by Natavia
“I went to Meek Mills concert with you a few weeks ago, Tarae! That shit gave me a fucking headache with all that yelling and shit he does! Rap music is trash and it’s a disgrace to black women. All they say is bitch this, hoe that. That’s not talent!” she argues.
“Okay, Sista Souljah! You say bitch and hoe too!” I laugh.
“Yes, I do say it. But all I’m saying is becoming famous for cursing out women and degrading them is tacky! Like most rappers rap about selling drugs and killing people, yet half of them have never even seen street life! Everyone has bricks or coke by the pound but they be getting their chains snatched from fans. I think all of that crap is fraud! Only real music out here is old rap music and old school slow-jams that our parents made love to,” she argues.
“Just don’t start talking about polluting the air and all that crazy shit! Those white kids on campus be having those flyers and shit everywhere talking about stop killing our trees! I can see you with them,” I tell her. Lace is the total opposite from broads I had talked to in the past and still talk to here and there. She is street smart and book smart.
It takes me an hour to get to the concert. Once I pay for parking, we walk towards the center. Lace grabs my hand and I look at her. I’m not with this shit but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. We stand in line and a few girls are starring at us.
“Hey, aren’t you Tarae Sanders? The quarterback who plays for Morgan State University?” one of them asks me.
“Yeah,” I say making small talk.
“I loveeeeee watching you play!” she stresses.
“Thanks shorty, I appreciate that!” I tell her. I turns around and I can hear them whispering.
“He is so damn fine,” she says.
“She doesn’t seem like his type,” the other one cosigns.
Lace turns around. “But I am and that’s why I’m here with him,” Lace says making their face dropped. Lace rolls her eyes at them and I laugh. I put my arm around her shoulder then kiss her cheek as they grill my black ass.
Once we gave our tickets to the ticket collector, we go to the concession stand.
“Tarae!” the voice shouts and it’s Tessa with her sister. This woman is ready to embarrass me.
“What are you doing here?” she asks me not seeing Lace. When Lace turns around Tessa face drops.
“You told me you weren’t with her!” Tessa screams embarrassing us. You can tell she is older than me by what she has on. Tessa looks like she is about to go to church. The girls that were standing behind Lace and I laughed at us.
“Ewwww! All these bad bitches out here and he is fucking that old dinosaur shaped bitch!” one of them says loud enough so Tessa can hear it. Lace just sips her soda looking at me like “nigga, you about to get cursed out.”
“Why you fucking with me Tessa?” I ask her.
“You act like I wasn’t with you last night! You promised me! I left my husband for you,” she lied.
“Tessa cut that shit out! He left you! I will talk to you later! I’m busy!” I tell her grabbing Lace’s hand, pulling her towards our seats. Tessa smacks me in the back of my head then pulls my dreads screaming and cursing at me.
Her sister Monica pulls her off of me. “Bitch, you out here acting a fool over his young ass? You are embarrassing me! Let him enjoy his date who seems to be his age! Look at you,” Monica grits then security comes over escorting Tessa out.
“I guess you have to wait in the car because I didn’t drive all the way up here for nothing!” Monica yells to her.
“Stay away from her Tarae! That’s a grown ass woman who is looking for a permanent man in her life! You can’t play games with her like you do these lil girls out here who is able to fuck without feelings! When you sleep with her you are giving her an assumption that you are with her,” she says.
“That bitch is married! What the fuck you mean I’m giving her assumptions? Shorty, just mind your damn business,” I tell her. She waves me off then walks away.
Minutes later my phone chirps. I look at it and it’s a picture of my brand new car keyed up with the words “Burning Dick” on it and my tires are flat. This bitch found my car and had the nerve to send me a picture.
“This bitch fucked my car up!” I tell her but she says nothing to me. She looks at me then rolls her eyes.
“Fuck is wrong with you?” I ask her.
“Nothing! I’m just trying to figure out what nigga on the planet of earth will continue to fuck a bitch who is crazy! She ran us off the fucking road! We could’ve died if we would’ve hit the tree harder than what we did! You are so damn stupid! Give me my fucking pretzel!” she says snatching it from me.
“Lose that fucking attitude! You about to make me backhand your fucking face!” I tell her. What I do is my business! I don’t understand why she is mad.
“You got me out here with Charlie Wilson old ass! These old ass bitches in here got on church hats blocking my damn view! You got me in here smelling Bengay and peppermints and you tripping on some bullshit!” I tell her. I’m pissed that corndog shaped bitch fucked with my whip! I’m choking the fuck out of Tessa when I get to her later. That woman been married the whole time I was fucking her, but as soon as I chill with another woman she acts up!
“Tarae! I’m warning you don’t get on my bad side! Please don’t do it!” she says clapping her hands every time she spoke, surprising me. I smile because Lace can get gutta if you fuck with her, but she is innocent. That’s confusing isn’t it?
“Fuck you going to do Lace? Magically pull some shit out your dreads like you the Warner Brothers? I wish you would pretend you about to fucking cut me!” I tell her and she laughs.
“I’m not talking to you,” she says rubbing her nose. That means she is about to sneeze.
“That’s what your ass get! That smoke fucking with you isn’t it?” I ask her. Charlie Wilson dances across the stage with smoke coming out.
“Leave me alone!” she says then starts coughing really hard.
I rub her back. “Shorty, you good?” I ask her then tears starts coming out of her eyes. She starts grabbing her throat.
“Lace, you scaring the fuck out of me! What the hell is wrong with you?” I ask because it looks like she’s ready to pass out. She starts wheezing bending over. I go into her purse grabbing her Epipen. I hurriedly take it out the box then stuck it into her leg. I pulled her close then her breathing starts getting back to normal seconds later.
“You need go to the hospital!” I tell her. We walk out then I hail a cab. We get in and I tell him to take me to the nearest hospital. She grabs my hand then rests her head on my shoulders. I kiss her forehead. Lace got me on some soft nigga shit.
The day after, I leave school early so I can pop up at Tessa’s job. I bet she won’t like that shit. I walk into the school and dapped up some niggas that were in the ninth grade around the time I was in twelfth. She was standing in front of the class teaching like she’s all innocent. Then I notice a little nigga in the front row feeling up her skirt and she continues to teach like she doesn’t feel the shit. Tessa is a hoe! I remember doing that, too, when I sat in the front.
“Tessa, let me holla at you for a minute!” I say to her and some hot-in-the-ass girl looks at me swirling her pen around her tongue. I don’t mind the view because shorty is bad! She got to be about seventeen which is fuckable.
“Who this nigga?” the nigga stood up and asks her, giving her hoe ass away.
“Somebody she giving the ass to, too! Tessa get your ass out here now!” I say walking into the hall and the classroom laughs at her.
“You coming to my fucking job? You are about to get me fired,” she says with tears in her eyes.
“Yeah, it’s not so fun is it? How the fuck you think I feel about you keep popping up on me, bitch? Leave me the fuck alone and I’m serious this time. Oh, and I want three g’s from you for fucking up my whip!” I tell her.
“I don’t have it!” she cries.
“Bitch, you bet
ter get it! I don’t care how you get it but I want my fucking money! You think you can keep touching my shit and not paying for it? Either that or I walk to the principal office on your ass! I know you fucking that Bobby Shmurda looking nigga that’s sitting in the front, you tramp ass hoe!” I tell her.
“Fine, I will give you the money! But you will leave that bitch alone or else!” she says to me like I’m still the sixteen-year-old nigga she tried controlling. I’m a grown ass man now. I look up and down the hall to make sure nobody was coming. I grab her by the neck slamming her into the lockers.
“I will fucking body you! This is a fucking promise! Leave me the fuck alone! Don’t call me or come by my house or none of that shit! I will fuck your daughter! She’s eighteen now, right? Yeah, I know! I would fuck her then knock her up and make you babysit! I swear Tessa, stay the fuck out of my life!” I say pushing her into the locker again. The lil nigga that was feeling on her leg was looking out the window in the door. He opens the door.
“What the fuck you doing?” he asks me. He is a tall, lanky, goofy looking nigga. I punch him in the face, dropping him then go into his pockets.
“This my lunch money now nigga!” I say then hurriedly walked out of the school.
I get inside of my Cadillac and pulls off, laughing until tears fills my eyes. I swing by Mashawn’s crib picking him up. I need to figure out what the fuck is wrong with Rico. This is not like him at all. We see each other every day. We have breaks between our classes in school around the same time. On our breaks we would go somewhere, roll a blunt and clown around until next class.
Mashawn gets in my car and I gives him dap. Soon as I pull out of his apartment complex I smell something.
“Yoooooo, you sharted in my fucking whip?” I ask the nigga, rolling the windows down then turning the AC up. His yellow ass turns red like he’s embarrassed.
“My bad nigga! The chitterlings and potato salad I just ate is fucking with me. I don’t think Kenyatta cleaned them all the way!” he says and I shake my head.
“What’s sharted?” he asked reclining his seat all the way back getting comfortable.
“Nigga, you smell like you shitted yourself when you farted! You one big, nasty ass nigga! You couldn’t warn me? Now look at this shit nigga! You made my fucking check engine light come on! Yo, from now on I’m not picking your ass up! Tell Kenyatta I’m calling USDA on her ass for not cooking food properly! Simple ass broad!” I tell him.
“Ay, nigga don’t be talking about my girl!” he says.
“You getting my whip detailed too!” I tell him.
“Fuck this old ass caddy! You need to let it go!” he says talking shit.
“Naw nigga, you need to let some of that weight go!” I tell him and he laughs.
We pull up to Rico and Raja’s crib. I ring the doorbell a few times before Rico opens it up. I push my way inside and Mashawn follows.
“Fuck been wrong with you? You haven’t been in school! You don’t answer your phone!” I say and he sits down on the couch rolling up.
“Damn, nigga! Where Zy at while you sitting here smoking like your last name Marley?” I ask him.
“Raja took him to go see her mama! Fuck y’all niggas want?” he asks.
“Trying to see if you are good!” I tell him looking at him side-eyed. Rico always in a good mood but something not right with this nigga! He didn’t even say shit about Mashawn big ass passing gas.
“Nigga, you still farting?” I asked him as he chewed a Slim Jim like always.
“Man fuck you! Ay Rico, I need to use your toilet!” Mashawn says getting up.
“What’s up lil homey?” I ask Rico.
“Read this shit!” he says throwing me a notebook that was sitting on the coffee table.
I open it up and flips through the pages and all it talks about is Raja needs to die and so does their son Zy.
“What the fuck is this?” I ask.
“Fashion’s journal! Just keep reading!” he says rolling up.
“Yooooo, this bitch is crazy! She killed your son? Why you sitting here? Snap that bitch’s neck like you did Jay’s!” I tell him. We never discussed that but I’m pissed off. This nigga sitting here smoking, depressed while this bitch running around with her ugly ass like she ain’t do shit!
“That’s why I’m fucking smoking nigga, to calm my nerves! I want to kill that bitch so bad I get night sweats. I can’t even go near her right now because I might lose it! That bitch knocked up by me again,” he says.
“Helllllllllll no! You fucked her raw nigga?” I asked him.
“Don’t you fuck Tessa’s hoe ass raw? Get the fuck out my face with that bullshit nigga!” he says to me.
“Yeah, but the bitch ain’t crazy enough to trap me then kill the fucking baby! You know what she’s going to do with this one? You better wait ‘til she gets to seven months then cut it out of her!” I say and he looks at me then smiles.
“Yo, you say some stupid shit! How do you stay on the dean’s list?” he asks me.
“Same reason you stay on there! It runs in the blood!” I tell him. Raja walks in with Zy and she rolls her eyes at me.
“This is not Budz house! You need to leave and I know Mashawn is with you! His big ass better not be sitting on my couch or eating up my food! I don’t get food stamps, shit! That big motherfucker eats like a whale! What the fuck is that smell?” Raja goes off as she puts Zy down.
“Rico, what the fuck is that smell? Is that nigga shitting in here? OHHHHHHH hellllllll nawl!” she says storming down the hall.
“Get your nasty ass out my bathroom nigga! Kenyatta told me she made you some chitterlings! You know that bitch can’t cook! I hope you not shitting on my floor! I have a new bathroom set in there!” she says banging on the door then walks into the living room.
“I told your ass to not be smoking upstairs Rico! Take that shit in the basement with the door close! Get the hell up and clean this shit up! Tarae, how many times I have to tell your black, stupid ass to not park in the driveway? Why the fuck do I need to park on the street like I’m visiting my own damn house?” she says going off. This is black female shit.
Rico starts laughing and I had to laugh too. My mama used to cuss us out like that. Mashawn comes out the bathroom sweating, spraying air freshener.
“Ricccocoooooooooo!” This nigga clogged the toilet! Y’all get the fuck out now! Get the fuck out! I come home from work being in heels all day doing nappy-headed bitches’ hair! Look at this shit! Straighten my damn pillows up on my couch Tarae! I paid a lot of money for them shits!”
“Damn Raja, chill!” Mashawn says and Rico looks at him shaking his head, telling him to shut up.
“Chill? Chill? How the fuck am I supposed to chill when Free Willy took a big shit in my toilet? You got my house smelling like a hog farm! Funky, sweaty ass nigga! You need to go on the Biggest Loser with your fat, funky ass! I know you didn’t wipe your ass good! If I have shit on my toilet seat I swear to God I will build a pit in my yard to roast your pig smelling ass!” she fusses.
We crack up laughing at her, because her mouth is foul! She stays cussing our asses out.
“Raja, sit your ass down,” Rico tells her.
“I will when y’all get the fuck out so I can clean the fuck up,” she says stomping down the hall. She comes back with a t-shirt tied around her face, big yellow rubber gloves and some rain boots, a mop bucket and some water.
“Ay nigga, go in the bathroom and clean that shit up! My shorty ain’t fixin’ to clean up after another nigga,” Rico tells Mashawn.
“Nigga, I didn’t get shit everywhere. She’s fucking lying!” Mashawn says getting up. Rico and I fall out laughing.
“That nigga got baby mama all upset!” Rico says. I pick Zy up and he pops me in the mouth.
“Damn Rico! Zy bad as hell!” I tell him and he laughs.
“Let me get the fuck out this house!” he says going upstairs. Raja comes in the living room picking Zy up.
“I don�
��t like you but thanks for coming over here although y’all triflin niggas made me mad! Rico’s been in a messy mood and it’s good to hear him laughing again!” she says.
“My mama told me how you came over her crib clowning,” I say laughing.
“Nigga, that’s months back! That’s what she gets! She talks too much shit! I know your pops gave her some money when he hit the lotto. She needs to move the fuck out of the hood,” she says.
“Next week, I’m going to help Tataliscious pick out a dress for his and your daddy wedding! I will send you some pictures! How do you like your step-mommy?” she asks me and it took everything in me to not knock her out.
“What you going to be, the little wedding cake-topper with your little ass? Get the fuck away from me with that bullshit!” I say to her. Raja stresses me out.
