"Eight sounds fine, and if you need to make it later, give me a call."
"Thanks Jessie, I really appreciate this, to be honest I don't want to be alone right now." How weak and pathetic did that sound, he shook his head. He was supposed to be a dominant male and here he was acting like some little boy who needed to be broken from the teat."
"I'll see you then, and if you need me to pick up anything on the way in, let me know."
"Your beautiful face is all I need," he tried to force himself out the funk he was in at least long enough to hopefully make her smile. "I'll see you tonight." Ending the call he breathed a sigh of relief.
Driving back to his father's offices he smiled for the first time today. It was amazing how just speaking to her made the dark cloud that seemed to be surrounding him at the moment, dissipate. Dealing with all the paperwork that afternoon wasn't as disheartening as he thought about seeing her tonight.
Several of his father's employees stopped in the office as he was organizing to give their condolences. He appreciated their gestures, but it almost made him feel like his father was already gone. At least all the records were organized to perfection. He smiled weakly remembering how meticulous his father had been about his business affairs.
He needed to set up consultations with the heads of the departments, but just didn't have it in him to arrange that yet. The next few months would require all the staff to grow accustomed to his different attitude in management, but in truth he wasn't sure they'd see that many changes. Most of what he knew about business was because of his father.
By the end of the day his head was pounding, and all he could think about was taking his mind off things for a while. He'd already called his father, and for the moment he was dealing as well as could be expected considering the circumstances. He even got him to agree to a fulltime nurse. That shocked him beyond belief. His thoughts turned back to the petite beauty joining him later tonight.
Closing his eyes, rubbing his temples to ease the ache, he imagined her blue-green eyes filled with longing looking his way. His mind conjured up a fantasy of her wearing nothing but a smile. Her small hands reached out to him, begging to be filled. His cock instantly hardened, and his hand moved to it without thought. The thought of her hand stroking him was so intense his eyes opened immediately. "Shit," he cursed, getting off at work was not an impression he wanted to give.
Standing up, he quickly gathered his briefcase and walked out of the building. Shielding his erection with the case, he shook his head. The woman was coming to his house as a friend. That was all. His mind made up, he found his car and drove home.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Feelings
Finishing up the work the office had sent over, she spent the rest of the afternoon looking up information on Mesothelioma. When she arrived at Chase's house tonight, she wanted to understand a little more about what his father was dealing with. She wasn't knowledgeable when it came to healthcare, so everything she read just seemed horrific. After her research she wondered if she were in Chase's father's position, if she wouldn't have refused the option of therapy as well.
Dressing in a pair of jeans and t-shirt, she considered comfort first. Tonight wasn't a date, she reminded herself, but an opportunity to offer some moral support to someone in need. He hadn't called back to delay the time, so she followed the directions to his home, and when she arrived she was floored at the beauty that met her eyes.
She hadn't thought about his financial status, so discovering that he lived in such opulence was a little overwhelming. She was definitely feeling underdressed as she guided the car into the circular driveway. Parking in front of the three story brownstone, she reminded herself that she wasn't here in a romantic capacity so it didn't truly matter.
Walking up to the door she was greeted by another woman. Smiling into the elderly face, she tried not to appear as nervous as she suddenly felt. "Um, I'm Jessie. I'm here to meet with Chase?"
"Chase is expecting you dear, please follow me." Smiling warmly, Louise guided her to the study.
A last minute business call had him running late and he smiled and held up a finger as he concluded his conversation. Hanging up the phone he shrugged apologetically. "Sorry I wasn't there to greet you in person Jessie," walking over he took her hands in his.
"Louise did Jessie introduce herself yet?" His housekeeper was almost like a mother to him and he treated her as part of his family. She'd been with him since he was six and had made the move with him from his father's house when he moved out on his own
"She did, and I must say she's a lovely girl."
Getting the Louise seal of approval was almost a miracle, and he chuckled feeling a little less morbid than he had for most of the day. Louise had no problem telling him if she didn't approve of someone he invited over, although she did wait until the person had left, to which he was always grateful. Louise had come to his family from Ireland and she carried that fiery disposition that he simply loved. No nonsense and honest to a fault.
It was apparent that these two people had more than just a working relationship, and Jessie was glad he at least had someone taking care of him that cared. "It's really nice to meet you Ms. Louise," she'd been raised herself to always give proper respect to the elderly.
"Just Louise, young lady, but it's nice to see that some young people still have manners. I'll bring some refreshments in." Not giving them time to respond, she left the room.
"She seems really nice," Jessie smiled and looked down at their hands, which he was still holding.
"She's a good woman, but don't let her fool you, she's got an Irish temper if you ever get on her bad side." He chuckled as he remembered some of the scolding's she'd given him as a child.
His hands felt so good in hers, and she stood awkwardly for a moment when she couldn't think of a thing to say.
Realizing that he still had her hands, he gave a rueful grin. "So would you like to sit down?" He was acting like an adolescent, as he rubbed his thumbs over the softness of her hands. Without warning the thought of how much he'd love to have those hands tied over her head as he made love to her passionately, filled his mind. He released her hands quickly, not accustomed to letting his other head lead him.
She nodded, and lowered her eyes at the intensity of his gaze. Feeling her heart race, something she was beginning to think was normal when he was around, she forced a small smile. They sat down together and there were a few minutes of awkward silence.
Jessie couldn't stop thinking of how good it felt to have his hands hold hers earlier, and he wanted to forget everything going on his life for a moment and enjoy something as normal as desiring a beautiful woman. He finally broke the silence.
"So tell me how you met Carolyn?" Great idea, he derided himself mentally. Bring up another woman when he really wanted to know more about her.
Glad to have something to talk about, instead of wondering what it would feel like if his lips found hers, she smiled. "My best friend Amanda introduced her to me when she invited me to join the book club."
"The ladies there seem very inquisitive about alternative lifestyles?" He needed to keep her talking, instead of allowing his eyes to roam over her incredible body. Hell, just being in the room with her made him ache to touch her.
Feeling a little more comfortable, she nodded. "They definitely enjoy researching what they read." That was an understatement after their trip to the dungeon.
"What about you, do you take the same interest they do with all the stories?" He smiled, and shifted on the couch, not sure this topic of conversation was conducive to keeping his testosterone in check. For reasons he couldn't explain he felt like a randy teenager at the moment.
Flushing, she considered his question for a moment. "Not really, I'm happy just accepting the fantasies for what they were." The whole BDSM thing hadn't really been something she'd thought about before walking into his club. She just accepted at face value that those books were accurate.
"So you never
considered the fantasies might be something you'd like to try on your own?" Definitely not the right way to take the conversation, again he forced a smile as his jeans grew tighter.
Admitting that until him her fantasies hadn't been something she considered at all, didn't seem like the right thing to blurt out. She shrugged, and decided to turn the topic over to him. "What about you? I mean you told the group you got into this after a former girlfriend introduced you. The female master, was she the reason you wanted to own your own club?
"Dominatrix," he corrected her terminology and grinned. Resting back on the couch, he allowed his arm to rest behind her back on the top of the fabric. "I guess in a way she was. I was living in Chicago while studying for my degree. Sheila, that's the older woman, took me to a dungeon there."
She liked the feeling of knowing his arm was behind her. "So one visit to a dungeon and you were hooked?" He didn't seem like an impulsive man, her eyes rested on his face questioningly.
"Let's just say that dungeon really impressed me. I spent two years there as a patron. When I moved back here, there wasn't a club like it. So after working for my father for seven years, I'd really gotten tired of having groups of people over at my house, and decided to create something that could be used for the public."
The thought of him having a dungeon here was intriguing, if not a little frightening. "You didn't like sharing your private space then?" She had no idea what that was like, but couldn't say she'd feel very comfortable having a group of people bombarding her personal space.
"It wasn't so much that I didn't like it, I consider myself very sociable, but I enjoy having personal space as well. It just made more sense to give something back to the community that embraced me. With Sensation's it's easier to offer access during longer periods of times, and it grew beyond anything I'd expected." The surge of people exploring the lifestyle had grown beyond his imagination, and since it was no longer such a taboo subject, he expected even more growth in the future.
She wasn't sure why she was so fascinated with this subject, but she felt comfortable now. Pulling her feet up under her on the couch, she smiled. "You seem so relaxed when you talk about this? When you first started doing all these things, weren't you nervous?"
His response was delayed when Louise entered the room with a tray of snacks and a pitcher of sweet tea. "Thank you Louise," the woman truly was one of the few constants in his life, he thought to himself.
"You're welcome, now if you young people don't need me, I think I'll retire for the night."
Louise had definitely picked up the Southern drawl over her years here, and mixed with the Irish brogue, it was quiet charming to him. "I think we can manage Louise, enjoy your evening."
"It was very nice to meet you," Jessie gave a smile.
"Very nice to meet you, young lady," with a small wave of her hand, Louise left them to enjoy their night.
"She really seems like a good woman," Jessie commented as they were left alone once again.
"She is, Louise has been with me since I was a child, and kept me in line more than my own father at times." He chuckled. "But back to your other question, yes I was nervous in the beginning. I had no idea what I was doing, and at first I thought this was just a way to get women to do things I wanted."
He saw her eyes widen at his comment and chuckled loudly. "Believe me I've discovered a wealth of information since those days. As a young man I just didn't know enough to consider how this could be more than just sex or bossing people around."
She wanted to ask about his father, but was fascinated by the insight into the man sitting before her too. She reasoned that maybe taking his mind off the other might help him more. "So you don't boss people around anymore?" Raising an eyebrow she grinned.
"Oh believe me I can be very bossy," he grinned, "but I channel it to help the submissive, instead of just being an overbearing bully. That's how I see some of these people entering the lifestyle today and honestly it just makes me angry. There's nothing worse to me than a man who enjoys demeaning women calling himself a dominant." It was another reason he considered stepping out of the public lifestyle. Too many posers these days.
"I don't get it, isn't that the entire point of tying them up or bending them to your will?"
"Not in my world now, when I choose a submissive, it's because I know I can offer her something in return for giving me her gift, and I'm not talking materialistically. Say for instance with you, if you were my submissive I would help you gain more confidence."
She was that easy to read, she frowned at the thought. "Why do you think I lack confidence?"
"It's in the way you look at your hands or feet during a conversation, and how you slouch your shoulders." He hoped he wasn't offending her, but she did ask. "You're a beautiful woman Jessie, when you walk into any room, you should know that and be proud of who you are."
Being told she slouched didn't make her feel very good, but his compliment to her beauty was nice. "So I'm a sloucher?" Giving a little smirk, she wondered if he realized how rude it was to say that.
Throwing his head back he laughed deeply. "No I said you slouched, but that doesn't make you a sloucher to me, it just means you need to gain a little more confidence in your appearance."
"So you would teach me how to have more confidence. How would you do that?" She wasn't going to argue the fact. She knew she didn't feel good about herself.
"I'd probably make you walk around naked in my dungeon downstairs every single time we met here until you realized how beautiful you are in my eyes." He gave a wink, wondering how she was going to deal with his comment.
The thought of doing that made her heart fall into her stomach and she could only stare at him. To say the very least he was blunt. "You're joking right?" When she was finally able to find her voice, she had to know the truth.
"No Jessie, I'm not joking at all. If a woman can prance around naked in front of her lover, then she should have no problem walking around confident when she's clothed."
"What other things would you do, hypothetically speaking of course, if I were your submissive?" Did she really want to know the answer? Being naked all the time was already a deal breaker, wasn't it?
"I'd really have to think about it Jessie, but I'd discover all your weaknesses and help you rise above them. To me that's what being a true dominant is really about."
"So once you had accomplished everything you wanted with a submissive, then what, it's over?" She really didn't understand how any of this worked for him.
"The submissive's in my past have been ones I've trained for others, so a permanent relationship has been out of the question." Again, he thought of having someone in his life on a long term basis. "But I'd like to think that none of us ever stop learning Jessie, so you never truly finish."
"So it's not about the sex to you?" She found that a little difficult to believe, the man was obviously gorgeous, and he had to have needs.
"It's not 'just' about the sex Jessie. Don't get me wrong, the sexual aspect of this is mind blowing. For the submissive it takes away all the worries about doing the wrong thing, which I personally believe inhibits women from enjoying sexuality to its greatest potential. And sure, I enjoy being in complete control of the situation. Knowing that I decide whether or not my submissive finds sexual gratification is a huge turn on for me."
She was trying to digest all he was saying and honestly it wasn't as frightening to her as he explained it more. The thought of a male taking control in the bedroom wasn't a turn off at all. "But the whole pain aspect, I know you said it was something you worked up to, but what's the point?"
"The pain isn't truly painful. I know that's a little hard to understand for someone who hasn't experienced it. Of course again that depends on the two people in the relationship."
She really didn't have any idea what he was talking about, and she glanced at him questioningly. "Pain is not painful, that seems like a complete oxymoron?"
Chuckling at her response, he tr
ied to explain. "You could ask any dominant what his definition of a BDSM relationship means, and it would probably be different in some way. There are those that just enjoy pain for pains sake. I just don't subscribe to that and like to deal more with the bondage and the relationship side of the equation, and focus on the pleasure aspects. Now I will say punishment does have its uses in this though, and I don't think that part of it is usually pleasurable."
"I'm confused again sorry, so the punishment is actually painful? Why would you punish someone if you truly cared about them?" She leaned over and rested her elbows on her knees then rested her face in her palms.
Sitting back more comfortably on the couch, he considered how to word this so she would understand his perspective. "People are usually motivated to do the right thing when there is a negative consequence hanging in the balance. For example most people finish their work on time, because knowing if they don't it could result in them being fired. With punishment and this type of lifestyle, say I wanted you to learn a certain type of behavior because I knew it would help you in life and you were having trouble remembering what I was asking you to do, punishment could be a quick reminder."
"I can understand completing a task on time and being reprimanded, but being scolded by your lover? That sounds a little like a parental relationship."
He laughed out loud at her description. "Trust me Jessie, if I had you draped over my knee the last thing you'd be thinking about was me in a father capacity." He could actually imagine having her that way and fought to keep that image closed off.
Thinking about it, she couldn't really picture herself seeing him in that capacity either. "So you punish your lover. Don't you worry that she'll just get mad and make you sleep on the couch?" Imagining him spanking her wasn't really as frightening as it should be. In fact it gave her heart a little flutter.
He was glad she was discussing this. He noticed how calm she was, that was more than pleasing. "That's the real difference between this and say a normal relationship Jessie, at least in my world. Where a couple in a vanilla relationship would probably go to bed angry with each other after screaming out all their frustrations or refusing to discuss them at all, with this that's just not an option."
Romance Book Club Page 5
