“The only thing I think I’ll have to explain, and probably to more than one person, is whether or not you’re available, so maybe you’d better let me know now.”
Joey closed his mouth but continued to stare at Will in disbelief. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, but nothing came out.
“Are you? Single?”
Joey nodded, blinking. Will assumed he’d rendered the kid speechless, so it was as good a time as any to say what he wanted to say. He unwrapped his utensils and flapped the napkin with a snap before placing it in his lap. Grabbing his fork, he loaded it with salad and pointed it at Joey.
“I know where you were going with that, but you’re wrong. You think you’re some kind of freak, and, you know what? Yeah, you’re different. You’re fucking stunning. You’ve got the most flawless, creamy skin I’ve ever seen and I just want to touch it, but it’s so beautiful I’m afraid you’ll break. The way your eyelashes lay on your cheeks completely slays me. Your hair is so soft and silky I could bury my fingers in it for-fucking-ever.” He finally ate the bite of salad he’d been waving at Joey and chewed while he fixed a glare at the dumbstruck kid across from him. He swallowed and took a gulp of water, his gaze never leaving Joey’s shocked violet ones. “And kissing you? Yeah, that fucking took my breath away, which is why I had to stop. Yes, you’re different, which is why I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind for the last five years.”
He took a huge breath and released it on a laugh. “So, stop gaping at me and eat your salad, and let me get to know you, okay?”
A tiny smile quirked at one side of Joey’s mouth as he dropped his gaze and picked up his fork. He did as instructed. When his eyes met Will’s again they were twinkling and he smiled as he chewed. Will exhaled, somewhat exhausted from his emotional rant. As he brought another bite of salad to his mouth, he looked up at Joey who was watching him, happily chomping away, his whole face smiling.
“What?”
Joey shook his head and focused on stabbing more lettuce. “Nothing.”
“What the hell’s your last name, anyway?”
“Pinkerton,” Joey said with a chuckle. “What’s yours?”
“Messina,” Will said, and waited for the inevitable reaction. One. Two. Joey stopped chewing and his eyes went wide. He swallowed the bite, but it didn’t look like it went down easily.
“Messina?”
“Yeah. As in, where we’re currently having dinner. My folks own it. Actually, my grandfather opened it. It was more of a family restaurant back then. When my dad took over, he gradually changed it over to what it is now - an upscale steakhouse. He and my mom own several restaurants in the area, but this is the sentimental favorite because it was Grandpa’s and it was the first.” He watched Joey process the information. He could almost read his thoughts and he knew the moment they hit on the fact he’d chosen this place to bring him.
“We’re making progress. Don’t let this freak you out, okay?”
“Are they here? Now? Your parents?”
Will shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe. Why? Did you want to meet them?”
“No!” Joey squeaked. Will laughed.
Chapter Ten
Trevor brought their dinners and after being assured everything was to their liking, took his leave.
Joey tried the mashed potatoes first. He’d read once that someone did a study and found that people always taste their potatoes first. He dipped the tines of his fork into them and scooped up a creamy blob. The steamy, starchy potato aroma instantly brought back boyhood memories of Sunday dinners at Grandma’s house - happier times. The butter flavor exploded on his tongue in perfect contrast to the earthiness of the potato. Pure comfort food. He closed his eyes and moaned; it’d been years since he’d had homemade mashed potatoes and these were heavenly. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see Will staring at him.
Oh, god, what’d I do? He grabbed his napkin and wiped his mouth. “What’s wrong?”
“Dude.” Will huffed a laugh. “That was the sexiest fucking bite of mashed potatoes I’ve ever seen. God help me when you taste the steak.” Joey relaxed and snickered, relieved he hadn’t committed some kind of social faux-pas.
Will cut into his steak. He dipped a piece in the brown glaze that was artistically drizzled around their plates before popping it in his mouth, chewing as he asked, “So, how old are you, Joey? And what do you do?”
Joey was delighted Will talked with his mouth full. Maybe he wasn’t so perfect after all. The thought calmed him. One thing his mom had drilled into him - before she disowned him that is - was table manners. He swallowed the bite he was chewing and used his napkin before replying. The steak was just as amazing as the potatoes.
“Twenty-one.” He didn’t miss the flicker of relief as it passed over Will’s face.
“College?”
“No.”
“Not at all?”
“No. I wanted to, but…”
“But?”
Joey shrugged and took another bite of steak to buy him time to decide how to answer. Before he had to explain, though, Will changed the subject.
“So, you live above the bar. What about your parents? They still around?”
Joey lowered his eyes and used his fork to draw imaginary ocean waves in his potatoes. “My mom’s around. I don’t see her much. My dad died when I was eight.”
“Wow,” Will said. “I can’t imagine. How’d he die?”
Joey’s gaze met Will’s. “Cancer.”
It descended like a velvet theatre curtain between them, an invisible barrier that hadn’t been there one word before. One word. Six letters. Innocent by themselves, but when joined together in that particular sequence, they had the power to destroy everything in their path.
They continued to eat in strained silence, both avoiding the obvious question that remained unasked and unanswered. Thankfully, Trevor came to check on them, breaking the awkward quiet.
“How are your dinners? Is there anything I can get you?”
“I’m good, Trev,” Will said. “Joey? You need anything?”
“No, thank you.” Joey smiled at Trevor. “This is really good.”
“The Messina’s will be glad to hear that.” Trevor winked at Will.
Oh, god. Joey hoped that was just a server’s standard response when a customer praised the meal.
“Are Mom and Dad here?” Will asked.
Please say ‘no’. Please say ’no’. Please say ‘no’.
“Yes. They got here right when your steaks came up. I’m sure they didn’t want to interrupt your meal. They know you’re here, though.”
Will looked at Joey. “Can you do me a favor, Trev?”
“Sure, Will. What do you need?”
Will never broke eye contact with Joey as he asked, “I’d like to finish our dinner undisturbed. Could you just tell Mom and Dad I’ll catch up with them later?”
“Of course. I’m sure they’ll understand. Do you want to go ahead and place your dessert order now then? That way I won’t have to bother you again.”
Will smiled at Joey and waggled his eyebrows. “Do you like cheesecake?”
Like it? It was his favorite thing on the planet, but he hadn’t had that in years, either. He tried to not act overeager when he nodded.
“We have the best cheesecake. The pieces are beyond huge though. Are you okay with splitting one?” Joey didn’t think there could be a piece of cheesecake too big for him to eat, but he nodded again.
“I’ll split it into two separate servings for you,” Trevor offered.
“No. One piece, two forks, please,” Will said. Joey grinned into his lap. It was stupid, but that simple gesture thrilled him. It made this seem almost like a date. Not that he’d ever been on a real date.
When Trevor left, he looked at Will.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“What? Order cheesecake? Trust me - you’ll thank me.”
“No. Ask him to tell your folks
not to come out here to see you. I… I know that was because of me.”
Will reached across the table and covered Joey’s hand with his. “Because it would make you uncomfortable. Not for any other reason. You know that, right?”
Joey wanted to believe him.
Chapter Eleven
Will let Joey have the last few bites of cheesecake. He didn’t do it just because he was stuffed, and, frankly, Joey looked like he could use the calories. No, he did it because of the sound Joey made with every, single bite he took - a sexy, little moan that had Will rock hard beneath the burgundy napkin in his lap. It was better than any porn Will had ever watched. He was trying to figure out a way to convince him to order a second slice when Joey pushed the plate away. He grinned at Will as he leaned back in the booth, rubbing his flat stomach as if it were a Buddha belly.
“Thank you.” He laughed.
Will sighed, disappointed that the show was over, but winked at him. “Told ya’ you’d thank me.” He wasn’t ready for the evening to end. He also didn’t want to go back to Joey’s depressing, noisy apartment. “Do you maybe want to take a walk or something?” Joey’s eyes widened for a moment before he lowered his head, letting his bangs shield his eyes.
“Okay.”
“You don’t have to,” Will amended. He kept getting mixed signals from Joey. He didn’t want him feeling obligated because of dinner. Joey’s head shot up and his eyes were big, as if an opportunity was about to slip away, and that made Will happy.
“I want to,” Joey said.
Will smiled at him. “Good. I was hoping you did.”
Will stood and Joey followed suit. Will looked up and spotted his mom at the bar. She smiled at him, but, obviously having gotten the message, she stayed put. She winked and gave him a teasing wave. Will grinned at her and waved back, thinking, not for the first time, how fortunate he was to have her for his mom.
“Is that your mom?” Joey peeked from beneath his bangs.
“Yeah. The one and only.” Will reached for Joey’s hand, and almost laughed at the shock on his face. “I bought you dinner. I don’t expect much, but I’d at least like to hold your hand. Is that okay?”
“Dude,” Joey hissed. “Your mom!”
“Yeah, and she’s watching, so you may as well smile at her or something or she’ll think you’re weird.” He turned them so Joey would have no choice but to see her. His mom, God love her, smiled her biggest smile and waved as if she’d known Joey forever. Joey gave an awkward half-wave in return.
Will laughed and led him outside.
“Thanks for dinner,” Joey said.
“You already thanked me.”
“That was for the cheesecake,” Joey said and Will laughed again. “Seriously. That was the best meal I’ve had in I-don’t-know-how-long.”
Will figured that was the case. “Well, thank you for joining me. Hopefully, next time you’ll be brave enough to meet my folks.” He sensed Joey’s shock, but Will didn’t return his look, focusing on the dark sidewalk ahead. They reached the park at the end of the block and solar landscape lanterns beckoned them to enter the wooded path. Will led them down the curving sidewalk, away from the noise and traffic of the main drag.
“Next time?”
“Well, yeah. I guess I just assumed we wouldn’t wait another five years. I don’t want that, do you?”
“I… I don’t know what you want, Will, but… I don’t think I’m it.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because. I’m… I’m defective.”
What did that mean? The trees gave way to a small playground. Will sat on one of the swings and Joey took the one next to him. Will twisted his to face Joey.
“What do you mean - defective?”
Joey hung his head and shuffled his feet in the mulch. “I’d rather not say.”
“You had cancer, right? Does this have something to do with that?”
Joey looked at him in surprise.
“I met you in the Radiation Department, remember?”
“Yeah, but…” Will watched him deflate as he realized there’d really be no other reason for him to be there multiple times.
“Look, you don’t have to tell me, Joey, but, even back then, I… I felt a connection with you. There’s something…” He touched Joey’s knee. “You said you felt it too.” Joey looked up and Will captured his gaze.
Joey nodded but his violet eyes flooded with sadness.
Chapter Twelve
Oh, God. Yes, he felt it. Every time he looked at Will, he felt it. But Will deserved someone like him. Someone smart and healthy and whole.
He was grateful for the darkness, the soft landscape lighting not reaching their faces this far away. He needed to tell Will. He was too good a person to lead along when nothing could ever come of it. He twisted the chains of the swing back and forth, never quite coming back to face Will.
“You’re right. I had cancer. I found a lump… in one of my balls. I told my mom and she took me to the doctor. They did a biopsy and confirmed it was testicular cancer. They… they had to take one. Like surgically remove it.”
He heard Will’s soft gasp and a big, burning lump grew in his chest. It felt like something flailing and grasping in its death throes, reaching for his throat, causing him to choke as it tightened its grip on him from the inside. Telling people always sucked, but this time he was losing more than just his pride - this time a dream shattered into a million tiny pieces. Tears stung the backs of his eyes and he squeezed them shut so the tears couldn’t escape. He spun his swing away, hoping Will didn’t hear his sniffle.
When he opened his eyes, Will was crouched in front of him. His hands clutched Joey’s knees firmly enough Joey couldn’t spin away from him.
“Joey.”
“Will, just go, okay? Just leave me alone.”
“Joey.”
He just wanted Will to be gone, so he could have ‘a moment’ and cry for all the things he’d lost - something he’d never done - because he hadn’t even realized what there was to lose until now. He wasn’t going to be able to hold it back any longer and he didn’t want Will to see him cry on top of everything else.
“Please, Will?” His voice caught. Will only tightened his grip. Damn it!
Joey spun his swing hard, knocking Will off balance. He broke away and ran for the woods, his heavy, black, assault boots clomping through the blanket of dry leaves. Sobs wracked his chest. Breaking out of the trees, he continued to run as if the hounds of hell were on his heels. He gathered speed as he ran down the sledding hill and cut across the baseball diamond at the bottom. He was almost to the other side when he was knocked face-first into the dirt, his momentum causing him to slide several yards, Will’s heavy weight sliding with him. They came to a dusty stop against the second base marker that rose up out of the dirt. Joey choked on the dust, but continued to sob beneath Will’s heavy frame. Will rolled off and turned Joey over, pulling him to his chest, as Joey unleashed years of anguish into his shirt.
Why? Why was he still here? Because he was a good person, just like Joey had known he was. He’d no doubt stick by Joey, wanting to be his friend, but Joey didn’t want to be friends with Will. He wanted so, so, much more. He fisted his hands in Wills shirt and railed at the injustice.
“It’s not fucking fair!” He pounded on Will’s chest and Will let him. “I was fifteen fucking years old! I’d never even been with anybody! And now… oh, God…” He curled into a ball and Will curled around him.
He didn’t know how long he cried, but the feeling of Will’s fingers massaging his scalp broke through to him as he hiccuped over and over, trying to catch his breath.
“Shhhh, Joey. Shhhh. I’ve got you, babe.” Will was holding him like a child, rocking him. As his gasps for breath turned to heavy pants, Will began stroking his hair away from his filthy, tear-stained face and used his shirt sleeve to wipe away the snot. Joey had never been more embarrassed. He’d just had a total meltdown in front of the one
man on earth he wanted to impress, and now said man was talking to him like a child and wiping his snot. He tried to protest, but Will shushed him.
“My shirt’s ruined anyway, buddy.” He tried to push away, but Will held him tighter. “Let me be here for you, okay?”
“I don’t need you,” Joey choked out.
“Yeah? Well, maybe I need you.”
It was mumbled and Joey didn’t think he was meant to hear it, but it didn’t change the fact that he had. Before he could say anything, Will’s big, warm, hands gripped his cheeks.
“Are you okay? The cancer, I mean… did they get it?”
Joey nodded as he sniffled and used his own sleeve to wipe his face. He felt the rise and fall of Will’s giant exhale. “Okay. That’s good. That’s… That’s great.” Will stroked his hair and it calmed him as they sat in the dusty, dark ball field for several, long, quiet moments.
“So, let me get this straight, then. What you’re telling me, as we literally sit here at second base, is if I do this…” His hand slipped between Joey’s legs and cupped him. Joey sucked in a surprised breath as the wonderful rush flooded through him. Will’s fingers stroked up and down, over the leather placket of his pants. “…I’m going to find one bat…” He continued stroking, then squeezed, “…and one ball.” Joey whimpered with pleasure and nodded. Will’s eyes shone in the moonlight. “Well, then, champ,” he said, before lowering his lips to Joey’s. “Sounds to me like you’ve got all the equipment we need to play this game.”
Chapter Thirteen
Joey had scared the hell out of him. When he took off running, Will’s heart had plummeted, terrified to maybe hear he was facing a grim prognosis. He couldn’t explain it, but he had feelings for Joey that went way beyond casual concern for someone he’d only met three times. His gaze met Joey’s heated one and Will knew he felt the same, but there were some things he needed to straighten out - before things went too far too fast.
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