‘It is true, although the connection is one I would rather forget. I have not seen my father for more than ten years and I have no wish to do so. It is the reason I insisted we press on with our journey rather than putting up at Tuxford, the night I came upon you in the wood. You may ask Hester and William, if you do not believe me. They would have much preferred to sleep in comfort at the Crown.’
‘Forgive me, madam, but Mrs Yelland and the coachman are in your employ. They will corroborate any story you wish to tell.’
Nancy threw up her head. ‘You do not believe me!’
‘What do you expect, when you have changed your story so often? Let us say I am not convinced. You rescued me from the wood and brought me back to Dell House, and now you tell me you are the daughter of the very man I am investigating. I do not believe in coincidence, so it seems more likely that you are here at the Earl’s behest. To keep a watch on me.’
‘How dare you! You think I would put myself to the trouble of nursing you, that I would stay in this house—even share your bed—merely to spy on you?’ She almost choked on her fury. ‘If you are that much of a threat to anyone, they would want you dead, not restored to health!’ She jumped up from her seat and glared at him. ‘I have offered you my assistance, you stupid creature. I cannot believe my father would turn traitor to his country, but if that is the case then he must be stopped and since you seem to be at Point Non Plus I thought I might help, but believe me, there is nothing I want less than to return to my father’s house.’ She dashed a hand across her eyes. ‘Now look what you have done, you hateful creature. I detest tears! Excuse me—’
She made for the door, but Gabriel was too quick for her.
‘No, Nancy. Wait.’ He caught her just as she turned the handle. She felt the weight of his forehead on her shoulder. ‘Forgive me for doubting you. I have lived for too long in a world of lies and deception. Suspicion comes naturally to me.’
She said icily, ‘Release me, if you please. I wish to leave.’
‘I wish you would stay.’
‘Why, when you do not believe me!’
‘Then convince me,’ he urged her, his grip tightening. ‘I want to believe you, my dear. My heart tells me you are telling the truth, but my head—’ He sighed. ‘Please, Nancy, stay and explain it to me.’
She stood still, her anger waning. His distrust had cut her to the quick, but in all honesty could she blame him? Gently, Gabriel eased her fingers from the handle and closed the door. Nancy allowed him to lead her to the sofa where he sat with her, holding her hands.
‘Now, tell me why you are estranged from the Earl.’
She gazed into the fire. Her instinct was to leave, to run away, but that was what she had been doing for years, was it not? Perhaps now was the time to face the truth, to live with her past rather than trying to bury it. Slowly she began to speak.
‘I have already told you. My father planned to marry me off to one of his cronies, Viscount Packington, a hard, vicious man thirty years my senior. When my father told me his intentions I refused to countenance it, but it soon became clear that my wishes were of no consequence. If I resisted I would be forced, by one means or another, to accept the match.’
‘So, you ran away.’
‘Yes. I put together a small bundle of possessions and left Masserton Court.’ She raised her head. ‘I took nothing that did not belong to me: the jewels I had been given for birthdays, a little pin money I had managed to save. It was enough to pay for the coach fare and to get me away from Masserton.’
‘And since then you have supported yourself by using the skills learned in your father’s kitchens.’
Nancy’s lip curled. ‘You are sceptical, but why should you be? My governess did nothing to inspire me, although I admit I was a wilful child and difficult to teach. She managed to give me a rudimentary education—how to reckon and write, a little music—I doubt she was capable of anything more. And she had her own problems. When she was in her room, drowning her sorrows in a bottle, I escaped to the servants’ quarters, where I received more kindness than I ever found above stairs. The tyrant who held sway over the kitchens found it easier to put me to work than to turn me away. He insisted his minions find things for me to do and when he discovered I had a talent for cooking he took me under his wing.’ For the first time since making her revelation, she smiled. ‘Whatever else my education lacked, I learned to speak French like a native!’
She hurried on, afraid he might offer some sympathy for the neglected child she had been. She did not want that, especially from him.
‘Since leaving my father’s house I have looked after myself. Finding work without references was not easy but I managed. And then I met Molly Morgan, who is now Mrs Charles Russington. She invited me to move to Prospect House, which is now my home.’
‘And your family, did they make no attempt to find you?’
‘Very little. I have kept in touch with my sister, Lady Aspern, but her correspondence is delivered to a post office. Even after I learned Lord Packington had died of the pox, I would not risk anyone finding me.’ She wrapped her arms about her, conscious of a sudden chill in the room. ‘It was Mary who informed me of my mother’s death, a few years ago.’
‘That must have pained you.’
She shrugged. ‘My mother and I were never close. Giving birth to me almost killed her and she was unable to bear more children. I was the reason she could not provide my father with the heir he needed. I was never allowed to forget that.’
‘I am very sorry. ’
She waved one hand. ‘But all this is by the bye. I cannot prove I am who I say, save by appealing to those who knew me before I left Masserton. I do not think they could fail to recognise me. That is why I was loath to stop at Tuxford. Our family is well known at the Crown.’ She added carelessly, ‘If you want my help, you will have to trust me. If not, I shall leave here in the morning. Whatever you decide, it makes no odds to me.’
But Nancy was lying. She desperately wanted him to believe her. She waited for his answer, schooling her expression into one of indifference.
‘Tell me one more thing,’ he said, his gaze so sharp and steady she felt pinned beneath it. ‘When you left your father’s house why did you not go to Lady Aspern? Surely your sister would have given you refuge.’
‘I did.’ She ran her tongue over her dry lips. ‘I did go to Mary. I begged for her help and she took me in, but her husband—’
She stopped, colour suffusing her cheeks as she relived the terror of travelling alone, the relief of reaching Mary’s house safely, pouring out the story to her sister and brother-in-law, only to find he considered her to be at fault. His words still taunted her: ‘If you insist on quitting the protection of your father’s house, then you must take the consequences.’
And then, that night, he had come to her room and climbed into her bed, pawing at her, tearing her nightgown. She shuddered at the memory.
Gabriel was watching her closely and he nodded. ‘Lord Aspern is one of those who cannot resist an...er...unprotected virgin.’
‘Yes.’ Nancy put up her head. After all, she had nothing to be ashamed of. ‘When I resisted his...his attentions, he said it was what I must expect, now I was alone in the world. He wanted to set me up as his mistress. He offered to put me in a discreet little house somewhere convenient, so that I might still see my sister, although she was not to be told what was going on.’ She looked down at her hands, twisting together in her lap. ‘Mary is very much in love with her husband, you see. When I told her why I was leaving she did not quite believe me, but neither could she bring herself to believe Aspern, when he said I was to blame, that I had thrown myself at him. Mary and I have not seen each other since, although we correspond occasionally, in secret. So, there you have it. The story of my life, such as it is.’ She forced herself to meet his eyes. ‘That is the truth, Gabriel. More than I ha
ve ever told anyone before.’
‘Then I am honoured by your confidences. You have been singularly unfortunate in your experiences with men.’
‘I do not believe that is the case. The girls and women who come to Prospect House have suffered far worse. Aspern is a product of his upbringing, taught to believe women are of little consequence. We have already said that daughters are worthless, except as a marriageable commodity. A great match requires either beauty or a good dowry, preferably both. I had neither. My father considered himself fortunate when Lord Packington offered to take me off his hands and to pay handsomely for the privilege. I was an ill-favoured child, too thin and awkward to be considered worthy of attention.’
‘Then you have changed out of all recognition,’ he remarked, smiling a little.
She blushed and waved one hand. ‘I am in no mood for compliments.’
‘I intended none, it is merely the truth. And from our conversations I see nothing lacking in your education.’
‘Thank you. I have always been a voracious reader and my father’s library was well stocked, if a trifle out of date. Reading is a habit I have tried to keep up. But we digress. I do not know what else to say to convince you of who I am.’
‘You have done more than enough. I am sorry I doubted you.’ He lifted her fingers to his mouth. ‘Can you forgive me?’
He was smiling at her, setting her pulses jumping. She resisted the temptation to melt into his arms and tell him she would forgive him anything, but it was a struggle.
‘You need someone inside the Court,’ she said, withdrawing her hand and trying to sound businesslike. ‘Someone who can search the house. I can do that, although I will tell you now, I do not believe there is anything to be found. My father is many things—weak, blustering, something of a bully—but I cannot believe he is a traitor to his country.’
‘And you are willing to return to your family home to prove it?’
‘Yes.’ She met his eyes. ‘I will do my best to discover the truth, whatever it may be.’
Now the decision was made, she realised how much she disliked the thought of returning to her father’s house. Not that she feared for her safety, it was the unhappy memories that disturbed her. The answer was not to think of them.
Nancy turned her mind instead to practical matters. She must write to Prospect House again and tell them she had been further delayed. Then she would need to prepare for her arrival at Masserton Court. Gabriel was deep in thought, his brow creased, and she guessed he was about to refuse. Having made up her mind to do this, she was affronted by even this slight hint of opposition.
‘You think a mere female too weak for the task? I assure you I am not.’ She looked at him, saying, ‘You said yourself you had no other idea how to proceed.’
‘True.’
‘Very well then. I think it would be best if William Coachman took me back to Tuxford and I transferred there to a hired chaise.’
‘And your reason for going back?’ he asked her, refilling her wine glass.
‘A wish to be reunited with my family. I shall prostrate myself at my father’s feet and beg him to take me in.’ She paused. ‘I doubt he will welcome me with open arms, but if I am suitably remorseful I do not think he will turn me away. I shall then be well placed to discover if there is anything untoward going on.’
Gabriel pushed himself to his feet and paced the floor, his hands behind his back and his brow furrowed in thought.
‘No, I think not,’ he said at last. ‘The risk for you is too great. From what you have told me, to put yourself back into your father’s power—’
She laughed at that, a genuine moment of humour. ‘I am thirty years old, I do not think he will attempt to find me a husband.’
‘But even so, you thwarted him. He will resent that.’
‘He will be even more angry if he discovers the true reason I am there!’
‘There is that, too.’ He stopped before the fireplace and looked at her. ‘No. It is too dangerous. The Earl is still your father, Nancy. I cannot let you involve yourself in this.’
She sat back in her chair and folded her arms. ‘I do not think you have any choice.’
Gabriel thumped his fist on the mantel.
‘I cannot let you—’ He broke off as the door opened and John Thoresby came in.
‘I beg your pardon, sir, madam. It is getting late and I wondered if you might require any more wine this evening?’
Nancy looked at Gabriel. ‘Perhaps you should ask Mr Thoresby for his views on the matter.’
She sat quietly while Gabriel explained. When he had finished John Thoresby rubbed his chin.
‘It sounds like a good plan, sir. If Mrs Hopwood is willing.’
‘Mrs Hopwood is very willing,’ put in Nancy. ‘And perfectly capable, too.’
‘You would be taking Mrs Yelland with you?’ John Thoresby asked her.
‘Of course, if she will come, once I have told her why I am going to Masserton. I think she will.’
‘So, too, do I.’ He looked towards Gabriel. ‘I have formed a good opinion of that lady, my lord. I believe we can take her into our confidence.’ He saw his master was not convinced and added, ‘In truth, my lord, it is the only plan we have, is it not?’
Gabriel frowned, not pleased to be reminded of that fact.
He turned to Nancy. ‘But your friends in the north will be expecting you.’
‘William can take a letter to them. Well?’ Nancy rose and walked around the table to stand before Gabriel. ‘Mr Thoresby and I are agreed. What do you say?’
Gabriel still looked troubled. He glanced at his servant.
‘No more wine tonight, John. You may go.’
When Thoresby had withdrawn she reached out and took Gabriel’s hands.
‘You need me to do this,’ she said. ‘I need to do it, if only to prove my father is no traitor.’
He looked at her, his eyes unusually sombre. ‘And if you prove otherwise?’
Then I shall have sent my father to his death and it will always be between us.
Not that it mattered, she thought bleakly. This was only a brief interlude, a snowbound idyll. She put up her chin.
‘I am prepared to face that. I shall not fail you, Gabriel.’
‘I know that.’ He drew her into his arms. ‘Will you cry friends with me again?’
His smile was like balm to her battered spirit, as if the world had righted itself. She put her head against his shoulder and gazed up at him.
‘More than that.’
Her voice was husky. The steely light in his eyes deepened to a hot blue flame as his mouth came down upon hers.
* * *
‘If you want to change your mind, about going to Masserton Court tomorrow, I shall understand.’
Gabriel had walked into Nancy’s bedchamber to find her at her dressing table, brushing her hair. She had not turned, but watched his approach in the mirror. When he put his hands on her shoulders, he was all too aware of the fragile bones beneath the flimsy linen of her nightdress and was overwhelmed by the desire to protect her.
Her reflection was calm, resolute.
‘No. I am determined to do this.’
‘It might be dangerous for you.’
‘Then I shall expect you to rescue me.’
‘Be serious, Nancy. This is no game.’
She rose and put her arms about him.
‘I know it and I am taking it seriously, I promise you. But I cannot walk away without at least trying to discover the truth.’
‘Perhaps it would be better not to know the truth.’
She shook her head. ‘I should always wonder if my father was a traitor. I have to do this, Gabriel.’ She slipped her arms about his neck. ‘But we can have one more night together.’
He felt the now-familiar desire r
ising as she pressed herself against him.
‘There will be many more nights, I promise you.’
She did not reply, but pulled his head down and kissed him hungrily. He pushed all the doubts and worries from his mind, giving himself up to the pleasure of making love to her. She responded eagerly to his caresses, rousing him to a white-hot passion. He reined it in, holding himself back until he had brought her with him to the edge of wild abandon. Only then did he grant them release and they toppled together from the heights. Half-laughing, half-crying, they fell back against the pillows, where he pulled her into his arms and held her close until sleep claimed them.
* * *
Gabriel stirred. He reached for Nancy but found only cool sheets. He opened his eyes. She was sitting up, her hair loose about her shoulders and her naked back gleaming white in the moonlight.
He turned on his side to look at her. ‘Is something wrong?’
She did not turn to look at him, merely shook her head, sending a glint of silver rippling over her tumbled curls.
‘Not really. I could not sleep. I want to tell you something. Before I leave for Masserton Court.’
‘Go on.’
‘There was a man in my life, once. An officer. A major who employed me as cook in his household. He was a good man, but his wife was very ill and he needed...comfort. He...he pleasured me and taught me how to satisfy him, but we never...’ She stopped, her shoulders lifting in a faint shrug. ‘He would not risk giving me a child when he was not free to marry me.’
Gabriel resisted the desire to run a finger down her spine. This was not the time to tease her, when she was confiding in him about someone who had clearly meant a lot to her.
He said softly, ‘What happened?’
‘I left him.’ The words were matter of fact, but the bleak note in her voice tore at something in his chest. ‘He was too good, too honest. The guilt of our affair was tearing him apart, but he could not bring himself to send me away. And I was falling in love.’ A sigh, barely audible. ‘I slipped away one day while he was out of the house. I left him a note, begging him not to try to find me.’
The Highborn Housekeeper (Saved From Disgrace Book 3) Page 10
