by P. M. Briede
“How many muses have you come across in your lifetime?” I wondered aloud.
“Countless,” Olivier admitted, “though none of them impacted me the way you do.” My hand was in his, as we both had reached for the other across the table. His fingers fondled mine.
Taking a long sip of my wine, I called forth my courage and rationale to hear the answer to my next question and not be judgmental. “How many did you sleep with?”
Olivier choked on his wine and it took a few coughs before he could respond. “Ah, I think I misheard you, Charlotte.” His fingers enclosed tightly on mine as if afraid the truth would steal me from him. After telling him he hadn’t I firmly held his eyes in mine and waited patiently for my answer. “You really want to know this?” I nodded and he pulled his eyes from mine. I know he thought me naïve but I wasn’t so innocent as to think he’d never bedded a woman before. “All of them.” The words fell like boulders from his mouth.
Ok, hadn’t thought that, either. “Again it’s one of the things that made me a good exiled soldier,” Olivier explained. “I could be with these women, learn their tricks and secrets, every muse has something that ignites those around them, but never be attached. Then by being their lover, I’d gain their trust and get them to use their skills to accomplish what I needed. In truth it’s no different from what power hungry men and women have been doing for centuries.” With a sigh, his eyes returned to mine and I’m not exactly sure what he saw there but he must have found it slightly reassuring. “Now ask me how many of them I loved.”
“How many?” The words spilled from my tongue automatically.
“None,” he declared, his eyes consumed by fire. “I have yet to bed a woman out of love but I hope if she is not thoroughly disgusted with me now I will be able to soon. I am intrigued to know what it is to make love to a woman, to be connected in that way.”
It was flattering that I could be unique to him in that way if I wanted to be. Yet images of him with thousands of faceless women throughout history clouded my mind, as if I was looking through a sex flip book. I couldn’t fault him for taking lovers. Hell, I’d taken more than I wanted to admit in my short history. Unsure if I was disgusted with him or not, I redirected our conversation. “You said there’s something special about every muse. What’s special about me?”
Olivier motioned to the waiter and paid our check, not saying a word until we were out on the street. “You’re genuine, carissime. There’s nothing calculating about you and you care so deeply for everyone around you.”
I was quiet as I thought about what he’d said. I do care about everyone around me, including Wesley. It was time to get over my hurt at being tossed aside. It was time to get over the attack from May. It was time to insert myself in the eye of the hurricane and see if I could keep it from washing us all away.
Chapter 13
The city was moving into overdrive as it prepared for the national convention where it was anticipated our former governor was going to accept the official nomination for President. It was definitely good for Paige and Tristan as it meant the campaign would return for an extended stay, two and a half weeks to be precise, prior to the convention. There would still be some travel but they planned to stick mostly to day trips among the southern states.
This was also good for me as there were now events located where I could either pull or purchase an invite. I’d initially planned on sharing my epiphany with Olivier but I knew the thought of me stepping back into the lion’s den would not go over well. Plus, getting involved in the campaign again put me on a path to see Wesley and Olivier had already told me his assignment was to keep me away from my ex.
Sharing lunch with Paige one afternoon, I told her my thoughts about needing to be exposed to the campaign. “Why would you want to do that to yourself? Charlotte, I wasn’t kidding when I said Wesley treats Abigail reverently. You’d almost think he thought she was you. It makes my skin crawl.” To emphasize her point she shivered.
“It’s not about doing something to myself, Paige. But Olivier and you aren’t making any headway and we’re eventually going to run out of time. We need to find out what Banks looks like and get her full name. My presence, how people listened to me, not just Wesley but Alexander too, that’s what caused Olivier’s cohorts to get up in arms. Right now, we’re plodding along the way they want us to. We are playing their game, their way. We need to go on the offensive and the best weapon we’ve got is me and my muse-tacular talents.”
Paige reached over the table and stole some fries off my plate. “You’ve got me behind you but how are you going to convince Olivier to let you go?” she queried.
I squared my shoulders. “I’m not a child,” I spat indignantly. “I don’t need his permission.”
She laughed at me. “You sure about that? Olivier’s your constant tail, where you go, he goes and where he goes, you go. You two have been inseparable since you moved in with him. I often wonder how you handle it at the school.”
It was a valid point. Nightmares gone or not, I was still petrified to go anywhere alone and hated crowds, only feeling safe with Paige or Olivier. “He’s not here with me now!” I countered.
“Only because he trusts me to look out for you,” she teased. At my scowl she continued. “Look, I know you’re not fragile but it’s been a rough year. Things are quiet now, we both know that the other shoe is going to drop.” With more of my fries in her hand Paige sat back in her seat and leveled a look at me I’m sure she perfected in an interrogation room.
“That’s what I’m trying to stop, Paige,” I exclaimed with frustration. “The pieces are all there. We just haven’t put them together yet. You’ve got to help me know what events are going on. I’ll buy tickets to those that require them but you’ve got to convince Tristan to put me on the lists.” My voice cracked at the end. If Paige refused, I don’t know what I’d do. Proximity was required for this to work. Being on the lists, while it wouldn’t put me at the table of the candidate, would put me closer to him and the staff. I could stomach seeing Wesley with Abigail if it meant saving all of our lives. If I wasn’t on any of the lists, I’d be in the back, barely noticed, and kept at bay by an aide.
Like bringing me back in was no skin off her nose, Paige shrugged. “Eh, shouldn’t be too hard.” Before I could challenge that, after all I couldn’t imagine Wesley would have left an ex-fiancée on the preferred lists of guests, she finished. “According to Tristan, you were never taken off any of the lists. Every time I’m at one of those events with him, Alexander and Regina always ask about you. You’d think they wouldn’t since you’re the ex-fiancée of the man dating their daughter, but that fact seems to upset them. Apparently anytime someone mentions taking you off, both Wesley and Alexander emphatically demand you remain.”
Now that was odd. “No one questions why Wesley of all people insists on it?” I skeptically asked.
“I told you,” Paige over-enunciated the word like I was dense. “The man’s gone bat shit crazy. Maybe all those long work hours and sleepless nights with Abigail have addled his brain.” The image of my Wesley in bed with that vile creature made me cringe. I shuddered and exhaled loudly. Nope, not my Wesley anymore. I may be working on getting over him but that didn’t mean I wanted to imagine him in the arms of that particular woman. “I’m sorry, Charlotte. I wasn’t thinking.” Brushing her off, I asked Paige to have Tristan call me when he got the appropriate credentials for all the events in the area. “So are Tristan and I your dates then or should I have him get two of everything?”
“Have him get two,” I confirmed. “Whether he likes it or not, Olivier will come with me. When is the first event?” This was definitely going to start a fight, but it had to be done. Olivier wouldn’t lay a hand on me to keep me from going and I knew that he wouldn’t be able to let me go alone. Either way I was going to manipulate him to get what I wanted and the thought made me sick. How everyone slept at night knowing they’d manipulated me, I had no idea.
&nb
sp; Paige said this weekend and we were both startled when Olivier’s deep, drawling voice repeated the words. His hand instantly cupped mine to stroke my fingers so I’d release the knife clenched within them. They both watched me cautiously until I flexed my fingers. One of these days, if this didn’t stop happening, I was going to hurt someone.
Paige had never actually seen me react that way and her saucer sized eyes shot up to Olivier’s. “How long has this been going on?” she flung at him. “I thought you said she was doing fine!”
Olivier sat in the chair between us as he lifted my hand and took the knife, placing it out of arms reach. Maybe I was a child. “Since the attack and she is,” he casually answered. “That was actually a very mild response.”
Cutting him off, Paige hissed at him. “At the sound of your voice her initial reaction wasn’t to take you in her arms or even smile. She snatched a knife, Olivier!”
His loving eyes were locked on mine but his tone did not match them. “Paige, she was viciously attacked,” he explained in a tight, hushed voice. “Did you expect it wouldn’t have an impact on her trust? It wasn’t my voice she reacted to, I startled her. I do it, periodically, on purpose to help retrain her emotions. Though that instinct to fight is probably what kept her alive that night. Part of me doesn’t really want her to lose it. But she can’t live the rest of her life this way.”
Paige opened her mouth to say something but I’d grown tired of being talked about like I wasn’t there. “You know I can hear you, right? Still right here,” I admonished them as I waved my hand. “Paige, he’s right, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I moved to tangle my fingers in Olivier’s and smiled confidently. “Once again, Olivier is curing me.”
Paige was going to worry and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Standing, I tried to leave so maybe Olivier wouldn’t ask about this weekend again. I wanted to have that argument at home. As I put my card back in my wallet I tugged on his arm. “So aren’t you early, Olivier?” Paige asked before he could stand. “I feel like we have joint custody of Charlotte and you’re not abiding by the agreement.”
With a tense chuckle Olivier handed Paige his phone. “Actually, I needed some advice,” he said. “Or help, probably.” When she turned it on her jaw dropped so fast it popped. She dropped the phone like it had bit her and looked up at me with an apprehensive expression.
“What?” I wondered as I reached for the phone. They both reached for it to keep it from me, but of course, Olivier was the fastest.
“Carissime, sit down,” Olivier ordered. That was most assuredly not a good sign, so I sat. With his eyes trained on me, the way he continued stunned me. “Memento quoniam te amo.” Remember that I love you.
Okay, switching languages to keep this private was new. This had to be about Wesley. “Quam malus est?” How bad is it? Olivier’s visage and the way he kept shifting in his seat told me I was about to be dealt a potentially crushing blow.
Paige’s head was swiveling back and forth. “Are you seriously going to tell her in Latin?” Frustrated with the two of us, she snatched his phone, turned it on, and tossed it to me. Given Olivier’s reflexes the fact he wasn’t able to stop her said a lot about her own speed.
My reaction to what I saw and read matched Paige’s. Olivier’s grip tightened on mine. The image on the screen of his phone was a vaguely familiar picture of Wesley and Abigail. They both looked stunning. She was facing the camera and he was at her back, gazing lovingly at her. The headline read, The Sundance Kid Nabs Cassidy’s Daughter. I guess I hadn’t realized Jon Stewart’s nickname for Alexander and Wesley had taken hold with all the media outlets. The article reported they had announced their engagement last night.
Blood was pumping in my ears. But I wasn’t distraught; there was no pain in my chest. I felt sorry about the choice Wesley had made but I no longer felt I was suffering because of it too. It took me a minute to realize my blood was boiling with anger. For the first time since learning Wesley had left me, I was actually furious with him. All he had to do was be honest with me, but the coward didn’t even respect me enough to do that!
Paige pounded her fist on the table to draw our collective attention. “Well, is one of you going to fill me in? Not all of us speak in dead languages.” Her tone softened. “You don’t look as bad as I would have expected? You okay?”
I stole a quick peek at Olivier before answering Paige. “I’m alright. Even with everything that’s happened, if she makes Wesley happy then so be it. I would have wanted better for him. I wish he would have been honest with me. But the past is past and that headline just put the final nail in the coffin of any future I could have had with him. It’s fine because I think I’ve finally realized I don’t want it anymore.” The grin that grew on Olivier’s face at my words made it look like he’d just won the lottery.
Paige swallowed and nodded with a slight curve to her lips and some sorrow in her eyes. Wesley, Paige, and I have been friends for so long and that era was going to end with his marriage to Abigail. Never again would we ever be the three of us. Paige took an appraising look at Olivier, it was as if she was thinking he could fill the void. But Wesley couldn’t be replaced. Friends drifted apart all the time and it was time for us to let him go.
I stood, renewing my desire to leave. This time Olivier and Paige stood with me. We walked out of the restaurant towards our cars. She gave me one last hug. “I’ll see Tristan tonight and get him started on your credentials. He’ll probably have them by tomorrow.”
Olivier didn’t say much during the car ride home, he seemed contemplative. I’d asked him a couple of questions but all I got in response were one word answers. It didn’t occur to me that something was truly wrong until I was walking into the house and realized he was still in the car. I turned back to him and noticed he was gripping the steering wheel with unseeing eyes.
I warily approached him. I tried to open the door but it was locked. Knocking on the window, I peered at Olivier with curiosity and concern. When he finally turned his eyes on me, I realized they weren’t unseeing, they were enraged. What could he possibly be so livid about that he’d locked himself in the car and away from me? Then it hit me and I felt like a colossal idiot. He’d overheard Paige mention the credentials and that I’d have them tomorrow.
He must have seen the understanding of what was going on bloom in my face. The car unlocked and I backed away from the door. He jumped out and slammed it before rounding on me. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? I JUST DON’T GET IT. ONE MOMENT YOU’RE ANNOUNCING YOU’RE OVER HIM AND THEN I HEAR YOU PLAN ON INJECTING YOURSELF BACK INTO HIS WORLD! THAT WILL PUT YOU IN DANGER! WHY, CHARLOTTE?”
I wasn’t used to being screamed at. I’d fought with men before but Giles and I had bickered with occasional door slamming. Wesley and I had only really had the one fight when he was overbearing and stubborn and we’d raised our voices. But there hadn’t been a lot of screaming. I’d never been afraid of either of them, but seeing Olivier this way frightened the bejesus out of me. I knew he wouldn’t lay a hand on me but blows weren’t the only way I could be hurt by this man.
Remembering all I’d been through, the choice of fight or flight emerged. Typically, I’d choose flight, go into another room or leave the house altogether. Take space and time to cool down. But Olivier needed to know screaming at me was not something I would tolerate. Steeling myself as if I was headed into battle, I leveled my eyes at him. “Do not EVER endeavor to speak to me like that again!” I fumed. Shock swept slightly onto his face but I could tell by the way he opened his mouth he was going to scream again. “I’m not kidding, Olivier. If you scream at me again, I’m calling Paige and leaving. We’ll keep you in the loop with what we find out but whatever this is between you and me,” I motioned with my arm between the two of us, “it will be over.”
Every muscle in Olivier’s body rippled. Maybe it was a mistake to think that he wouldn’t lay a hand on me? He was gripped by emotions so powerful I knew he wasn’t thi
nking clearly. But the decibel level dropped when he spoke to me again, even as the fury that laced his voice grew. “Are you threatening me, with you?” His laugh was maniacal as it passed through his sneer. “Amazing how quickly you learned that trick!”
Rage quickly built within me and I now understood how people could scream at those they loved. At least it was a way to release the pressure from the hurt I suddenly felt. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Selecting my words and tone very carefully, I wanted to understand his accusation and diffuse the situation. “I’m not threatening you, just giving you the facts of the decision you face. You’re mad and you have every right to be. However, that does not give you the right to scream at me and treat me as if I’m beneath you. If you want to stand by my side through the rest of this life, you will remember I am your equal and you will always treat me as such.”
His eyes blinked rapidly until they finally closed. His breathing became more steady and rhythmic. “Are you saying that’s an option then? Are you asking me to be the man who finishes this life with you?” There was still some fire in his voice but it was more controlled and coupled with hope.
What Olivier was asking sounded more like a proposal and that most definitely was not something I’d decided on. Sighing, I wondered how I’d gotten back to the point of being able to be decimated and uplifted by the words of a man. “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. All I know is I don’t want to fight with you, not now, not ever.” My voice was small and I dropped my face into my hands.
Olivier’s arms materialized around me. I hadn’t even heard him take a step. “Carissime, I’m sorry.” He kissed the top of my head. “I don’t want to fight with you either. I’m just jealous and desperate. I read too much into what you said at lunch. I thought, well what I thought doesn’t matter. Then I heard what I assume was Paige telling you she is getting you on the lists for this weekend’s campaign event,” I nodded against his chest. “The idea of you trying to reach out to Breaux there. I don’t kn…”
