Shaking her head, Carolyn stared at her. "Maybe you'd better explain?" Sitting down on the couch, she patted it, inviting Jessie to join her.
"All his baggage dealing with his father's illness left him vulnerable and he needed someone to distract him." She was speaking more to herself than Carolyn at the moment.
"Is that what you think?" Sitting back on the couch, Carolyn raised a brow.
Nodding her head, she took a sip of liquid courage. "The man he showed me in the dungeon was nothing like the person I fell in love with."
Gasping, Carolyn's eyes widened. "So what were the differences in him?"
Jessie knew she probably shouldn't be discussing Chase with his friend, but if anyone knew him, Carolyn did. "He was almost cold and disconnected in his master role. That was the biggest one, I guess." Not the entire time, she remembered. He'd been pretty hot when he loved her body.
"So you think he only made love to you because he was feeling sorry for himself?"
"Why else would he do a complete 360?" She could only assume the person he'd been in the dungeon was the real man, not the tender lover that made her feel cherished.
Laughing softly, she tapped her finger to her lips for a few seconds. "Have you talked with him about your feelings?"
"And have Chase pity me for falling in love with him?" Making a face, her frown deepened. "I don't need his sympathy."
"The things I could teach you," Carolyn said, laughing softly, and then sighing. "Did you stop to consider that maybe he felt something more for you?”
Shooting her a look that said, yeah right she spoke. "The man is drop-dead gorgeous. Why would he feel anything more for me?"
"You really don't have a high opinion of yourself, do you?"
Jessie frowned again. "I guess I don't."
"You're a beautiful woman, and if I had any indication that you liked other women, and I didn't know that Chase would skin me alive, I'd offer to help you overcome that."
Stunned at her words, Jessie’s eyes widened enormously. "I guess I should be flattered?"
Laughing, Carolyn said, "Don't worry, you're safe with me. But seriously, have you considered that being in a relationship with a master might really help you overcome those feelings of self-doubt?"
"I think the whole sex with stranger's thing pretty much takes any chance of me going that route away."
"I rarely have sex with my slaves. People just assume that's what happens." Sipping on her wine, Carolyn smiled warmly.
"How can it not be sexual?" That thought hadn’t even registered as a possibility.
"I didn't say it wasn't sexual, only that I didn't normally have sex with my slaves. There's a difference. They derive pleasure from the things I do to them, and vice versa, but intercourse isn't mandatory."
"There are other people who keep sex completely on the outside?" That might be something she was willing to consider.
"More than you would imagine.”
"That's interesting." It was more than interesting, Jessie thought. She couldn't deny she was interested in hearing more.
"I know someone who might consider mentoring you."
"I don't know. I really want to learn more, but I'm not sure I'm really ready for any of this." She had enjoyed exploring with Chase, even if she couldn't keep her heart out of it, but a stranger…
"Of course it's your choice. I just don't want you to think every relationship in my world has to be so complicated."
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least talk with another dominant." Saying that was a huge leap for her. A few weeks ago she would have turned her lip up and considered people into this strange. She glanced at her watch and realized they'd been talking for over an hour. "I guess I need to be getting home."
"I'll walk you out." Looking at her distracted, she led to the front door. "I'll talk to my friend and let you know when he can set up something."
Jessie nodded her agreement as she walked back to her car. Talking with Carolyn had been a good idea and she felt better. Even if she still wasn't over Chase, she wasn't feeling as overwhelmed as before.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Deception
Hanging up the phone, he sat down and stared at it. Chase was shocked by Carolyn’s conversation. He considered himself a man who played by the rules, and what he was considering couldn't be labeled honest. Knowing Jessie was willing to speak with another dominant, even if in a mentorship capacity, had angered him since she wouldn't even return his calls. Jealously wasn't an emotion he normally experienced, but in this instance, it forced his hand.
For hours he'd debated over the plan going through his mind. He debated the possible outcomes until his head was pounding. Finally he concluded that this was the only option that he could live with. It would only be a small deception, he decided.
The charade would be brief. Chase only intended to spend a few minutes talking to her alone, but over the next several hours, his mind considered taking things to a level that would demand she at least be honest about her feelings toward him. He only hoped his little plan didn't backfire and make Jessie mistrust him more than she already did.
When he called Carolyn back to explain what he wanted, she attempted to dissuade him. She was adamant about not betraying Jessie's trust. Carolyn also made it very clear she was not pleased she'd decided to confide in him. None of her arguments deterred him from the path he'd chosen to take.
He convinced her after a long argument that he only had Jessie's best interests at heart. Hoping it wasn't just a selfish need on his part to be the only man in her life, he thought about how he would play this tonight to make sure she wasn't hurt. All he wanted was an opportunity. A chance to show her he was capable of bringing her body to incredible heights, but also to tell her his heart was just as involved.
Tonight he would at least know if there was any chance. If there wasn't, he would let her walk out of his life knowing he cared deeply.
He called Carolyn again and gave her explicit instructions on how to set up the personal room at the club. He wanted to bring her back to his own dungeon, but until this was settled, the club would suffice. She wasn't walking out of the club tonight until she understands how much I care.
If he had to tie her down to make her listen, he was going to make his feelings clear. The rational side told him he couldn't keep her in the dungeon against her will. Why don't you club her over the head and drag her to your cave, his conscious mocked. I just want to show I love her, he argued back mentally.
The plans he made were going to be very difficult to pull off without talking, and Jessie would assume that was all that was going to happen tonight. He wracked his brain for a solution, knowing even as he planned if she forgave him, he was going to be kissing her feet for a long time. Carolyn was going to be sick of hearing his voice, he thought as he called her yet again.
He knew he had her at a disadvantage because she couldn't argue any of his ideas with Jessie in the room. She'd agreed to all his demands and told him she and Jessie would be waiting for him tonight at eight. Hanging up with her, he attempted to focus on work again.
During his lunch break, he went to the club, and left a detailed list for Carolyn in the private office. He knew he was being overly cautious, but tonight had to be planned out perfectly. He felt like a dick for the game he was about to play, but he fought off the feeling, convincing himself the end result would be worth it for both of them.
He managed to drag himself back to the office, his mind anywhere but on the job. A board meeting later and he felt ready to curse in frustration at being stuck here when he had a beautiful woman to convince to give him another chance. As soon as it was professionally possible, he left the dull business world behind and went home to prepare for the meeting he wanted to attend tonight.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Games
Carolyn hung up with Chase, and joined Amanda and Jessie again for lunch. He wouldn't give someone an impossible task, she thought to herself as she tried to pay at
tention to the conversation at the table. When Amanda excused herself to return to work, she knew it was time to play her part in this deception. She only hoped Jessie would forgive her later.
"Now that she's gone, I wanted to let you know I've set you up with the friend we discussed." She saw Jessie's eyes widen, and smiled comfortingly. "Trust me, Jessie, I wouldn't hesitate to entrust anyone to this man.”
"Maybe this was just a bad idea, Carolyn. This is all just happening a little too fast." Nibbling her lip, she frowned.
"Of course it's your decision Jessie, but you'll never really know if this is something you want unless you give it a chance." If it had been anyone other than Chase, she would have simply backed off. But she knew both Jessie and Chase needed tonight.
"Did you talk to him about the no sex clause?" Flushing, she looked at her hands.
"He was completely agreeable with your terms, and also stated he didn't have sex with a submissive unless she agreed to be his long term." That was the truth, Carolyn told the little voice chiding her for being part of this ruse, no matter what was at stake.
"And you'll vouch for this guy? I mean, he's not some pervert who just gets his kicks from hurting women, right?" Jessie shivered at the thought.
"Well, we all consider ourselves pervs." She chuckled. "But I would stand by this person with my own life, if need be. That's how much I trust him." Again, she was telling the truth, which made this a little more palatable for her.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. "I guess I'm meeting your friend tonight."
She could see the worry in her eyes and smiled. "You won't regret this, Jessie. He's an incredible dominant and I think if anyone would be a perfect fit for you, he is." If Chase screwed this up, she would personally kick his ass. "There are a few conditions."
"That doesn't sound like something I'm going to like. What are they?"
"Well, he expects a submissive to be blindfolded and tethered when he enters the room. He will run you through his paces and if at any time you decide you want to stop, that's the end of it."
"I thought I was just going to talk to the man?” Jessie's voice rose in panic.
"He just wants to make sure anyone he mentors truly wants to explore her submissive side. Trust me, this isn't that unusual." You’re going straight to hell, Carolyn’s conscience screamed at her.
"So I can't even see the person? How am I supposed to know what he's going to do with me? This really doesn't sound safe. It doesn't even sound logical."
"Like I told you before, I know this man well, but if you'd feel better, I could stay in the room with you." She had no intention of doing that, either, because Chase would never hurt Jessie, but something told her that Jessie was on the edge of refusing to go through with this.
"I guess you being in the room would make it safe. How does this guy, um, play, I guess would be the word?"
"He's really into the sensual side of BDSM, Jessie, so don't worry about the pain thing. It's not his style. That's why I think the two of you will probably enjoy each other."
"I guess as long as you don't leave us alone, that's acceptable."
They said their goodbyes and Jessie drove home to finish her work before the event later tonight. Nervous didn't even begin to explain how she felt about what she was going to do. Every logical part of her mind screamed at her to call off this insanity. Meeting some strange man to explore her sensuality was so far out of character, she began to wonder if she didn't need counseling.
She couldn't focus on work, and decided she'd have to concentrate on it after this thing tonight. Her mind was all over the place, wondering what it would feel like to experience this with someone she didn't really know. What would he expect from her? Knowing Carolyn wouldn't leave her was the only comforting aspect of this entire situation.
She wasn't sure how she felt about Carolyn witnessing what was going to happen though. Oddly enough, the thought didn't disgust her. Maybe she was a just a closet deviant, she thought. Deciding a long bath would calm her nerves, she soaked for almost an hour. She wanted to call Amanda, but knew this was one topic they couldn't discuss. Even after Amanda's words at the book club meeting, she wasn't sure she didn't harbor bad feelings against the leather community.
Stepping out of the bath, she laughed at how intelligent she sounded about the subject. After drying off she found Sebastian and they had a nice long talk together. Her laptop, she discovered had tons of research on the topic of alternative lifestyles. With her feline companion by her side, she read and spoke to Sebastian like he was human. Most of what she saw online made her sneer, but there were some aspects that resonated in her I might be willing to explore this thoughts.
Jessie's nerves were strung so tight that when she put her laptop away, she considered calling tonight off. Sebastian watched her in apparent boredom as she dressed meticulously. "I know what you're thinking," she glanced at Sebastian with accusation, "but you can't be the only man in my life." Reaching down to stroke the spot behind his ears, she smiled. Sebastian didn't seem convinced. Before she left for the club she placed a can of tuna in his food dish in the kitchen.
Pulling up to the club she continued to second guess her decision. Sipping on a glass of wine, enjoying a great book, that's what she was missing out on by being here. Taking a deep breath, she forced her feet to walk inside Sensation's.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Dungeon
Chase nervously paced the office at the club as he waited on Jessie to arrive. Knowing her, he wasn't even sure she'd show up. He'd already decided if she didn't come, he was headed straight to her apartment to at least explain how he felt. Leaving things unsettled was something he never did, and he certainly couldn't do that with his Jessie girl. Communication was the most important part of any relationship, so even if this did work out tonight, he would still have to bring that up and drive the point home.
He couldn't deny Carolyn had been right about his lack of understanding concerning the female mind. As a dominant, he prided himself on being able to read a submissive’s face during a scene, but he obviously had a long way to go before understanding a woman's heart. He'd decided to start reading some of those romance novels women seemed to enjoy, and had been amazed at the space allotted to the characters’ feelings.
He’d also been appalled at how, in one particularly popular novel, the master had treated the innocent submissive. It made him wonder why there were so many people interested in this lifestyle now. The degradation depicted should have made them not want anything to do with BDSM.
His thoughts were interrupted as Carolyn entered the room, letting him know Jessie was preparing for their meeting. His heart lurched at the thought of what he was about to do tonight with her. The last thing he wanted was to give her an experience that would turn her away from this permanently.
He always planned out everything he did in a scene carefully. Chase enjoyed having the ability to be in control, but in the end, it was all about what made the submissive enjoy the experience. This time that person was Jessie, so what had always mattered in the past was even more important because if he disappointed her, he destroyed himself in the process.
Carolyn had taken the form-fitting biker shorts and sports bra he'd picked out for her tonight back to the room. He'd chosen the outfit because he knew she'd never agree to be nude with a stranger. The material would allow him to access all her pleasure points and not have her feel completely vulnerable.
Waiting outside the room for Carolyn to let him know she was ready, he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He'd never known performance anxiety before, but his confidence was shaky, considering what rested on the outcome of tonight. When she opened the door, the sight of Jessie tethered to the cross almost took his breath away.
"Jessie, your master is here, and I want to remind you that during this scene he's asked you not to speak unless you are ready to stop the scene." Carolyn gave Chase a wink for good luck and left the room.
Jessie clenched her hand
s into fists. They were raised over her head and attached to the cross by cuffs. Taking several deep breaths, she almost opened her mouth to stop this before it started. She was so nervous, her heart was racing in her chest and her mouth felt so dry, she could barely swallow. At the touch of a strong finger tracing gently down her cheek, she caught her breath.
Her body was so stiff, he wanted to encourage her to relax, but giving away his identity would destroy his entire plan. Instead, he focused on allowing his large hands to trail from her wrists to her shoulders, attempting to soothe her with the innocent caress. From her shoulders, his hand moved with unhurried movements to her throat and up to her jaw. Lifting her chin, he allowed his head to lower and moved his face to the exposed flesh of her neck, inhaling her soft floral scent. His other hand moved quickly across her breast and rested on her abdomen, making a soothing circular motion.
His tenderness was comforting, and without thought, she arched her neck back to rest on the hard chest behind her. Feeling his lips splay small kisses against the tender flesh of her neck, then move upward to lightly nip her earlobe, she trembled. His mouth did things to her body she'd never expected from a stranger. His actions sent tiny sparks of pleasure through her limbs, and she sighed softly.
Pleased that she was enjoying his touch, he allowed a hand to cup her bra-covered breast. Her gasp of shock as his thumb and forefinger rolled the coral peak before pinching lightly was sweet music to his ears. It let him know she was responding to him, and it was something he'd worried she wouldn't be able to do under the circumstances.
A stranger's hands shouldn't feel this good; her mind told her even as her body accepted the pleasure. Closing her eyes behind the blindfold, she refused to listen to her mind and just felt. His hands were magical, she thought as one traveled across her abdomen again, and cupped her sex.
Romance Book Club Page 13
