I do find it peculiar that Lady Josephine is attending this house party, however. I would have thought that Lord and Lady Radcliffe would use better discretion, what with the young woman’s life already so entangled in the duke’s. Then again, should the child be responsible for the sins of the father and all of that? In my opinion? No. But then I am only one person.
Was the duke merely being polite by inviting her? Is he attempting to assist her in finding a husband, as we all know he enjoys dabbling in matchmaking these days? Or is he out for revenge on the daughter of the man who wanted to see his life utterly destroyed? It will be interesting to find out! Though as of yet, they have done exactly nothing to spark any sort of gossip. Being seen sharing a table at a cold buffet supper hardly signifies.
On the other hand, if this event is to turn into a betrothal ball for Lady Priscilla, however? Well that, dear readers, might make for some far more interesting gossip. Will Lord Snowly finally do right by the lady and wed her, or will Lord Cleary sweep her off of her feet before Snowly can even ask for a waltz? And what of Lord Sutton and Lord Queensbury? Their names have been bandied about quite a bit recently, but is either ready to take a wife? I think not.
Finally, where does Lord Warwick fit in – if indeed he does at all? Is he there simply to keep things interesting? Or does the appearance of a long-ago friend, a Miss Grace Hadley, complicate matters beyond reason?
Perhaps the purpose of this ball is simply to cause gossip. If that is the case? Then I cannot wait to see what comes next!
-Lady A
She had kissed him! What was she thinking? She hadn’t been thinking! That was the problem. If she had been? She would never have been alone with a man who made her knees weak in the first place!
Josie also should not have started up at Phin with wide eyes as if she was some green girl. She should have said something to him after that kiss, as well, rather than simply allowing him to walk out of the room as if the encounter had meant nothing.
Had it meant nothing? Well, it had meant something to Josie. Actually, it had meant quite a bit. Did it mean just as much to Phin? Well, on that count, she could not be certain.
If the way he had all but bolted from the room was any indication, that kiss had simply been another in a long line of kisses bestowed upon starry-eyed young girls entranced that they had, for a brief moment, captured the attention of a duke.
But what if that kiss had been more? Phin didn’t strike Josie as the type to toy with a lady’s affections. Then again, she didn’t know him all that well. She merely assumed she did. What if she was wrong?
“Why not just take out an ad in The Times and announce that you are, in fact, the gauche county miss everyone already believes you are?” Josie muttered to herself as she pushed her mare to go faster – which the creature was steadfastly refusing to do.
Much to Josie’s annoyance, the horse only seemed to wish to cover ground at a moderate gallop rather than a flat-out run. If she’d been astride her gelding, Lucifer, Josie could have gone as fast as she liked. There was a horse full of temper, no matter that he was a gelding. Hence his name. She had changed it when she had inherited him from one of her distant cousins after someone had passed away.
Back then, Lucifer had been named Sky Dancer. The name hadn’t suited him, something that Josie had discovered within a day of owning the horse. The beast was far too temperamental for such a fanciful name. So, Lucifer he had become. That was a name more suited to the demonic beast that only Josie seemed to be able to tame – and even then, only when the creature felt like it.
However, Lucifer was back in Cumbria at her father’s stables. Now her cousin’s stables, Josie supposed, though that was a matter for another time.
Still, Josie had longed for an early morning ride to clear her head, just as she did back home, so she had donned her dark green velvet riding habit with its jaunty matching hat and set out for the Duke of Fullbridge’s stables. It was there that she had met Lady, her current mount, and all of Josie’s current troubles had begun.
Her troubles regarding Phin had, of course, begun long before that.
While Josie had assured Phin’s head groom that she was an excellent horsewoman – which she truly was – after yesterday’s incident with Lord Warwick’s stallion, aptly named Demon, the man was taking no chances and had a mare named Lady saddled for her.
Living up to her name much as Demon had yesterday, Lady didn’t hurry to do much of anything. She might canter if she felt inclined, and for a few brief seconds, she might gallop. Otherwise, the beast was more inclined to a slow and steady pace, which was doing little to allow Josie to think through her latest lapse in judgment.
Because last night had been just that – a lapse in judgment.
She knew better than to go around kissing strange gentlemen. Well, Phin wasn’t exactly a stranger, but still, she knew better than to kiss him. She was trying to avoid gossip, not actively seek it out. And yet with that kiss, she had done just that, skirting dangerously close to a line she knew better than to cross.
So why had she crossed it? It wasn’t as if Phin Trew was the only man in all of England in need of a wife.
While attempting to wrestle Lady into some semblance of obedience, Josie believed she might have just come up with the answer, so perhaps this ride had helped after all. Josie decided she had kissed Phin not just because she was attracted to him, but because she was in lust with him.
While her father had been known for his horribly bad ideas and incorrect assumptions, he hadn’t been wrong about everything. One of the things he had been right about, at least in Josie’s observations, was that lust made people do foolish, stupid things.
Given the way Phin made Josie’s heart race and her blood hum and her drawers become damp? It was obvious she was in lust with him. Which, of course, led her to do very stupid things.
Truthfully, she shouldn’t even know about things like lust, Josie supposed, but then with the late Charles Marshwood as a father? It was difficult not to know about the sordid side of life, especially as he had reveled in it.
All of which was why Josie required a good, fast ride to clear her head. If only this recalcitrant beast beneath her rump would oblige.
“Lady will go faster if you give her the proper motivation.”
Josie let out a small squeak at the sound of Phin’s voice behind her.
“Phineas Trew! You scared me nearly half to death! Don’t do that!” Then she winced, realized she had sounded like a shrew. Or his wife. Neither of which she was. “I’m sorry. You simply snuck up on me.”
Without realizing it, Josie had entered a small clearing, making it easy for Phin, who had been out on an early morning ride as well, to spot her. Looking around, she could see various horse paths veering off at different points from the field. She also realized she had no idea which one had brought her here. She had been too involved in her own musings to pay attention.
“I called out to you,” he replied, pulling his horse up beside hers. “Several times. When you didn’t reply, I assumed you were either furious with me after that kiss last night, or you were so enraptured by it that you were reliving the moment.”
Josie began to blush furiously. “Can I admit to being a bit of both?”
“Of course.” He pulled his horse to a stop, and she did the same. “Though I suspect it is not like you to be of two minds on an issue such as a kiss.”
“It’s not,” she confessed as she slid off of Lady’s back, following Phin’s lead as he dismounted from his own horse and began to walk the animal. “After so many years with my father? I am accustomed to knowing precisely what I am doing at all times and why.”
Phin slanted her a look as he walked his horse over to a hitching post she hadn’t noticed before. “And now?”
“And now I am at crossed ends with myself.” Josie tied up her horse, and when Phin offered her his arm so that they might walk together, she accepted it. “I should not have kissed you. Young ladies
don’t behave so scandalously.”
“But you did kiss me.” He squinted up at the bright spring sun, and Josie watched as the corners of his eyes crinkled adorably. “Or rather, I kissed you, but then you kissed me back.”
“It was lust.” Josie knew she had to be firm on that point. “I am a young lady in search of a husband, and it is…natural that my thoughts might head in that direction. Even though I am not to know of such things.”
“And yet, you did kiss me back. And I don’t think it was simply because of lust.”
“Perhaps not. Perhaps I kissed you because I wanted to and for no other reason than that.”
After Josie’s admission, a companionable silence fell between them, and they strolled across the meadow for a bit. Josie watched rabbits hop about on the shadowy edges of the meadow, just out from the edge of the trees. High above, she could hear birdsong and knew that the tiny creatures were busy building nests so that they might lay eggs.
She glimpsed the prickly spines of a fat little hedgehog as it waddled back into some brush. Something made a rustling noise in a thicket as they strolled by, though she only saw a small flash of brownish colored fur. Finally, when they approached a small but swiftly moving stream, she watched as droplets of water arced into the air as a trout broke the surface for a moment.
Spring was taking hold in England. Life was beginning anew. This was Josie’s chance to begin her life anew as well. To find her own, personal version of spring.
This place? This quiet, forgotten meadow? It settled her in a way she had not known since she had left Cumbria. It settled her more than any pounding horse ride ever could.
This was the world Josie had grown up in, a world where nature and society collided. Many young ladies either preferred the country or the city, having grown up in one or the other. She, however, had always straddled both worlds, never completely comfortable in either, but also finding solace in each.
Did Phin know that? Was that why he had urged her to walk with him? Josie had never admitted her feelings on the matter to anyone. So how had Phin guessed?
“Feeling better?” he asked as he dropped his elbow only so he could link his hand with hers as they stopped beside the small stream.
Josie nodded as she exhaled slowly. “I am. Thank you.”
Spreading his arms wide, he gestured to the clearing as a whole. “Often, I find that when my thoughts become muddled, a good ride or a brisk walk does wonders for my brainbox.”
“I am much the same,” she agreed before gesturing to Lady. “Except that nightmare of a horse does not seem to move much faster than a canter, if even that quickly.” Josie glared at the stubborn mare for good measure.
Taking Josie’s hand once more, Phin led her over to where both horses had been hitched. “Let me see if I can fix that. Lady is temperamental, but she can be coaxed into doing what you wish. With the right bribe, of course.” From his pocket, he produced numerous sugar cubes.
“I brought carrots.” Josie held up two of the vegetables she had begged from the kitchen staff earlier. “Hold there! They are not for you! Or they were not supposed to be.”
While Josie had been showing Phin the treats she had brought for Lady, his horse had leaned over and snatched them both from her hands and was now munching away happily on his purloined treat.
Phin patted his horse’s flank. “Morpheus adores carrots. It’s his favorite treat. Right, boy?”
The horse whinnied in response and nuzzled Phin’s hand. “You should have come to me if you wished to ride this morning. I could have found you a better mount. At the very least, I could have told you about the sugar cubes.”
Reaching over, Josie patted Morpheus, and the horse seemed to preen under her attentions. “I didn’t know if I should. After last night…”
“After last night, it should be clear to you that, foolish or not, I desire you. That’s what a kiss means, Josie. Were you unaware of that?”
She shrugged. “I was aware. I wasn’t certain if you were.” She paused. “Or if you were toying with me. I am not exactly as worldly as the other young ladies here.”
At that, Phin tossed the sugar cubes to Lady before turning and gripping Josie’s upper arms tightly. “We did not speak after that kiss, and I will admit that error was all mine. I should not have been so callous. I don’t go about kissing women I don’t care for, Josie. I need you to know that.”
She frowned at him. This was not at all what she had expected. “You…care for me?”
“On some level, yes.” He furrowed his brow as if he was fighting to choose his words carefully. “This isn’t a declaration of love, if that’s what you’re asking for, but…”
“I’m not,” Josie assured him quickly. “Truly. I only need to know if I am more than just a distraction for you. If that is all that this is between us? A distraction or you deciding that you are bored? Then that is all well and good, and I shall deal with that as I see fit. I just need to know the truth. I’ve endured years of my father lying to me, and I don’t want to go through that again. Not with you.”
Josie swore she could feel the heat from Phin’s hands as it burned through the fabric of her riding habit. But that was silly. He wore gloves. She was covered in layers of cloth. And yet…she vowed that she could feel something burning her skin, heating her from the inside out.
The feeling was intense. Powerful. And unlike anything she had ever felt before.
It scared her a little. But not enough to make her back away from this man.
“I don’t know what this is, Josie, and I’ve said as much, though not in so many words, I realize.” Phin almost sounded physically pained at his admission.
Josie looked up at him with beseeching eyes. “Then try to explain to me now, if you can. I am listening, and I need to know the truth of us before this goes any further.”
Phin surprised her by pulling her close. “That night at Lady Darby’s, I bungled what I was trying to say, and I fear I’m doing so now, mostly because I cannot explain what lies between us. But this is something, sweet, and until we work through this, whatever it is? Until I decipher why I cannot get you out of my head? Then I do not believe that either of us can be free of the other. That is why I invited you here. To get you out of my mind, so to speak. Though I fear I’m not doing a very good job of it.” He swallowed hard. “I kissed you because I desired you, Josie. Can it simply be just that for now?”
She should say no. A proper lady would say no. An innocent lady would say no. However, Josie was none of those things. Oh, she was innocent in the strictest sense of the word, but that was about as far as matters went. Her father had taken her innocence long ago when he had beaten her and her cousin until they bled for imagined crimes against him.
“It can be,” she agreed as she took the bold step of entwining her arms around his neck. “I meant what I said, Phin. I kissed you back last night because I wished to do so.” For a woman like Josie, admitting such a thing was an enormous step. “I kissed you because I desire you. Beyond that? Like you? I am not certain of anything.”
Phin shook his head. “You are unlike any other young woman I’ve ever known, Josie. You don’t simper or flirt or play games. You are no foolish debutante.”
Josie pressed her body closer to his. “I don’t know how to do those things, Phin. I might be a lady, but I am no London sophisticate and likely never will be, either. I am, in many ways, my father’s creation. For that? I am sorry. I truly am.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Phin sighed as he nudged her nose with his. “I don’t think I’d like you half as much as I do if you were like all of those others chits.”
Josie hoped and prayed that was true. She also hoped that kissing Phin would not lead to her downfall. Stolen kisses on a balcony – not that she’d ever done such a thing – were one thing but kisses like this? This was a path that could only lead to ruin. This was a path her father had warned her about repeatedly over the years. She knew where this path would lead her if she co
ntinued to follow it.
Josie’s many governesses over the years had beaten that knowledge into her head – some literally – until she knew far more about what transpired between men and women than she ought. It was just another quirk that – poised and polished or not – made her an outcast in Society. She knew things she should not. Felt things she should not. She was different and had been from the moment her father’s drive for revenge against this man had begun to shape her.
And yet, Josie could not bring herself to care. No matter what she did from this point forward, even if she could find a decent man to marry her, gossip would follow her. She was Charles Marshwood’s daughter – the man who would have brought the powerful Duke of Fullbridge to his knees had he been able. Had the Bloody Duke not stopped him. Now that her father was dead, she was guilty by association. To believe otherwise was foolish, no matter what Julia and Ben said.
So why should she not take this moment out of time, if that was what Phin was offering?
The rest of her life lay stretched out ahead of her, cold and dark. She would be a spinster or worse, cast out of Society entirely if someone powerful enough decided she should share her father’s punishment. Even though she was an earl’s daughter, that would not stop those who wished to cut her directly.
One wrong move or one false whisper and Josie’s life would be over.
Phin was offering her…something. She wished to take it. So why didn’t she? Just so that she could say in her doddering old age that she had been bold and fearless once upon a time.
Gently, Josie nudged Phin’s lips with her own. Even though the spring air was still a bit cool, he was warm to the touch, and she reveled in the sensation.
“Then let us begin this exploration of what lies between us, Phin. Let us see where this leads us.” She brushed her lips against his once more, urging him to kiss her again. For while Josie was bold, she was not quite that bold. Not yet, anyway.
“Are you certain? You can leave Havenhurst if you like, but I did secure you a chaperone. My Great Aunt Mary is presently in the dower house. She is being moved into the main house as we speak, though do not think that you will ever see her for she never leaves her rooms.” Phin was holding back, not kissing her in return. She didn’t want that. She wanted him, no matter how wretched of an idea this was. “I had forgotten she was even on the estate, quite truthfully.”
Loving the Wrong Lord Page 9
