She knew she should have kept silent. If she had kept quiet, Joseph might have seen Ilsa and Stephen for himself, and then things would’ve been different. Gabbie watched Joseph until he disappeared into the crowd.
A pang went through Gabbie’s heart. She’d turned away the one man she loved. She never imagined this would be the outcome. Seeing Joseph angry with her was too much.
Gabbie walked back to sit with her family and caught sight of Stephen who was now by himself. It was at that very moment Gabbie decided she would befriend Stephen. Maybe then he would confess his fondness for Ilsa. It was clear to Gabbie that Ilsa preferred Stephen.
Perhaps that’s why Joseph was so angry with me. Joseph must know deep down in his heart that he and Ilsa are not destined to be together, Gabbie thought.
Chapter 39
Gabbie felt miserable for many days. She could not erase the image of Joseph´s anger from her head, and it haunted her every time she sought a moment of peace at Nancy's or around the farm. Those moments of peace were few and far between especially at home when she could not get away from her younger brothers.
Every spare moment Gabbie had, she made an excuse to be with Stephen, and she surprised herself by their growing friendship. Their relationship was not romantic because Gabbie loved Joseph. She was still convinced that Stephen loved Ilsa, even though he hadn’t admitted it.
Gabbie tried to make herself busy with Nancy, and with work around her own house. She was no longer sleeping nights at Nancy's haus, as the widow was managing much better now. As much as Gabbie tried to stop it, her mind continually drifted to Joseph. She kept busy on purpose to distract herself from worrying about Joseph, but she couldn’t help but worry. Once Joseph got married to Ilsa, he’d be lost to her forever.
Maybe I should pay Joseph a visit. If I could explain myself, he’d understand ... but what could I possibly say to him?
When she’d finished helping out at Nancy’s house, she came home and helped her mother with some of the dinner preparation.
Mrs. Miller put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Go clean up, and then come back and help some more after you’ve had a rest, Gabbie. You must be tired from helping Nancy.”
“Denke, Mamm. I’m very tired. Every muscle in my body is screaming for a rest. I didn’t know looking after small children could be so hard.”
Her mother gave a little laugh and Gabbie left the kitchen to take a hot shower.
The water beating down upon her relaxed her tension for a while. Straight after her shower, it was time to help her mother in the kitchen again.
She was starving, and had hoped for mashed potatoes and veal. Instead, her mother had prepared rice with chicken and a special delicious tomato sauce with basil.
The family ate dinner, and then they all enjoyed Gabbie’s favorite strawberry cake, their mother's surprise to them for dessert. With all the chatter from her younger brothers, Gabbie forgot all her worries over boys. She enjoyed her brothers’ jokes and their laughter. Just as she was feeling better, her father cleared his throat, hushed the boys, and looked at her. Gabbie knew that he had something important to say, and she braced herself.
“Gabbie, I noticed you and Stephen have been spending too much time together.”
Gabbie looked at the last bite of strawberry cake on her plate and set her fork beside it. Her last mouthful was ruined. “I don’t know what you mean by that, Dat. Surely you mean just the normal amount, right, Mamm?” She looked at her mother hoping for support.
“Your mudder and I have talked about it already. We agree on the matter, Gabbie.” Her father frowned at her. “I can’t work you out.”
Her mother put her hand gently on her husband’s hand. “Maybe we should have this talk with Gabbie alone, after dinner?”
Mr. Miller nodded. “After dinner then.”
Gabbie breathed out heavily. She knew their talk would be a serious one. After the boys were in bed, Gabbie and her parents sat in the living room.
Her father began by saying, “What I was going to say when your mudder stopped me, was that I can’t work out what’s going on with you.”
“In what way, Dat?”
“When you had Ilsa here with Stephen, I thought it was good that you were more friendly. Now, I think that you were trying to match the pair together, which is a terrible thing to do since Ilsa is betrothed.”
Gabbie screwed up her nose. “Why would I do such a thing?”
Her mother butted in, by saying, “It’s no secret that you like Joseph.”
“And now, you’re spending far too much time with Stephen,” Mr. Miller said.
“And we’d like to know why.” Mrs. Miller glared at her daughter.
“It’s just as friends. I’m allowed to have a boy as a friend, aren’t I?”
“Only if you are careful about how you appear to others. We don’t want others to think things are going on when they aren’t. The Bible says that one should abstain from appearances of evil,” Mr. Miller said, staring intently at Gabbie.
Gabbie heaved a sigh. “I’m not doing anything wrong.”
Mr. and Mrs. Miller exchanged glances.
“What are you up to, Gabbie?” Mrs. Miller asked. “You always have a plan for everything.”
“I’m not up to anything. Can’t you see that I’ve changed? I’ve been working hard helping Nancy. Is it so hard to believe that I haven’t done wrong?”
Mrs. Miller looked at her husband. “She has been working hard helping Nancy, and then coming home and helping here.”
Her father glared at her some more.
Gabbie squirmed in her seat. “I don’t understand why being friends with Stephen is a problem. I’m friendly with a lot of boys, and girls too. I don’t even like Stephen in that way. I don’t like him as a boyfriend.”
“As your vadder just said, it’s how you appear to other people,” Mrs. Miller said.
Mr. Miller nodded, and then said, “Jah, and as your mudder just said, we both wonder if you’re up to something. You showed too much interest in Joseph, and that’s why we sent you to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Yoder. Gabbie, we’re not having this conversation again. It’s not prudent to pursue a boy like you’re a wolf stalking a sheep; it’s not how you’re meant to behave as a child of Gott.”
Gabbie gasped. “I’m not acting like a wolf or anything of the kind.”
“Don’t forget that I’m the bishop, and my familye has to be an example to others, or I’ll step down. If a mann can’t keep his own haus in order, how can he keep Gott’s haus in order? We can’t trust you because you’ve lied to us in the past. Your mudder and I gave you the benefit of our doubt when you invited your two friends for dinner. During dinner, it became obvious what you were trying to do.”
“Jah, you wanted to match the two of them, so that Joseph would be free.” Mrs. Miller crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back in the couch.
Her father nodded.
“Nee, that’s not right at all. Stephen Horst is new to the community, and I wanted to show him that we’re friendly,” Gabbie protested.
Mr. Miller frowned. “Why do you feel the need to lie to your mudder and me about it? Did you think we would not be able to see through your scheme?”
Gabbie looked at the floor; there was nowhere else to look. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment that the plan she had thought so clever was instead so obvious.
She was losing her touch. Her parents couldn’t have heard any gossip about Stephen and Ilsa at the auction. Maybe she should tell them about the awful row Ilsa and Joseph had, which Sally had overheard.
Gabbie took a deep breath, calmed herself, and stopped herself from crying. In the back of her mind, she heard that her father was rambling on, giving her a series of warnings about her behavior. She brought her attention back to what her father was saying.
“If you continue this, you will end up marrying this boy. And that is not what your mudder or I wish for you. We believe you need an older man who is more ma
ture minded.”
Gabbie opened her mouth to ask whether he meant she’d have to marry Stephen or Joseph, but before she could ask, her mother spoke. “Your vadder and I have discussed whether you should go back to Lancaster County.”
Gabbie held her breath, and looked at her two parents in turn. She could only stay still, quiet, and in secret pain, hoping they weren’t seriously considering it.
Her father said, “Jah, we’ve discussed it, prayed about it, and we’ve decided to send you back to the Yoder familye.”
Mrs. Miller looked at Mr. Miller, as if she were surprised, then covered it by saying, “I suppose that’s best. They said that you’re welcome back anytime; they loved having you. Martha will be pleased you’re going back.”
This news was worse than Gabbie’s worst nightmare. She’d given up on the boy she’d liked in Lancaster County to come back to Joseph. Now, Martha had stolen Michael, the boy she had liked. How unfair could life and God be?
“This will be the best for you,” her father added, leaning over to pat her on the arm.
Gabbie jumped up, and squealed, “Nee. You can´t.”
Her father and mother fairly trembled at her outburst.
“I mean, I cannot go there again right now. I’ve so much to do here; I have made a commitment to Nancy. She needs me like you wouldn't imagine, and I´ve grown to like helping other people. I’ve learned so much since I’ve helped Nancy.” She wasn't lying, but she was stretching the truth in order to make the best argument.
Her father and mother looked at one another and smiled. Her father was the first one to speak. “That’s what we hoped would happen. When we take the focus off ourselves, we can see what’s important in life, and it’s not petty worries that we might have.”
Gabbie pouted. “Do I have to go back to the Yoders?”
“Well, we could negotiate an arrangement, of course,” her father said, speaking slowly and deliberately.
“What your vadder is saying is that you’re an adult, and you need to behave as an adult. You can’t jump up and scream, as you did just now; that’s what undisciplined children do.”
“If you stay, then your responsibilities around the orchard will be more, and you will need to assist your mudder in the kitchen. She cannot be alone in taking care of the magnificent dinners.”
Gabbie resisted the urge to tell her father that she did help a great deal with the dinners. “Jah, of course, denke.” Gabbie sat down, glad that her outburst had, in a backwards way, saved the day.
“I’m not finished.” Mr. Miller lifted his hands. “I want you to stop spending so much time with Stephen. I cannot have any of my familye be the subject of gossip. Understand?”
Gabbie nodded.
Her father stuck out his chin and said, “This is not definite, Gabbie, we still might send you back to the Yoders. If you step out of line, you will be on the next train. You could benefit from acting according to the moral values you’ve been taught in this household.”
“Jah, Dat.” Gabbie answered, ashamed and saddened to hear what her father thought of her. Having secret schemes was one thing, but now that her parents had guessed them, she knew that they weren’t too clever.
“Well, if we have all finished what we need to say, you can go upstairs, Gabbie. Or, you could stay here and read the Bible with us.” Mr. Miller reached for his Bible on the table beside him.
“I’d rather read on my own, up in my room.” Gabbie smiled at both parents before she walked up the stairs to her room. Her father’s words were harsh, but she had stopped them sending her away. She would have to be on her very best behavior from now on.
Dat didn’t say anything about seeing Joseph, she thought.
One thing Gabbie had not told her parents was that she had already made plans to see some people including Ilsa, Joseph and Stephen, the very next afternoon. She’d see them this one time, and then she would lay low and keep out of trouble. Her idea was that Joseph would see that Stephen and Ilsa had a special bond, and he would end his relationship with Ilsa.
Chapter 40
On the way home from the afternoon with her friends, Gabbie was pleased that Joseph seemed to have forgotten his harsh words to her at the horse auction; it was as if nothing had happened.
Gabbie’s parents had forbidden her from meddling, and also from speaking with Stephen. Gabbie tried to figure out what her parents thought she was doing spending time with Stephen when they knew that it was Joseph she liked. I know they think I’ve been trying to match Stephen and Ilsa, but do they think that I like Stephen too, as well as Joseph?
Gabbie wondered why her parents were so eager to send her away again. Her life might have been easier if she was just the usual bishop’s daughter, all well behaved and meek. Possibly her parents thought she was better off with other young girls, and the Yoder family had all girls, unlike her family where her siblings were all boys.
Maybe her parents needed all their energies to focus on her brothers to keep them under control and doing what they were told. Gabbie had always done whatever her heart, or her head, told her and not so much what her parents told her. Her mother had always labeled her as impulsive as if it were a bad thing to act quickly and suddenly.
Feeling guilty for having gone against her parents’ orders of seeing Stephen, Gabbie jumped into chores and helped her mother with the dinner, as soon as she got home.
Moments before dinner was to be served, Gabbie’s father stormed into the kitchen, leaving the front door to shut with a bang behind him. “Gabbie I’m just back from visiting Stephen Horst’s parents. Before I left their haus, I ran into Stephen, and he told me he’d just come back from seeing you, with Joseph and Ilsa. Would that be correct?”
“Jah, but only because it had already been arranged. That was honestly the last time I was going to see him, and Ilsa and Joseph too. Honestly, Dat.” Gabbie knew from her father’s swollen, red face that she’d overstepped her boundaries. She looked to her mother for help, only to see her mother shake her head, and look away. Her mother was equally as disappointed as her father.
“You will go back to the Yoder familye,” Mr. Miller said. “That’s the only option.”
Gabbie could not believe what she heard. She was to be sent away after all. “I’ve been so good. That’s the only thing I did. I only was going to see them this one last time. Can’t you believe me?”
“Your vadder asked you to stop, and you continued. You didn’t tell us you had something arranged, and I’m not saying that would have even made a difference,” Mrs. Miller said.
Mr. Miller held up both hands. “There will be no more argument. I will telephone Mr. Yoder tonight and make arrangements for your return.”
“But, Dat, why are you sending me back there again? I’ve practically just returned from there.” Gabbie hoped she would think of something to say to change his mind.
“You had fair warning. It’s better that you be away from us. You behave better when you’re away from your familye. It’s important that you grow up to have respect for authority.” Her father’s face was still red, but the rage causing his face to be puffy had lessened.
“Come on, Dat, you’re being unfair to me, and you know it. Why can’t I stay here? This is my home.”
Mr. Miller shook his head. “Gabbie, don’t answer me back. It’s something that I have decided, and that’s that.”
Gabbie frowned and looked to her mother again, but her mother cast her gaze downward.
“Stop challenging my decisions. My mind’s made up, and you will leave as soon as I can get you booked.” Mr. Miller stomped out of the room.
Gabbie knew that any more effort trying to get her father to change his mind would be in vain. She was sure Joseph had feelings for her, and now her father was ruining everything.
That night, Gabbie couldn’t sleep. She knew she should’ve left the situation with Ilsa and Joseph alone, but she thought she had to try at least something. She hated it when things were out of her control.
And now, her father was making sure she had control of nothing — not only with Joseph.
Two days later, Gabbie was on the train back to the Yoders in Lancaster County. At the same time, Amy was on the train to Augusta to stay with the Miller family before her wedding to Andrew. A wedding and a love that Gabbie admitted she’d tried to hinder by tossing Amy’s letter into the trash. Now she realized the gravity of what she’d done that day. She’d tried to rectify it by talking to Andrew, but what if it’d been too late? It made her feel horrid she’d done something so wicked. It was the most awful thing she’d done in her life.
She gazed out the window and thought about Martha, who was still in Lancaster County even though she’d married a man who said he was going to take her back to Ohio. She’d have to find out the real story behind that one. Being with the Yoders again would be a welcome change, she decided.
The soft rhythm of the moving train caused Gabbie to close her eyes. She remembered how Martha and she had both liked Michael Glick, and now, even if he hadn’t married Martha, Gabbie wouldn’t like him anymore at all. She’d left Martha to have him when she received that letter from Sally informing her that Joseph and Ilsa had parted company. Going home was all for nothing, just a big waste of time. If only Sally hadn’t jumped to conclusions and gotten my hopes up by writing that silly letter.
When the train slowed, Gabbie opened her eyes to see a crowd waiting on the platform. Somewhere in the crowd of faces, she was sure she saw Martha and Mr. Yoder.
Gabbie grabbed her small bag, jumped off the train and hurried to her friends. She wrapped her arms around Martha’s tiny waist and shook Mr. Yoder’s hand. “I’m so pleased to be here again.”
“How was the trip, Gabbie?” Mr. Yoder asked with a wide smile on his face.
“It was lovely, denke. The scenery is always nice to look at, and I filled in time with some needlework.”
Mr. Yoder looked down at her small suitcase. “Is that all you’ve brought?”
The Amish Deacon's Daughter Page 22
