by Forgy, M. N.
“What?” I look at her with watery eyes.
“The baby, she knows your voice, that’s why she stopped crying. She feels safe.” She nods.
And just like that, I’m wrapped around this little girl’s finger. We stand their quiet, looking at one another. She brings her fingers to her mouth and begins to suckle and it’s the cutest thing.
My eyes fall to a mark on her chest now that she’s removed her arm from the blanket. I turn my head trying to get a better look at it. Is it a scratch?
The nurse sees me staring with concern and steps over to me with furrowed brows. Using her finger, she pushes the blanket down a bit.
“Oh, that’s just a birthmark, or a stork bite. It might go away, but some don’t.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. But it is a big deal. That birthmark is identical to someone I know.
I swallow the sudden lump in my throat and stare at the mark. Gatz had a similar birthmark to this one. A horseshoe-shaped birthmark.
This is Gatz’s little girl for sure. She’s an Outlaw.
A darkness falls outside the display window, and I look up. My boys with their women, are standing there in leather and smiles watching me. I smile, back holding my daughter.
If you asked me months ago where I’d be… I never would have said here. I’d never would have guessed I’d lose control of my emotions and become unhinged to a woman and unborn child that isn’t even mine.
My father used to tell me I’d never survive a day in the real world, but I’d like to see that motherfucker last a night in mine.
I’ll never be him. I will be the best man I can be in both of my girls’ lives.
24
Simone
Waking up, I feel stiff. There are pads wrapped around my feet that inflate and deflate every few minutes that are annoying the hell out of me. There’s a drip in my arm making my forearm ache, and I feel extremely sleepy and cold.
The smell of blood and iodine makes my head hurt, and I wince from the harsh light beaming above my bed.
Looking around the room there are machines all over, and a TV on the wall, with a lone wooden rocking chair in the corner that holds Mac holding our little girl. Our little girl. I smile, liking the sound of that.
My heart beats at the scene before me. His leather cut hanging off the back of the chair as he holds her like she might break, his intense eyes looking down at her like she’s his whole world. Teaching him how to be soft, and strong at the same time.
The doctor walks into the room, his eyes holding shadows of tiredness under them.
“Ah, you’re awake.” He grins in my direction.
Mac looks my way and lights up in a way that has me glow like a love-struck teenager. Standing from the chair, he comes to my side of the bed.
I try and push myself up, but my abdomen feels like it’s been sliced open and I wince. Letting myself fall back on the bed.
“She’s gorgeous, Simone, you have to see her.” Mac bends down, positioning her in my right arm. The sight of her has me gasp, she’s more beautiful than I would have ever imagined. Having her in my arms distracts me from the foreign pain across my belly, or why exactly I look to be in an ICU room, and not a postpartum room.
Seeing my little girl for the first time, it takes my breath away. Everything fades as I take her in. Her nose is small, and pouty lips adorable. Her fingers tiny, and skin soft. My eyes fill with tears, a sob trembling from my lips. She raises her arm, and my eyes fall on a birthmark on her chest. My lips part as my brain takes me back to the night I conceived her.
A spot on his bicep causes me to turn my head sideways as I focus on it. It’s a birthmark in the shape of a horseshoe, it’s unlike anything I’ve seen before, then again, I’m high. I reach out to touch it, just as he leans down and kisses me.
Coming back from the memory, I continue to stare at the birthmark in awe.
Gatz had the same birthmark. She’s… she’s Gatz’s little girl.
“So, we ran into some complications, Simone.” The doctor sits at the end of the bed, breaking my moment of bliss. Glancing up at him, I remember blacking out right after delivery.
“You had a placenta abruption and lost a lot of blood. Unfortunately, we could not stop the bleeding and had to do a hysterectomy I’m afraid.” His face frowns, and my chest constricts with the information.
“I’m sorry, what?” I half laugh, the information not quite settling.
Mac’s head falls, his hand searching mine under the baby, squeezing tight. Looking at his hand, it starts to sink in. They did a hysterectomy.
“What?” My voice cracks with emotion. A hysterectomy means I can’t have any more kids. I can’t have a big family or give a sister or brother to my daughter.
A warm tear falls down my cheek, and I sniffle looking down at my little baby girl.
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” the doctor mutters, leaving the room.
“Hey.” Mac squeezes my hand. Glancing up through unshed tears I try to keep it together.
“It’s okay, she’s all you need.”
I sob, shaking my head. “What if you fall in love with me and want to have kids one day. What if we want to give her a sister or brother?” I shrug.
A finger slides under my tear-stained face. Fierce forest burning eyes digging into mine.
“I already love you, and this little girl may not be my blood but let me tell you something about bloodlines. The heart decides what it need and wants, not blood. My brotherhood, that is my family. You and this baby, are my future and my now, none of which are my DNA. Doesn’t stop me from loving all of you.”
My wet eyelashes flutter. “You love me?”
He grins. “I do. What I know of love anyway, it’s all for you. You’re the most beautiful thing in my heart, Simone.”
I laugh like an idiot. “I love you too. Since you’ve been around, I smile more than I used to, ya know?”
His boyish charm that only I’ve gotten to see, lifts his face.
“I know,” he replies arrogantly.
Looking down at what I made, the first thing I’ve ever done right.
“You and her, you’re my salvation.” I roll my lips onto one another. I’ve run from hell and felt the heat of the flames on my neck, but it was worth it in the end. I’ve found my peace with a man that is the sexiest geek I know and would do anything for me. I have the most beautiful little girl anyone could ask for. It doesn’t get much better than this.
Mac rests his head against mine, his hand on my back.
“Mine too. Mine too.”
We sit in silence, watching our little one coo and play with her fingers.
“I need to name her,” I sniffle, remembering I haven’t found the perfect name yet.
“Catori,” Mac suggests. It’s cute, really cute actually.
Wrinkles form on my face. “Catori?” Why didn’t I think of that one?
“It’s Native American and means spirit.” I know it means spirit, but how does he know that?
“Did you look it up or something?”
“I might’ve been looking at names ever since you found out she was a girl.” He glances up at me with a boyish grin.
“I love it.” I knew he’d have the perfect name. “Catori it is.”
“You can give her my last name you know.” His suggestion nearly whispered.
My head snaps up, my eyes watering all over again. He wants to be her dad, like really be her dad.
“You want to give her your last name?”
His shoulders rise with an inhale.
“I do. I want to be her dad.” His voice firm and concise. He takes Catori from my arms and holds her close to his chest. The look in both of their eyes makes me sob. He’s so tough, but with her he appears to be a big softy.
“You do?”
“I need to be in her life just as much as I need you in my life, Pocahontas.” He glances at me, but briefly before looking back at Catori.
“I don’t even know your last name.”
I silently laugh, my fingers playing with the fabric of the sheets. I know his first name is Rhett, and his nickname is Mac, but as far as I know… he’s never told anyone his last name.
“Lockhart.” I glance at him, but he doesn’t break eye contact with Catori. “My name is Rhett Lockhart.”
“Catori Lockhart,” I whisper, petting her chubby little arm. “I love it.”
And just like that, we became a family. Mac rebuilt the woman I am. Took the broken bricks and remolded them into something that resembled a strong independent building.
25
Simone
I stayed in ICU for a night and then was moved to the maternity ward for two more days before we were released. I slept most of the time as I was recovering from my surgery, and Mac took care of Catori the whole time. He refused to let her out of his sight and wouldn’t let the nurses take her back to the nurse’s station. They had to weigh her and observe everything with him by their side. He aggravated every doctor and nurse that came in to check on us both. Hovering over them, making sure they were doing everything that was needed for me and Catori. I loved it though. I never had someone hover so much over my care, and it was nice.
Zeek and Jillian come to visit, and Jillian ran straight to Catori. Mac frowns at her, holding her tighter.
“Really? You’re not going to let me hold her?” Jillian pouts.
“Let her hold her, she’s fine!” I snap.
“She’s pre-term, she can’t get sick!” He narrows his eyes at me.
“I know she’s pre-term, I had her!”
“Guys!” Zeek steps in between us, his brows raised.
Jillian steps to the wall and squirts some hand sanitizer the hospital offers into her palm.
“Look, germ-free!” She holds up both hands and smiles.
Mac glares at me, and I scowl in return.
“Fine,” Mac groans. Turning, he places Catori in her arms, but not before he makes sure she holds her perfectly right.
“Oh my, she’s beautiful!” Jillian gasps. “Oh Zeek, we need another!”
Zeek’s face pales before he scoffs.
“Heard you had a rough delivery,” Jillian whispers, standing next to my bed. I shrug, looking at Catori.
“We’re alive, that’s all that matters.”
Jillian smiles. “Damn straight.”
Zeek steps up to my bed, crossing his arms. Something obviously on the tip of his tongue. Crossing his arms, his shoulders rise.
“Anybody been in here to ask you questions?”
Mac’s head snaps in my direction.
“What do you mean?” Mac asks defensively.
“The Devil’s Dust, Kane’s club, they want Veer badly, so I was just curious if they’ve sent anyone here to ask her questions yet,” Zeek informs, his rough tone making Catori upset.
I shake my head. “No, nobody has asked or said anything.”
Zeek gives a curt nod. “Good, don’t.” The warning in his voice is not missed, Jillian eyeing me and silently conveying for me to agree.
“Why?” I can’t help but need more than just that before I agree.
Zeek rubs his chin, looking Jillian and Catori over.
“Veer killed Gatz, and we called that Veer’s blood way before the Devils, that’s why.” Giving me a once over, he heads to Jillian, looking Catori over. The Outlaws want Veer for what he did to Gatz.
“I’m not standing in anyone’s way… just as long as Veer fucking pays for what he’s done.”
Whoever gets him first, gets him.
* * *
The day of release, Mac brought a frilly dark green dress with him and dressed Catori in it.
“That’s my favorite color,” I smiled.
“I know, that’s why I got it.” He grinned. That’s right, I did tell him that was my favorite color.
“You don’t think she should wear pink?”
He gives me an awkward eye.
“She’ll have enough pink crap her whole life, this dress is perfect for her first day in the real world.”
I laugh, looking Catori over in her dress. She’s so cute in green.
“One more thing,” Mac mutters, placing the purple dragon Gatz got her, next to her.
I gasp, tears filling my eyes.
“I may not be able to fill your daddy’s shoes, but I’ll be the second best,” he tells Catori, and I can’t control the sob that trembles from my mouth. God, when will these hormones go away?
“You’re all set, we just need to make sure you have a car seat, and she’s buckled in correctly before leaving,” A nurse enters the room handing us some papers.
“I- I don’t have a car seat.” Panic sets in, they’re going to take Catori, find me as an unfit mother.
“No, I got one,” Mac casually informs the nurse.
“You did?” My eyes dart to his. “When did you do that?”
He opens up a large cabinet next to the bed and pulls out a blue and pink car seat by Eddie Bower.
He places it on the bed next to me, and I rub my finger along the suede material.
“This morning.”
“This looks expensive,” I mutter.
“It has the best crash ratings and is most compatible with any vehicle.” Mac gently places Catori in her car seat, and his lecture on the specifications on the car seat make me go deaf. He’s going to be the most protective, annoying dad; I can see it. I love him and want to slap him.
A male nurse enters the room with a wheelchair, and Mac helps me out of the bed. The weight on my stomach causes it to sting and feels like it’s ripping apart. Sitting in the chair, I can’t help but sigh with relief.
I’m wheelchaired out, and Raven and Machete await outside the front doors of the hospital with Raven’s car. Motorcycles on each side of the car to escort us back to the club.
Mac buckles Catori in, and I swear he checks it five times to make sure it’s buckled in right.
Slowly climbing in next to Catori, Mac on the other side we pull away from the hospital.
“Slow down Raven, fuck!” Mac yells at Raven.
“I’m like going three over, chill out!”
They get into a full argument about how fast the car should be going with the amount of weight inside the vehicle. Even Machete jumps in on the argument.
I feel camouflaged in the moment. Catori and I, blending in with our new life. As two bikers covered in tattoos hash out what the speed limit should be when driving a baby back to a clubhouse.
I feel safe and comfortable for the first time in a long time. I’m laughing, and an amazing man is holding my hand that truly loves me and isn’t bound as a family obligation to care about me. It’s his choice to want to be with me, he wants to be in mine and Catori’s life.
A mansion filled with the most expensive things and people who are blood-related wasn’t a home.
This is home.
I know without a doubt every person in this car will protect me and Catori, even if it means taking a bullet to do it.
26
Simone
Arriving at the clubhouse, Jillian is outside with Alessandra, big smiles on their faces. I can tell by the look on their face they’re up to something.
“Mac?” Shifting in my seat, I poke him in the arm before pointing at the two women smiling like they have planned a party or something inside. I’m in no shape for a welcome home party.
Mac opens his mouth and then shuts it. “I told them no,” he breathes heavily.
“You mean you knew about this?” I hush-whisper.
“They texted me about it, but I told them you’d probably be tired.”
“Girl, you better get used to Jillian doing what she wants.” Raven laughs from behind the wheel. I sigh, knowing she’s right. Jillian is a strong-willed woman, all of the ol’ ladies are actually, but their care for one another is not lost between the lines of being independent. I learned that the day all three of them came to my room when I was at my lowest.
Forcing a smile, I
lift my chin. I might as well accept my fate. We’re all ol’ ladies after all. I’ll just make an appearance and then head up to the hotel room. I’m exhausted, and not sure I can stand very long with the incision on my lower stomach.
Raven stops the car, and Mac helps me out of the car. Every move tears and pulls at my stomach and I wince. I should have taken a pain reliever before I left the hospital.
“Take it slow.” He rests his hand on my back, easing me out of the leather seat.
“I’m good,” I exhale through the pain, and stand up straight. Mac bends into the car and unlatches the car seat from the belt. His bicep flexes, his shoulders rising when holding the weight of the seat with one arm. A biker holding a baby car seat does things to a woman that are unfair.
Biting my bottom lip, I force myself to look away. Four weeks. Four weeks until we can have sex again and it’s going to be the hardest four weeks of my life.
Mac
With the car seat gripped in my palm, Jillian and the girls come running at me to see the baby.
Jesus Christ. I hold Catori up high, nervous they’re going to smother her to death.
“Mac.” Jillian scowls, raising her brows, and I raise mine in return. She has it in her head I should just give her the baby whenever she wants, and that’s not fucking happening.
A hand claps down on my shoulder and I take my eyes off Jillian to find Zeek staring back at me with questioning eyes. He needs to talk, shit. Leaning into Simone, I tell her, “Go inside, check out whatever they did, and I’ll come rescue you in five.” I kiss her on the cheek and point at Jillian. “Jillian, do not take your eyes off her.” My tone of voice threatening. She gives me the bitch eye before helping Simone inside.
