Touché. Julia looked out at the water glinting in the setting sun as it raced over the rocks.
He leaned back and plucked a leaf from a branch drooping near the edge of the carriage. “You make me wish things were different. That I was different. I wanted to be the sort of man who could have a romantic afternoon on the lake with you.”
The same reason she’d let him take her to the fair. “The lake was romantic.”
Jasper squinted at her. “It was a comedy of errors.”
“Maybe a little,” she admitted. “Why have you never learned to swim?”
“I’ll tell you, but not today.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not a happy answer, and, if you’ll let me, I still plan to salvage this excursion.”
Julia looked around. They were in the middle of nowhere. “Are we going somewhere else?”
Jasper’s lips curved up in the sensual, crooked way that set her pulse to racing. “Not that I know of.”
“Do you…are you…”
His raised eyebrow teased her. “Am I what?”
“You’re going to kiss me,” Julia blurted.
He lifted her hand, pressing his lips to each knuckle in turn. “Am I? I thought I’d kissed you already.”
It almost made her forget what she’d been trying to ask—almost. “You know what I mean. Not on my hands, or my cheek.”
He tipped her chin up with his fingers, and then she really did forget everything she’d been trying to say.
Chapter Eight
He shouldn’t be kissing her. Not today. The whole point had been to make up for ruining their rowing adventure—to give them both a day of lighthearted romance—but the fair had been even worse than the lake. He should have just taken them home. But Julia had taken it all in stride, walking down the green with the dignity of a queen. The plan was to take things deliciously, torturously slow between them, but Jasper didn’t want to end their evening on a sour note, and he’d spent a great deal of time thinking about exactly how he would kiss her when the time came.
The first touch was whisper soft. Jasper brushed his mouth lightly across hers—once, twice. When she sighed, he leaned closer. The gentle resistance of her lips against his was exactly as he’d imagined it. Full, with just a little bit of challenge.
The taste of her drew him in. He chased its essence as his hands threaded through her hair and her chest pressed against his. He wanted more of it. He wanted all of it.
Julia’s fingers dug into his shoulders, pulling him closer still until there was no space left between them. There was still too much space left between them. Jasper pulled her onto his lap.
“Is this all right?” They hadn’t discussed the limits of their affair.
She answered by pulling his mouth back to hers.
Compared to the evening air, her hands were hot through the linen of his shirt. Everywhere she touched him, he burned. She shifted against his lap; searching for better angles, making demands. The padding of her skirts did nothing to lessen the delicious torture of feeling her move against him.
They needed to slow down. It would be all too easy to lose themselves in each other’s bodies right here in this carriage. The press of her hips against his cock was already making him lose track of things he ought to be remembering.
The evening breeze teased their skin and the phaeton creaked beneath them as they explored each other with hands and mouths. Her hands slipped inside his jacket, molding to the lines of his abdomen through his shirt. He traced the edge of her bodice, dragging his fingertips along the smooth swells of her breasts. Her foot moved against his calf. He filled his hands with her hips, caressing the full curves
“Darling. Darling, wait.” He framed her face with his hands. It was meant to keep her at bay, but he couldn’t stop himself from dipping in and stealing another kiss. And another. She had the most tempting lips.
“You say ‘wait,’ but your kisses say ‘come.’”
She had no idea. They said exactly that. Jasper would love to feel her come apart in his arms, brought to ecstasy from just his kiss.
He groaned. “We mustn’t let ourselves—”
Julia put her hand on his thigh.
How was a man supposed to cling to reason with that kind of temptation? Every nerve in Jasper’s body focused itself on that one point of connection. On the possibility. If her fingers shifted an inch… Jasper swore under his breath and gave up. Responsibility had never been his talent. “Just tell me when to stop.”
Jasper twisted, leaning Julia back against the side of the carriage. His leg found a home between her thighs, the heat of her surrounding him and driving him mad with promise. Her skin was flushed from the perfect column of her neck to the soft swells of her breasts, pushing up over the neckline of her dress. He knelt down, teasing his tongue along the edge of her bodice. Julia shifted her hips against his thigh.
He lifted her arms, crossing them above her head. He dragged his fingertips down the length of her—elbows, arms, breasts, waist. At her hips, he tugged, pulling her tighter against him. The rise and fall of her chest hypnotized him. “You are exquisite.”
“I feel exquisite,” she answered.
“As you should, always.”
The look in her eyes would haunt his dreams. She was the most sensual woman he had ever seen, and she still had every piece of her clothing on—which was for the best. Without their clothing, they were one deep breath away from Julia losing her virginity on the seat of a phaeton. While Jasper would like nothing more than to bury himself in her sweet heat and feel her shudder around him, he held himself to a higher standard than that.
“How do you feel?” She reached out, running her hand up his thigh, closing her palm over his manhood.
Two things happened simultaneously. The first was delirious, aching pleasure. Every molecule of Jasper’s being wanted to surge forward and bury itself against her. His hips did flex a little, pushing against her hand and reveling in the sweet pressure of her touch.
The second thing would have been comical, under different circumstances. Julia’s gold-flecked eyes had widened as far as they could possibly go. The flush dropped out of her face, only to come back tenfold. Her body went stock-still.
An argument began within Jasper. Julia was an intelligent adult, capable of making her own decisions. She was clearly willing and she knew her own mind. Jasper had never been more willing in his life. By the normal standards of Jasper’s moral code, there was no reason he shouldn’t give in to what they both wanted. And yet.
She hadn’t said stop, but she was clearly out of her depth. Jasper couldn’t forgive himself if they moved too quickly. Julia deserved romance. She deserved to be certain—not moderately petrified. He wouldn’t take her like this. Not in a hurry, on the side of a road.
Jasper lifted her hand by the wrist—cursing himself with every breath—and brought it to his lips. He kissed each fingertip, each line. Every crease and satin-soft inch of skin. “I think it’s time for us to head back.”
“What?” Julia pulled her arm away, coming back to life. “Why?”
“There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”
She shook her head. “That’s ludicrous.”
It was anathema to Jasper as well. He had committed his life to indulging in all things to the fullest. Choosing self-denial now was deeply disconcerting, but he had to do it. There was a great deal more seduction required before he could make love to Julia without feeling like he’d been careless with her. “I’m sorry. I think we should go back. Amelia and Nora are probably beside themselves with worry.”
Coward. Using her sister and her maid as an excuse was a new low.
“I thought you were going to—we were going to—” She looked around, confusion creasing her brow. “You were going to make love to me.”
He couldn’t pretend she was mistaken. “It wouldn’t have been right.”
“Right according to who? Not me.”
“I’
m sorry. I just… I want to be a better man than this. Will you wait? Will you take it slow with me?”
It was not the image of Julia looking up at him with passion in her eyes that would haunt his dreams. It was the way she looked at him then, as if he’d betrayed her most sacred of trusts. “Fine.”
He disentangled them, settling into the passenger seat and handing her the reins. Julia didn’t speak to him again the entire drive back. He could tell himself she just needed to focus on the rapidly darkening road, but the stiffness of her shoulders and her mouth declared that a lie. He didn’t attempt to make conversation.
They pulled up to the gray stone of Nicholas’s country house in silence. She didn’t wait for him to help her down, murmuring “good-night” as she climbed free of the phaeton.
“Good-night,” he replied.
Jasper watched her hurry away from him with her uneven steps and disappear into the house and realized he had been correct about one thing. Doing “the right thing” felt exactly as unsatisfying as he’d always suspected it would.
Julia barely saw the halls as she stumbled down them. Thankfully, most of the house had retired for the evening. Tears filled her eyes and distorted everything around her. It didn’t matter—she knew where she was going. All she had to do was hold in her emotions until she could get there. The door to Amelia’s bedroom appeared through the watery haze. Julia pushed it open without bothering to knock. The strip of light coming through the open door fell across the bed, lighting up Mia’s face.
“If Nicholas is in here, I hope he has clothes on,” Julia said.
“Why would I?” Nicholas growled from under the covers on Amelia’s other side. “I am sleeping with my wife.”
Julia turned her back to them. Don’t cry yet. Not yet.
There was a muffled discussion that escalated into a muffled argument. It ended with Nicholas putting on a dressing gown and announcing, “I guess I’m sleeping in my own room, then.”
“I love you,” Amelia called after him.
Julia didn’t catch his reply. When he was gone, she kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the bed next to her sister.
“I’m also naked,” Amelia warned.
“You, I can handle.” Still, Julia stayed above the covers all the same. She scooted herself in next to the lump that was her sister.
Amelia shifted until they were nose to nose. “What’s wrong?”
Then, they came. A flood of tears followed by great, gulping sobs. She couldn’t stop them. She didn’t even understand them. Jasper hadn’t wanted to make to love to her—he was hardly the first. Most men didn’t even bother to speak with her. It shouldn’t matter so much.
“Jules? Tell me.”
“We were kissing, and it was wonderful, and I wanted more and he just kept kissing…so, I touched him.”
Amelia’s hand came out of the covers to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “Touched him how?”
Julia gave her sister a look. “Do I ever do anything in half measures?”
“Oh my God.” Mia buried her face. “Then what happened?”
“He told me we should go home.”
“No!”
“Yes. He even used you and Nora as an excuse.” No matter how convincingly he claimed to want her, he obviously didn’t. Otherwise she wouldn’t be lying next to her sister right now. “Why doesn’t he want me, Mia? I know he likes me.”
Amelia’s eyes narrowed in thought. “When you touched him, how did it feel?”
“It felt natural. It felt like the right time to make my intentions known and—”
“Not philosophically,” Amelia interrupted. “I mean, what did it feel like?”
“Mia!”
“What! If it was hard, he was…enjoying himself. Was it?”
“Yes.”
“But he stopped you.”
“Yes.”
Amelia thought about that for a moment. “Did he say why?”
It was enough to make Julia want to scream. “He said it wouldn’t be right and that he wanted to be a better man, whatever that means.”
Mia’s lips curled into a ridiculous smile. “It means a great deal.”
“Oh, come off it—both you and him.” Julia flopped onto her back, staring up at the darkened ceiling. “It’s lovely to say I deserve some kind of storybook romance, but if I have to wait for the circumstances to be perfect, I’m not going to end up with any romance at all.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh, really? Am I sprawled out naked with a handsome viscount right now?”
“That’s not the only kind of romance.” Amelia pushed herself up into a sitting position, holding the coverlet to her chest. “Did you enjoy the evening before that?”
Julia was aware of what her sister was trying to do, and she refused to play along. “I’m going to die a virgin.”
“He cares for you, and he’s attracted to you. He wants to sleep with you. If that’s what you want, too, then find out what’s stopping him and fix it.”
Julia punched at the pillows behind her head, plumping them. “I came in here to bawl my eyes out and slander Jasper, not be given sound advice.”
Amelia laughed. “My apologies. How dare he respect and care about you—the bastard.”
“That’s more like it.”
“May I have my bed back now?” Amelia asked. “If the crisis is past, I’d like to release my husband from his exile.”
Julia wasn’t quite ready to leave yet. “How would you do it?”
“Seduce Jasper? Well for starters, I wouldn’t have married Nick.” Amelia dodged her sister’s elbow, giggling at her own imagined cleverness.
“I don’t want to seduce him. I want him to seduce me, but if I had to be the one to do it—how would I go about it?”
“Are you certain that’s what you want?”
Julia’s brow furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Amelia sighed. “Well, for one thing, making love means getting undressed in front of him. You barely let Nora see you without stockings and a dressing gown, and dressing you is her job.”
Being naked with Jasper. Being naked in front of Jasper. Julia’s arms crossed over her chest. “People make love with their clothes on.”
“Not people like Jasper. Jules, if you’re not ready—”
“I’ll figure something out.” If she had to, she’d find a way, but Amelia was wrong. They’d practically made love tonight, and all their clothes had been in place. Something could certainly be managed. She could make it fun—like a game. “You said ‘for one thing’. What else?”
It was Amelia’s turn to become uncomfortable.
The silence stretched out while Julia waited for an answer. “Mia?”
“Some of his tastes might be…” Amelia’s hand rose, as if she could pluck the word she was looking for from the air. “Advanced. I wouldn’t want you to get in over your head.”
Julia raised her eyebrows. “What if my tastes are also advanced?”
She had to convince Jasper to make love to her. There might not be another chance.
“Then, I suppose, keep doing what you’re doing,” Amelia said. “A week ago, you hadn’t even met him. Now you’re groping each other in carriages. I’d say things are headed in a desirable direction.”
The weariness in Amelia’s tone meant that was all the advice she was willing to dole out at the moment. Julia sat up and slid off the bed. “You can have your husband back now.”
Her sister answered with a happy hum.
Julia closed the door and started the long walk to her bedroom, taking a circuitous route to avoid passing by Jasper’s door. The thick carpet runner muffled her steps as she wandered through the darkened hallways. Her relationship with Jasper had progressed quickly, but it wasn’t quick enough for Julia. He’d admitted to coming here for an escape, and his lack of luggage implied he hadn’t exactly had a plan when he decided to come. Any moment, something could call him back to London and she’d miss her chance. He’d al
ready admitted he didn’t know what would remain between them when that happened.
It wasn’t just the chance she’d miss. These last few days with Jasper had been some of the most delightful days of her life. Not everything had gone to plan, but, compared to her usual routine, her time with Jasper was downright magical.
She had to convince him to stop putting limits on their time together. They only had so much of it, and Julia wasn’t willing to miss out on anything.
Chapter Nine
Julia did not come down for breakfast. She was noticeably absent around the house all morning, and Jasper heard a rumor she’d taken the midday meal in her room. She’d been upset last night—reasonably so—but in the clear light of morning, with their passions cooled, Jasper had hoped to be able to have a more detailed conversation with her about it. Instead, he spent his day stuck with Nicholas, who had nothing nice to say to anyone.
“Have we lost Amelia, as well?” Jasper asked, tossing his book onto the sofa cushion beside him. There was dismally little to do in the country without one of the Bishop sisters to breathe life into the mundane.
Nicholas did the same, abandoning his heavy legal tome and leaning back against the armchair he’d taken by the fire. “Probably. Any time Julia has a crisis, all our lives skid to a halt.”
“A crisis? What happened?”
“You tell me. When Julia came back from your drive, I got ousted from my bed and my wife has been distracted ever since.”
Jasper was the crisis. Of course. It was hardly the first time, but it was only one of a handful of times he felt truly awful about it.
They fell back to silence until the butler arrived looking more straight-backed than usual. “Lord Wakefield, Lady Ruby DeVere has just arrived. I wasn’t told to expect her, but under the circumstances, I’ve had her luggage taken upstairs. I hope that is acceptable.”
Oh, hell. It was not acceptable to Jasper. He closed his eyes and assessed his options.
“Of course. Thank you, Winslow. Did she go up with her luggage or is she waiting?” Nick asked.
“She asked me to see if you were otherwise occupied.”
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