by J. A. Saare
Then, I knew.
All of us weren’t going to make it out of the mansion alive. One of us was going to die tonight. Disco knew it, which was why he instructed me to remain silent. Paine knew it because he’d seen Anton’s death, my involvement, and perhaps something more when he touched the half-demon.
I felt sick, absorbing the enormity of what Paine was attempting to do. By directing all the focus onto himself, he removed the threat from Disco in the only manner he could. If our hosts wanted a pound of flesh, Paine wanted it to come from him.
Fuck.
“You might want to watch what you say,” Paine continued. “She not only takes your head, she forces your own words down your throat before you go. One by one, you eat them all. It’s a beautiful fucking thing. I can’t wait for you to see it.”
“Is that a fact?”
“That’s a fact.”
Anton glanced over his shoulder, meeting Revenald’s gaze. “I grow weary of this one.”
“Mercy.” Disco’s hoarse plea pulled at my heart. “Show him mercy.”
“There is no such thing in my domain, Gabriel Trevellian. Consider that one of your many lessons this evening.” Revenald shrugged and glanced at Anton. “He’s sealed his fate. Do as you will.”
My heart was pounding, the world spinning. I started forward, but my feet were too fucking slow. Time stopped but seemed to speed up at the same time, so that everything ticked in slow motion only to zip ahead in a flash. Paine wasn’t afraid when Anton returned his attention to him. I could see it in his glorious onyx eyes, the way he grinned.
“Go to Hell,” Paine said.
Then he looked at me, held my gaze, and smiled.
Such a simple thing, Paine’s smile, yet it was so damned luminous and rare it hurt. With a flick of his lips and a glimpse of his teeth, Paine went from terrifying to resplendent.
He’s saying goodbye.
My stomach dropped to my knees at the thought, my heart throbbing a tattoo in my chest, so hard I thought it might burst. I didn’t stop advancing, intent on Paine and only Paine. It was so perverse, giving Paine what he always wanted now when he couldn’t enjoy it. For the first time, there was no Disco. There was only the two of us—Paine and me.
“You first,” Anton hissed.
My mind refused to believe what my eyes witnessed as I screamed, my own shrill outburst ringing in my ears, a long, endless drone, “No!”
Anton’s hand punching into Paine’s chest, pausing for a second, tugging and then removing a still beating heart. I heard Disco’s outraged cry of loss and misery as I ran toward my friend. Other vampires rushed to restrain Disco as he almost fought his way free, struggling beneath their combined strength, but I continued running to Paine, legs moving as fast as they could.
Anton brought Paine’s heart to his mouth and sank his fangs into it, drinking the liquid that continued to flow inside. Dark red oozed over his fingers, seeping through the crevices.
Paine’s blood.
From Paine’s heart.
It isn’t real, I told myself. It was a vampire mind trick. I’d touch him, bring the world back to the way it should be and everything would be over. Paine wasn’t smiling at me anymore, his dark eyes slowly closing, his lips moving as he whispered something I couldn’t understand. His voice was too soft, his words slurred.
I made it to him just as Anton released Paine’s throat. I caught his body as he slumped to the floor and cradled him to my chest, uncaring that tears streamed down my face and I continued to wail, aware on some level that Goose was screaming as well. I wanted to rage at the man in my arms, demanding Paine’s lifeless form explain what the hell he was thinking. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why did he have to be so goddamned selfless?
Those thoughts were short-lived when Paine’s spirit appeared a few feet from me, whole and unharmed. He didn’t look at me or the chaos around him, his attention drawn to the far wall. I wished I could see the radiant beams that would take him to a better place, somewhere he never had to fear the touch of others. He took one step, then another. Then he stopped and spun around.
He frowned when he saw me, blinking as though to clear his eyes. I wondered if it was due to seeing his body in my arms, the former part of him that was now gone. Having been in his shoes in before, I knew how bizarre it was, how strange. The angels would continue to sing, but seeing yourself on the ground, covered in blood, was never pleasant.
“I’ve always hated to see you cry,” he said, focusing on me, blowing my theory out of the water.
“I can’t help it,” I said, devastated, shrouded in grief and shock. Even now, he thought of me. Not himself. Something cracked inside, crying from within, weeping into my chest.
He seemed to shake himself, to break free of something I couldn’t see. Then his stance changed, shoulders set back in sheer determination. My stomach sank, abdominal muscles going taut. I knew the look, recognized it, even though I didn’t want to.
Denial.
Please, not this. Never this.
“I’m not leaving.” He lifted his head, no longer entranced by what awaited him, glowering at it instead. “I’m not ready.”
I closed my eyes, drawing on strength I didn’t have, knowing I’d heard him correctly but needing to be sure. “What did you say?”
“I’m. Not. Leaving.”
I don’t know how he did it, how he turned his back on the light of Heaven, but Paine did. He approached me—me and the empty casing that was once his body. His dark eyes were intent, his jaw set in a hard line. This was the Paine I knew and loved, protecting what he cared for no matter the cost.
That was the problem.
More pain slammed into me as I fought with what I wanted and what he needed, emotions raw and unfiltered. He’d give up his chance at peace if he stayed, stuck in limbo. It wasn’t fair to him, not after all he’d suffered, to make him suffer more. In my heart, I knew it.
You have to let him go. You have to set him free.
“You have to.”
“No, I don’t,” he corrected, continuing toward me.
Panic set in, a true fear that he’d be stuck here. I’d seen aimless spirits. I knew what he’d become. He’d be unable to connect to anything, his sole purpose to find some semblance of peace. However, there might not be anything left for him here, a way to have the vengeance he longed for. If Disco and I didn’t make it out alive, Paine would be just as he was now—a lost soul—trapped in this pit of shit.
“Yes, you do,” I whispered, afraid of taking control, of using the only thing I had left to ease his passage. I didn’t want to force him to cross, to make him find peace. My gift wasn’t meant to be used that way. I didn’t want to use it that way.
“Don’t tell me what I have to do.” He pulled his lips back, but there were no fangs. He wasn’t a vampire any longer, only a spirit needing peace.
“Don’t hate me.” I knew he could hear my desperation, because alarm flashed across his face.
“Then don’t make me,” he warned, eyes narrowing. “It’s my choice.”
Shit. He was going to make me do something I didn’t want to do. To force my hand. How unfair was that? Wasn’t it enough that I’d lost him? Did I have to face this, too?
“Then make the right choice.” Please, please, please make the right choice. I don’t know how much more I can take. “Don’t make me do it for you.”
I waited, hoping he would listen and knowing he wouldn’t. He took another step in my direction, and I had no other choice. Calling on my necromancy had never hurt so much. The price had never been so high. As the power stretched over me, I knew Paine felt it, could see and feel what I intended.
“Don’t,” he repeated, but his confidence was gone.
“The light is beautiful, isn’t it?”
I solidified the comment with my will, redirecting him toward the rays I couldn’t see. I’d never forced a spirit across—had never had to—and I found it was easier than I thought. His body tr
embled as he attempted to fight the words, struggling as he turned his head.
“Listen to the glory that is Heaven, of those who are welcoming you home.” More power hummed between us, making my skin itchy, radiating outward. “They are waiting for you. They want you to come to them.”
“Please.” Paine never begged, so I expected what came next: a furious scream. “I won’t stay. I’ll find a way to come back. I will come back.”
“Go into the light, Paine Garrett.” It was a command now, no longer a request, even though my voice was quaking. “Pass through it. It’s time to go home.”
He pivoted away from me, still shaking, trying to fight although it wouldn’t work. Now he was trapped, snared by Heaven, enraptured by it. I was stunned when he broke free just long enough to look at me.
“You have to take care of each other.” His gaze darted to Disco. “Watch over him until I return. I’m binding you to your word. Swear it.”
I felt a warning there. What would happen if I couldn’t watch over Disco? Would there be penalties? Was it dangerous to make a promise to a departing soul? I shook myself, bringing my attention back to the moment. Paine couldn’t come back. Once gone, he would never return.
“I swear.” It wasn’t a lie; I would take care of Disco if I had the opportunity. Then, because I hated myself for forcing him, I said what I always should have, what needed to be said in the bedroom when he and Disco had started a conversation they never got to finish. “I wasn’t fair to you. I should have told you how I felt. How much you mean to me.”
“I knew,” he responded, softening toward me, sadness taking the place of anger. “I always knew.”
“Please don’t hate me.” I’d made the request once, but I had to do it again. If I survived the night, I couldn’t live with his hate. I didn’t want to consider such a thing.
“Don’t think this is ending.” His words were shaky, his feet guiding him away from me. “I meant what I said. This isn’t over. You’re not rid of me so easily.”
This isn’t over. You’re not rid of me so easily.
I knew that he meant it, although it was impossible.
“I love you. Goodbye,” I breathed, a lump in my throat, an invisible hand crushing my heart. More grief, something shattering in my chest, my tears no longer winding in trails down my cheeks but flowing in heavy streams.
“Who are you talking to, ghost purveyor?” Revenald snarled. “Matthew and your deceased lover? Are they ready to burn? Are the two of them dancing in flames?”
“Go now.” While you still can. While I can still make you. “Go.”
My necromancy flared, no longer passive as I forced Paine’s spirit to my will. The bastards in the room wouldn’t hurt him again.
Not if I had my fucking way.
I ignored Revenald’s questions and taunts, watching as Paine presented me with his back and started making his final journey, informing me as he crossed to the other side, “This isn’t over. So help me. This isn’t over, Rhiannon.”
He was breathtaking—tall, proud, and unbreakable. Even in his final moments, he remained a man who wouldn’t back down, an individual who lived and died by his own rules, sustained by his own decisions.
The pain was unbearable, pressing down on my chest, so that I couldn’t breathe. God, it hurt. So bad, so deep. As though my soul had been severed, a piece of me lost forever, amputated so that it would never heal. I realized it was the mark between us—gone and never to return. I hadn’t realized how much peace Paine brought me, how much I needed him.
I gagged as other thoughts flooded my mind.
I’d come back to save Disco and had lost Paine. Had Paine been wrong? Was it my actions and not Disco’s influencing the future? Was this the ripple effect? Was I destroying everything I touched? Like Paine’s beloved dog, whose reversal of death changed the lives of those in his path...was I destined to kill everything I loved?
Was this all because me?
When I finally managed to draw in a deep breath, I screamed. The shrill wail was a rallying cry to Heaven to welcome the new angel walking through their gates, a farewell to someone I didn’t want to let go, and a warning to my enemies that while I might forgive, I would never, ever forget.
Chapter Fifteen
I should have gone to Disco to stop the slaves who appeared with an odd silver gag, silver chains and cuffs, and placed them around his neck, wrists, and ankles. The only reason I didn’t was time seemed to stand still when I spoke to Paine and forced him to the other side. By the time I realized what the servants had done, it was too late to intervene.
Revenald rose, his visage one of fury. “This is your fault.” He pointed at me, his fangs elongated. “You have threatened my family, as well as my status as the most powerful half-demon in this dimension. I won’t allow it. You’re about to learn why humans fear to venture where we have tread.”
Glancing at Disco, he said, “One hundred years in the ground should take care of that temper of yours. During that time you’ll be privy to the suffering of the female who should have learned her place. By the time you arise to rejoin us, she will be a proper servant. One who will abide by my rules.”
One hundred years in the ground? That couldn’t happen. I couldn’t allow it. Destroying me was one thing, destroying Disco was something else. I’d lost him once, I wouldn’t lose him again.
“Revenald.” Marius intruded with a feather-light plea. “You gave me your word.”
“Weak human emotions! Dark Lord, keep me from them!” Revenald screamed, his eyes taking on a hellish red hue. “Yes, I gave you my word, and I haven’t broken it. Fortunate for you that I need you to run my home in this realm, or I’d say to Lucifer with it, kill your progeny and wipe my hands clean.”
He took a deep breath, shook his head, and collected himself, as if his outburst revealed more than he liked. “Your fledgling isn’t dying, he’s merely taking some time to think about what he’s done and understand why it’s best he never do so again. One hundred years is nothing when you are facing death.” He turned his head, the angle of his chin dictating the direction he wanted the servants to exit. “Take him to the slave quarters and start digging a grave.”
The slaves lifted Disco, allowing me to see his face. Thin, bloody streaks stained his cheeks, and he seemed oblivious to everything around him. I wanted to run to him, to hold him upright in my arms, to kiss away his tears and destroy those who had put them there. Anger, hot and powerful, came to life inside me. My lover had been broken in a way I knew too well, in a way I wouldn’t allow.
He gazed at me and, for a moment, something flickered in his eyes.
“Stay alive,” he instructed telepathically, with a vehemence in his words I’d never heard from him before. “We will be together again. No matter what happens, no matter what you endure, you wait for me, Rhiannon. You wait for me. They will pay for what they’ve done.”
I wanted to tell him I’d stay alive, that I’d endure Hell for him, but it was impossible when Revenald clobbered the back of Disco’s head with a small silver bat.
Disco’s thoughts—and his mark—vanished as he sagged in the arms of those holding him upright. But it didn’t matter. They’d taken someone I loved and snapped the threads of his life away, leaving me empty in his wake. Then they threatened the man I held most dear, the one who captured my heart but was kind and easy enough with me that he allowed it to remain free. One hundred years in the ground? Not if I could help it. Thinking of his freedom—of what it would take to procure that freedom—was more than enough to keep me going.
From this moment forward, it wasn’t about staying alive. It was about doing what I’d vowed to myself, protecting those I loved, making sure I used everything in my power to keep them safe.
As they took Disco away, I knew it was time to let Paine go. His spirit was gone; all I was touching was a shell. I did brush a kiss over his brow before I slid my arms from around his body, coming away caked in his blood. Rising to my feet, I li
fted my head, standing proud and unafraid before all of them.
They wouldn’t break me.
I’d die first.
“Remove his body.” Revenald pointed at Paine, then at the nearby vampires, and snapped his fingers. “I want no trace of him on my property.”
With a nod from Marius, our family rushed to do his bidding. Nala took Paine’s head, nestling his cheek against her chest, while the others lifted his body. The youngest two in the group—Landon and Corey—had bloody tears streaming down their faces. They didn’t look at me, but I knew who they blamed and wanted dead in that moment. I understood because I felt the same way. When I noticed Peter picking up the remnants of Paine’s heart, something deep inside me shattered.
He’s gone. He’s really gone.
Revenald homed in on me, an evil smile on his face. “Now for your punishment, Rhiannon Murphy.”
“Bring it, bitch,” I snapped, ready for battle—eager for blood. I watched them take Paine away, staring until he vanished out of sight.
“That’s not nice or polite.”
“Haven’t you heard?” I said slowly, meeting his eyes. “I’m not nice or polite.”
“Don’t be so quick with your tongue. This lesson is one I’ve planned for days, one that will put you under heel once and for all.”
“Go fuck yourself.” I was playing with fire, but I didn’t care. “Better yet, go fuck Anton. You two look like you enjoy taking it up the ass.”
I was taken aback when Revenald didn’t frown but smiled instead. “I’m going to enjoy watching that fire inside you turn to ash.” When I narrowed my eyes he said, “I’m going to offer you a gift, servant of mine. When I reveal your punishment, you can beg me to change my mind. Depending on my mood, I may or may not listen.”
“I’ll never beg you for anything.”
“Of course you will,” he said, continuing to smile. “You just don’t know it yet.”
