He was right. It was time to move on. This was over.
Chapter Eighteen
That night, Sadie sobbed into her pillow, her tears dampening the sheets as her son slept peacefully in his own little bed. She cried until she was dry, and then she lay awake staring out the window at the little patch of stars she could see beyond the creaking branches of the old oak tree. She tried to remind herself of every logical reason for suppressing her heart when it came to Elijah, and while she knew she’d made the right choice, somehow it didn’t hurt any less.
She knew what she needed—a husband she could count on to keep their little family firmly in the faith. She needed a man who shared her vision for the future—one that included all those rules and obligations that chafed at Elijah so much. Her son needed a father who would give him the reassurance he’d need to stay Amish, too. If she foolishly followed her heart, what would become of her son? She knew all the reasons to tread carefully. So why was it so difficult to take her own advice—the very same advice she’d been giving to Rosmanda?
Sadie didn’t remember when she fell asleep, but when she awoke the next morning, her eyes fluttered open, and she reached a hand out to touch her son’s back . . . but he wasn’t there. Sadie sat up in bed, her gaze flying around the room and landing on Samuel’s little, sleeping form—in his own bed.
She rubbed a hand over her eyes. Was that childhood phase of coming to his mother at night over? If she’d known that the other night was the last one he’d crawl up next to her, maybe she’d have snuggled him a little closer. It was strange how slowly Samuel’s years could crawl by, and then in a blink, he was suddenly bigger, older, needing her a little bit less. It only went to confirm that she’d made the right decision last night. She had a son to consider, too, and love wasn’t always enough—at least not this time.
Sadie pushed back her covers and reached for her dress. She dressed quickly and pinned everything together by feel. In a matter of minutes, her hair was combed and she had her kapp in place, the strings tied. She took one last look at her sleeping son, then she stepped quietly from her bedroom.
Mamm came out of her room at the same time that Sadie did, and when Sadie moved toward Rosmanda’s door, Mamm shook her head.
“Let her sleep,” Mamm whispered. “I wanted to talk to you.”
Sadie’s heart sank. Had Mamm noticed more than she’d let on during that silent drive back from the hospital?
Mamm led the way downstairs into the kitchen, and Sadie hoped that her mother wouldn’t ask her too many questions about Elijah. She’d made the right choice—the one her parents would approve of—and talking about it would only bring back the tears. She’d rather get to work and drown her heartache in chores.
“Sadie, I’m worried about your sister,” Mamm said quietly. “I know that she’s been sidetracked with a boy, which is all very normal at her age, but I’ve heard some rumors, and I want you to tell me what you know.”
Sadie’s stomach clenched. “Rumors?” Had it gone so far, already?
“Well, perhaps not rumors exactly. I know some things because of your father’s position . . .”
“Mamm, Rosmanda thinks she’s in love with Jonathan Yoder,” Sadie said with a sigh.
“So, she’s the one to break them up . . .” Mamm breathed. “Are you sure?”
“She’s determined to marry him herself,” Sadie replied with a weak shrug. “And yes, I’ve told her all the reasons why she’s being an idiot.”
Mamm smiled wanly. “I would expect as much.” Then Mamm sobered. “So when Jonathan broke up with Mary, it was for our Rosmanda?”
“Rosie seems to think so,” Sadie replied.
Mamm sighed. “I don’t want to lose another child to the Englishers, Sadie.”
Sadie nodded, silent. She could understand that fear. She carried a similar one. But how was a mother supposed to guide her child through the labyrinth of choices?
“She wants to marry him right away,” Sadie said. “She wants to skip her Rumspringa completely.”
“She can’t,” Mamm replied with a shake of her head.
“That’s what I told her,” Sadie said.
“I’m glad it’s confirmed,” Mamm said. “At least I know how to talk to her now.”
As easy as that? Mamm had this in hand? Sadie wished she felt so confident with her own child. Love wasn’t about warm feelings, but Elijah was right—what was duty and devotion without it? But a son could break his mother’s heart just as efficiently as the wrong husband could break his wife’s. Perhaps she was chasing something different from a warm feeling—to avoid heartbreak at the hands of the men she loved. All her caution hadn’t helped a bit when it came to Elijah.
That morning, the community arrived to do chores, mend fences, do the work that had been falling behind the last few months. The women helped cook so that everyone could eat, but Elijah did not come. Sadie watched for him, marking each buggy as it arrived, but Elijah’s buggy never showed, and she felt a wave of disappointment so strong that it nearly buckled her. But she understood. It was time for them both to forge ahead alone. Seeing him again would only make this hurt more. One thing she was sure of—she had no perspective right now. She was no better than her sister, coasting on a wave of emotion. It was no way to make life choices.
Sadie knew why Elijah was keeping away, and she could see that it was for the best for both of them, but her chest ached nonetheless, and she felt filled to the brim with tears that wouldn’t drain away no matter how hard she cried into her pillow at night.
* * *
Two days later, Daet returned from the hospital. Mamm and Rosmanda went to fetch him this time, and Sadie stayed home with her son, quietly fixing dinner and cleaning house with her little boy at her heels until everyone arrived back home.
Everything felt more stable with Daet around. He had several bottles of medication now, and a firm doctor’s order that he not only slow down, but find someone else to take over his workload. Daet promised to hire three new employees, all part time so Daet could stagger their shifts to cover as much work as possible. Daet would go out and supervise when he felt well enough, but Mamm had gotten more forceful in her commands, and Daet was required to rest. There would be no more “pushing it.” In most ways, it felt like life had gone back to normal—Daet was back, and Elijah was gone.
And Rosmanda was furious with Sadie for having told Mamm her secrets.
“Rosie,” Sadie sighed. “I’m sorry. You’ll forgive me eventually.”
“No, you aren’t sorry,” Rosmanda snapped. “Jonathan has stayed away, and it’s because of you. Mamm threatened him with the elders.”
“Well, now he’ll have Daet to deal with,” Sadie replied. “And if he’s serious about you—”
“He doesn’t love her,” Rosmanda hissed. “I know that. He told me himself that he was very distant and proper with Mary. He treated her like a sister. He just couldn’t see himself as a husband to her. So their breaking up isn’t my fault! Would you have him locked into an unhappy marriage just because he made a mistake in proposing to her? They were not married yet, Sadie. Those vows were not said. He had every right to back out if he wanted to. I know what he was feeling for me, but you won’t believe me. So why do I bother talking?”
Rosmanda had a very good point about a couple having the chance to cancel a wedding before the vows were said. It was better to walk away than to marry the wrong person in haste. His cheating on the first girl, however, spoke volumes about his character. If Sadie could move on after Elijah, then Rosie could move on after Jonathan.
“I love him!” Tears rose in Rosmanda’s eyes. “And I will never forgive you, and I will never get over this!”
“Rosie, you’re nearly grown up now,” Sadie said quietly. “And as a mature member of this community, there will be times that you give up what you want for the greater good. I have been forced to do the same thing more often than you realize. I suggest you calm down and watch Jonathan Yoder. See
what he does. He’s just come against an obstacle. How a man deals with something in his path says a great deal about him. Will he find an honorable way to make you his, or will he simply walk away?”
And as she said the words, an image of Elijah burned in her heart. She’d been held in strong arms recently, too. She’d been kissed, and she’d declared her love for a man who was all wrong for her. . . . Sometimes, a woman had to set her feelings aside.
“And if he stays true to me?” Rosmanda demanded.
“Then when you are of age, I will support the marriage,” Sadie replied.
“You mean that?” Her younger sister sounded breathless. “You aren’t just saying that?”
“No, I mean it. If he stays true to you, I won’t have any power to stop that wedding, Rosie. You’ll be eighteen. But Rose . . .” Sadie sighed. “Your Rumspringa . . . don’t go too far with Jonathan. You don’t want to end up pregnant and ruin your chance at an honorable wedding.”
“Of course.” Rosmanda smiled for the first time. “I’m not that stupid.”
Except so many of these “stupid” choices weren’t made with a logical mind—they were made in the heat of the moment, when logic was turned upside down and all that seemed to matter was love. Sadie had shared some passionate kisses, too.
Daet ambled into the kitchen and smiled at his daughters absently. “Would one of you make me a tea?”
“Sure, Daet.” Sadie got the kettle and filled it at the sink.
“I’ll be reading banns at church next Sunday,” Daet said conversationally.
“Whose?” Sadie and Rosmanda both turned at the same time. Daet regarded them calmly, then pursed his lips.
“Jonathan Yoder and Mary Beiler,” he replied.
“No, Daet,” Rosmanda said with a shake of her head. “They broke up. It’s been called off. Did Mamm not tell you?”
“I stayed more informed than you might like to think,” Daet said. “The wedding was called off, but then they discovered that Mary was pregnant.”
Sadie stared at her father, aghast. “Pregnant?”
“It seems so.” Her father nodded. “So there will definitely be a wedding—and quickly.”
“But—” Rosmanda’s eyes filled with tears. “But he said . . .”
“I’m not sure what he told you,” Daet replied evenly. “But he got that Beiler girl pregnant, and he’ll do the right thing by her or be shunned. There’s no in between.”
“He said he didn’t love her . . .” Rosmanda’s voice wavered. “He said . . . he didn’t even kiss her—”
“He did a far sight more than that, Rosmanda,” Daet said with a grimace, and Rosmanda’s face crumpled into heaving, shaking sobs. Sadie started toward her sister, but Daet waved her off and pushed himself to his feet. He pulled his youngest daughter into his arms and held her firmly, rocking her slowly back and forth, his cheek pressed against her hair while Rosmanda wept.
“Now, now, Rosie,” Daet said softly. “Now, now . . .”
Rosie sniffled and pulled back. “But you don’t understand, Daet. He told me that he loved me, not her. He said she was like a sister to him. He said—”
“Now, Rosie,” Daet said, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking into her red-rimmed eyes. “I’m going to tell you something that I want you to understand. Not every man is honest, sweet girl. Some are bare-faced liars. And if it means getting a husband’s right for free, many a young man will lie his heart out. Unfortunately, you found a liar in Jonathan Yoder, and he’ll pay for that. He’s going to marry the Beiler girl—the elders will make sure of it.” He paused. “You didn’t let him—”
“No, Daet!” Rosie’s face tinged pink, and then another tear trickled down her cheek.
Daet wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb. “You’re a beautiful girl, and you’ll be married with a home of your own before I know it. But this home—with your Mamm and I—this will always be yours. Even after you’re married. Do you hear me?”
Outside the house, an engine rumbled up the drive, and Sadie slipped away from her father and sister, and headed into the mudroom to open the side door to check who was in their drive. She felt wrung out, emotionally spent, and while she knew that her sister needed emotional support right now, she was glad that her parents could provide it. Sadie had been through enough. She pushed open the door and looked outside. Her breath stuck in her throat.
“Oh my God . . .” Sadie croaked, the words echoing like a curse. Her heart stuttered and did a quickstep to catch up. She didn’t know the car, but she knew that driver!
“Who is it?” Rosie came up behind Sadie, and both women watched as Absolom opened the driver’s side door and stepped out of the vehicle, slamming it behind him. Then he opened the back door, bent down and disappeared inside.
A little hand pressed against the back of Sadie’s leg, and Sadie bent down to take Samuel’s hand in hers. What was Absolom doing here? Was he finally home, at long last?
“Mamm?” Sammie said, sensing her shock, perhaps. He clutched her hand in a vise grip, then leaned out to get a better look.
“Absolom!” Rosmanda gasped. “It’s Absolom! Mamm, Daet!”
Absolom emerged from the vehicle with a baby’s car seat in one hand and little Chase coming up behind. Sadie looked back at her father to see him standing ramrod straight, his face as white as a sheet.
“Daet, are you okay?”
“Is it really him?” Daet breathed.
“Yah, Daet. It’s him.”
Daet didn’t move an inch. He stood there, one hand over his chest, and the other on the doorframe. Absolom was here with the children, but Sharon was nowhere in sight.
* * *
Elijah stood in his father’s little shop, tapping a pen against his hand as he waited for a customer. There had been two this morning—but only one order. Fisher Fencing wasn’t exactly booming.
The shop was a clapboard affair on the far end of Uber Street in Morinville. All the barbed wire weaving happened on site.
“It’s done,” Daet said. “The Graber order is ready for delivery. Will you drop it by tonight?”
“I, uh—” Elijah winced. “Daet, he fired me, remember?”
“Yes, and you’re delivering his order—working with your daet. There’s no shame in a family business, son.”
“I know you’re working hard, and no one can fault that, Daet, but this business won’t last. You have to know that. It’s why you asked me to come back—” Elijah stopped when his father’s face fell. “Look, I don’t mean to be negative, but we have to face facts. If you’re going to have a business that can compete, then something will have to change.”
“And you have an idea,” his father said bitterly.
“I’ve learned a few things with the Englishers.” Elijah leaned forward. “I know Amish aim to keep their businesses small and manageable, but making the actual barbed wire—you’re at the bottom of the ladder here. You need to be thinking bigger. A lot of people with acreages, or with hobby farms, have no idea what they’re doing. On top of which, serious farmers are busy. When do they have time to install their own fencing?”
“So you suggest I add installation,” his father concluded.
“No, I’m thinking bigger than that, too.” Elijah rubbed a hand over his chin. “This is the idea that Absolom and I are working with in the city. We’re starting a business doing landscaping and snow removal. But it’ll be more than that—we’ll be the whole solution. Now, Daet, you know fencing inside and out. I suggest that you become a consultant, a planner. You would go to the location, give an estimate on how much fencing will be needed, the type of fencing that would be best, and locate the best materials for the job at the lowest price. You could even offer installation service—all at a price—and when you walk away, the fencing is complete and the farmer or Englisher acreage owner hasn’t had to deal with any of the bother.”
“And this would make money?” His father squinted at him.
“There is
one thing I learned from the Englishers, and it’s that they respect us Amish when it comes to farming and crafts. An Amish-made fence—that would be worth something to a fair number of people in this county.”
“No.” His father shook his head decisively. “I don’t like it.”
“Daet, you aren’t listening . . .”
“No, you aren’t listening!” His father’s voice rose to a thunder. “My father made fencing with his own two hands, as did his father before him. And he learned from his father-in-law, who brought him into the business. And before that man is a whole line of fence-making Amish. Tradition, my boy! Tradition!”
“And that’s all you care about, isn’t it?” Elijah’s voice undercut his father’s. “Tradition—the Amish way. Even when your teenage son left, you clung to tradition . . .”
“I gave you tradition!” his father retorted. “What did you want me to do? I gave you everything I had!”
And his father couldn’t be faulted there. He’d done his best to support the family, but when things got complicated, his father leaned back on the faith . . . as if a collection of rules could fix what had gone wrong in his son.
“You could have come after me,” Elijah said. “You could have come to see where I lived.”
Silence stretched between them, and his father slowly shook his head. “The bishop said—”
“Blast the bishop!” Elijah snapped. “The bishop said . . . and you were willing to risk your son based on the opinion of one man?”
“Watch your language,” his father said, then sighed. “It wasn’t only the bishop. What of the Ordnung? The traditions of generations past have guided us for good reason.”
Elijah felt that old rage simmering up inside of him. “I didn’t want the wisdom of the ages, Daet. I needed my father.”
“I had no answers!” his father said, his voice rising in frustration.
“I didn’t ask for solutions, Daet. I need you! That’s what I hated about this community. The rules, rules, rules . . . they weren’t what was inside of me, Daet. Rules weren’t enough.”
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