"I'll be ready. Want some dinner?"
Luke blinked. "What?" he asked, but his stomach had heard this time, even if his mind was still sorting out the rest of what Dan had told him. It wasn't letting him turn down a meal again. It growled loudly.
Dan grinned. "We're finished, but there's lotsa leftovers. Jill said you could have some."
Did she? And what had prompted that?
"I don't think so," he said, and his stomach registered an immediate protest. He pressed a hand against it.
"You want me to tell her you're not hungry?"
Luke sighed. "Maybe I could go for a little something." But he took his time following Dan to the house, and all the way there he was certain he was making a mistake.
He was right.
It didn't matter that he knew she had every reason to hate him. It didn't matter that he hated himself. It didn't matter that she wasn't a bit glamorous or even conventionally pretty as she stood at the sink washing the dishes, with Jimmy, Jr. clinging to her jean-clad knees and Russ and Clare's younger boy, Kevin, revving Matchbox cars back and forth across the floor behind her.
He still couldn't take his eyes off her.
She, on the other hand, was apparently cured of any lingering interest in him. She barely flicked a glance his way, then shut off the water and picked up a towel to wipe her hands.
"You want something to eat? I'll reheat the stew," she said briskly. "And make some biscuits."
Luke bent the brim of his hat in his hands. "Don't go to any bother."
"No bother," Jill said flatly. She scooped the baby up with one arm and set him down to play with Kevin. Then she opened the refrigerator, ignoring him.
He deserved it. He knew that. It didn't help much.
"Er, reckon I oughta clean up a bit. You mind if I take a shower?"
Her gaze raked his dirty- and sweat-stained jeans and shirt, his grubby, unshaven jaw and disheveled hair. "It's your house. Anyway, I'd say the time would be well spent."
Luke flushed. He nodded his head jerkily and headed upstairs to the bathroom. Once there, he stripped quickly and submerged himself beneath a stream of hot running water. It was bliss. So much bliss that he almost fell asleep just standing there. Only when someone turned on the hot water downstairs and he got a sudden spurt of cold did he jerk himself awake and stumble out to dry off.
There was no sense putting his dirty clothes back on, since he kept most of his clothes here anyway. Tucking a towel around his waist, he made his way down the hall and into his bedroom.
He stopped dead and stared. One of Jill's blouses was hung over the back of the rocking chair in front of the window. A pair of sandals poked out from beneath the bed. A suitcase was tucked beside the dresser. A hairbrush, some lipstick and a pair of earrings lay on top of it. Jill was living in his room.
Jill spent each night sleeping in his bed.
He ran his tongue over suddenly dry lips. His fingers clenched against folds of the towel around his waist. He looked at the bed and tried to imagine her there, her head on his pillow, her body curled beneath the quilt—the quilt that was the only thing he had left from his mother.
Deliberately, he turned away from the bed—from the thought. He fished a shirt off a hanger and pulled it on. He grabbed a pair of shorts and some jeans out of a drawer and pulled them on. He sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on his socks. When the mattress gave under his weight, he felt himself sag, too.
The day and the night and the day caught up with him. The trek down the hill with Jimmy, the night in the hospital, the surgery, the baby's birth, the cattle, the irrigation, the gate.
Jill.
He sighed. His fists tightened against the worn denim covering his thighs. He dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. It wasn't the ceiling he saw. It was Jill.
He could hear her now, saying something to Kevin and Dan, then laughing at their reply. They laughed, too. He heard Jimmy, Jr.'s high-pitched giggle and remembered the way Jill had looked with Kevin playing underfoot and Jimmy, Jr. hanging onto her legs. Comfortable. In her element. Maternal. Gentle. At ease and capable with the children just as she had been with Annette last night. More examples of what a good mother she'd have been. If only...if only...
Once more it all came back to that.
There was no end to the memories, the might-have-beens. There never would be. He sank back on the bed and gave in—just for a moment—-to the bone-wearying fatigue that overcame him.
♥ Scanned by Coral ♥
Six
It was already light when he opened his eyes. For a long moment he didn't remember where he was. Then he did. And groaned.
He was lying on his bed—Jill's bed. He'd sat down to pull on his socks before going down to eat supper how many hours ago? He didn't even want to think.
It didn't matter. Supper was a dead issue. God, how could he have done that? And where had Jill slept since he'd taken her bed?
A glance around showed him that she hadn't shared it with him. There was only one dent from one body. He finished yanking oh the socks he'd started with hours ago, then fumbled with the buttons of his shirt on the way to the bathroom. Then, combing his hair with his fingers, he hurried down the stairs.
"Good morning."
She was already up, sitting beside the high chair, feeding Jimmy, Jr. some cereal. She was wearing the same jeans and shirt she'd been wearing the day before. He wondered if she'd gotten any sleep at all.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to crash like that."
"You'd been up a day and a night and a day."
"So had you."
"I caught forty winks yesterday when Jimmy, Jr. took a nap."
"That's a lot," Luke said sarcastically.
"I'm fine. Besides, it wouldn't have done me much good to go to bed. Jimmy's been fretful. He's teething."
"So you've been sitting up with him all night?"
"I was down on the couch at first. He woke up about four and I went up and gave him a bottle. We fell asleep in the rocker." She flushed slightly.
"In my—in your—room?" She'd sat there and watched him sleeping? "You should've kicked me out!"
"You were sleeping like the dead. Besides," she added, "it's really your room."
He figured she had realized that, but her saying it made him feel awkward just the same. "You've been using it. You should've woke me up. Or...you could've lain on the bed, too. It's big enough."
"Sleep with you? Hardly."
He scrubbed a hand down his face. "Aw, hell, Jill. I said I was sorry about that. I never meant... You gotta know I didn't mean...what I said." He looked at her beseechingly. She looked back at him, her expression noncommittal. "I was angry at myself," he said. "Not you."
She looked as if she might argue, then simply shrugged. "You're going to have to come to terms with it eventually, Luke."
"I have."
She just shook her head, then turned away from him and opened the refrigerator.
"There's hot cereal on the stove," she said. "I can, make you eggs and bacon."
"Cereal's fine." He dished up a large bowlful, added milk and ate it while he stood at the sink. He put two pieces of bread in the toaster between spoonfuls and was glad when they popped up just as the cereal was done. He buttered them, then washed them down with a cup of coffee.
Jill finished feeding Jimmy, Jr. and got up.
Luke rinsed his dishes, set them on the counter and grabbed his hat from the chair where he'd left it the night before. "See you around," he said and opened the door. He got halfway down the steps and turned back. "I told Dan he could work with me this afternoon. I'm going up the mountain now. I'll be back down at dinnertime."
"It'll be ready."
"No," he said quickly. "I didn't mean that."
He fed the dogs and horses, then circled up the mountainside to check the cattle. Some needed moving, two needed doctoring. He brought a steer down to the pasture where he'd had the bull before. It had a long cut
on its flank that he wanted to watch for infection. Doing only what needed to be done took him all morning.
He could have taken all day, but he knew that Dan would be waiting, and so would all of Jimmy's work. Still, it was nearly one-thirty by the time he got back down.
Jill came to the door as he stepped onto the porch. "Cy and Paco came by and got Dan. He said he'd wait for you to start the haying, but they'd be opening ditches in the west field."
"God bless him." Luke started toward the truck.
"Here." When he turned, she thrust a good-size sack and a thermos in his direction. "I've made your lunch. You have to eat," she said almost gruffly.
He took them. "Thanks."
He ate in the truck on the way to the field. She'd packed him three roast-beef sandwiches, an apple, some carrot sticks and half a dozen chocolate-chip cookies still warm from the oven. Inside his lunch sack was another plastic bag filled with more cookies. On it she'd stuck a note: "To share with the rest of your crew."
Luke smiled, knowing how welcome they'd be.
He was right about that. Cy and Dan and Paco were more than willing to take a brief break while Luke took over the tractor. Then they all went back to work, the boys on the ditches, Cy and Luke on the mowing and raking, until suppertime, when Cy said he'd better get going because Mary would have his hide if he was late and her souffle fell.
"Mary makes souffles now?" Luke remembered Cy's good-natured wife as a top-notch meat-and-potatoes cook.
"Oh, sure. Gotta branch out now we're retired." Cy winked as he walked to his truck. "Keeps us young."
"You reckon wearing yourself out helping me keeps you young, too?" Luke asked.
"Of course." Cy climbed in and started the engine. "I'll see you tomorrow. Let's go, Paco!" he called to the boy, who was skipping rocks in the creek with Dan.
"Aw..." The reluctance in Paco's face was obvious.
"Let him stay for supper. I can bring him in later. Gotta run in and see Jimmy and Annette, anyhow."
Cy nodded. "He'd like that. I'll tell Linda."
"Thanks. And thanks for the help. Don't know how I'd manage without you."
Cy shrugged. "It's what friends are for." He gave a wave of his hand, and the truck rumbled off.
Jill had supper simmering on the back of the stove when they got to the house, and it was served up on the table by the time they were washed and dried and ready to dig in and eat.
Luke didn't argue. He knew all about protesting too much.
He sat at the head of the table where she pointed. She sat at the foot, with Dan and Paco on one side and Kevin and Jimmy, Jr. in his high chair, on the other.
They talked and laughed, and Kevin spilled his milk. Paco said he didn't like green beans and Jill told him to eat three bites. Luke backed her up without even thinking about it until he'd done it.
Like she was the mother and he was the father. Like they were a family.
The sharp pain of realization bit him suddenly and without warning.
He didn't want a family. Even a pretend one. Even a temporary one.
He shoved his chair back and stood up.
"I got some things that need doin' in the barn. Send Paco out when you're finished and I'll run him into town when I stop at the hospital." He carried his dishes to the sink, dumped them in the dishpan, then pushed open the door. "Oh, and...thanks for supper."
He figured he'd give Paco half an hour or so, then head for the truck. The kid wouldn't keep him waiting much longer than that, and it would mean he wouldn't have to go back into the house looking for him.
He didn't. Paco was waiting. So were Jill and Dan and Kevin and Jimmy, Jr. The bigger boys were all sitting in the back. Jill had fastened Jimmy into a car seat in the cab. She was sitting next to the door.
"We're coming, too," she said.
Luke opened his mouth to argue with her, took one look at all the boys' expectant faces and got in the truck. At least there was a toddler between them.
The baby had a name.
"Julie Elizabeth," Annette announced when they arrived en masse to see the sleeping, considerably less red and wrinkled baby.
"A big improvement," Luke said to the infant as he bent over her small bassinette and looked down at her. "You might get a date to the prom, after all."
"Luke!" Annette tossed a magazine at him.
"Hey," he grinned, fending it off. "It was a compliment."
She made a face at him. "Go bother Jimmy," she said. "Let us girls have a chat."
So Luke took the boys, minus Jimmy, Jr. who was sitting on Jill's lap, into the other wing of the hospital, where Jimmy was propped up in his hospital bed. The boys were suitably impressed with his cast, especially when he invited them to autograph it. But within minutes they grew bored.
"There's nothin' to do in here," Paco complained.
"You're telling me," Jimmy grumbled. "I want to go home."
"Go play catch on the lawn," Luke suggested. When they were gone, he asked, "When will they let you out?" It couldn't be soon enough as far as he was concerned.
"Day after tomorrow," Jimmy replied glumly. "They had to split the cast because of the swelling. Probably won't get to put another on until tomorrow night or Saturday morning. Then, man, I'm outta here." Jimmy stretched his hands over his head, then dropped them gingerly into his lap. His shoulders slumped. "But even then I'm not going to be good for much."
"We'll keep you busy," Luke promised.
"I can't ride. I can't rope. Hell, I can't even write my name. And I didn't get to help Annette with the delivery."
"They did all right without you."
"They did fine," Jimmy grumbled. "Women can always do it without us."
Luke grinned. "Not all of it."
A reluctant smile creased Jimmy's tanned face. "Well, yeah, there is that." Then the grin faded. "But I didn't mean that. I meant, bein' there. I wanted to be. It's—I dunno—part of bein' a dad."
"I wouldn't know." Luke paced over to the window, caught sight of the boys out on the lawn and abruptly turned away from them, too.
"You ain't gettin' any younger, Luke," Jimmy reminded him with more intuition than Luke would have given him credit for.
He didn't answer. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shifted from one boot to the other.
"Nice name, Julie," he said at last in an effort to distract Jimmy. "Named her after Julie Sutter, did you?" He grinned. Julie had been one of Jimmy's early steadies. She was married herself now and lived in Texas. "I'm surprised Annette let you."
"Wasn't after Julie. We wanted to name her after Jill, but we didn't want to confuse things, so we picked Julie instead. It's pretty close."
Luke stared at him. "After Jill? Confuse what?"
"Oh, we figured it might be awkward havin' two of 'em around. Not even a Junior, like our Jimmy is, you know?"
Luke didn't know. "What the hell are you talking about? Jill's not gonna be around. She's just here to work on her book."
"Yeah, but—"
"Then she's leaving! Going back to L.A. or New York or wherever! Good grief." He muttered this last under his breath, trying to mollify his outburst somewhat as he paced around the small room. He stopped at the foot of the bed and fixed Jimmy with a hard, narrow gaze. "How come you thought she was staying?"
Jimmy just looked at him and shrugged.
He wondered if Jill knew they'd sort of named the baby after her. He didn't ask, but he slanted her several glances once they were all packed into the truck for the trip back to the ranch.
She was poking her head out the window, telling the boys to sit down and keep their hands in. They were waving to friends at the local spring-fed swimming pool as they passed on their way to drop Paco off at his house.
"Let's go swimming!" Dan yelled.
"Hey, let's!" Paco shouted, and Kevin added his cheers.
Luke ignored them.
"Please!" Dan called. "How 'bout it, huh?"
"Please?" yelled Ke
vin and Paco.
Jimmy, Jr. yelled, too, and clapped his hands.
Luke drove on past, went all the way up the lane where Paco's house was and pulled up in front.
"Can we go tomorrow night?" Dan asked when Luke shut off the engine and they all climbed out.
"We've got haying to do."
"We can work late," Dan said. "It's Friday. The pool's open late, Please? We're comin' in anyway to see Annette and the baby. Besides, it'll feel good on our muscles. My dad says that soakin' in rnineral water is good for your muscles." He gave Luke an ingenuous grin.
"Prescribes it, does he?" Luke grumbled.
Dan nodded eagerly. So did Kevin. And Paco.
Luke looked at Jill. She didn't say a word.
"We'll see," he said at last.
"Yea!" Kevin yelled. Then he looked at Luke, his expression slightly sheepishly, as he explained, "That's what Mama says right before she says yes."
Luke's muscles were definitely in need of a long, hot, mineral-water soak by seven-thirty the following evening. He'd wrestled enough cattle aid horses and tractors and bales of hay that day to give him a personal interest in the well-being of each and every muscle he had. Still he was reluctant to stay at the house for supper, then afterward take the kids and Jill to the pool.
So why was he doing it?
Because he felt responsible, he told himself. Dan and Kevin might have been left with Jill, but they were left on his ranch, in his house. And he felt responsible for Jimmy, Jr. because Jimmy worked for him. And he felt responsible for Jill because...because...
For a man who didn't want any responsibilities, he sure had a hell of a lot of them right n°w. But they were temporary, he assured himself. On Monday Clare and Russ would be back. Annette and Jimmy would be home even sooner. Tomorrow morning. And Jill would leave. Soon.
One night wasn't going to kill him.
It might even be fun.
It might be too much fun. It might be too easy to enjoy it, to find himself wanting those responsibilities for himself, to find himself wanting to be part of a family.
He was afraid of all that when they parked in the swimming pool's parking lot, and Jill took Jimmy, Jr. with her into the women's dressing rooms to change while he took Dan and Kevin into the men's room with him.
Cowboys Don't Quit Page 9
