This, however, was not like the entire plate of tea cakes he’d pilfered, eaten, then promptly became so sick he’d never had the urge to touch one of the dainty delicacies again. And yet, telling his father the truth about his intentions was even more important.
“I’m not running away.” Jasper sighed. “If anything, my marriage is a complication getting in the way of what I want to do.”
He took a long sip of the cooling coffee, then continued. “Seeing Will again made me realize how little I’d done with my life. Everyone admires Jasper Jackson. But for what? My good looks, my last name, the money I’ll inherit when you die? I want to do something meaningful with my life.”
With everything that had happened over the past several days, Jasper hadn’t been able to express those things. Finally getting it all out made the load feel so much lighter.
“When I helped Will rescue Mary’s sister, I realized that in fighting for justice for those who can’t fight for themselves, there was so much more to the world than just myself.”
Emma Jane’s image flashed before his eyes. When they’d been forced to marry, she’d told him the only reason she’d agreed to marry him was to protect her younger sister, Gracie. Had Emma Jane not married Jasper, Gracie would have been forced to marry one of the most execrable men in town. As part of their marriage agreement, Jasper’s father had paid off Emma Jane’s father’s gambling debts. One of those debts was to a man who’d told Mr. Logan that he’d take Gracie as a wife in lieu of cash. Had Jasper had a sister, would he have done any differently to spare his loved one a miserable future?
Perhaps he and Emma Jane were not so dissimilar, after all.
He only wished he didn’t feel so conflicted over his marriage.
One piece of his experiences of late continued to ring true, and that was the thing that drove him in his quest. “Even without my desire to be a better man, there’s the fact that a woman gave her life for me. Mel didn’t have to take the bullet meant for me, but she did. How do you ignore her dying wish to find and save her sister?”
All these days later, he could still smell the residue of gunpowder mixed with Mel’s blood. Jasper had foolishly tried intimidating Ben Perry, leader of the gang he was now pursuing, and Ben’s men had opened fire. Jasper should have died, but Mel shielded him. How does a man repay such a sacrifice?
Which was why he’d die before giving up on his quest for Mel. Everything in Mel’s life had been about giving her sister a better life. He owed it to her to save Daisy. Married to Emma Jane, Jasper accepted that his other dreams of home and family would be denied. But he would make something meaningful of his life.
“Sounds like some powerful motivation,” his father said slowly. “Just remember that when a man marries, his life is no longer his own.”
Jasper gave him a long, hard look. He’d already spent time living the life his parents wanted. Just when he thought he’d figured out what he wanted with his life, it seemed life had other plans. How was he supposed to balance his dreams with being a husband?
* * *
Emma Jane’s ears stung as she stood outside the dining room door. There was a reason for the saying that eavesdroppers never heard good about themselves. But this was more than just hearing bad about herself. Oh, Emma Jane knew that Jasper hadn’t wanted to marry her, even without overhearing his conversation with his father. But realizing that Jasper felt like she’d taken away his chance to do something meaningful with his life...
Suddenly she felt very selfish for wanting him by her side to protect her reputation. Jasper wanted to do good in the world, and he wanted to help people. For the first time, she truly heard him as he explained to his father what it meant to save this Daisy person.
Taking a deep breath, Emma Jane stepped into the room. “Jasper’s right,” she said, not bothering to enter the conversation gracefully. “He’s doing something important. Working to bring down a gang of criminals, and saving this woman, those things matter. I’ll still be here when he’s finished with his mission.”
She gave what she hoped was a convincing smile as she turned to serve herself breakfast. While the words sounded like the right thing to say, her stomach churned. It certainly didn’t feel right.
But what else was she supposed to do? Emma Jane couldn’t argue any of Jasper’s proclamations without being the worst kind of heartless, selfish woman there was. It already seemed wrong for her to have become his wife, even though she’d had good reason. Why add more selfishness to her sins?
Jasper and Mr. Jackson stared at her as she took her seat at the table.
“He might not come home,” Mr. Jackson said slowly.
Emma Jane shrugged and speared a piece of sausage. “He came home last night. He came home from the fire. Perhaps we need to put our faith in God and pray for his continued safety.”
It was a trite answer, but what else did Emma Jane have to give? She focused her attention back on her plate, methodically eating, though she had no appetite. It gave her something to do other than acknowledge the gazes focused on her.
Mr. Jackson coughed. “I suppose that’s true. The Lord has protected our Jasper many a time or two.”
Even without looking at him, Emma Jane knew Jasper was grinning.
“You remember that time I wanted to pet a bull?”
This got Emma Jane’s attention. She looked up at her husband, and sure enough, his face was lit up brighter than the midday sun.
“Your mother still needs smelling salts when you tell that story.” Mr. Jackson leaned in toward Emma Jane. “He wasn’t more than six or seven years old, and we were visiting friends at a ranch. Jasper saw the bull in the pen and thought that red coat of his was the prettiest thing he ever saw, and he wanted to pet it. Trust me when I say, never attempt to pet a bull.”
At this, the two men laughed heartily, and even though Emma Jane hadn’t been there, she could imagine the anger of a bull at having a little boy chasing him around and trying to pet him.
More importantly, though, she couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth at Mr. Jackson’s attempt at trying to include her. He’d defended their marriage in talking to Jasper, and even though he’d also defended his wife’s cold attitude, Mr. Jackson seemed to be at least trying to be on Emma Jane’s side.
Of course, marriage wasn’t supposed to be about sides, but what else was Emma Jane supposed to think?
“It must have been something, Mr. Jackson.” Emma Jane smiled warmly at him, trying to show that she, too, was trying to make the best of a difficult situation.
“You really should call me Henry. We’re family now.”
Emma Jane wasn’t sure which warmed her the most, the genuine kindness on the older man’s face, or his use of the word family. Perhaps things weren’t going to be so bad, after all.
“Mrs. Jackson said...”
“Constance means well. It’s just as I was telling Jasper. Give her time, and she’ll warm up to you.”
Another expression of understanding. Yes, Emma Jane had to have hope that things could get better.
At that moment, Mrs. Jackson entered the room. “What is all this tomfoolery I hear in here?”
Emma Jane tried not to shrink back in her chair, though she did remain silent. Nothing good ever came of opening her mouth in front of Mrs. Jackson.
“Jasper was just telling us of his intention to continue working as a lawman. I expressed my concern, but Emma Jane rightly reminded me that we need to put our trust in the Lord.”
Being so endorsed made Emma Jane sit up a little straighter.
“How dare you!” Mrs. Jackson’s voice jolted Emma Jane back to reality. “If it weren’t for you driving him away by forcing him to marry you, my son wouldn’t be leaving us. And you try to explain it away with faith?”
Mr. Jackson put a hand on her arm. “Now, Cons
tance, you know that’s not true. Jasper’s involvement in the situation is because he feels obligated to repay the woman who saved his life.”
“A woman of no consequence.”
Jasper rose from his chair. “I would be dead without her. Surely she deserves to be given some consequence.”
His dark eyes flashed as he looked from his mother to his father, then settled on Emma Jane.
She felt small under his scrutiny and, for a moment, hated herself for it. She had nothing to be ashamed of. Even if his mother seemed to think so.
“As for your comments about my wife...” Jasper swallowed as he glanced briefly at his father before bringing his full attention back on Emma Jane.
“She has not driven me away. On the contrary, I have not been the best of husbands by neglecting her of late. I only hope that she is willing to continue to be patient as I bring these bandits to justice and find Daisy.”
Was that remorse she heard in his voice? Her heart fluttered in her chest. Perhaps his father’s words had given him pause to think. To consider Emma Jane as his partner in all of this.
“Of course I can be patient,” Emma Jane said softly. She smiled at him, then turned her gaze on his parents. “In fact, as I mentioned yesterday, I am greatly enjoying my work with Pastor Lassiter’s ministry. It will occupy my time while Jasper assists Sheriff Calhoune.”
Jasper’s slow nod gave her the courage to look over at his parents. Mrs. Jackson still wore a pinched expression of someone who’d taken a bite of something most distasteful. But Mr. Jackson murmured approvingly.
“It seems you are both similarly matched in your pursuit of the greater good.”
“Associating with people not of our kind.” Mrs. Jackson glowered at Emma Jane.
“Who is not of our kind,” Jasper asked, taking a step toward his parents. “The pastor? His family? Emma Jane is the model of Christian service.”
“You know exactly of whom I am speaking.”
Though Mrs. Jackson’s glare intensified, Emma Jane found that she did not shrink under it as she normally did. Though her aim in helping Pastor Lassiter was not to receive praise, she could not help basking in the compliment Jasper had given.
“Constance, enough!” Mr. Jackson gave Emma Jane a kind smile. “Constance has always doted on Jasper. This has been a lot of change for her all at once. I hope you’ll give her some grace as she learns to adjust to the situation.”
Adjust to the situation? Emma Jane took a deep breath. More people asking of her, but not...well, it didn’t matter. People didn’t do things for the benefit of Emma Jane, anyway. It was always Emma Jane doing for others. But it would be nice sometimes if someone thought to do for her.
“There is nothing to adjust to.” Jasper slammed his hand down on the table. “Emma Jane is smarter than any of the ninnies you’ve paraded through our parlor. If I had to choose between Emma Jane and any one of the girls you thought I should marry, I’d pick Emma Jane. Now if you’ll excuse us, I believe my wife and I are going to visit the church so I can see for myself the good works she is engaged in.”
After his discussion with his father earlier, Emma Jane wouldn’t have expected his fierce defense. Especially the part about him preferring her to the other girls. He was most likely just being kind, but at least he knew what Emma Jane was up against. Perhaps he was more sympathetic to her plight than she’d first thought.
Emma Jane carefully dabbed her lips with her napkin, then looked up at Jasper.
“I’m sorry,” he said, resting his hand on the back of her chair. “I didn’t even ask if you were finished. Or if you had other plans for today.”
“It’s all right. I’m finished.” Her cheeks warmed when his hand brushed her back as he pulled out her chair for her.
He was being polite, she knew, but it still felt good to have him give even that small consideration to her feelings. And while she’d always known Jasper to be a handsome man, it seemed the more he showed his kindness, the handsomer he became.
If he kept up such actions, Emma Jane might very well find herself one of the giggling girls fawning over their fans at him. Perhaps it was just as well Jasper was chasing after bandits rather than spending time getting to know her. It wouldn’t do to find herself attracted to a man who couldn’t possibly fall in love with her.
Chapter Five
“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” Emma Jane said softly as they entered the barn that was serving as a makeshift shelter for the women displaced by the brothel fire.
Her permission for him to leave made it impossible for him to do so, even if he’d wanted to. The contrast between his father’s chastisement for not doing more for his wife, and his mother’s attacks on Emma Jane, as well as Pastor Lassiter’s admonitions for him to get to know her better, made it apparent that this was exactly the place he needed to be right now.
Plus, he still needed to figure out his next move in pursuit of the bandits. It would be foolish to do anything without thinking it through. Yesterday’s dead end had proven that.
“I want to.” Jasper smiled and pulled her hand more firmly into the crook of his arm. “The voices of reason around us are right. I haven’t spent the time I should have on getting to know you. Besides, didn’t you tell me just yesterday that you thought your work here could help my case?”
Emma Jane’s face lit up. Once again, he was struck by how pretty she was when she smiled. Why hadn’t he taken more notice of her before?
“You should meet my friend Nancy. I’m sure she’ll give us lots of useful information.”
It pained him to see the eager expression on her face. Mostly because he absolutely could not get her mixed up in this case. But also because as quickly as he’d set the intention of spending time with Emma Jane, if he was to question the women, even if one was Emma Jane’s friend, he would have to do it without her.
“Once you make the introductions, you’ll have to occupy yourself elsewhere,” he said quietly. “I can’t have you involved with this.”
Emma Jane’s face darkened, like clouds covering the sun in an unexpected storm. He should have seen it coming, had, in fact, known it was coming. What he hadn’t expected was how it twisted his gut and made him feel...
No. He was just doing his job.
“But I thought...” Emma Jane’s eyes glistened.
“I know, and I’m sorry.”
He took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair, then stared down at the hat. He’d chosen an older hat, one usually reserved for when he went out riding, and now as he stared into the rivulets that carried away his sweat, he wished he could disappear as easily.
But that would be doing Emma Jane an even greater disservice.
He finally looked back up at her, holding his hat in his hands. “Please understand. This gang is ruthless, and if they think you are helping me in any way, they won’t hesitate to take you down.”
Swallowing, he looked around to be sure no one was listening to their conversation. “They made me a deputy because one of the other deputies quit. The gang had sent him a note, threatening to kill his wife if he kept poking his nose into their business.”
What would they do to a woman actively working the investigation? Another deputy, Skeeter Ross, was recuperating from a gunshot wound he’d gotten while chasing them. If his horse hadn’t tripped at that exact moment, Skeeter would be dead.
“I can’t put you at risk,” he said, hoping that beyond those tear-filled eyes lay some level of understanding.
“But they already know we’re married. They could still come after me because of your work. What more harm could come if I helped you?”
“Do you know how to shoot a gun?”
“Don’t be ridicu...” Emma Jane sighed. “I suppose that’s your point. I don’t know any of the things needed
to be a lawman.”
Then she looked up at him with those big, trusting eyes. So innocent. No way could he involve her in the case. “How do you know them? I can’t see society’s biggest dandy knowing how to shoot a gun or capture bandits.”
“Will taught me. Back when my father and I first met him, my father thought it would be a good idea for Will to teach me in dealing with riffraff. Because of my father’s wealth, I was a target for kidnappings, robberies and the like. My father wanted to be sure I knew how to keep myself safe.”
Will had taught him a lot of things, and even though the practical lifesaving pieces were the ones he emphasized here, the biggest lessons Will had imparted to him were the ones that had more to do with the kind of man Jasper wanted to be.
The man Emma Jane had married was not the man everyone in society believed him to be. How was he supposed to be any kind of husband to her when she had no idea who he really was? When he was still trying to figure it out himself?
“More than that, though.” Jasper looked at Emma Jane, who still carried an air of doubt about her. “Will taught me about being a man. About defending people who are weaker than you and fighting for what’s right, even if others don’t agree with you. I owe a lot to him, and I guess if you want to know about me, then those are the things you should know.”
She’d asked that question of him last night, and here in the light of day, the answer was clearer than he’d expected. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said those things to his mother this morning about the women she’d hoped he’d marry. Not one of them would respect the answer he’d just given Emma Jane, but he hoped, given what little he knew of his wife, that she would.
And if she didn’t, well, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. He knew her expectation in marrying him was all about the fortune that would save her family. She’d said she’d hoped to be friends, but what did that look like to a woman like Emma Jane?
Would she still want to be friends once she realized that being a good man, and being a society dandy, had nothing in common?
Shotgun Marriage (Leadville, Co. Book 3) Page 6
