Jake pressed my lower back into his hips, and I could feel all this emotion, not to mention the heat of the sun and our scantily clad bodies, were giving him an ache he wanted to release. I looked up at him just as he leaned down to kiss me. My top leg slid between his, and he squeezed it with his thighs. His tongue slowly tasted me.
He rolled me to my back, and his hands were in my hair. His groin pressed so hard into my hip bone, I was sure it had to hurt, but the next moment, he pressed a little harder. I gasped for air as he kissed a line from my jaw to my collarbone. I reminded myself we were in public. The way he made me feel pushed the rest of the world far away. He cupped my breast on top of the fabric, which showed restraint on his part. My nipples begged for attention, wanting him to slide a finger under the triangle that kept his skin from touching mine.
He reached down and grabbed the bottom corner of our blanket and pulled it up over me. I was about to fling in off because it was making me hot when his hand disappeared under it and onto my belly. His pinky finger slid under the edge of my bikini bottoms, and he dragged his hand across from hip bone to hip bone. He brushed his hand over the triangle of red in the space between my thighs but stopped on the top of my leg. I was breathless. What he did to my body was worth the risk of getting caught. I was already throbbing.
He slid his hand under the red triangle of my bottoms and his fingers went right to the slick skin that begged for attention.
“God, Jake.” My words were barely a whisper.
“Shhh. I can’t take it. I have to touch you.”
He rubbed me in tiny circles, so slowly, I could barely contain myself. I bit my lip in a last ditch effort to not cry out and beg for more. My hips pressed up and down begging for more. He let out a growl and squeezed me so tight with his hand beneath my shoulders, I could barely breathe. He stopped moving completely, and for a second I thought we were caught.
“We need to stop. Let’s go back to my place. And we need to hurry.”
****
The basement at Mitchell’s filled faster than I ever remember it filling. I even heard someone say there was a line of people on the sidewalk, waiting to get in. That’s when I remembered, not only was it my first big night, it was the culmination of the poetry seminar. There had been so much going on, I’d never even checked Daniel’s website to see where everyone else’s performances were. Sudden panic ran through me that my performance project could be so far off the mark from what any of the rest of them did. Then I realized, I didn’t care. I wouldn’t let three measly credits get me all worked up.
I sat at the bar and watched my sexy Jake make drinks and slide tips from the bar while I waited to get the okay from Buzz. Jake slid a couple shots my way to calm my nerves. But I wasn’t sure if I was nervous or if it was just the remaining butterflies from what happened when we’d gotten to Jake’s apartment earlier. Like he could read my mind, Jake flashed me a devilish grin and winked.
I spun on my stool and looked around. I saw Daniel in a booth with a couple of the students from the seminar. There were people I’d danced with, sang into beer bottles with, and people I just knew as the guy or girl from Mitchell’s. But one of the coolest things about performing at Mitchell’s was it already felt like home. So much of my story happened in the room I now poured my heart into.
We’d all danced and sung as Alternate Tragedy took us through decades of rock in the basement, Jake and I had claimed “Fallen” as our song, Noah had dragged me out against my will, Calon had heard me sing for the first time, and I’d found my true voice. Mitchell’s stage was home, and I couldn’t begin to think about the day that would come all too soon. Graduation Day.
My pocket vibrated just as Buzz hopped on the stage to introduce me for the first time as the feature performer. I pulled my phone out and saw it wasn’t a call. Becki sent a video-chat request. I hit accept.
“Becki, I can’t talk now. I’m about to go on stage.” I figured the time difference must’ve had her confused.
“I know that, dummy. We didn’t want to miss it.” Calon’s face slid onto the screen with hers, and they both grinned from ear to ear.
“Now, hand the phone to Jake and go get ‘em rock star!” He said it in perfect Calon fashion.
I did as they said, and Jake followed me up to the stage.
I grabbed Josephine from her case and ran my fingers over the quote on the guitar strap Jake had bought for me:
“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” Victor Hugo
“Jake, I feel like this is the moment that takes us full circle. Thank you for staying on this ride with me.”
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be, baby girl. I am so proud of you.”
“Ewww. Get on with it. We’re dying over here.” Becki’s voice was louder than the crowd, and Calon was making a gag face that soon had me in hysterics.
I stepped up onto the stage and turned for the moment I would carry with me for the rest of my life. Every eye was on me. There were couples holding hands, some crazy girls on a bar tour, and a whole hell of a lot of familiar faces. I smiled and took it all in. I looked down at Jake, who held a smiling Calon and Becki in his hand, just as Ashley and Sam pushed through the crowd and right up to where Jake stood. They both smiled and waved. Ashley was giddy with excitement.
“Gracie!” A voice I had missed shook me out of my daze, and someone lunged toward me from the edge of the stage.
“Stacy!” She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek then jumped back down just as Buzz finished his blabbing about me and was coming to get her down.
“Um, Gracie. The apartment?” She folded her arms across her chest.
I suddenly got very nervous about what her reaction would be.
“I love it! And you can clean, you liar!” We both cracked up.
She stood on the floor right at the edge of the stage and mouthed, “You’re my hero!” Maverick walked up beside her and put his arm around her, his other arm was around Chelsea, who looked pretty cozy tucked under those big guns.
It was then I realized that, even though the last year of my life had been hell and left me with scars, I had never been alone. The people who loved me the most had stood right next to me through it all, and yes, I did it on my own, but not without their support and love. I took a deep breath and strummed Josephine. The crowd went silent.
“I am so humbled you all came out to see me tonight. This stage feels pretty empty without Calon and the guys. I’ve got some big shoes to fill.”
“You got this, G!” Spider’s voice called out from my phone, and the other guys were trying to yell something, but Calon and Becki shushed them.
“I learned a lot about myself over the last year. I learned I was stronger than I thought, and I found my voice, but not just my singing voice. I found a voice within me that said I was worthy. I found a voice that said I deserved more. And even when that voice told me something I didn’t want to hear, I listened and chose to go it alone for a while.” I looked down and smiled at Jake, who had let me walk away, but had really never left my side. His blue eyes sparkled under the lights. I let my eyes sweep across the crowd, and she caught my eye. Sylvia was at the bar. She lifted a shot glass and winked.
“I also learned that letting life hit you where it hurts doesn’t make you weak, but gives you the opportunity to take it as it comes, make peace with it and move on.”
I looked back down at Jake and tried to control my chin that had already started to quiver.
“Someone once told me that it was my security in my convictions that made me shine. But I think that’s only part of what makes me shine. I believe that if you let yourself experience life, all of it, then those who touch your soul the deepest are reflected in who you become. And if you’re lucky, there will be people in your life that give you a place to shine. I have been blessed by some pretty amazing people in my life, and this song is a celebration of the many things they’ve taught me. This one’s called, �
�One More Breath.”
Just take one more breath, it goes like this.
There’s no tomorrow if you don’t learn to live.
You don’t have to stay where the last person put you.
So open your heart and live
Just listen, please listen,
it’s your life that’s speaking.
Live it. Breathe it. Own it. Be it.
Open your soul and live.
They’ll beat you.
They’ll wreck you.
They’ll steal everything you have.
So, stand tall and give it your all
even if you’re all you’ve got.
So much can happen to turn this world upside down.
But hold on, stand strong.
And look for solid ground.
Just take one more breath, it goes like this.
There’s no tomorrow if you don’t learn to live.
You don’t have to stay where the last person put you.
Baby, spread your wings and fly.
Darlin’ don’t you look down
‘til you find your heart on solid ground.
Epilogue
Jake
“I forgot something in the car. I’ll be right back.” I kissed Gracie on the head and excused myself from the dinner table to head outside. She didn’t seem to notice I left and it made me smile. She and my dad were in some lengthy conversation about 60’s music, and I knew that could last a while. We had only been in Jackson for a couple hours, and, already, Gracie had won my dad’s heart.
I leaned against the car in the freezing cold and watched my breath make little clouds in front of me. It was Christmas Eve, and somehow, I’d convinced Gracie to come spend our break in Wyoming. She was very close to her family and was terrified of flying, so I was shocked but thrilled when she decided to accompany me to my hometown for the holidays. We planned to spend time with both my parents, but dinner at my dad’s house had to be first on the agenda.
I pulled my hands from my pockets and rubbed them together to warm them up before I touched the icy handle on my car door. I leaned in and rifled through the duffle bag I’d not-so-accidentally left behind until I found what I was looking for. I put the small, black velvet box in the pocket of my coat and headed back inside. I wasn’t sure if my teeth were chattering because of the temperature or my nerves.
“There you are. I was just telling Gracie how you always seem to disappear when it’s time to clean up after dinner.” My dad chuckled and shook his head as he ran water over the dirty dishes.
Gracie stood beside him and filled the dishwasher with the dishes and silverware he handed over to her. She looked up and smiled at me with that beautiful smile that melted me from the inside out. If I stayed as warm on the outside as I felt on the inside, I wouldn’t need a coat for our little trip.
“Pop, I need to borrow Gracie from you for a little bit.”
“Jake, it’s okay. Let me finish helping with the dishes. Then you can have me all to yourself.” Gracie painstakingly organized the contents of the dishwasher so the last few things would fit.
“Naw, it’s fine, Gracie. You and Jake go ahead and get outta here. I can handle the rest. Go on. Git!” He winked at me when Gracie turned her face to me.
“Come on, baby girl. There’s something I want to show you. You’ll need to dress warm because it’s outside.”
“I’m really not a cold-weather girl, Jake. You’re going to kill me, but...I didn’t even pack a coat. I was so nervous about the plane, I forgot we were headed to the tundra.”
“Come here. We’ve got enough here to get you all bundled up.” I took her by the hand, and she followed me to the mud room. My dad’s log cabin was small and cozy, but he had so much stuff packed in every possible storage space, I knew I’d be able to find something for her to wear.
When we were ready to head out the door, I turned and looked at her all bundled up, and I could do nothing but grin from ear to ear. She wore my big brown canvas hunting coat, a gray floppy knit hat, big flannel mittens, and my huge steel-toed boots I kept at my dad’s for when I helped him in the woods.
“You are freaking adorable right now.” I shook my head and tried to contain my nervous excitement.
“Adorable? I feel like the abominable snowman. I think you added an extra fifteen pounds to me with all this crap I’m wearing.” She adjusted the hat that was falling past her eyebrows.
“Well, I don’t think you qualify as abominable, but you are an adorable snowman.” I took her hand but couldn’t take my eyes off her. A new chapter of our lives was about to begin, and I just wanted to take it all in.
“Jake. Seriously? I’m starting to sweat. Can we go, please?” She huffed.
“Yeah, come on.” We walked out onto the deck outlined with colored lights my dad must have gone out and bought just for Gracie’s visit. She stopped dead in her tracks.
“Um, if you are taking me out there...into the wild, we need a flashlight.”
“Baby girl, do you trust me?”
“I trust you, but I don’t trust the man-eating bears that are out there.” She pulled a little on my hand as if she wanted to go back inside.
“Come on, just trust me. In ten seconds, you won’t need a flashlight.”
She looked at me like I’d lost my marbles. I knew what she was thinking. We were going to walk away from the illuminated deck, so she expected it to get darker. She walked hesitantly around to the other side of the house with a death grip on my hand, and, as I suspected, when we turned toward the pond, she gasped.
The full moon that reflected off the pond, as well as the foot of snow that blanketed my dad’s front yard, was our flashlight.
“Oh, Jake.” She tipped her head back and let her eyes take in the millions of stars that winked at us, one by one.
I pulled her along with one hand and walked to the edge of the pond where my dad had tied the canoe. We stepped up onto the dock and walked to the end. Gracie was still speechless over the view. I guess, when you live in Tennessee your whole life, you miss out on stuff I probably took for granted all the years I lived in Jackson.
“After you, my dear.” I held her hand and motioned toward the canoe with the other.
“Jake, this is amazing.” She stepped down and sat on one of the beautifully caned benches that were just one of the unique details my dad had added to his design.
“Do you like the canoe? My dad has been working on this thing for a really long time. I asked him if he could have it done for Christmas so you and I could have our own little moonlit cruise.” I sat across from her. Our knees touched. She gasped and grabbed my hand when I leaned to reach an oar and we tipped a little.
“Your dad made this?”
“Yep, last year it was a big cedar tree from the back of the property somewhere.”
“Wow. So you do have creative blood in your veins.” She smiled.
I thought back to our conversations about Gracie’s artistic side and how it helped her make sense of her emotions. I pictured us living in a place like my dad’s and working in the garage on my next big project. I smiled at her and my stomach flipped over. I rowed until we were close to the middle of the pond then took a deep breath and laid the oar behind me.
“Gracie?”
“Yeah, Jake?” Her voice was so soft and calm, I barely heard it, but the moonlight shone in her eyes and the stars’ reflections made them twinkle.
“Gracie, I don’t think I could ever put into words exactly what you do to me. From the first time we met, your wonderful and unique spirit grabbed hold of me and drew me in, and I have held every moment we’ve shared in my heart. You are my best friend and the love of my life. And I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“Oh, Jake.” She tilted her head and smiled.
“Gracie, our love is big, and it runs deeper than anything I’ve ever known. But saying I love you doesn’t seem like enough. It would take multiple lifetimes to show you what I feel in my heart when I
say those words to you. Gracie, I love you more than words.”
“I love you, too, Jake, so much.” A tear ran down her cheek.
I took off my gloves to wipe it away. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, you hold a part of me I’ve never given away, and I can’t imagine my life without you.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little, black velvet box. “Gracie Ann Jordan, will you marry me?”
She gasped when I opened the box and turned it toward her. She looked down at the emerald cut solitaire I knew she would love and covered her mouth with both hands. She nodded so enthusiastically, the boat rocked a little, which made her grab for the sides.
“Well?” I tried to be patient, but hearing the next word out of her mouth would solidify my future, and I would be the happiest man on the planet.
“Yes! Yes, Jake, I’ll marry you. Nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life loving you.” She leaned in and I kissed her softly.
“Now, take off your gloves so I can do this right.” She obliged immediately and a long string of giggles followed.
“Jake, I can’t believe this. You, the moon, the canoe. It’s so perfect. You are so perfect.”
“No, Gracie, I’m not perfect, but together, I think we are as close as it gets.”
We snuggled for what seemed like hours underneath an umbrella of twinkling stars in the canoe that rocked us gently.
“Whatcha thinkin’, baby girl?”
“I’m thinking our love is a lot like a starry night. Millions of brilliant moments that make up something so spectacular it’s impossible to put it into words.”
I squeezed her close and kissed her forehead. “I only need five words. I love you, Gracie Rockwell.”
Mr. & Mrs. Dean and Julia Jordan
request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter
Gracie Ann
to
Mr. Jacob Andrew Rockwell
at the University Chapel
University of Tennessee Knoxville campus
on Saturday, August 9th
at three o’clock, following the graduation ceremony.
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 35
