by Simon Raven
‘No you won’t. Canteloupe has found a twelfth man to go on in your place. The excuse is that the police want to interview you further about this Sarum business. And so no doubt they will,’ said Raisley, ‘which makes it essential that you and I should discuss it at once. There are one or two things we must get entirely straight – only one or two, thank God, but these we must get invulnerably correct, and we must do so now.’
‘I understand, sir.’
‘That’s my good boy.’
They began to walk round the ground in a casual and friendly manner.
‘Item one,’ said Conyngham. ‘Journalists will approach you. When they do, you will simply say that you have given a full and truthful account of what occurred to the police, and that you must decline ever to talk of the matter again, to anybody or in any circumstance. The journalists will bully and threaten, will whine about their livelihoods or start canting about their duty to the public. Simply ignore them, dear boy, and walk away. They are scavengers; vultures that feed on rotting entrails; banqueters of garbage.
‘Item two. You must totally dismiss from your mind, if you have not done so already, the course of action you had intended to follow and would have followed had it not been for the intervention of that old woman and Tessa. I do not want to hear anything about it – your original plan, I mean – now or ever. You will also dismiss from your mind anything and everything you might fancy occurred in that grove except for the version of events which was dictated to you and Tessa by the old woman. That is now the whole truth of the affair and there will be none other.’
‘I kept to it absolutely when questioned by the police, sir, and shall do again. Indeed, that is all I can now remember. I remember only what Auntie Flo told Tessa and me had happened. There on the spot she told us, and it became so – or rather, it was so, it is so, and it always will be. It is the same with Tessa. After all, sir, it is the only version of events that makes any kind of sense.’
‘That’s my good boy,’ said Raisley again. ‘Have you any questions for me before we dismiss this wretched business in aeternum – forever and ever, Amen.’
‘One question, sir. You will remember that it was required of us that Sarum’s death should fulfil two conditions: it should be kindly, and it should make no noise. Well, that hasn’t been quite the case, I fear. So is Canteloupe displeased or discontented?’
‘No, he is not. Let us, for the very last time, go behind old Flo’s version, which is now the truth, to what, for the very last and only time, you might (if you really tried) remember. Sarum, you might conceivably recall at an infinite distance, was enjoying acute pleasure, then suddenly became unconscious and was drowned while still unconscious. What better, what kinder way to go? Would you not agree?’
‘Indeed I should.’
‘So much for the manner of Sarum’s death, which was happy and manful, and therefore pleasing to Canteloupe. But all that is now forever forgotten, as we come again to the official and public truth, Flo’s version as set out to you and Tessa in the grove and on the spot – the version which you and Tessa and Flo, which all of us, now totally believe. You fear lest it will make a noise in the world?’
‘Surely, sir.’
‘Not much and not for long; and it has the advantage that Sarum’s death is now fully and openly explained. He was allowed to drown by a randy and neglectful nurse while she was busy seducing a pretty little ephebe – you. Her own death – the nurse’s – followed as a result of the frenzy and confusion caused by Sarum’s. Right, Marius?’
‘Right, sir,’ said Marius, pausing gracefully to accept the congratulations of Colonel ‘Buns’ Wheelwright, who was famous for having once described Lord Harris as being ‘as mean and nasty as a dried up cunt’, this to his lordship’s face, in the field, and within the hearing of several both senior and junior professionals.
‘Right, sir,’ said Marius as he and Raisley proceeded.
‘Let us concede that most of what happened was matter for scandal,’ said Raisley. ‘But it was only scandal of the kind that occurs daily and at all levels…is so commonplace, indeed, that it has ceased to be scandalous and become merely boring. Tomorrow morning the world will read that the infant son and heir of a marquess was drowned while his nanny had dalliance with a schoolboy – and that the nanny was suddenly killed by a misadventure which arose from her own shame and panic on being discovered. Because the thing is at a high social level, it will be just that much more spicy an item than the usual run – but not much more, because Canteloupe himself is not remotely implicated, nor is the Marchioness. The only people concerned in the death are a silly slut and a green stripling. And in any case at all the very next day something else will happen to drive this from the public attention – a Cabinet Minister will be found displaying himself in a Waterloo jakes or a miner in Yorkshire will debauch and then strangle all five of his daughters, aged from sixteen down to seven. In a world of scandal, Marius, nothing is scandalous, nothing memorable.
‘And, as I say, Sarum’s death is now absolutely and openly explained. Had he been sent to some dubious nursing home and there allowed to die of pneumonia, heads would have wagged and tongues clicked and clacked for many years, there would have been talk of callousness and connivance and the convenient disposal, purchased by wealth and privilege, of a degenerate nuisance. As it is, Marius…there is just another mishap on a public record which is crammed with them: another child drowned, by no fault of its parents. And so now, I say,’ said Raisley Conyngham, raising his hand towards the Campanile as if saluting it, ‘the thing is over. There is only the inquest left, and that will not trouble you or the others – safe as you all are in your knowledge of exactly what happened and of your own personal innocence. For how could you, a hot and spunky brat, resist Daisy’s seduction? How could poor old Flo help stumbling when she went to rescue the child? And how could Teresa, a humane person if ever there was, not have resisted and thrown off Daisy when she was violently impeding Teresa’s efforts to save Sarum? The only true criminal in the story, the nurse, is happily dead – thus removing the only possible complication. And so,’ said Raisley Conyngham, lowering his arm slowly as Old Mortality, since it was now the hour of the Retreat, began to toll the passing of Sarum from the Campanile and all the players stood at attention and bowed their heads, ‘let Sarum of Old Sarum and his death now be consigned for ever to oblivion. In Saeculum Saeculorum, O Domine, et tu, O Diabole. SELAH.’
Carmilla, Len, Milo and the Provost arrived in a hired Daimler just as the players were walking off the field at the close of play. Theodosia now appeared, for the first time since noon, to greet them; and then took away Carmilla and the Provost to explain what had happened to Sarum. At first the Provost cried rather a lot, exclaiming that just as the vengeful tree nymphs had taken his daughter, Baby, so they had taken her child.
‘No, Provost,’ said Carmilla, who saw her way here. ‘These that wanted Sarum were the Nymphs of the Pool, the same that took Hylas to be with them beneath the waters for his beauty’s sake. Your grandson has the greatest prize a mortal can win: he has been chosen for the love of the immortal gods.’
This drew a flux of pedantry from Sir Thomas, who pointed out that nymphs, whether of wood or water, were not immortal (they lived for 999 years) and were not gods but at the best demi-. Nevertheless, he took the point much as it was intended, and asked Theodosia to send for Canteloupe.
‘Your son has been honoured by the Spirits of the Waters,’ said Provost Llewyllyn to Canteloupe when he arrived. ‘We too must honour him. As he was christened in the Chapel of Lancaster College, so must he be buried there. There is an Oratory in which those so inclined can pray for the soul of our Founder, the Blessed Henry, who greatly loved children. There we shall make a tomb for Sarum; it shall bear a statue of the boy, naked and seen as Hylas; and on the pedestal we shall have graven: “Dummodo canities abest morosa” – he did not live to see the grey years, the years of feeble bone, sour flesh and wilting manhood.�
�
‘Very true, my dear Tom,’ said Canteloupe; ‘he didn’t. Such a memorial to Tullius will be very apt. I take this compliment most kindly, Provost. Please do not forget to consult the Heralds’ College in order that the arms and bearings may be correct. Sarum’s personal motto, as eldest son and heir apparent was Aucto Splendore Resurgam: “I shall rise again with increased splendour” – a reference to the fact that (had he lived) he would one day have ceased to be a Baron in order to inherit a Marquisate. In this case, of course, he will inherit only the worm. But I have reason to suppose that it will be entirely apposite that the motto should appear upon his monument.’
Corfu: Castellonet de la Conquista: Walmer
All Fools’ Day, 1987
The Works of Simon Raven
Published by House of Stratus
First Born of Egypt Series
These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels
1. Morning Star 1984
2. The Face of the Waters 1985
3. Before the Cock Crow 1986
4. New Seed for Old 1987
5. Blood of My Bone 1989
6. In the Image of God 1990
7. Troubadour 1992
Novels
1. Brother Cain 1959
2. Doctors Wear Scarlet 1960
3. Close of Play 1962
4. The Roses of Picardie 1979
5. An Inch of Fortune 1980
6. September Castle 1982
Stories/Collections
1. The Fortunes of Fingel 1976
2. Shadows on the Grass 1981
3. A Bird of Ill Omen 1989
Synopses of Simon Raven Titles
Published by House of Stratus
Before The Cock Crow
This is the third volume in the First Born of Egypt saga. The story opens with Lord Canteloupe’s strange toast to ‘absent friends’. His wife Baby has recently died and Canteloupe has been left her retarded son, Lord Sarum of Old Sarum. This child is not his, but has been conceived by Major Fielding Gray. In Italy there is an illegitimate child with a legitimate claim to the estate, whom Canteloupe wants silenced. The plot also sees young Marius Stern and his school friend, Tessa Malcolm, drawn into Milo Hedley’s schemes and into a dramatic finale orchestrated by Raisley Conyngham, Milo’s teacher.
Bird if Ill Omen
This hilarious instalment from Simon Raven’s entertaining autobiography takes the reader to the four corners of the globe. A lifetime spent travelling – as a soldier and as a civilian – brought Raven into contact with an amazing selection of characters: Gore Vidal, Christopher Isherwood, Morgan Grenfell, plus eccentrics such as Colonel Cuthbert Smith and ‘Parafit’ Paradore. Army life, travels, meetings, dinners and calamities take place in Kenya, Bombay, the Red Sea, Greece and California, among other exotic locations. Wherever he is, Raven entertains us in typical style.
Blood of My Bone
In this fifth volume of Simon Raven’s First Born of Egypt series, the death of the Provost of Lancaster College is a catalyst for a series of disgraceful doings in the continuing saga of the Canteloupes and their circle. Marius, under-age father of the new lady Canteloupe’s dutifully produced heir to the family estate, is warned against the malign influence of Raisley Conyngham. Classics teacher at Lancaster, Conyngham is well aware of the sway he has over Marius, who has already revealed himself a keen student of ‘the refinements of hell’. With fate intervening, the stage is set for another deliciously wicked instalment.
Brother Cain
Expelled from school, advised to leave university, and forced to resign from the army, Captain Jacinth Crewe has precious few options open to him. For a man in his position, an approach to join a sinister British Government security organisation, with a training centre in Rome, is not an opportunity to be turned down. In Rome, he learns fast how to be ruthless. There is one final mission to complete his training however – to kill an American diplomat and his wife. The setting for the final test is Venice, the occasion, a New Year’s Eve costume ball. As the clock nears midnight, the choice has to be made. And there is no turning back.
Close of Play
They are young and entirely unconventional. They have finished at Cambridge and done the tour of Europe. Now the three friends need to earn a living, so they have set up a unique organisation – a very exclusive London club with high membership fees, affordable only to a select few, and where the services on offer are richly varied and exotic. The menu is sex, in every imaginable form, guaranteed to satisfy any craving and fulfil any desire. Some of the world’s most prominent people make up the clientele.
Doctors Wear Scarlet
All his life, Richard Fountain has known only success. He is handsome, with an enviable record for school, army and university. A future career as a talented archaeologist seems assured. That is, until he travels to Greece and meets Chriseis. Chriseis is beautiful, mesmerising and mysterious – also evil. A spellbound Richard is lured into her dark world of vice, vampirism and ritual, high up in the Cretan mountains. When his rescuers finally reach him, he has changed beyond all recognition and is seemingly destined for a tragic end. The final act at a double funeral provides a tumultuous climax to a shocking story.
Face of the Waters
This is the second volume of Simon Raven’s First Born of Egypt series. Marius Stern, the wayward son of Gregory Stern, has survived earlier escapades and is safely back at prep school – assisted by his father’s generous contribution to the school’s new shooting range. Fielding Gray and Jeremy Morrison are returning home via Venice, where they encounter the friar, Piero, an ex-male whore and a figure from a shared but distant past. Back in England, at the Wiltshire family home, Lord Canteloupe is restless. He finds his calm disturbed by events: the arrival of Piero; Jeremy’s father’s threat to saddle his son with the responsibility of the family estate; and the dramatic resistance of Gregory Stern to attempted blackmail.
The Fortunes of Fingel
Life with Fingel is never predictable or dull, as we discover in this collection of hilarious short stories about army life. Simon Raven, who was a regimental officer with the King’s Own Shropshire Light Infantry, writes with experience and humour. He reports on the adventures and misadventures, deeds and misdeeds, fortunes and misfortunes of the regimental rascal Fingel. We learn of Fingel’s progress from subaltern to insubstantive colonel. Although Fingel earns no glory, no awards, no commendations he has charm enough to con the brigadiers and colonels’ wives and to implicate his fellow soldiers in his schemes.
In the Image of God
The sixth in the First Born of Egypt series sees Raisley Conyngham, Classics teacher at Lancaster College exert a powerful influence over Marius Stern. His young pupil however is no defenceless victim. Marius has a ruthless streak and an ability to sidestep tests and traps that are laid for him. Which is just as well because everybody is after something from him…
An Inch of Fortune
‘Presuming even your capacity for borrowing money without qualm or security has by now lost much of its edge, it only remains that you should make some.’ The words of the Bursar ringing in his ears, Esme Sangrail Sa Foy is pushed into working in his summer holidays as a way of settling his college’s bills. Hired by the Honourable Mrs Sandra Fairweather, as holiday tutor to her adopted son Terence, Esme’s brief is unusual. Not expected to teach Terence anything, he is there to keep him out of trouble. Perhaps Terence’s psychiatrist Doctor MacTavish is a sign that nothing in the Fairweather household is what it seems. As the summer develops and Esme and Terence leave London for Suffolk and finally Biarritz, Esme makes his discoveries.
The Morning Star
This first volume in Simon Raven’s First Born of Egypt saga opens with the christening of the Marquess Canteloupe’s son and heir, Sarum of Old Sarum. The ceremony, attended by the godparents and the real father, Fielding Gray, is not without drama. The christening introduces a bizarre cast of eccentric characters and complica
ted relationships. In Morning Star we meet the brilliant but troublesome teenager Marius Stern. Marius’ increasingly outrageous behaviour has him constantly on the verge of expulsion from prep school. When his parents are kidnapped, apparently without reason, events take a turn for the worse.
New Seed for Old
The fourth in the First Born of Egypt series has Lord Canteloupe wanting a satisfactory heir so that his dynasty may continue. Unfortunately, Lord Canteloupe is impotent and his existing heir, little Tully Sarum, is not of sound mind. His wife Theodosia is prepared to do her duty when a suitable partner is found. Finding the man and the occasion proves somewhat tricky however, and it is not until Lord Canteloupe goes up to Lord’s for the first match of the season that progress is made.
The Roses of Picardie
A string of long-lost and cursed rubies gives the title to this highly imaginative tale by Simon Raven, author of the First Born of Egypt saga. Jacquiz Helmut and Balbo Blakeney, among other eccentric characters, pursue the jewels across four countries and eight centuries. Horror, intrigue and high comedy shape the story as it races towards an unforgettable climax.
September Castle
Basic human desires merge with the occult in a complex and erotic tale of a hunt across Europe. Ptolemaeos Tunne is determined to discover a hoard of valuable buried treasure. His only clue is a bizarre medieval legend about a possessed Greek princess with a bad reputation. What he doesn’t know is that his sixteen-year-old mistress Jo-Jo has unwittingly betrayed him to some very dangerous enemies.
