by Kahele, J
The last time it was a disaster, the box falling from the shelf, the contents scattering everywhere. I decided it would be best that instead of bringing the box to me, I would go to the box. I grabbed the step stool, hidden by the side of the closet.
I stood on the stool and gently slipped the top of the box off and grabbed a handful of envelopes, stepping down and sitting on the ground of the closet. I spread the envelopes out and realized they were all still sealed, that Chain had never even opened them. That really got my curiosity up in a bunch. Why wouldn’t he open them? What was in the envelopes that he didn’t want to see?
“I am just getting the address,” I mumbled aloud. I picked one of the envelopes up and glanced down at the address. As I held it in my hand, I found myself fighting the urge to open it. It would be so wrong if I opened it. I slapped the envelope back down on the ground and stared at it. He had hundreds of them, what would it hurt if I just opened one? Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed the envelope and ripped the top off. I slid the folded-up piece of paper out and opened it up. The letter read:
Sean,
Please call me. 555-555-2222.
Love,
Dad
Of all the letters I could have opened it had to be this one, the one that gave me an actual number. I was suddenly hesitant. I had been searching a month for a way to contact Chain’s father, but now that it was sitting right in front of my face, I didn’t know what to do. I felt a little deceitful. Not only for going through the box and opening the letter, but also for thinking about going behind Chain’s back and calling his father. Should I tell him about it? I could tell him, Chain was a very understanding person. But would he be understanding about this? My cell rang and I scooted across the floor, grabbing my purse.
“Violet Townsend,” I answered.
“Darling, are you still at the apartment?” Chain queried.
“Yes. I am.”
“Are you feeling better?”
“Much.”
“I was calling because I was thinking that since you are already out of the office, we could go for brunch. What are your thoughts?” I pulled my cell away from my face and was shocked when I saw the time. 1:00. I had been sitting in this apartment for almost two hours? My father was going to kill me. I should really get back to work, but I thought this might be a good opportunity to ask Chain about his father, test the waters before I attempted to go any further.
“Sure, where would you like to meet?” I murmured.
“I was thinking maybe that little family restaurant near your office, I forget the name.”
“Cadious?”
“Yes, yes, that one.”
“Okay, I’ll meet you say in fifteen minutes.”
“Perfect, can’t wait to see you.” I hung up my cell.
I slid the envelope and letter into my purse, along with my cell, before returning the rest of the envelopes to the box.
***
Chain was sitting in a corner table when I walked up. He stood up, kissing me quickly on the cheek. “Hello, sweetheart.”
“Hi,” I responded as he slid out my chair and I sat down.
He plopped his napkin on his lap before saying, “So what are you hungry for?”
Really? I grinned widely at his comment and he shook his head. “You’re an insatiable woman, Violet.” He reached across the table, grabbing my hand. “I have to confess, I was very tempted to drive by the apartment for some afternoon play time, but I remembered your womanly monthly, so I decided to come to the restaurant instead.”
I didn’t know why he always called my period a womanly monthly. What was wrong with period?
“That never stopped you before.”
“I know that. But being as it came early, I was worried that I might mess up some of your womanly parts.” He sounded like a man in his eighties, using the word ‘womanly’ before everything having to do with my female parts and my monthly.
“Chain, why do you say ‘womanly’ before everything that has to do with females?”
“Because you are a woman.”
“You can say period and vagina, they are not swear words.”
His nose bunched up with disgust. “They sound so dirty. I prefer womanly.”
I laughed as I leaned across the table closer to him. “Not to change the subject, but can I ask you something?”
He blinked, then stared into my eyes questioningly. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“That look on your face is telling me that you are about to ask me something I’m not quite sure I want to answer.”
I batted my lashes. “Whatever do you mean?”
He chuckled. “What is it, Violet? What do you want to ask me?”
“Do you ever think about your father?”
I could almost see the blood draining from his face. “No.”
“Never?”
“Why are you bringing this up?” He sat back, cupping his chin, looking at me intensely.
“I don’t know, just wondering, that’s all.”
He shook his head. “You have been snooping around in the white box again, haven’t you?”
“No.”
He stretched his hand out. “Give it to me.”
“Give you what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Violet, you are an awful liar and I can tell by your expression and the fact that you have been clutching your purse so tight to your chest since you arrived that you are hiding something. And my suspicion says that you have been in that box and took something. Now hand it over.”
How did he know me so well? I growled before reaching in my purse, sliding out the paper and envelope, and handing it to Chain. He glanced over it quickly before tucking it into his jacket pocket.
He stretched his arms across the table. “Give me your hands.”
I placed my hands in his and looked down with disappointment. “Look at me, Violet.”
I looked up at him. “I would do anything for you, you know that, right?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, you are my world. But when it comes to my father, I will not bend. I don’t want this to become a problem between you and me and I see it going in that direction. So I’m asking you to please stop. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life with you and I don’t want to ruin that. Do you understand?”
“But Chain, he’s your father.”
“No, Violet, that’s what you don’t understand, he stopped being my father long ago. I’m begging you, please, let it go.” How could I say no?
“Okay.”
He squeezed my hands before releasing them. “Thank you.” I grabbed my glass of water. “One more thing, you didn’t start your womanly monthly, did you? You left work with the intention of going to the apartment and going through that box, didn’t you?”
He definitely knew me. “Yes I did.”
“So you lied to me.”
“Yes, I did.”
“It’s the second time you have lied to me, Violet, and I don’t like it, not one bit. How am I supposed to take you at your word if you lie to me?”
“I know it was wrong, I promise it will not happen again.”
“Both times you have lied to me, it was because you were fishing for information about my father. Can’t you see? Even though he isn’t around, he is still causing chaos in my life.”
“Don’t blame him for this, this was all me. All I want is for you and your father to talk, is that too much to ask?”
“Why, Violet? Why is it so important to you?”
“Chain, my parents are the most important people in my life, besides you, and I couldn’t imagine not having them. They give me a comfort no one else could ever give me. You are the man I love and I want you to have that comfort too.” I paused as I took a deep breath. “I don’t understand why you can’t forgive him.”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why?”
He exhaled hard. “
I told you why.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe it was because of the accident, I don’t believe that for one minute… Why can’t you tell me the real reason?”
He completely ignored my question, answering instead, “Violet, trust me, I’m better off without him.”
“I don’t think you’re better without him. I think you have just convinced yourself you are but deep down inside you know as well as I that you need him. Forgive him, Chain, please.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I told you why,” he repeated as he looked away. His lack of eye contact and the expression on his face didn’t show hatred or anger, it showed something way worse: pain, guilt. He looked guilty as sin. But why? It only reaffirmed to me that he was hiding something. And I had every intention of finding out exactly what that was.
***
Back at the office, I sat down at my desk, my mind stuck on Chain’s father and the accident, questions still burning through my mind. I knew the only way I was going to set my mind at ease was to dig deeper into the accident. This wasn’t prying, this was just finding out about my boyfriend’s past, what harm would it do? Besides, Chain specifically said he didn’t want me contacting his father, he never said that I couldn’t research his mother’s and sister’s accident.
Most car accidents were public knowledge. So clicking my mouse on the search tool, I put ‘Devin Michaels’ in and pressed enter.
I saw immediately the title, ‘Accident claims life of mother and daughter,’ and I clicked on it.
As I read the story, I realized this was definitely about Chain’s mother and sister. The story was almost detail for detail what Chain had said, except he left out that the driver of the other car was driving down a one-way street the wrong way and broadsided them. He also failed to explain that the other driver was drunk and had been convicted of vehicular manslaughter in the deaths of his mother and sister. This only made me more confused; it proved that the accident was not Chain’s father’s fault at all. So why did Chain blame him?
“I’m glad that you could make it to work today,” a voice bellowed from the door. I looked up to see my father leaning against the door.
“Hi, Daddy.” He walked into the office and stood near my desk.
“Violet, why are you having such a hard time working a full day?”
Should I tell him the truth? He would definitely be angry if he was aware that I had taken time out of my work day to do something personal. I couldn’t tell him the truth, he would fire me! One small white lie never hurt anyone, right? “I was having girl problems, my womanly monthly came earlier than I expected.” Did I just say womanly monthly? I couldn’t believe that Chain was starting to rub off on me.
He held his hands up. “I don’t need to hear any more, I understand.” He plopped down on the chair in front of my desk. What was with men and women talking about their periods that made them so disgusted and embarrassed?
“I am going to need you to come into work early tomorrow. I have a new client coming in and I need you to sit in on the first meeting, do you think you can do that?”
“Of course, Daddy. Who is the new client?”
“Lonnie Statford; she owns a bunch of hair salons throughout the country.” Thank God, finally a female client! Working with women over the years, I found their work ethic different. They were more involved and appreciated the hard work I would put forth on the project. Most of our clients were male and not to sound prejudicial, but they were very expectant, had no respect for my time and used me more like their errand girl than a project manager. I was very excited to work with this woman.
My brothers both walking into my office was strange. Once in a while they would show up one by one, but never both at the same time. The plopped down in the chairs in front of my desk.
“What are you two doing here? Don’t you work?” I queried with a bit of sarcasm.
Vince brushed his hand against his pants before leaning forward. “Sure we work but we needed to talk to you about something important.”
“What?”
He handed me a picture and I glanced down at it to see two little boys dressed in tuxedos. “How old do you think me and Victor are in that picture?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, you look about two,” I responded as I handed him back the picture.
“Ah ha, told you, asshole. Mom and Dad have only been married twenty-three years.” Victor took the picture and glanced down at it. “Maybe you’re right.
What were they talking about? My parents were married way longer than that, since my brothers were twenty-six. I could guesstimate that they had to have been married at least twenty-eight or twenty-nine years.
“What are you talking about, Vince, Mom and Dad have been married longer than that, you two are twenty-six.” Vince looked at me, then back at Victor.
“She doesn’t know,” Vince said to Victor.
“Oh, that’s not good,” Victor responded. What on earth were they talking about?
“What?” I queried.
Vince laughed. “Violet, Mom and Dad have not been married for that long, trust me.”
“What? That’s not possible, you two are—” I stopped mid-sentence as Vince nodded. Oh my God! My parents had my brothers before they got married. How was that possible? Dear Lord, they had sex before they were married? Not like I was a virginal angel, but the thought of my parents having sex made me sick to my stomach. The fact that they actually enjoyed it made me even sicker. And they had to have enjoyed it if they were pregnant before they even got married.
The disgust must have shown on my face. “I know, it’s gross, isn’t it. To think that Mom and Dad were getting it on before they even got married,” Vince stated.
“It is so disgusting,” I chimed in. Vince stood up and Victor followed suit. “We better get back to work, talk to ya later.” I nodded and they left, leaving me with a sick thought in my head and a churning stomach. My parents actually had sex and enjoyed it. Ugh.
***
I was mentally exhausted by the end of the day and all I wanted to do was go home, change clothes and collapse in my bed. But I couldn’t. I had made plans with Callie and Helen to go out to dinner.
I was finishing getting ready when I heard the door to my house open up.
“Chain,” I called out from the bathroom.
“Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me.”
“Okay, just checking.” I finished applying my lipstick, then strolled out to the living room.
An array of violet roses sat in a beautiful crystal vase, with a smiling Chain standing next to them. “I saw these at the florist and couldn’t resist.”
I laughed. “Oh I see, they had violet roses sitting in the window?”
He bent, giving me a quick kiss. “Not exactly,” he whispered, then wrapped his arms around my waist. He placed tender kisses on my neck, jaw and chin, then claimed my lips again. As his hands slid down my sides, I pulled away.
“I can’t,” I murmured as I pushed his hands away. He looped his arm around me, crushing my body against his. “Yes you can.”
I pushed at his chest. “Let me go, Chain. I told you I’m going out with Callie and Helen tonight; the last thing I want is to smell like a woman who has just had sex.”
He pulled me tighter to him. “But the smell is so exquisite.”
I scrunched up my nose. “You’re so gross.”
He wriggled his eyebrows. “I know but you love me.”
I laughed. “I don’t know why, but I do.” He released me and I walked over to the living room table, picking up my purse.
He sat down on the couch. “So where are you ladies off to tonight?”
“I don’t know, some small pub for dinner.” He gestured to me and I walked over to him.
As I stood in front of him, his hands slid up my thighs and under my dress. “This dress is very short; a man could easily slide his hands into your panties in two seconds,” he murmured as he slid hi
s hand into the side of my panties, rubbing my mound. I bit my lip, stifling a moan, not wanting to start anything.
“Only if I allow him to.”
He smiled as his finger teased my folds. I pulled away, nearly ripping my panties as his hand held on.
“Stop it, Chain.”
He yanked at the material of my panties, pulling me back.
“If I can’t have you at least let me touch you.”
“Why?”
He raised his brows. “For later when I’m alone, thinking about you.” He took my hand, placing it on his erection—he was hard as a rock. Why did he always do this! As a good and loving girlfriend, I couldn’t leave him like that. But I didn’t want to go out smelling like sex either. Even if it was a quickie, I would never be able to shower and meet the girls in time. So I did what any good girlfriend would do. I knelt down in front of him, scowling. “You owe me big time.” He smiled as I unzipped his pants.
Chapter 4.0 – Chain
Standing in my closet, I itched the side of my head as I stared up at the white box. I had to get that box out of this house and tuck it away somewhere safe, somewhere away from Violet. Anxiety filled me, knowing that soon I would be separated from the box. It had been with me since I left—it was all I had left of my family, the memories. I could keep the photo albums, but the letters had to go. As much as I wanted to keep them close to me, I couldn’t, not here. It held the key to Violet’s answers, the key that could reveal the horrible secret I was keeping, the one that could destroy my life, my life with Violet. I nearly had a heart attack when she handed me the envelope and I saw my father’s name and number scrawled across the paper inside.
Too fucking close; way too fucking close. I slid the box down and took out the photo albums, placing them on the shelf, then exhaled as I stared at the hundreds of letters inside. I should just chuck it into the nearest dumpster, dispose of it permanently to ensure that I never had to worry about Violet finding them again. But I couldn’t, the letters were all I had left of my father, the only proof that he still existed.
She could never find out the real truth, because if she did, it would be the end of us. There were times when I wanted to tell her the truth, was close to letting it slip out, but I refrained. I could never tell her, this was a secret I had to keep to myself until the day they put me into the ground, till the day I took my last breath. What I did was the lowest thing a man could ever do, vindictive, mean, hurtful, against any moral standard a person could have and definitely against Violet’s beliefs. Even though I was not that man anymore and keeping secrets from Violet was not something I wanted to do, I had to protect her from that life I had lived, from that lie. Maybe I was a coward, afraid it would affect our relationship, but either way there was no way I was divulging this to anyone.
