Micah gave a sigh. "I've worried about that. You look up to them so much, I was worried you would think it was all right to do the same thing to Chrissy as they did to you."
"I . . . I know it's not all right. I care about Chrissy a great deal. I couldn't take her back after knowing her for a week. They must have been truly uncaring people to leave me and never even write."
"I'm glad you can see that. It really bothers me that you were treated as you were."
"It was a long time ago. I don't blame them for what happened."
"But do you blame yourself?"
She shook her head. "I don't. I realize they may not be the best parental role models I could have had, but they were good models of Christianity."
He disagreed but decided not to push it. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not wanting to end their time together, but knowing they would have trouble getting up in the morning if they didn't go to bed soon. "If we don't sleep now, we're going to be worthless tomorrow."
Sarah Jane yawned. "I know. I've cut my hours at the orphanage to half days so I can do more at home, and maybe that will help."
"Thank you for doing that. I know it means a lot for you to spend your time there, but right now, I think Chrissy and I need you more at home. Maybe when she starts school in the fall, you will be able to increase your hours again." His eyes twinkled as they met hers. "If you don't already have a child on the way by then, of course."
She blushed. "We'll take that as it comes. For now, I'll work there every morning and here every afternoon. Would you mind if I made extra for supper every night for us to have for the noon meal the next day? That would make it easier for me as I'm trying to transition."
He chuckled. "With your cooking, I'm not about to complain if you feed me the same thing for a full week. It's better than trying to cook for myself, because I'm not very good at that."
She grinned. "I'll always try to have a special dessert to feed you as well."
"That's because you're a good wife!" He stood and put his hand down to help her to her feet, gathering her against him and kissing her softly. "Sleep sweet, my dear."
"And you." As Sarah Jane walked back to the room she shared with Chrissy, she touched her lips with her hand. Surely he was developing feelings for her if he'd called her his dear.
She fell asleep with a smile on her face, happy to know that he cared, even if just a bit.
Chapter Eight
That first full day of marriage set a pattern for the week. Sarah Jane got up early, forcing herself out of bed. Chrissy's nightmares came every night at least once, and many times twice. Sarah Jane had to fight to keep her eyes open throughout the day, but there was so much work to be done, she had to keep going.
Micah visited the sick every morning, but was home by noon for lunch with Sarah Jane and Chrissy before he went to the church for the afternoon. After lunch, Sarah Jane would cook for her family as well as Ruby's, and do as much of the housework as she could without dropping from sheer exhaustion. She was able to keep up with the laundry, cook, and keep the kitchen clean, but could do little else. She was just too tired.
She taught Chrissy to make the beds, and the little girl was eager to help. She made both beds after lunch every day, and she helped with the dishes and cooking as best she could.
On Saturday night, after Chrissy had gone to sleep, Sarah Jane sneaked back out to the parlor to see Micah. She'd sensed he was angry about something, but she couldn't imagine what it could be.
Micah had his notes spread out around him, and he moved some papers so she could settle close beside him. "How was your day?" he asked.
Sarah Jane stifled a yawn. She loved her time with him in the evenings after Chrissy was asleep, but it was getting more and more difficult to stay awake. "Busy." She yawned again, covering her mouth with her hand. "Saturdays are always crazy at the orphanage because the older children are home from school." She was starting to wish she had someone to take her place there so she wouldn't feel guilty about stopping for a while.
"It might be time for you to stop volunteering," he said, voicing what she'd just been thinking. "I can tell you're having a hard time."
She nodded. "Chrissy is more demanding than I'd realized she would be. Even during our time at the orphanage, she wants all of my attention. She doesn't even like for me to change diapers or feed the younger children."
"I can understand that, given her history. Is there any way you could stop?"
"I'd have to find someone to take my place, or I would feel bad about it. There's so much need there, and I wasn't able to keep up even when I was there eight hours a day. Now that I've cut down to half days, I feel like I'm slighting the children."
"Aren't there any of your sisters who could help out? Maybe after school?"
Sarah Jane thought about it. "Why don't I talk to some of them after church tomorrow? I know they're all busy, but a couple of them might be able to give two hours a day, which would make up for me not being there."
"I think that's a good idea. You always seem so tired, and so little gets done around here."
Sarah Jane bit her lip at his words, wanting to protest, but she couldn't. He was right. Not enough housework was being done. But she was getting up well before sunrise every morning to work on a dress for Chrissy for church, which she had just finished that morning. Then she was making breakfast, going to the orphanage for four hours, heating up lunch, cooking supper for two families, doing as much cleaning as she could, all while spending time with Chrissy. There was no time for more than she was doing.
"I'll try to do better." She hated that he'd noticed that the house wasn't as clean as it should be. As a pastor's wife, she should be an example of cleanliness, but her floors hadn't been scrubbed since they'd married, and for a long while before that, based on the looks of them. She did need to do more. But where would she find the time and energy?
Micah frowned. He could see that his words had hurt her, but she was definitely not doing the housework that should be done. In the past, he'd had different women come in and clean while he'd been at work, but now that he had a wife, they all assumed she would handle things. Maybe there was more to it than he could see.
"Are you feeling ill? Is that why you're not getting things done?"
She frowned. He didn't know about her fixing double meals, but she didn't want him to. She wanted his new Bible to be a surprise, and that's what she was working toward. The Bible he usually used looked like someone had run it over with a train multiple times. It was worn out.
"No, I'm fine. I'm just not used to being a wife and mother. I'll get better. I promise."
"I don't want you to think I'm angry about it, because I'm not, but I do think more needs to be done." He hated feeling like he was scolding her. They hadn't even been married a week, and he knew she'd taken on a great deal of responsibility for someone so young. He also knew she was capable of getting everything done. "Do you need me to help you manage your time better?"
Sarah Jane blinked. He'd gone too far, in her opinion. "I can manage my time just fine, thank you very much. Since you can only find fault in me tonight, I think I'll go back to bed. Good night."
She went to bed without kissing him for the first time in their marriage because she wanted to scream at him instead, but she knew that wasn't the answer either.
While she lay in bed, she made a plan for how she could do more. She'd just get up an extra hour earlier. It wouldn't hurt her. How much sleep did a person really need?
* * *
Sarah Jane rose at four on Sunday morning, instead of her usual five. She worked for an hour on a new dress for Chrissy for Christmas, which was only a week away, and then went into the kitchen. She scrubbed the kitchen from floor to ceiling before she made breakfast for her family.
When Micah walked into the kitchen, he wasn't certain what he'd find. Sarah Jane had never been angry with him before, so he didn't really know what to expect at all. He found a smile on her face and breakfast
on the table. "That looks delicious," he said, walking to her and kissing her cheek.
"Sit down. I'll fix you a plate."
He looked around the kitchen while she piled eggs and sausage on his plate. It was spotless. She'd obviously taken his words to heart and gotten up early to clean. He was pleased that she was making more of an effort to keep the house up.
"The kitchen looks wonderful."
"Thank you." Sarah Jane was surprised by how thrilled she was at his praise. She would continue to get up earlier.
Chrissy had a good night, and had only woken once and cried for an hour, which was much better than most nights had been. While Sarah Jane hugged her and promised they wouldn't leave her, she'd thought about how she could use her time more wisely and accomplish everything that needed to be done. She was convinced she could accomplish it all—it just meant a little more effort on her part.
"I'll get Chrissy. She wanted an extra few minutes in bed this morning."
She was back a moment later, the little girl in her arms.
"You shouldn't carry her. She's too heavy." Micah was startled to see his tiny wife carrying around a girl as big as Chrissy. He knew she'd held her on her lap, but lifting her was surely too much.
"It's fine. She's tired and didn't want to come to breakfast." Sarah Jane set Chrissy in a chair, still dressed in her nightgown. She fixed a plate for the child before sitting down beside her. "Will we eat lunch here today?"
Micah nodded. "I thought I'd not accept any more Sunday lunch invitations until after Christmas. That way, we can spend a little more time together as a family on our only day off."
Sarah Jane nodded, fixing her own plate. She had enough saved from last night's supper that she could easily feed them lunch.
After church, she talked to Dorothy and Hattie, two of the other orphans who had been adopted by Edna Petunia. "I have a favor to ask of you."
Hattie frowned. "I hate conversations that start that way."
"So do I," Sarah Jane exclaimed, making the other two laugh. "It's too much for me to keep working at the orphanage. I tried just going half days, but it's still too much. Chrissy is taking a lot more energy than I thought she would, and she doesn't sleep through the night, so I'm getting very little sleep. Could you each give two hours to the orphanage after school so the matron can get a break?"
The girls looked at each other. Hattie was the first to agree. "I will. I love the children, and it will give me something to do. You need to take care of your family."
Sarah Jane smiled, relieved. "Thank you! I appreciate it."
"I will too," Dorothy agreed. "We're fortunate enough to have been adopted by Edna Petunia and Cletus. We need to help others the way we've been helped."
"Oh, thank you both!"
"Is it okay if we start right after Christmas?" Dorothy asked. "We both have a lot to do to finish getting our gifts ready for everyone."
Sarah Jane nodded. She didn't want them to wait, but she was fortunate they were willing to help at all. "Of course, that's fine. I can handle it until then."
As they walked home, Micah asked if she'd found anyone to take her place, and she explained. "They won't be able to do it until after Christmas, though, so I'll just get up earlier. It won't be a problem."
Micah nodded. It wouldn't hurt her to get a little less sleep. It wasn't ideal, but he'd done it for years while he was at seminary. "I'm glad you've found a solution."
When they arrived home, she immediately got lunch ready while she began cooking supper. Micah played with Chrissy at the table, commenting, "That's a lot of food. Why are you cooking so much? Are we having someone over?"
Sarah Jane shrugged. "I'm helping out Ruby's family for a bit," she said, omitting the fact that she was doing it in exchange for his Christmas present. "The twins are still small enough that it's too much for her to care for them and cook in her condition."
"When is her baby due?"
"Three weeks." At least, she thought it was three weeks. Her lack of sleep over the past six days was starting to catch up with her, and she felt like her brain was a bit foggy. "Not much longer."
She put two roasts in the oven, one large and one small. She'd peel the mountain of potatoes necessary to feed both families later. Pulling the leftover potato and ham casserole out of the oven, she put it on the table she'd already set. She'd have to make bread to go with supper after lunch dishes were done.
She poured water for all of them before slipping into her chair and bowing her head while Micah prayed for them.
As soon as they were finished eating, Sarah Jane was on her feet, clearing the table and washing dishes. The sheets needed to be washed, and it would be easier while Micah was home to entertain Chrissy.
Micah sat and talked to his new daughter, recounting to her some of his favorite Bible stories. She knew some, like the story of Noah and Adam and Eve, but she'd never heard the story of Joseph's coat of many colors. She sat on his knee, listening with wide eyes while he told the story of Joseph being sold into slavery in Egypt.
She fell asleep while he was telling about Joseph interpreting Pharaoh's dreams, so he left her on the sofa and went in search of Sarah Jane. He was annoyed that she hadn't come in to enjoy story time with Chrissy.
He found her in the kitchen elbows deep in flour as she kneaded bread on the table. "You should have joined us."
"I have too much to do. We're out of bread, and I need to make some for Ruby's family as well. I have the sheets on the line, so we'll have clean bedding tonight."
He gaped at her. "It's the Lord's day. Why are you working so hard?"
Sarah Jane blinked at him. When did he think she had time to do it otherwise? "I don't really have a choice until the girls take over from me at the orphanage. I need to work when I can." Really, the only opportunity she had to sit all day was when they were together in the evenings, but she didn't tell him that. Surely he knew how much work went into keeping a house and cooking for two families. Did he think she was lazing her days away?
He shook his head. "You've taken on too much. You need to stop cooking for Ruby's family."
She sighed. "I'm not going to let my sister's family go hungry when I'm perfectly capable of cooking for them. Why don't you go tell Chrissy some more stories?" She didn't want to explain herself. At that moment, she didn't even want to look at him. She just wanted to get her work done so she could sit down and rest.
"She's sleeping."
Sarah Jane's eyes widened. The one time she'd allowed Chrissy to sleep during the day, she'd kept Sarah Jane up half the night crying. "Please go wake her. She can't take naps." She hadn't talked to Micah about Chrissy's nightmares, because she didn't want him to worry the girl was too much work for her.
Micah stared in shock at his wife. "Why would I wake a sleeping child? She needs her rest."
She'd been raised to always obey her husband, but Sarah Jane found she couldn't obey that. Chrissy's sleep schedule would be messed up for days if she allowed her to take a long nap. She sprinkled flour over the dough and then draped a cloth over it to let it rise before going to the sink to wash her hands.
Hurrying into the parlor, she sat beside Chrissy on the sofa, gently shaking her awake. "Wake up, Chrissy. You won't sleep tonight if you sleep now."
"I'm tired," Chrissy said, rolling over and facing the back of the sofa.
Sarah Jane felt panic overwhelm her. She'd cut her sleep down to five hours a night as it was, and Chrissy would keep her up for at least an hour of that. She didn't think she could go on less than four hours. It just wasn't possible for her to function.
"Chrissy, get up." Sarah Jane moved the little girl's feet to the floor and took her arm, pulling her to her feet. "Let's go for a walk, Chrissy. I need you to help me see if the sheets are dry." She put her arm around Chrissy's waist, helping her stay upright, and guided her outside to the clothesline. "Help me feel to see if the sheets are dry."
Chrissy reached out and touched the sheets. "They're still w
et, Mama."
"Oh, we must not have let them dry long enough." Sarah Jane walked down to the street with the girl, trying to keep her on her feet as long as necessary for her to be fully awake. "Did you like Daddy's sermon today?"
"Oh, yes. He sounds so smart when he preaches, doesn't he?"
Sarah Jane breathed a sigh of relief, knowing she'd accomplished what she set out to do. "I just finished making dough for bread. Would you like to help me pinch some off for dinner rolls?"
"I want to hear the rest of the story about Joseph and Pharaoh."
Sarah Jane turned and saw Micah staring at her with anger in his eyes. "Go ask Daddy, then. I need to finish making the dinner rolls."
Micah glared at her as he took Chrissy's hand and walked back into the house. Sarah Jane knew she'd have some explaining to do, but couldn't the man just know that she wouldn't do anything to hurt their little girl? Didn't he understand that she cared too much?
It was after supper that night, when Chrissy was in bed, that Micah finally brought up what she'd done. "Do you want to explain to me why our daughter isn't allowed to nap?"
Sarah Jane sighed. "She wakes up with nightmares every night. I have to hold her and tell her we won't leave her until she stops crying and goes back to sleep." She sank down onto the sofa beside Micah. "The one time I did let her nap, she kept me up for hours. Keeping her awake during the day is the only way I know of to ensure I get any sleep at all."
Micah frowned at that. "Why didn't you tell me she was waking during the night? I would have helped you with her."
Sarah Jane (Countdown to Christmas Book 1) Page 9
