ve got two dates.” She giggled. “Lucky me. Two dates. One. Two.” And off she went, leaving Mav and I standing on the doorstep like idiots.
“One of us has to have our eyes on her the whole night.” Maverick looked shocked by my serious tone.
“Chelsea? No prob. Her body is smokin’.”
“No, I mean, make sure she’s safe and doesn’t disappear with anyone while we’re here. And listen, when we leave, she leaves.”
“You’re awfully protective of a girl you have no interest in.” His right eyebrow rose as though he wondered if I had any intentions with Chelsea.
“It’s not safe here, Mav.”
“You hear about more shit goin’ down?”
“Ashley, Sam’s girlfriend, was raped here last semester.”
Forty-three
Gracie
“Shhh, you two are so loud!”
The plan came out of nowhere. Even though Becki had mentioned it a couple times, I’d never actually considered trying to get the DVD myself. I thought bringing Becki and Calon would help keep me calm and focused. Instead, they stressed me out more than anything. They’d apparently had a few drinks at Mitchell’s while they watched me practice some new chords with Yaz. I assumed that’s where the plan originated. Before we left Mitchell’s to head to Sigma Chi, Becki told me she’d filled Calon in on the DVD and he was pumped to help. I was a little embarrassed about him knowing there was a sex video of me floating around. Jake was so straitlaced, I knew he would never agree to sneak into Sig Chi, so it was up to us.
“Sorry, Gracie. Calm down, Becki. Let’s focus on our mission.” Calon’s voice was stern, but then they both went into Mission Impossible stance. Back to back, they made guns with their fingers and shuffled from side to side. Calon even hummed the theme song. I sat on the curb directly across from the house, put my head in my hands, and yelled for them to stop. I couldn’t help it. I knew it was stupid, but my emotions were all over the place.
“Sorry, Gracie. We were just trying to lighten the mood. We didn’t mean to upset you.” Becki sat down next to me and rubbed my back. Calon sat on the other side and laid his fluffy head on my shoulder.
“Sorry, G.” He looked up at me with a pouty lip.
“Look, I know you’re trying to make this easy, but it’s not. Being in or near this house is a huge trigger for me. Everything about this place will affect me as soon as we walk in. The unmistakable smell of stale beer will send my gag reflex into overdrive, the chill of the plaster walls will send chills through me, and the creak of the old wood floors will have me keeping an eye out for the unexpected. It all will send me into a tailspin. My anxiety is in the red zone just thinking about it.”
Becki continued to rub my back.
Calon pu
t his hand on my knee. “Gracie, look at me.” I turned my head just as a single tear fell from each of my eyes. “Baby, listen. What he did to you, what happened in this house, it doesn’t define who you are, who you’ve become. I know I don’t know all the details of what happened here. I don’t need to. I have my own demons. There are days I can’t shake them, but my best days are the days I crush them and laugh as I stomp on each one, one at a time. One...at a time.”
He reached up and wiped the tears dripping from my chin then kissed me on the forehead. “Now, stand up and take a deep breath.” I did. “That was the demon holding you in that spot...one down. You ready to find the second one?” I nodded. “Then let’s get through that front door and squash the second one. Ready?”
I took a deep breath and hugged him around the waist. “Thanks, Calon. I’m ready.”
The three of us held hands and crossed the street. When our feet hit the walkway up to the front door, Calon stopped and took me by the shoulders. He held my gaze so long enough, it felt like he was looking into my soul. I was pretty sure he was.
“Now, you got this. We are going to go in there and mess up some motherfuckin’ demons, and we are bringing the biggest one home with us...that damn DVD. Got it?”
“I don’t think that’s her biggest demon.” Becki put her arm around me and I nodded.
We took a couple steps, then I held out my arms and stopped them in their tracks. “Um. Guys. We weren’t invited. We need to sort of...uh...sneak in.” Part of me was worried that would kill this plan for them, but I should have known better.
“Yes! That makes this whole night just that much cooler!” Becki wasn’t afraid of anything. She hugged me and giggled. “I can’t fuckin’ believe we are doing this!”
“Shhh.” I led them around to the side of the house.
There was a terrace around the back with floor-to-ceiling windows that usually stayed open during parties because of the heat a couple hundred people generated. When we got to the first window, my stomach fell to the floor.
“I can’t do this. Okay. I’m done. We need to leave.”
“Whoa, Gracie...” Becki held onto my shoulders when she saw me sway.
The blood pumping in my ears was deafening. I looked at Becki, but I was breathing so hard I couldn’t speak. I nodded in the direction she needed to look.
“Oh, God, Calon, it’s Noah.”
“Okay, so we just stand here until you’re ready. We got all night, Gracie.” Calon’s voice calmed me. “We’ll go in when you’re ready and not a second before.”
I nodded and slapped my arms around my torso to hold myself together. I leaned against one of the brick pillars. The cool surface seemed to help me calm down a bit. Until I heard his voice.
“Jake! Buddy! You here to smoke the peace pipe? Hey, someone get this guy a beer; he kicked my ass last semester.”
I pulled my body back to the window and peered in just as Jake and Noah went in for the awkward guy hug. They slammed a beer while everyone around them chanted for them to chug. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The man who held my heart had just slammed a beer with the one who broke it. Not even in a parallel universe would that have made any sense. There had to be a reason this was happening. I felt like I was in a dream, and I was at one end of a tunnel and they were at the other. I had no peripheral vision, just Jake and Noah.
As if it couldn’t get any worse, a beautiful blond in a hot pink, skin tight dress slinked up beside Jake and slid her arm around his waist. He looked over at her and smiled then whispered in her ear. She burst out in a giggle so shrill it should have shattered glass.
“What the fucking hell is Chelsea doing here?” Becki’s voice broke my trance.
My face spun to meet hers. “Chelsea?”
“Yeah, she lives down the hall from me. She’s a little sister here. I didn’t know Jake knew her.”
Was she the incoming call on Jake’s phone on our way into Sid’s? I got so lightheaded, I thought I’d pass out. I was standing outside, but I felt like walls were closing in. I was dizzy and nauseous and my whole body quaked.
“Gracie, hey. Let’s walk a little, okay?” Calon held me up.
I leaned all my weight into him. “Calon. I can’t.”
“Gracie, you’re stronger than this.” He continued to hold me up as we walked.
“Stronger than what? The only two men I gave myself to, my whole self, are in there chumming it up like they’ve never known a cross word between them. Noah ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Calon, he hurt me. He hurt me in ways I can’t even force myself to say.”
“Gracie.” Becki gasped and stopped me under the edge of the terrace where the light hit me like an interrogation bulb.
“I’m sorry, Becki. There are just some things I can’t talk about yet.”
The blood drained from her face. “Gracie.”
“How am I supposed to make sense of this? The one who gave me the strength to make it as far as I have is in there shooting the shit with the biggest demon I have. I’ve got no more left. Take me home. No. I can’t go home. I can’t stay here. I can’t watch this any longer.”
Calon and Becki shared an extra-long glance then Becki nodded. They each grabbed my hand and we headed toward the street. When we passed the window that looked into the foyer, I couldn’t stand it; I had to look back in. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe it wasn’t what it looked like.
I stood on my toes and peered up over the stone windowsill. Jake followed a hot pink dress up the stairs. When they turned on the landing I could see their hands clasped together. There was nothing upstairs but the brother’s rooms and a small nook where they played poker. She looked back and smiled at him in a way that threw me right back into the night when Noah let the two girls into his room and slammed the door in my face.
“Nooooooooo! Oh, God. Take me home. I can’t breathe. Please get me out of here.”
Everything was moving in slow motion. Becki and Calon spoke to each other, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying; their voices were muffled. My vision was blurry. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was drugged. I was completely at their mercy. If they left my side, I’d lie down on the nearest lawn and dissolve into the ground. The world I was rebuilding one new memory at a time just shattered in front of my eyes.
“Gracie, I got you.” Calon slid his arm under mine and around my back then scooped me up with the other.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and lost all control. My body shook, and I choked through sobs strong enough to scrape my throat raw. Everything from the last twenty minutes flashed through my mind like a sadistic slide show. I shook my head into Calon’s shoulder and tried to rid myself of the demons I may never have the chance to crush. Fuck!
He laid me down somewhere soft, and my limp body slipped into a state I’d never experienced. I hung somewhere between sanity and something that scared the hell out of me.
Forty-four
Jake
“So, you and Gracie are over?” Noah took another hit from the fat joint he’d rolled.
I wanted to slap the cocky grin off his face. Maverick leaned into me as a means to remind me to play along and keep my cool.
“Yeah.” One word answers were easiest at that moment. He waved the joint in front of me and nodded. “No thanks, man. Not tonight.”
“So, you and Chelsea, huh? She’s a hot piece of ass.” What the hell was wrong with him? Chelsea was standing right next to me. She tucked her chin a little and peeked up at him from the corner of her eye. I couldn’t tell if she was flirting or intimidated. Poor girl still didn’t know she was part of a sting operation and not really my date.
“So, Noah, you got some Hell Week secrets? Give me somethin’, it being my first time here and all. What’s the coolest thing you guys have hidden away in this house?” Leave it to Maverick to get right to the point. He was being a little obvious for my taste, but if it got us out of there quickly, I was all for it. Every time someone walked past the
open door, I’d glanced up to make sure it wasn’t Travis, Jeremy, or Falco. They could ruin everything.
“I could tell ya, but then I’d have to kill ya.” I saw Noah throw a glance at Chelsea as though he was afraid she’d spill the beans.
“So, why’d you bring us up here? I thought you would show us something worth comin’ out for. But you got nothin’.” I squared my shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes. He held my stare for less than three seconds before his eyes darted away.
That’s right. I know the monster you are.
“Well, Jake, since we were both in Gracie’s pants, I guess we share something deep. Maybe I could divulge something. Let me think.”
My jaw clenched so tight, I actually thought I heard one of my teeth crack. It took every ounce of self-control to not jump across the room and take him down. I needed to get the DVD and get out before I killed him with my bare hands.
“Shit or get off the pot, man! Show us!” Maverick’s voice was gruff, and I knew he was ready to beat the shit out of Noah for that comment, too.
“Let me go make sure no one is in there, then I’ll show you a room only brothers see. You won’t believe what we got in there.” He waggled his eyebrows, slapped Chelsea on the ass, then walked out the door, leaving Mav, Chelsea, and I alone in his room. I turned to Chelsea and took her by the shoulders.
“Chelsea, listen. You might think I’m a dick, but I kind of used you to get in here.”
The corners of her mouth turned down. “Why?”
“Look, Noah and my girlfriend, Gracie, used to date, and he took a video of them having sex, and apparently, he’s been sharing it with the other brothers. We’re here to find the DVD so we can take it. I’m so sorry for—”
“Well, then shut up and let’s look!” She threw my hands off, locked the door and barked orders. “Mav, you look under the mattress and the bed. Jake, you look in the desk. I got the closet. Move, move, move!”
“Thanks, Chelsea. This means a lot.” I hopped over the coffee table and rummaged through the drawers of Noah’s desk. Shouting outside the door startled all of us and we froze until the voices continued down the hall. “Hurry!”
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 26
