“Good morning---oh my god what is that smell and why does Titus look so happy?” Liesel asks, walking in with her bag of laundry then stopping in her tracks.
“Two questions one answer: there’s a body in one of the machines,” Titus says, pointing.
“We really shouldn’t be telling people I think that’s in a procedure manual someplace---” Kip groans, accepting Titus’ offer of jelly anyway.
“What---whose?” Liesel asks, aghast.
“Ebbel we think---Titus thinks,” I say, stopping Titus from going back over to look at it.
“Yeah, it’s Ebbel,” Leavitt says, leaning over the drum and looking in, with a mixture of sadness and disgust on his smooth, sad face. He leans against the machine quietly, like a dog patiently watching its ailing master, unsure of quite what’s going on but knowing that being there is all it can do. I rather liked him, then, standing there like that. Why couldn’t I love him and not the sociopath who wanted to poke the body and see what fluids came out or whatever he wanted to do to it?
“Yeah, and they won’t let me poke him and see what fluids come out, come Liesel, let’s haul him out of there before Wilde gets up here,” Titus says, motioning for her to come and help him.
“No, that’s horrible—what is it with you and dead things?” she asks, “Shouldn’t we get someone?”
“We’ve done that one,” Kip says, “And how do you know he likes dead things? Why does he like dead things?”
“Whenever we’re out running in the woods he runs faster than everyone else, not just because he’s competitive but also because he wants to reach the end first and have lots of time to walk around and find dead things to fuss with,” I explain, “And yes, Liesel, let’s go get help, Leavitt and Kip can stay here and stop him from actually touching it.”
“Yes, let’s, oh Titus don’t touch it you’ll get your DNA on it and then they might suspect you,” Liesel reasons.
“But you’ve all seen me touch it so you’d know that’s what happened, come on, let’s have a go---how many opportunities do you get to poke at a dead human body?” Titus pleads, like a petulant child being denied a favorite toy.
“Sgt. Kip how are things---what is that smell?” Wilde walks in and stops dead in her tracks.
“Ma’am MSgt. Ebbel’s in the washing machine,” Kip says, really quickly.
“Okay,” she says, slowly, looking at all of us, “I’m going to assume he isn’t alive.”
“No, ma’am and I was going to go and get you or somebody other than Harris but I decided to secure the location by staying here even though I’m afraid of it and we tried to send Card but he doesn’t want to go because he wants to poke at it,” Kip says, all in a rush.
“This is really bad, that made perfect sense---okay, Kip, I will secure the location, the cadets will remain here with me and somebody other than Card because he’s enjoying it too much and uses too many long words---will tell me what’s happened,” Wilde says, turning to us. we’ve lined up appropriately and are standing at attention. “Let’s see who’s voice am I not sick of hearing---none of you okay---Leavitt, what happened?”
“Ma’am, I just came in and opened the machine, to do the washing, and there he was,” Leavitt says, “So, my prints are on it, ma’am, because I was opening it, and we’ve all been in and out of the room and the cabinets.”
“Yes, you would be, all right, thank you, Leavitt, we’ll need all of you to stay here until IA gets here, then they should release you, was Kip here the whole time?” she asks.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says, nodding.
“All right, good, Card?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he asks.
“Give me some of that jelly and don’t tell me how you know that it works,” she says, holding out her hand for the jar.
“Ma’am, I wasn’t planning on it.”
Chapter 9
“A
ll right, sit down, in a circle, join hands---”
“Sir, how is this flight training?”
“Do you see a prop and wings on this SBU? Huh? How about a harp? No, Card, I don’t think so. I’M NOT FLIGHT TRAINED, I am not qualified to do this, I’ve got no idea how to do this, so we’re sitting in a circle chanting and talking about life and shit,” Harris growls at Titus, who sits innocently next to me holding my hand. He got that instruction very quickly. Liesel is on my other side, Logan on his other side holding hands with Harris. Leavitt is in between Liesel and Harris. We are all holding hands awkwardly.
“Yes, sir,” Titus says, “Only, sir, I quite like flight training—”
“We all know that, Ebbel, prior to his unfortunate demise, was trying to discover how you had more hours on the flight simulators than we’ve given you hours to practice, but that’s beside the point, today we are having this meeting because you are all doing testing for jobs tomorrow and all of you were supposed to get on the simulators this afternoon but the only person with the code to get in other than Titus---”
“Sir, since you know I have why can’t we----”
“Because Card, the thing about the code is you aren’t supposed to use it if it hasn’t been given to you---”
“Sir, it was given to me by God---”
“Yes, you’re very funny, going on, you can’t use it if hasn’t been given to you by your senior officer and as I said the only person other than Titus on this base to have the code got eaten by a washing machine so we can’t go in there till they unlock tomorrow morning so we are sitting here, is that clear?” Harris asks, annoyed. He’s really not cut out for caring for large groups of teenagers. I don’t really blame him, though, we are annoying. Mostly Titus, but we all have our moments.
“Sir, we could just use the practice, I’m no good at the things,” Logan says, sadly.
“I understand King, but nobody else is even flight certified, and you have to be flight certified to unlock the room,” Harris explains, a bit kinder.
“Sir, isn’t Captain Thorn flight certified? I know he isn’t here officially, but mightn’t he let us?” Leavitt asks, hopefully.
“CaptainThorn is not well at the moment,” Harris says, “He took ill after the discovery of Ebbel’s body.”
“How so?” Liesel asks.
“I don’t know,” Harris says, kindly, looking away from her a bit almost like he does know.
“Sir, I do,” Card says.
“Why don’t you tell us?” Harris asks, more as though he’s accepting the inevitable than giving permission.
“Sir, when we were all waiting for the IA to show up to question us about Ebbel’s body, Captain Thorn came in, discovered that he was dead and took ill,” Titus says, helpfully.
“In what way?” Logan asks.
“In the way that he fell to the floor at Titus’ feet, begging him to ‘save us from eternal damnation by preventing the fall of the universe, please you’re the only one quit saluting goddamn it’, and clinging to his legs,” I explain.
“And sobbing,” Titus says.
“I missed that, where was I?” Leavitt asks.
“You and Stowe were doing the interviews,” I explain.
“Why does he think you are going to save the universe?” Harris asks.
“We don’t know,” Titus says.
“But we think it has to do with Sgt. Ebbel being eaten by a washing machine,” I say.
“Okay, moving on---we’re supposed to be---doing something to do with flying,” Harris says, taking a deep breath, “All right, which ones of you actually want to be pilots?”
“Sir, I do,” Titus says, immediately. The rest of us just shrug.
“Everyone knew that, Card---okay, let’s just go in a circle, King what job do you want to get?” Harris asks.
“Sir, I want to do something with mechanics or computers, I’m rot at thinking on my feet and marching and such,” Logan says, “That’s what I went to university for. And I know I’m no good at flying.”
“Okay, sounds reasonable. Shouldn’t matter if you
don’t get good scores on the flight test, then,” Harris says, reassuringly, “Tom, what about you?”
“It doesn’t much matter, sir,” I say, shrugging, “A job’s a job. I’ve been here my whole life, and I’m still here doing the marching and saluting and all that anyway. nothing’s much different. I’ll be all right doing whatever.”
“That’s a bit defeatist, surely there’s something you like better than everything else? Even a bit?” Harris asks, frowning.
“I don’t mind flying, well, I like gunning better than flying, and I’d hate to be the gunner unless I had a really good pilot.” Like Titus. eH’s amazing. I wouldn’t mind flying with him. But I would have to trust my pilot and I don’t trust people.
“Fair enough,” Harris says, “Card, what about you?”
“Sir, I’m going to be a pilot, next, Stowe? Leavitt?” Titus asks, politely turning to Liesel.
“Wait, wait---dare I ask how you are so certain? Or is this like you having the code to the simulators and Thorn thinking you control the universe--- I’d rather not know and we’d probably both be court martialed for knowing?” Harris asks, dryly.
“Sir, this one is simpler, I’m just going to fail all the other tests,” Titus says.
“But why?” I ask.
“You do realize that isn’t going to work they all know you’re bloody clever you tell us often enough,” Leavitt says.
“Because, I don’t want to do anything else and it will work, Quentin, because I will fail and they can’t make me be clever, I know, my horrible brothers used to do it all the time to get out of things except they are actually stupid,” Titus says, resolutely.
“I’m with Leavitt, I really don’t think they’ll accept that,” Harris says.
“They’ll have to if they have reason to believe I have a traumatic brain injury that impaired my thinking,” Titus says.
“Okay, nobody let Card actually get a traumatic brain injury, I knew I’d regret asking that question---okay, moving on, Stowe,” Harris says, turning back to Liesel expectantly.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” I say, a little quietly.
“I apologize, Tom, what did you mean?” Titus asks, his full attention immediately on me.
“I meant, why do you want to be a pilot so bad?” I ask, “You could do anything else, why that?”
“I like the way it makes me feel, it’s like---it takes my whole brain, and makes every part of it come together, like when you’re angry or happy and all the emotions rush together at once and nothing else can exist there except the feeling,” he says, looking down a little, his voice sort of soft, “I don’t feel like me, for a little while. I feel like somebody---more something else. and I like it.”
“What’s being you feel like?” Harris asks, quietly.
“It’s like---well if say a word, like milk, all of you, for one second, thought of milk, right? I said that word, so then it’s like, it’s there, it’s present and at the forefront of your mind, you envision it you think about what it tastes like, all that---well for me, if I’m here, only a bit of my brain is here, only an eighth of it. the rest is off doing something, whatever else I want, all the time all the things are going on in it and even if I just want to be in one place I can’t, except for flying, then it makes me whole again,” Titus says, “At least, that’s how I think it’s different, anyway---I don’t know precisely I’ve never been anybody but me, and I used to think everyone thought like me, but my mum said they didn’t. that they think more like that.”
“Yeah, yeah we do, one thing at a time,” Harris says, nodding, “So, then flying puts you back together again?”
“I guess,” Titus says.
“I hope you get it, then,” Harris says, kindly.
“Me too,” I say, wondering if there is anything that will make me feel like a real person. anything other than kissing him, that is. Then I feel real, I feel beautiful, I feel like a woman, I feel strong---and all because I feel loved. somebody loves me and holds me and I hate that I want that to make me feel complete. But it does. It is a wonderful part of living and I can’t help but want it.
I want to say that that’s not the only time I feel like that. The other time was when she kissed me last night. and I just pushed it all away and put every part of my mind on her, her body in my arms, her lips on mine. For a different reason than flying, though. flying takes my thoughts, snatches them. with her? with her I don’t feel alone. so I relax and my brain is one as I am not alone for a few minutes. I’m on the only one I’m not different or damaged or weird because she wants me. but I don’t say anything about that. because from my studies of human interactions that might be embarrassing to her so I decide not to publicly proclaim my undying love for her. but I do want her to know. I’ll publicly proclaim it later, but not now, she’s too young it might upset her.
“Stowe, what about you?” Harris asks, because we’ve all gone about a bit quiet.
“I’m like Tom, I don’t much care,” she says, shrugging.
“You must have a preference,” he pries, frowning a little.
“Not really---well I suppose---”
“HARRIS WHY DO YOU HAVE THEM IN SOME SORT OF HIPPIE CIRCLE?” Wilde bursts into the gym and walks past us.
“MA’AM DO I LOOK FLIGHT TRAINED TO YOU???” Harris says, remarkably loudly for somebody who was conducting a very nice hippie circle.
“Fine just have a logical explanation if somebody else walks through,” she calls.
“That is logical, ma’am,” he informs her.
“Okay, Leavitt, your go,” Liesel says to me, as soon as Wilde leaves the room. Card and Tom are staring at each other when the other wasn’t looking and acting like they weren’t. it is pretty entertaining.
“No, Stowe, you were saying something, when she walked in, go on,” Harris says, quickly, he doesn’t have to though because I am too damn sleep deprived and depressed to articulate human speech.
“Oh, just that I wouldn’t mind doing something with mechanics, I’ve always been rather good at that. and I like staying on the ground,” she says, seeming surprised he wanted to know.
“That’s good---good I mean, makes sense,” Harris says, awkwardly, still unnerved by Wilde’s entrance, no doubt.
“Okay, good, I trust you, make sure they’re running well for me,” Titus says, cheerfully.
“Will do,” Liesel says, smiling a little.
Mechanics? Mechanics is fine, good, yes stay on the ground. That’s fine I suppose, lots of big horrible men in mechanics, I was always afraid of them but maybe she isn’t she doesn’t seem afraid. that would be good. Better than in space. Card is in space. That’s a good thing. Good. I can do this. This is fine, this was a good idea. See, I am capable of making decent decisions that are good for me and my daughter. I can be a good parent, I can do this. Sixteen years too late but I still have a chance I just talked to her that was fine I---
“HARRIS WHAT IS IT YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING???”
“SIR DO I LOOK FLIGHT TRAINED TO YOU??”
Chapter 10
“H
ow bad is he?” Hawking asks from behind me.
“Hey, you,” I say, turning around and giving her a quick kiss, “I didn’t think you’d be in this quickly.”
“After I heard about Ebbel I had to,” she says, wrapping her arms around my waist, “I’m not having anything happen to you.”
“I think I’ll be okay,” I say, leaning against her all the same.
“Well, I’ll just make sure of that, now, how’s James?” she asks.
“He’s in there with the doctor now, they’ve had him on sedatives since he broke after seeing Ebbel’s body,” I say, “He woke up a couple of hours ago.”
“What are they doing?” she asks.
“Oh, he’s holding up the doctor with his own scalpel.”
“What?!”
“It’s Dr. Truth Juice so that’s actually valid. The IA guys just told me to wait here for you and see if you could tal
k some sense into him, Harris is in there watching over things, the commissioned staff is watching the small noisy people,” I explain.
“Oh, well, that is valid, but what was he saying? Your message just said he was rambling,” she asks.
“His end of the universe thing---he’s told you that one right---”
“Yes—”
“Well it’s fixated on one of the students,” I explain, “He thinks that one of them is either the Beast or the Antichrist or possibly will slay the Beast, he waivers. But he’s convinced this sixteen year old boy is going to destroy the universe.”
“Sixteen---oh god,” she groans, tipping her head back.
“What?” I ask.
“I’ve just remembered---I’m an idiot, okay he had a Project 10,” she says, pointing at the hospital room.
“What?” I ask, “I didn’t---”
“No, nobody knew. he had a son, Project 10, he visited the kid when he could, all that, it was when we were only a couple years in that the kid was born, so pretty young, but even so he was happy, he’d always go back and see him. Finally had a family, he said. Well, the little boy died. stupid accident, running up some stairs or something and hit his head, blood clot went to the heart he was dead in a few days. We were on deployment, James never even got to go to the funeral. He’s never spoken about it since, only reason I know is I was with him when he got the news,” she said, tears almost in her eyes at the pain of her friend.
“Oh, my god, that’s horrible,” I say. I would be devastated if anything happened, happens to Tony. I’m worried now and that’s only because he’s busy and keeps his messages short.
“Yes, it is, thing is---this is the class he would be in---exactly if I’m right he was born in the fall and this is the spring class. I’m sure that this would be it. That’s probably why he’s so off, he doesn’t need to be on planetside duty right now, he said he was going mad, I should’ve realized,” she sighs, angrily.
“It’s okay, just help him now,” I say, squeezing her arm.
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