Gabbie made to stand up, but her mother said, “Wait.” She leaned over, and pulled Gabbie’s prayer kapp back a little, and then shook her head. “You can also do your hair again; I can tell that you didn’t even brush it before you pinned it.”
“I was in a hurry that’s why, and anyway, who sees my hair under the kapp? I promised Sally I would visit her as soon as I returned home, which was wrong of me considering I hadn't talked it over with you first.” She could see her mother reconsidering the etiquette of such things, and poked some more. “It would be terribly rude not to go since that is what I told her.” She peered at her mother. “Or have I got that wrong, Mamm?”
“Jah you have, Gabbie. You should know better than to speak words that you might have to go against. I’ve never liked saying ‘I’ll go here, or I’ll go there’ when it should be ‘if Gott wills it I’ll go here, or go there.’”
Gabbie nodded. “I know what you mean.”
“All right you can go this time, but check with me or your vadder first next time to make sure it’s okay with us. And never step a foot out of this haus looking like that, understand?”
“Jah, Mamm, I’ll go change.” Gabbie grinned and sprang to her feet. “Denke, Mamm. I’ll clean my room when I get back, I promise. I mean, I will. If Gott wills it, I’ll be back to clean my room.” Gabbie frowned, hoping she was saying the right thing.
Mrs. Miller smiled up at her daughter, and said, “Be back early, in enough time to help me with the dinner. It’ll be nice to have your help around here again.”
“Will do.” Gabbie changed into better clothes, and redid her hair. It was probably best she dress in a better manner just in case there was any truth in Sally’s letter. She would want to look her best if she ran into Joseph and he was indeed single.
Once Gabbie was clear of the house, she ran through the forest and up the road to her friend Sally's house. She wanted to slap Sally for lying to her about Joseph and Ilsa and causing her disappointment. At the front door, she composed herself and knocked.
Sally opened her door, and as soon as she saw Gabbie, she threw her arms around her. “Gabbie! You’re here. I'm so happy.” She released Gabbie and pulled her inside by her sleeve. “Come in, come in.” Sally dragged Gabbie up to her room and closed the door. “Sit, sit.”
Without even a ‘hello,’ or a bit of mindless small talk, Gabbie sniped, “Why? Why would you lie to me about something so important? I thought you were my friend.”
Sally gaped at her for a while, before she said, “Ach, but I am. Please don’t think I lied to you. I would never do such a thing. Please believe me.”
“Then what happened to make you write me those lies? You said Joseph and Ilsa were not together anymore, but my mudder said that they are. Besides, my vadder would know if they weren’t together anymore, and he agreed with Mamm.”
“Well, the reason I thought they'd broken up was that I heard them fighting.”
Gabbie pouted, wondering whether to believe her. “How did that come about?”
“I fell asleep in a barn, as I do sometimes. Something woke me up; voices, loud voices, you know? Anyway, I overheard a quarrel; well, I mean, it was all a little jumbled ‘til I woke up a bit, so it took me a while to realize who was shouting.” Sally wrung her hands and rounded her shoulders. “I'm not great when I first wake up.”
“What, Sally? Get on with it; what did you hear?”
“Ach, jah. Sorry.” Sally rubbed her palms together. “Then I heard Ilsa yell at Joseph. She said, ‘I’d be better off without you.’”
Gabbie raised her eyebrows. “She didn't?”
“She did, and he said, ‘That's fine by me.’”
Gabbie swooned. “He's so masterful. He must be mine.” She turned her attention to Sally. “And where did this take place?”
“At my bruder’s barn after a gathering. Everyone had gone home, and I’d fallen asleep and their shouting woke me.”
Gabbie tried to picture the whole scene as it would’ve unfolded. She pictured Sally’s brother’s house and his large barn. “Where was your bruder?”
“He was in the house with the rest of his familye.”
“So, the pair was arguing in public?” It didn’t sound like something Joseph would do. Gabbie had grown up with Joseph and knew him as calm and levelheaded.
Sally shook her head. “Nee, there was no one around except me, and they didn’t know I was there.”
“I can’t even imagine that Joseph would shout.”
“Not shout so much, but his voice was raised.”
Gabbie tapped a finger on her lips. “And you thought they had broken up, but somewhere along the line they must have made up?”
“I guess so, but I didn’t expect that would happen. It sounded as though they did not like each other anymore.”
Gabbie nudged her. “What happened next?”
“Well, they both stormed off out of the barn, so I crept down from the loft to watch what happened outside.”
“And?”
Sally frowned. “And nothing. They went off in separate directions.”
“Ach?”
“Can you see now why I thought they were over?” Sally peered into Gabbie’s face.
“I wish you'd made sure of your facts before writing to me. Couples fight though, don’t they? Mind you, they don’t shout at each other, but sometimes they have cross words. Don't your folks argue?”
“Not really, they don't talk enough to fight. And I thought you'd want me to write you the very next day to get the news right away.”
“Jah, very good, denke.” Gabbie could see that Sally was mighty upset by the whole thing. “When you found out you were massively wrong, why didn't you write again to set me straight?”
“I’m not so sure that what I said was wrong. I’ve been watching them, and I’m sure they’re not in love. Anyway, it would’ve been too late to write to you.”
Gabbie lifted an eyebrow. “You could’ve rung and left a message for me.”
Sally shrugged her shoulders.
Sally was so pathetic sometimes that Gabbie despaired of her. “You did a bad thing. What if I'd seen Joseph before hearing they were still together? What if I had told him how I felt about him? Can you imagine the level of humiliation I'd have experienced? All because you assumed something and didn't correct that assumption when you found out that you were wrong. It was selfish of you.”
Sally's cheeks flooded with tears, and Gabbie ignored her distress. “I can't look at you right now, Sally.”
Sally wiped tears from her face. “Will you still be my friend? I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble; I was just trying to help you.”
“I shall think about it. Stop crying, Sally.” Gabbie patted her friend on the back. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean, but my parents are talking about marrying me off to someone now that I’ve come back.”
“Nee.” Sally covered her mouth. “Who will they marry you to?”
“Probably the first old fool they can find. I wish I’d stayed with the Yoders in Lancaster. There was a boy there I could’ve married, and now I’m sure that Martha Yoder has snatched him up. His name’s Michael, and he was visiting from Ohio, and he’s very nice. I didn’t think it was a coincidence that we both arrived in Lancaster County at virtually the same time.”
“I’m sorry, Gabbie.”
“So am I, believe me. Martha saw that I liked Michael, so she liked him too. She as good as threw herself at him. It was embarrassing at times.” Gabbie shuddered and threw her hands in the air. “Now, she’s most likely going to marry him since I’m out of the way.”
“Which man do you like best though, Gabbie?”
“I like Joseph best, of course. That’s why I left as soon as I heard that Joseph was free. Mind you I would have stayed if I knew that he was still with Ilsa. I’m sure that Michael and I would’ve been happy together. It’s most likely too late for that now. That goody-goody Martha will snatch him up as sure as trees are green.”
After a silent moment, Sally said, “I’m sorry, Gabbie.”
“It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. Now I’m off to see what my cousin, Mary, has to say about the whole thing.”
Sally twirled the strings of her prayer kapp around her fingers. “Aren’t you going to stay longer? I haven’t seen you for months and months.”
“I’ll come back soon and then we can do something together.”
“Can I come with you to Mary's haus?” Sally frowned and leaned toward her.
Gabbie shook her head. “You stay here.”
Gabbie ran to her cousin, Mary’s house. She was recently married, and Gabbie respected Mary more than anyone else even though she was only two years older.
Chapter 33
Mary welcomed Gabbie as she always did, with a beaming smile and a big hug. “Come in. There’s always tea and cake here.”
Gabbie walked straight in and slumped into the couch. “Oh, Mary, it's so wonderful to see you. Everything’s just so dreadful for me. Gott seems to have forgotten me.”
“Gott doesn’t forget anyone.” Mary laughed. “He even knows when a tiny sparrow falls to the ground. Maybe He’s trying to teach you – or show you – something, and you’re not listening? He could be trying to get your attention.”
Gabbie sniffed, wondering if she’d done the right thing in returning home.
“Are you still upset about Joseph getting married to Ilsa?”
Gabbie nodded. “I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. I can’t help it.”
“It must be hard to love someone who can’t love you back, but it’s most likely for the best. But you can’t meddle; you know that, don’t you?”
“Mary, why would you say that?”
“You told me some time ago that you were thinking of trying to break them apart.”
“Oh.” Gabbie gave half a smile. “Jah. I wouldn’t meddle; I wouldn’t.”
“Come outside into the sun; we can sit on the porch. Everything feels much better when sunlight warms the skin. You sit, and I’ll put the kettle on the stove.”
On the porch, Gabbie sat and waited for Mary to return. Talking to a good friend always made her feel better, and her cousin was even closer than a good friend. She hoped Mary had heard what was going on with Ilsa. Surely if Mary had heard rumors that Ilsa and Joseph weren’t getting along, she would have mentioned something already.
Mary placed a plate of cake on the table along with teacups.
“Do you want some help, Mary?”
“Nee, you stay there.” Mary disappeared again and when she came back, she had a china teapot in her hands. She carefully poured the tea into two cups and sat down.
“Denke, Mary. This looks good.”
“Taste the cake, and see if you like it. It’s honey cake.”
Gabbie broke off a piece of cake and popped it into her mouth. “It’s good.” She nodded.
“Right, then, tell me what the matter is,” Mary said.
“Nothing, I’m just visiting.”
“That’s not what you said two minutes ago, Gabbie. A problem shared is a problem halved.”
Gabbie took a sip of tea and then set the cup back on the saucer. “It’s just that Sally’s an idiot. She’s humiliated me. Or she could have done if I'd acted on what she had told me. I'm livid, I tell you.” Unable to be still, Gabbie got up and paced.
“What did she do?” Mary asked, watching Gabbie walk up and down the porch.
“She wrote me a letter, and in the letter, she said that Joseph and Ilsa had broken up. Of course, I wrote to my parents straightaway to reassure them that I was not only reformed but that I was also ready to be a good little lady. They believed me and allowed me to return. Now, I find out that they’re thinking of finding a husband for me.”
“Worse things could happen. I was sad and sorry for myself too until I married Sam. Now my life’s complete.”
“Things don’t go well for me, Mary, they never have.” Gabbie found it hard to breathe, her palms were sweaty, and her urge to throw a cup into the distance was threatening to overtake her. “What am I to do? My best friend is too stupid to be friends with, my folks will marry me off to some stranger, and the mann I love is going to marry a mouse. It's too, too much to bear.”
Mary studied her quietly. “My goodness, Gabbie, sometimes you can be interesting and fun, but mostly you are intolerant of others. Ilsa is a very nice girl; you shouldn’t call her a ‘mouse.’ Neither should you be rude about your good friend Sally.”
As if her legs lost power, Gabbie fell into the porch chair, eyes wide, brows pinched. “Is that what you think of me? You think I’m rude?”
“Don't look so shocked. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, deep down. You make it very hard for people to like you. Also, you don’t think before you speak. You just blurt out the first thing that comes into your mind. More often than not, someone ends up embarrassed or with hurt feelings from your words.”
“This is the worst day of my life. I have no friends, Sally is ...”
“Stop dramatizing, will you? Honestly, can't you see Sally was trying to help you? She wouldn't have lied. What did she say exactly?”
Gabbie took a breath. “Well, she said she heard them break up, and I believed her.”
“You asked her to keep you informed before you left for Lancaster?”
Gabbie nodded.
“That was your first mistake; you entered into an agreement to gossip, and you dragged Sally in with you.”
Gabbie shook her head. “It wasn’t gossip.”
Mary put her hand to her throat and grimaced. “That’s exactly what it was. It’s normal for couples to argue. It sounds like Sally overheard them having nothing but a small tiff.”
Gabbie looked down at her hands in her lap. “She shouldn’t have got my hopes up. I was doing all right where I was, and I raced back here for nothing.”
Mary said more, but Gabbie wasn’t listening because she was thinking about Ilsa and Joseph. Was Sally wrong, or did the couple fall out, and then make up later on?
Mary’s words finally registered in Gabbie’s mind when Mary said, “Sally was only being a friend to you. Just forget Joseph for the time, and if it’s meant to be, then something will happen.”
“Sally should’ve ...”
“What? Pitched up outside Joseph's window and spied on him? Questioned all of his friends until she got to the root of the matter?”
Gabbie nodded. “Jah, that would have been much better; that’s what a true friend would have done.”
“Don't be ridiculous, Gabbie. She passed on a message, and you acted on it as you always do. You gave no thought to the whys and wherefores. You charged at it like a dog to a dinner bowl, and you grew wild when the bowl was found to be empty. Your impatience makes you selfish, and consistently flawed, and you will soon be sent away again if you don’t change your ways.”
Gabbie jumped to her feet. “So, I cannot count you as my friend either, then?”
“Don’t take what I say the wrong way, Gabbie. I am your friend, and that’s why I’m talking to you like this, as a friend. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t bother to say these things, but someone has to say it to you.”
“Fine. I came here for support, not to be insulted.” Gabbie ran from Mary’s porch crying. She could hear Mary calling for her to come back, but she ignored her and ran into the forest.
Gabbie needed peace to make sense of her terrible day. Why was Mary being so horrid, and Sally so hopeless? Why should Joseph marry mousy Ilsa instead of her?
It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.
Looking out over the creek, Gabbie stopped thinking long enough for her rage to quiet down. She emptied her mind of troubling thoughts, and of all the people who irritated her. She welcomed the cool shade on her skin, smelled the damp wood, and breathed in the fresh air. Soon, Gabbie had calmed down, inside and out. The babbling sounds of the water, and being in nature, always soothed h
er whenever she was troubled.
Before long, her troubling thoughts crowded back in on her. Mary had called her some horrible names. Gabbie recalled her own words and actions toward Sally and realized that Sally had only been trying to help. “Sally was just trying to be my friend, and I thanked her by leaving her in tears.”
Gabbie licked her dry lips. “And now Mary thinks I'm awful and difficult to like. Nee, am I so bad? Am I all the things she said?” Gabbie lay back in the dirt, not caring about the twigs digging into her back, or the possibility of creeping insects crawling over her. “If I’m all those things, if this is how low I've fallen, then I deserve to be here in the dirt. Sally's not the fool, I am. Mary wasn't unfair, I was. I am.”
Somehow, the discomfort of the cold ground made her feel better, as though nature itself was enforcing punishment. That way, she could atone in some way even if it were only by tolerating the sting of the twigs.
“I guess Mary’s right; if things don't go my way, I want to scream and often do. I blame everyone but myself. When did this happen? Why am I so frustrated, so easy to disappoint, and so disappointing?” Gabbie’s tears rolled back into her hair. “No wonder Ilsa gets a good man like Joseph. I’d reckon she’s calm in a crisis, not running around falling out with her closest friends. I’d reckon she’s perfectly behaved in all situations. I call her ‘a mouse,’ not because I know her, but because it suits me to believe she is imperfect, and that’s mean of me.”
Surrounded in unspoiled nature as she was, Gabbie felt close to God. If you are trying to teach me something by making me miserable, please tell me, or show me, what it is. She hoped that God heard her words even though she was sure He’d deserted her many years before.
* * *
Gabbie sat up and looked around once more at the only spot where she felt truly free to be herself. Here, there was no one to judge her, no one to seek approval from, and no one to impress. The dappling of light through the trees and the babbling of the creek soothed her. Her eyelids closed; she fell silent for a time listening to the water and the rustling of the breeze through the treetops.
The Amish Deacon's Daughter Page 18
