I came to Bible Study and choir practice a hot mess. Before I could even get inside my dad stopped me.
“Alexis. I need to talk to you.”
“Dad,” I whined. “If this is about Mom’s car I’m sorry. But we both have insurance so don’t worry—”
“It’s not about that. Although that is disappointing to hear that he had unfinished business that affected your family.” He looked like he wanted to say more about Santana but he stopped, took a deep breath, and lowered his voice. I wondered why he used a filter when my mother sure as hell didn’t. The day that crazy girl messed up my mother’s car, she yelled and cursed for well over an hour after Santana and the girl left, all while I stared blankly out into space. “Alexis! If you have anything else to do with him . . .” she’d yelled.
I wondered why my dad didn’t say the same. Maybe he didn’t think Santana was all that bad. They had, after all, met each other first. Maybe he saw the good in Santana that my hurt and anger wouldn’t let me see at that moment.
My dad interrupted my thoughts. “I need to speak to you about something else. Alexis, what’s this I hear about you cursing at Marisol?”
That crybaby bitch. I pulled my shades over my red eyes. “Daddy. I have been through a lot this week. Now is not the time to talk about Marisol.”
“Well, baby, I wish I could think about it like that but I can’t. You work for me. So when it comes to business, I can’t worry about your emotions and your breakup with Santana or any other boyfriend you end up with. Now, I can always fire you and then you can cry on my shoulder anytime, baby. But when it comes to work that’s where my focus has to be. And it should be no-nonsense when it comes to that.”
“Dad,” I whined. “How can you talk to me that way?” I was hurt that he would even mention firing me.
“I need you to listen,” he said sternly. “You don’t speak to my employees that way. Marisol had been working for us for over ten years. If you are having issues where you can’t control the way you talk to people, you need to take your ass home for the day until you can cool off and be the professional young lady I know you are.”
I frowned and looked down at my heels.
“Do you understand what I’m telling you, baby?”
“Yes, Daddy. I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend Marisol.”
“Okay. I expect you to apologize to her.”
“Yes, Daddy. I will.”
He gave me a hug and kissed me on my cheek. “Come on, baby. Let’s go inside.”
I followed my daddy, who had an arm around my shoulders.
When we went into the church, my dad went off to use the restroom. I took a seat in the last row, not really wanting to be bothered, even though there was still plenty of space up front as a lot of the members who attended Bible Study and choir practice hadn’t made it there yet. But for the ones who were there, it was like there was an elephant in the room: awkward.
Sister Patterson took one look at me and said, “Alexis, baby. What you doing in the back? You know we always fill in the front rows. Come on, baby.”
My bitch sister looked back at me and said, “Let her stay back there.”
I got up and obeyed Sister Patterson and told my sister, “Don’t start.” Looking around at who else was there, I saw my mother hadn’t made it there yet. She was probably still in traffic.
“All right, everyone, we’ll get started in a few minutes. We’re sure some members are in that five o’clock traffic. Let’s just pray they make it here safely.”
Sister Patterson led us into prayer. And I knew this sounded bad but my mind was on Santana. I wondered what he was doing and who he was doing whatever he was doing with. I wondered if it was that sicko who attacked me. But I strongly willed myself to focus on prayer. Better he cheat on her than me.
Pastor Owens waited another ten minutes and he started Bible Study.
“Today I’m going to talk about learning to discern. Ideally we should let God lead us in our decisions and work in our lives. When you turn away from this, you turn away what is better for you.”
“Amen!” my sister shouted, a little too enthusiastically. I ignored her and tried to focus on what the pastor was saying.
“Galatians 2:20–21 says ‘I will live by faith in the Son of God.’ What this means is that because God loves you, He wants you to succeed. He will offer you continuous guidance and love as you have your journey. But the thing is, you have to accept that guidance. Part of accepting that guidance is making good decisions that the Lord is in favor of. The Lord is favorable of any decision that will help you flourish. Satan tricks us a lot by putting people in our lives who have no business being there. Someone who is a misrepresentation of us, with their own selfish plans, no matter how good they appear to be.
“Well.” That was my sister again.
I rolled my eyes.
As the Pastor continued to talk, I zoned out because I could not stop thinking about Santana. And when I tried to focus again, my sister made another snide-ass comment.
“Pastor. Someone needed to hear this. That’s for sure!”
I had enough of her ass. “Shut the fuck up!” I yelled. When I realized I had cursed in church, I put a hand over my mouth and looked at my pastor apologetically. I was glad there were only a few people there. Still, the older ones looked at me and shook their heads.
My sister simply stared me down disdainfully.
“I’m the older sister. Pease show me some respect and stop taking jabs at me. I mean we can toss around dog bones if you like,” I warned, “but I wonder what everyone would think of your skeletons!” I meant her failing her classes and just how wild and freaky she was getting in her dorm with girls and guys.
“Speak on it!” she challenged.
“Girls!” It was Sister Patterson.
Our pastor intervened. “Ladies, you two need to stop it. And be more respectful. It’s not Sunday but we’re still in church. We’re still in worship.”
“Yes, Pastor,” we both chorused.
My father walked into the room and when my sister saw him she looked down at her Bible in her hand. I stood and walked off toward the exit. I didn’t want a scene in church but my sister was a bitch who liked to push my buttons. Just then, Arianna walked into the church. She was a third grade schoolteacher and normally stayed to grade papers when school was over.
I walked up to Arianna and gave her a hug.
“How you holding up?” she asked me, concerned. These past few days, she had seen me cry and cry and cry over the situation with Santana. I was glad I had her support now. I just wished I had had it when I was actually with Santana. But it seemed they all sincerely felt I didn’t belong with him. And truthfully, because of the cheating, I didn’t feel I needed to be with him either.
“I would be okay if my bitch of a sister would leave me alone.”
“You know she is childish.”
“I have embarrassed myself far too much tonight. Just text me the songs we’re singing on Sunday and I’ll practice at home.”
“Okay. And you know with report cards being done and tomorrow being Friday we really should go out, get your mind off of him and your immature sister. Let’s make it an all-day thing. Go to Burke Williams, get some sushi, and then hit the club. Find you a new beau. What do you say?”
I knew the only way I would get over Santana was if I kept myself occupied. Not sit at home and cry and whine over him. That would keep my emotions right where they were. Moving on was the best thing.
“Okay.”
She gave me another hug. “And since you’re here, you might as well stay. You know no choir rehearsal is the same without that powerhouse of a voice that you have.”
I smiled.
“Come on.”
Hand in hand, we walked back in like the best friends we were.
Chapter 10
True to my word, I kept my date with Arianna. We went to Glen Ivy Spa instead of Burke Williams, both got massages, skin resurfaci
ng facials, manis and pedis. We had a blast. We went to eat at Katsu-ya and finished our night at the Century Club as planned.
“I’m so glad you decided to get over that loser and move on. Lord knows you can do so much better than him. You are young, pretty, and educated. You can have any man you want. You were, after all, engaged to a soon-to-be doctor. Trust that you are as special as you are. So don’t be second-guessing a damn thing.”
I got a text on my phone. I opened it and was surprised to see Santana had texted me. It made my heart beat faster. With extreme curiosity I read the text. It said simply:
Where you at?
I ignored it. A few seconds later, I got another one:
Respond.
So I did:
Out with a friend. Why do you care?
My friend continued to babble as I texted him back and forth.
Where? was his text.
Century Club. But it’s none of your business! Cheater!
Go home, was his response.
No.
You need to bounce now or I’m coming up there.
“Who are you texting?” she demanded.
When I didn’t answer because I didn’t know how to respond to his text, she snatched my phone from me. “Him?” She instantly started typing something on my phone.
“What are you doing? I demanded, trying to snatch my phone.
“What you should be strong enough to do.”
“Give me my phone back,” I ordered, worried about what she texted to Santana.
She pushed me back when I reached for it and texted a couple more letters before handing it back to me.
I read the text she sent to Santana: Fuck off, loser. I’m on to bigger things.
“Why did you send him that?”
“Why didn’t you? Why did you tell him where you were? It’s like you want him back or something.”
I did. Yes, he had lied to me. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to be with him. Love doesn’t die because of lies. It stays. And now I knew he obviously had some love for me, because of the texts. If I explained this to my friend she would just judge. She wouldn’t get it. Just because she dropped her man for cheating, she thought I was weak if I didn’t follow what she did.
“You didn’t have to do that. I know how to speak for myself.”
“Do you?” She narrowed her eyes at me and sipped her Adios.
“Whatever. I don’t need to—”
I got another text: Will do. Take care.
Part of me wanted to tell him that wasn’t my text, but another part of me felt it was for the best.
Arianna reaffirmed that when she said, “Him out of your life is for the best. After that crazy girl! Only a fool would continue to mess with that loser. We are queens and that is how we should be treated. Men should never half step when it comes to us.”
These were all the words that came from our mothers. I had heard it a thousand times. Arianna came from a family just as successful as my family. Her mom was a lawyer and her father did cinematography for movies. Still, I didn’t think I was as much of a snob as she was. I knew she was right but I didn’t want to hear it. A part of me would always feel that Santana was different despite his cheating.
I tried to tune her out and downed my drink, an Adios as well. Once I felt a super buzz, Arianna pulled me out to the dance floor. The cut by Nicki Minaj and Rick Ross called “You The Boss” came on.
We were both dancing with two guys on the floor. Arianna was completely into it, whereas I was only halfway enjoying myself. But the liquor set in more and more and I found myself grinding against the guy and really enjoying it.
Then, as his hands rubbed up and down my curves, I felt someone yank my arm. I looked up into the menacing face of Santana. He gripped my left arm and pulled me off the dance floor, toward the bar. I didn’t fight him. Once over to the bar, I set my glass on the counter.
“I thought I told you to get the fuck up out of here.”
He had cheated on me and now he thought he could command me to do things? “Who are you to tell me what to do?” I demanded saucily.
“Your fucking nigga.”
Suddenly Arianna emerged from the dance floor and over to us. She looked at Santana like he was shit. “Alexis, are you okay?”
“Get the fuck out of here. This my bitch. You act like you fucking her.”
“Excuse me?” Her eyes were wide. “First off, my friend is no bitch.” She put a finger in his face “You do not refer to her in that way.” She said it like she was talking to her third grade students in her classroom. “Secondly, what you just implied is disgusting. We are best friends.”
Santana glared at her and before she could say anything else, he grabbed my drink and flung it in her face.
I gasped at the same time as my friend. She instantly started crying. “You bastard!”
“Yeah, bitch!” He grabbed my arm again and pulled me out of the club. I glanced back at my friend, who stood in the same spot, still crying.
He pulled me all the way to the parking lot. I tried to snatch away from him but he said, “Girl, don’t play with me.”
I relaxed my body. He stopped in front of his car.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Fuck you mean why am I here? And tell that bitch friend of yours to stay the fuck out of my business.”
I shouldn’t have liked when he started cursing and got aggressive, but I did. Still I said, “You said ‘take care’ as if we were done.”
“We ain’t never done. Understand?”
“How do you get to make that determination when you lied to me and cheated on me?” I was now crying.
“Man.” He shook his head. “You talking? You were still actively fucking your fiancé and still with him after I told you to leave him alone! It took for him to commit suicide for you to be done and now you on me, church girl? And real talk, that bitch don’t mean nothing to me. You have my heart. Like no one has ever had.”
“Then why?”
He took a deep breath. “Look, man. You really wanna know the truth?”
“Yes,” I said quickly, scared he would change his mind and not tell me. I desperately wanted to know the truth.
“That ho was someone I used to fuck with long before I knew you. I didn’t know we were going to get close like we did. I started fucking with her again on some necessity type of shit. I needed somewhere to lay my head. I can’t stay at that pad no more. They gave us all thirty days’ notice ’cause they tearing that place down. When I brought up moving in with you and you holding me down, you wasn’t with that. You spoke on marriage first, saying I needed to put a ring on it. And that’s cool. And while I’m crazy as hell for you, to keep it gravy, baby, it is soon for us to be speaking on marriage. I’m not established yet and in no position to put a ring on your finger. All those things will happen but not right now. I want to give you the world and one day, trust on my life, I will. But we’re dating right now. I mean what could I give you if we married? I’m still trying to finish school, get a good job to hold you down. But you want a ring now. Come on, baby, it wouldn’t be smart. But ol’ girl. She was waiting for me to move in. That’s what that shit was about. She need someone to be around her kids and someone to warm her bed. I needed a crib to rest my head. Not no emotional feelings type of shit you thinking of.” He repeated, “You got my heart.”
So really this was my fault. If I had let him move in with me, we wouldn’t be in this situation. How much more could I possibly fuck up? Here was a man who needed me and I almost lost him to another woman because of my stupidity. Although he had explained things thoroughly, still I pressed the issue.
I took a deep breath. “So this wasn’t about her being a better woman than me and you loving her more?”
“You made it about that because she was willing to hold it down for me in a way you wasn’t. Like that song that was playing while you was grinding on that nigga said . . .” He gripped my waist and said, “Which I better not eve
r see happen again . . . What that song say?”
I cleared my throat and recited the line from Nicki Minaj’s lyrics. “‘I’ll do anything you say, ’cause you the boss.’”
“Yeah. Too bad you don’t feel that way. But that’s how it’s supposed to be. That is even in the Bible. Man is designed to lead if he a real man. And that’s me. I’m a real nigga all day. Not like any of these square-ass niggas in that bullshit-ass club. And I’m telling you that I love you, want you, but if you can’t hold it down for me don’t expect another bitch not to be willing to and not able to take your spot in my heart.”
I didn’t want any of that to happen. I loved him already and I didn’t want to compete with another bitch. So if I could fulfill every single need he had to the best of my abilities, how could anyone else come and take Santana from me?
“Come over and fuck me real good, and in the morning, make your decision, baby, just make it the right one. You drove?”
The thought of making love to him caused a jolt to my lower body.
“No. My friend did.”
“Then leave that bitch here and come on and take care of your daddy. This dick has been missing you all week.”
Chapter 11
I decided to take Santana back. When we left the club that night and I went to his house I made love to him all night long. We woke up and made love three more times. Then we had lunch at Ruth’s Chris. Santana was getting hooked on that place. Over lunch, we had decided that it was best if he moved in with me. I wasn’t going to have to run the risk of damn near losing him again because he had a bad living situation that I could have easily fixed.
The Demise of Alexis Vancamp Page 6
