by Shadow, Lisa
“I wasn’t sure you were coming back. Are you alright?”
She nodded. “Yes, just tell me what I need to do to look after the baby.”
Liam gazed out the window to the store across the road. His office was empty. He’d sent his receptionist home. He’d been such a miserable prick to work for lately, if he didn’t give her a break, she’d quit before long. He’d been terrible to be around for weeks. The only person to escape his foulness was Lexi. Everyone else walked around him like he was a landmine they didn’t want to step on. Wise of them.
The windows across the street were boarded up, the signs painted over. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to lease it out, hadn’t been able to stand to look at it either. He was starting to think the store was a problem that could only be solved with a bulldozer.
The space was like a black hole, sucking him towards it, dragging his mind out of work to contemplate the woman he was trying so hard to sear from his mind.
Who’d have thought she’d fly out of town as quickly as she’d blown in? He’d assumed he’d still see her, still observe her from a cold resentful distance. Her absence grated at his soul.
How had she given up the store? If he believed nothing else she told, him he believed how much the store meant to her.
In the weeks she’d been gone, she’d stuck to her word, going along so complicity with the annulment his lawyers organized. Those contradictions were destroying him. Making him question everything. Burning holes through his resentment.
He clung to his anger. Her actions were unforgivable.
Liam turned away from the windows. Why did he keep doing this to himself?
The door opened with a squeak behind him. For a moment he imagined her scent, let himself picture Claire standing behind him—a bitter, futile hope he both longed for and dreaded.
“Liam?”
He shuddered. He hadn’t imagined that voice, hadn’t conjured up that sweet tone. He turned. Claire stood before him, somehow more beautiful, more radiant than he’d ever seen her. Gone were her tight skirts and tighter jeans. She wore a simple blue dress that hid her figure yet made him remember every curve underneath her clothes.
His chest caught on a fist of emotions.
His legs flexed with the urge to run, his arms itched against the compulsion to grab her, pull her to him, hold her like nothing else existed.
She blinked up at him, her lips fuller than usual. Almost like she’d been crying. But then, she seemed softer overall.
His muscles twitched. “I thought I told you not to come here again?”
Claire’s chest rose. “I need to talk to you.”
He snorted. “I think everything has been said. I’m not interested in more empty apologies.”
“It’s not that, it’s important. Please just listen.”
He turned his back, blocking her out. Claire placed her hand on his shoulder. “Please, Liam just talk to me. This isn’t you. I know this isn’t you.”
“You’re right, this isn’t me. Do you know what you’ve done to me?” He spun towards her.
Her teeth pressed together and the look in her eyes almost broke through the haze of anger swamping him.
“I used to be a man who knew who he was. I used to be a man who knew what he wanted.” His hand extended towards her, hovering at her hair without really touching. “Now all I do is dream of things I never wanted but feel like I’m dying without. That’s what you’ve done to me. Now all I want to do is tear out the part of me that ever loved you.”
Tears slid down her cheeks. She looked so earnest, standing there. Damn her, she’d always looked earnest.
“Go. There’s nothing you can tell me that I want to hear.” He closed his eyes.
The door opened, sending a wave of cold air over him before it slammed shut. He didn’t flinch at the sound, but it hit him like an iron fist.
He strode to his office and slammed the door shut, then opened it and slammed it again. Then he tore off his tie, pulled off his shoes and took out the sneakers he kept in his bottom drawer. He locked up the office and hit the street running like every demon in hell was out for his blood.
Chapter Nineteen
Claire gripped the steering wheel. Her chest shook, but they were empty, tearless sobs. There wasn’t enough left in her to pour out in anything more substantial. She leaned back and rested her head against the head rest, and stroked her belly. She wouldn’t let herself get worked up.
Liam couldn’t have been clearer. He wanted nothing to do with any part of her. Their baby would only be harmed by his resentment. She couldn’t have that. She could, she would, do this alone. She needed to focus, remember what was important now. Her job was going well. The apartment she rented was modest enough to save money to put towards lawyer’s fees to get Penny. She wouldn’t give up, even if the lawyers she could afford were second rate. At least Penny would know she’d tried, never given up on her. The baby would slow things down, not stop them.
Claire took a lungful of air and hissed it out, then slid the key into the ignition. She pressed the button on the radio. The music that spewed out the speakers did nothing but grate on her wounds. Stupid love songs. She turned the radio off, then reversed onto the road. The car reached the highway in hyper time, but no matter how fast she fled, no matter the distance between her and Hopetown, the image of Liam’s ravaged race and bitter words played in her mind in a loop that could not be outrun.
Liam’s foot tapped under the table as the two women took their places opposite him. He’d been summoned to Lexi’s school again. This time for a special ‘conference meeting,’ whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. He was still coming down from his confrontation with Claire days before. This was not a good time for anyone wanting to challenge Liam Channing.
He leveled his gaze at the headmistress daring the woman to say a single condescending thing to him about his niece. He’d walked in prepared. Sat down ready to leap up. He was at the end of his patience with these people and their attitude towards Lexi.
“Thank you for coming today, Mr. Channing, I don’t believe you have met our school counselor Doreen?” Ms. Burke extended her hand towards the younger brunette in the small meeting room.
Doreen pushed her glasses higher on her nose with her index finger.
“No, I haven’t.” His fingers tightened on the arms of the chair. If they’d invited him here to expel Lexi, they were about to receive a shock.
Ms. Burke linked her fingers on top of the table. “We called you in because Doreen has been sitting in on Lexi’s class for the past week.” She glanced at the councilor. “She believes she has identified what is causing Lexi’s disturbances in class.”
Liam stiffened. “If Lexi is a disturbance it’s because she’s still struggling to comes to terms with a very difficult situation.”
The headmistress raised her chin slightly. “Yes, Mr. Channing, we’ve come to realize Lexi’s situation is sensitive and perhaps required a little more special attention. That’s why Doreen is here, to help address the situation.”
Liam curled his brow, this was a big shift in the attitude he’d come to expect from them.
“Lexi’s outbursts in class seem to stem from situations that place emphasis on, or draw attention to the loss of her parents. An example is Mother’s Day celebrations in preparation for next week.”
Liam rubbed his brow and sighed. He’d pointed that out several times himself. No shock there.
“We’ve been able to come up with a few ideas to help.”
Liam’s fingers retreated from his face. “Such as?”
“Well for starters, I’d like to work with Lexi, help her understand and process her reactions in a healthy way.”
“That sounds good, but Lexi has resisted therapy in the past.” Liam rested his hand on his knee.
Doreen gave him a brief smile. “Lexi is familiar with me now, I’m confident she will respond positively given adequate time. We will also begin a program in class edu
cating the children on different types of families.” Doreen glanced at the headmistress. “And a good first step would be if you attended the Mother’s Day morning tea with Lexi.”
Liam leaned back, words escaping him for a moment. A few weeks ago if he’d suggested wanting to attend they’d have thrown him out. If he’d thought Lexi could handle being uprooted from Hopetown, he’d have moved them to the city away from this small town and its primitive politics. “I’d be happy to attend with Lexi.”
“Good.” The headmistress shifted in her seat. “Also, on behalf of myself and the school, we’d like to apologize if you felt that we had not provided enough support to yourself and Lexi.”
Liam cleared his throat. “Thank you. I’m glad we’re on the same page. Maybe now we can get somewhere.”
“Your friend, Claire, made some poignant arguments when she visited. Valid arguments, that put so bluntly, forced a reassessment of the situation.” The headmistress glanced away.
Liam scooted to the edge of the seat and rested his arms on the table. “Claire? You’re doing all this because of Claire?”
The headmistress gaze returned to him. “Certainly not. We’re doing this because of Lexi.” She swallowed. “Claire just provided some perspective.”
His heart turned into a percussion instrument, beating to its own tune. He nodded jerkily and stood. “Thank you Ms. Burke, Doreen.” He left the room and collected Lexi, wondering how it was possible to fall even harder for someone who’d broken his heart.
Claire began to think the empty seat next to her might just give her frostbite. Across from her a young couple sat basking in the joy of their pregnancy. The father-to-be’s hand rested on the engorged belly of the expectant mother, with her hand pressed intimately on top. The woman’s belly twitched and the man looked up and locked grins with her. They leant towards each other. Claire looked away.
It didn’t get any better. All across the cramped waiting room, couples in various stages of pregnancy held hands, had arms wrapped around each other, or entertained other children. They were all families. That seat next to her was the only vacant one in the room.
She slid a magazine off the table in front of her. An old magazine with old news. She flipped through the pages but it didn’t hold her attention, it kept wondering to that empty seat, and inevitably to the person who was not sitting there.
She set the magazine down and reached for another. She may as well get used to it, this is what it was going to be like going it alone. Actual reality sunk in. Appointments alone. Ultrasounds alone. Labor alone.
A knot formed in her throat. The door swung open and a slender woman in a white coat glanced down at the file in her hands. “Claire Channing?”
The knot tightened at the sound of that name. She’d have to change that again. She rose and followed the woman into an examination room.
She took a seat. A model of a uterus sat on the desk with a tiny beanlike baby inside. Claire turned it and studied it more closely. Is this what her baby was like, a little bean waiting to grow? The doctor sat in her computer chair and jiggled the mouse before turning to Claire.
“I’m Doctor Malory.” The doctor raised a page on her file then looked back to Claire. “So how have you been feeling Claire, any morning sickness, tiredness?”
She nodded. “A little of both. It’s starting to get better now.”
“But you’re keeping food and vitamins down?”
She cringed. “Yes, but I’ve only been taking vitamins for about a week. I read you’re supposed to start taking them before you even get pregnant…but I only just found out.”
“It’s alright, Claire, you haven’t hurt the baby. Not all pregnancies are planned. The vitamins are a precaution against some defects, most of which are rare.”
She let out a breath.
Doctor Malory plopped the file. “Are you ready to see your baby?”
Her heart fluttered but she nodded. The doctor led her through the door to an adjoining room with a large white machine and an adjustable table. “Just put the gown on and relax on the table and I’ll be back in a moment.”
The door closed and Claire undressed and put on the robe, then climbed onto the table. She stared up at the ceiling, laying her hands on her middle. It didn’t feel like a baby lived in there. Sure, her abdomen was a little heavy, a little bloated, but no worse than during a period. Not that she had many of those anymore since she could avoid them with the pill.
There was a knock on the door and the doctor returned and took a seat next to the table. “Okay, let’s have a look at what’s going on in here.” She raised the hospital gown and poured cool jelly on Claire’s middle. The transducer pressed against her skin and Claire turned her head towards the screen.
The doctor swirled the transducer in the jelly then slid it over her abdomen in a sweep before pausing, then swept again. She blinked, all she could see were blurred shapes and fuzzy lines. Doctor Malory remained silent, and tapped buttons on the keyboard.
“Is everything alright?”
The doctor glanced at her and smiled. “Everything is fine, I’m just taking a quick look around.” She pressed a button and a fast pattering sound emanated. “That’s baby’s heartbeat.”
Claire clutched the gown to her chest and listened to the sound. A heartbeat, an actual little heart. She stared at the screen and the shapes formed an image.
“Okay, here comes baby’s face.”
A tiny face came into focus—little nose, and pouty lips. “I didn’t know it would look like this already.”
Doctor Malory clicked buttons on the keyboard. “Yep, you’re thirteen and a half weeks. It’s looking like a baby now.”
The transducer tilted and the image shifted. Little hands appeared next to the face, a tiny thumb stuck between its lips.
She launched onto her elbows. “It’s sucking its thumb!”
The screen blurred.
The doctor laughed. “Lie back down.”
Claire lay back against the table and watched the screen as the doctor described the parts of her baby. Her real baby—right there in her belly. Growing. Turning into a person. She barely heard another word the doctor said. Her ears were rushing. Her cheeks felt stretched from grinning.
The doctor finished and wiped her belly with a towel. She sat up and pulled down the gown. Doctor Malory tugged a strip of paper from the machine and handed it to her. “Here you go some pictures to take home and show off.”
The smile faded from her cheeks and she gazed down at the miracle in the photo. No one would see this picture. Not her family, not the baby’s father—the man she loved. The door shut as the doctor left her to change.
She tucked the images safely into her handbag and closed her eyes. Perhaps if Liam saw what she’d seen, he’d change his mind? She tugged on her jeans. The memory of Liam’s words, the heartbroken look on his face returned to her. Claire managed to squeeze the zip up, but left the button undone. She had to stop the wishful thinking. Liam wanted nothing to do with her. He wanted nothing to connect them. She put on her shirt. It was time to give up on Liam Channing for good.
Lexi’s laugh rang through the yard. Liam sat on the verandah watching her play with her friends. Friends who’d not been allowed over until Claire had worked her magic on the mothers. Traces of Claire littered his world. Undeniable hints of the richness she’d brought to his life. He’d never seen Lexi so happy. She’d been sad when he told her Claire had left town. He’d spared her the details. The girls danced with the puppy he’d bought her out of guilt for taking away yet another person she cared for. The puppy, aptly named Fuzzy, wriggled, not so thrilled with the game yet powerless to control the wagging of his tail at the attention lavished on him.
Lexi was doing better at school. It killed him that living with him set Lexi apart from her friends; their family was as valid as any other. Yet deep down, he’d imagined Claire had made their family whole.
He stood slowly. Another wave of laughter swept through th
e yard. He needed to be a better man for Lexi. There were more important things than success. Liam stepped inside and closed the door. Claire had been right about one thing—he hadn’t known about her mother’s death when he’d done what he’d done. He’d only cared that he’d been crossed. That single experience shaped the rest of his career. And everything Claire had gone through after that, what her sister still faced, that was ultimately his fault.
He took out his cell phone and dialed a number. “Yes, Peter. There’s something I need you to do for me.”
Chapter Twenty
The rap on the door echoed through Claire’s one bedroom apartment. She put down her pencil and went to the door, slid the security chain into place, undid the deadbolt, and opened the door to the full extent of the chain.
The suited man standing in the dim corridor was neither the pizza delivery man, courier, or maintenance guy who made up the only visitors to her door. “Hello?”
“Good morning, Claire Jones?”
She took in the expensive clothes, the groomed hair, the briefcase. Crap, she was about to be served. “Yes?”
“Hi, I’m Simon McMillion.” He handed her a card through the crack of the door. “Of Jefferson and Mcmillion Attorneys. I’m here to talk to you about seeking custody of your sister, Penny.”
She stared at the card in her hand. Geoff. He’d had actually come through for her. The hand that’d been squeezing her heart since the day she was kicked out of her aunt’s home loosened. A bubbling excitement welled.
“Of course, come in.” She jerked the door open but it caught on the chain. “Just a minute.” She slammed the door shut and unhooked the chain, then opened it with a wide sweep. Simon stepped inside. She directed him to the dining table and scooped up the fabric she’d been sewing for baby clothes and dumped them into her sewing box.
“Can I get you a coffee or drink?”
He shook his head and tucked up the legs of his pants before sitting in her second hand wood dining chair. “I’m fine. If it’s okay I’d like to get straight to business.”
