by Costa, Bella
I rise quickly, grabbing one of the crutches for a quick getaway and set off before he can say anything else. It's only twenty minutes later - when I'm lying red eyed and sobbing in my bed, staring at the dark ceiling - that I realise how smoothly he controlled my attempts at conversation. I had tried to get him to talk about himself. Instead, I have just poured my whole life story out to him. His manipulative behaviour has Narcissist written all over it, but deep down I have doubts about Chayton having a God Complex. He has empathy – sometimes. Besides, living out here would not satisfy the social needs of a narcissist.
I drift off to sleep, dreaming of dark eyes mirroring flickering flames and I am drawn like a moth.
Chapter 6
28th March
"Do you ever feel the need to do something completely out of the ordinary? Something life affirming?" he whispers, his breath warm on my ear.
It's Thursday. Somehow, during loading the dishwasher after lunch, I have been cornered against the kitchen units and I have the countertop in a bone-white death grip. Chayton, clean-shaven and male-model-hot in black jean and black dress shirt, is close behind me, invading my personal space.
"Yes." My voice is hoarse, betraying me. "You?" What is he doing? I turn stiffly in the tight space to face him.
"Yes. And right now I'm just dying to remind myself of all things that make me a man whilst risking the one thing I value above wealth, health and life itself."
His eyes are dark, hooded and alarmingly intense as he gazes at me, merely inches away. We are not touching but it feels like he is all over me and my body is responding like iron-filings to a magnet.
"What is there to risk above life itself?" I breathe.
"My heart and soul." He whispers.
I gasp. "That is pretty intense."
"Risks worth taking usually are."
"How, I mean, what do you plan to do, that is so life affirming?" I whisper back. A strong current of tension is swirling thick and heavy, in the diminishing space between us and the oxygen is being squeezed painfully out of the room. I turn my face away, trying to find air.
"Sleep with me Acacia."
Numbness floods through me in an instant. My synapses freeze in mid fire.
"No strings attached, no emotional connections; just two people incapable of love or trust, satisfying a need as old as life itself." He leans in closer - as close as he can get without touching me. Slowly my body's instinct for survival jump-starts my senses, I can feel his breath on my neck, warm and moist and my core clenches with sweet painfulness.
"Two people risking the potential of an emotional attachment, like a skydiver risks the potential of death, but relishes the beauty, the adrenaline, the soul defining, momentary change in perspective that the orgasmic free fall through space has to offer."
My olfactory system, registers his heady scent of warm summer sun and fresh coffee, and I gaze, spell bound, at the emerald flashes burning brightly in his dark liquid eyes. "And what makes you think I would find that life affirming?" I gasp.
"Because unlike Robert, I can make it life affirming. I can take you places Acacia, you wouldn't dream possible."
I try to calm my body's response to the promise in his words and close my eyes. The air is charged with static, crackling and darting around me, raising goose flesh on my skin in contradiction to the heat I feel radiating from his body.
"Do you feel that Acacia? We have hardly touched and already we're good together. Listen to your body, say yes."
Listen to my body? I am trying and I don’t have a clue what it's trying to tell me. The signals are all so confusing.
"No attachments?" I whimper, without thinking. Am I mad? Why, the hell, am I even asking? I should be screaming no and running like Jack the Ripper is on my heels!
"No attachments." I feel his lips flit softly across my forehead and down the side of my face, his fingertips skimming my upper arms, and my traitorous body leans into his caress.
His lips pause to feel the flutter of my pulse below my ear while his fingers graze from my wrists to the short sleeve of my shirt and back again and I gasp involuntarily. Maybe if I do this it will flush these strange feelings out of my system.
"Yes." NO! What am I saying? I have not decided yet! I am still trying to work this out! Shit!
Chayton grasps my face in both hands, trapping me, tilting my face up to his and his lips claim mine in one smooth silky motion. I gasp at the unexpected rightness of it and his tongue takes advantage, exploring, tasting, feeling. Slow and sensual. I send my own tongue out tentatively to test, to taste, meeting his. As I do the kiss changes, deepens and becomes more aggressive, more passionate, demanding and in seconds, we are both feverish.
Chayton breaks the kiss first, looking astonished. "That was unexpected!" he murmured, looking bewildered. His eyes search mine, as if he’s lost something important, expecting to find it there.
"Maybe this is wrong!" I stutter, starting to pull away. Damn right, it is wrong. Call Victoria. NOW!
"Nothing is wrong. Everything is exactly the way it should be," he breathes running a thumb across my lips.
He snakes an arm around my waist and splays his hand out across my lower back, pulling me against him, while his other had tangles in my hair, holding my head in place. As his lips find mine, I feel his arousal pressing into me. The possibility that I am the reason for his arousal is disarming and is my final undoing.
"Let's go to the cabin,” he mutters against my lips.
"Why?" Not that I really care. His lips trail down to my jaw and I lift my head to give him access to my neck. Oh my!
"In a couple of hours there will be no privacy here." We need privacy? Of course we do! Do that again...just there...Mmm.
"Okay." But I want you here. Now! And inwardly I pout.
~.~
The cabin is still warming up but right in front of the fire, it is heavenly. I ignore the sofas, grabbing a scatter cushion instead and make myself comfortable on the rug in front of the fire. The orange and blue flames are mesmerising and helps calm the nervous energy coursing through me.
Chayton eventually strolls through after lighting the fire for the boiler. He is still in his jeans and dress shirt but now barefoot. He grabs a few more cushions, and throws them down on the rug, easing himself down next to me. My heart is pounding with nerves as he leans toward me, pressing his forehead against mine, and tracing erotic circles on one of my denim clad knees with a long finger.
"I believe we started something earlier that needs finishing,” he mumbles and the promise in those innocent words spread desire through my veins like a wildfire. I have only ever been with Robert and given his dysfunctionality, I'm not sure what to expect. I bite my lip, watching his finger brush over my thigh as I try to decide what to do. Robert may have been dysfunctional but he was still a man, by definition, probably liked the same things all men like.
Okay. Shifting so both my hands are free I reach over and start to undo his belt buckle. I am nervous that I won't be good enough for him. My fingers tremble as he leans back giving me more room, his eyes never leaving mine.
I finally get the buckle undone and fumble with the button. My anxiety is making me clumsy. I am almost there when his hands clasp mine and halt my progress. I stare at the rug, ashamed. I am useless at this.
"Acacia, what's wrong? You are scared. Why?"
Oh God. What do I do now? I am mortified. I feel the tears building behind my eyes and I kneel back on my heels, my injured ankle awkwardly off to one side, resigned to my failure. I cannot look at him. I stare blankly at my hands, trapped in his.
"Acacia. Look at me."
Seeing the disappointment in his eyes will be the end of me. I close my eyes, wishing myself somewhere else. After a long tense moment, he releases my hands and I let them fall limply onto my lap. I hear him shift. He is going. It is better this way. End it before it gets started, I tell myself. My eyes flutter open, directly into his steady gaze. Chayton has pulled himself cl
oser to me, his long legs forming an enclosure around me but not touching. Disquiet has settled across his features.
"Acacia. I'm not going to ask again." I can hear the disappointment edged in his voice and I can tell he is struggling to keep it under control. A sob escapes my throat and start to scramble to my feet, my ankle slowing me down.
"Acacia. No!" He pulling me back down and I fall, all arms and legs into his lap.
"Let me go!" I'm weeping uncontrollably, trying to push myself away from his solid chest but his arms wrap tighter around me until I am trussed up like a small distressed child in the arms of a parent and he is cooing softly into my hair.
"Acacia, if you don't want to do this, we don't have to. But I do want you to talk to me and I'm not letting you go until you do." His voice is low as he mumbles into my hair and I can feel the vibrations rumble through his ribs.
I'm lying still but stiffly. It's less exhausting than trying to escape. I sniff loudly.
"I'm no good at this. I'm sure you've noticed!" There. I have said it. Can I go now?
"No good at what, Acacia?"
"This - sex - pleasing men," I sniff in the most unladylike manner. Could this be any more mortifying? He loosens his arms from their tight grip around me, grasping my face in both hands forcing me to look at him.
"What makes you think that?" His eyes are hard and angry and he is scaring the shit out of me.
"It's obvious isn't it?" My voice is small and raw.
"No Acacia. Not to me it isn't - especially seen as we haven't had sex yet."
"You have needs..." I try looking past him so I don't have to see his eyes, which are burning into me. "...and I can't..." I'm all out of tears and my eyes are hot and scratchy.
"How do you know? What about your needs? Was that bastard really that big an asshole?" His expression softens and I stare back at him blankly. To my amazement, he brings his lips down to mine and his tongue works its way between my lips, expertly finding mine. I stall for a minute, uncertainty keeping me tense. He tilts my head and deepens the kiss. "Acacia, forget everything," he whispers against my mouth. "Don't do, just feel. Here and now." His mouth moves along my jaw and he pauses to nibble on my ear. "Let me make love to you."
I can feel my body responding to his touch but my mind is still stuck on the idea that this is somehow wrong and I am going to disappoint him. I can't.
"Acacia, please." He is trailing soft sweet kisses down my neck and he holds my head back allowing him better access.
I gasp as his teeth graze my skin at the base of my throat. He twists us so I am now lying on the rug, my head on a cushion, my legs trapped between his thighs and he is leaning over me his mouth still weaving delicious spells against my throat.
I can feel his heart pounding against his ribs as my fingers find their way under his shirttails to touch the taught skin over his chest. I gasp as his fingers find the buttons on my borrowed blouse, his mouth following and kissing each inch of freshly exposed skin. My flesh is a cacophony of sensations as his lips ignite and sooth, heat and cool, every nerve ending singing, screaming even, for more.
I close my eyes, trying to absorb and process the unaccustomed sensations as he sweeps the fabric of my shirt open, exposing my belly and bra to his gaze. I don't think my body has ever received this much attention before.
"You are beautiful Acacia. You deserve to be worshipped. It's not a bad thing. Let it happen." It is almost a plea, uttered from somewhere in my cleavage as his mouth explores. I am still tense. I want to. I really do want to. It is all so alien to me. I shiver as his tongue explores slowly over the top of each breast, following the lacy edge of my bra. Chayton gazes up at me with hooded eyes. His smoky, hot gaze inflaming my skin, setting me ablaze and I squirm under him, staring in amazement as he unclasps the small clip between my breasts with his teeth. How, the hell, did he do that? I struggle to undo that clip with my fingers! He smiles at me playfully grasping first one cup edge with his mouth, pulling it back and then other. My breasts are now fully exposed and my nipples are standing to attention, awaiting their orders.
I hear a low groan escape his throat as he suckles one nipple into his mouth, twirling it with his tongue. I want to ponder the reasons for the groan, what it means. Is it a good groan or bad groan; but he tugs at the nipple with his teeth and I stop thinking, my own groan mirroring his. I arch my back, pushing my begging breasts up and he moves over to the other nipple, playing with it, tugging it, biting it; teasing it to life. I groan again as the sensation connects to my groin.
"Yes. Feel it baby. Don't think. Just. Feel.” His voice is husky and dark.
"I want to." I hear myself whisper.
He tugs at my nipple hard and I feel my hips tilting up to press against his. Shit! Did I just do that? We both groan together. Slowly his mouth shifts down, caressing my skin, one slow erotic kiss at a time until he reaches my navel and his tongue dips inside. I want to arch my hips again but his weight has shifted and his body is holding my legs down. I feel his wicked tongue weaving its magic as it dips in and out, swirls round and round. Finally, his teeth nip the skin just below my navel. It's almost painful but completely exquisite. His breath fans across my belly, warming my skin but cooling the moist path left by his mouth.
Chayton kneels up, still straddling me but now across my knees.
"Trust me?" His eyes are blazing with some unnamed emotion and unable to articulate my words I just nod. I do!
Keeping his eyes locked on mine, Chayton gives me a gentle, reassuring smile. I feel his fingers deftly pop the button on my jeans and the zip comes down. I feel the nerves starting to build again. I think he senses it because he pauses.
"Please!" I beg. "Don't let me think!"
He shifts smoothly and sweeps my jeans and thong down my legs in one swift move. Damn, he is good! It takes me three minutes to struggle out of those jeans. The realisation that he is well practised is an unwelcome intruder on my thoughts. Standing he strips off his own clothes and I am in awe as the firelight highlights his toned body and his impressive arousal. He kneels next to me, tracing patterns across my belly and I involuntarily squeeze my legs together, feeling the damp spread. His eyes are glinting and a small smile is tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Clasp your hands together.” Huh? I look up at him in confusion. He is still kneeling beside me, his hands now resting on his thighs as he watches my eyes carefully.
“Do it, Acacia. Clasp your hands together and raise them above your head.” I entwine my fingers and hesitantly lift my arms so that my hands are resting on the rug above my head. His gaze drop to my breasts, which now feel very exposed and pushed out by my new position.
“You are beautiful. Your breasts present themselves with a pride you should share.” My skin goosefleshes with nerves my nipples pebbling almost painfully and Chayton takes a sharp breath. “You would look fantastic draped over me under a full moon. Open your legs for me.”
Against my will, my eyes widen. This is a step too far for me and I shake my head.
"You are going to open up for me like a lotus flower, Acacia," he murmurs and my eyes widen further with apprehension. What? What, the hell, does that mean?
"Don't worry. You'll want to." He whispers, grinning widely. I watch in horrified fascination, as he lifts my knees and bends them, kneeling at my feet. Keeping my legs pressed firmly together, his thumbs stroke my kneecaps slowly. He watches my face and I nod. Slowly his mouth comes down to kiss the small valley between my knees, dipping his tongue into the gully like a honey bear lapping up honey. I squirm but he holds my knees fast. His mouth licks, sucks, bites and kisses it's way slowly, very, very, slowly along the valley from my knees, heading....oh no! His tongue is hot and burning, his breath cool and chilling. I groan as he continues his torturous caress towards – Oh no! He isn't! Is he?
He leans over the top of my knees, his hands still pressing them together and his mouth has reached that dark place. He nuzzles through my pubic hair with his n
ose and I think I can just about bear this. My legs are still firmly closed. How much damage can he do right?
He takes a deep breath, and murmurs with satisfied appreciation. "The sweetest, most delectable, fragrance in the whole world."
I don't know if he is just trying to be polite but it has to be the hottest thing I've ever heard and I groan loudly. It is as if he's talking directly to my libido and it starts to simmer. I am embarrassed, turned on, and shy and wanting more and suddenly he pulls my knees apart and I gasp loudly at the unexpected rightness of it. I writhe and squirm under his hands needing relief, but to my dismay, he turns his attention back to my knees.
My fingers scour the rug in turmoil as his mouth slowly works its way up the inside of my left thigh. His fingers are kneading their way up the inside of my right thigh at a matching pace, and I don't know what to concentrate on. The sensations are so different and yet both so exquisite and as his mouth and fingers reach their goal together, my hips betray me again, rising impulsively to meet him.
With deft fingers, he opens me, just like that water lily and he is so right. I want this. I do not know if it's right or wrong or if I am supposed to like this or not. I just do and the need for more is driving me insane. A simmering pool of molten gold in the depths of my pelvis; starts to boil, scorching me with its heat. I'm awash with sensation as his tongue starts to explore my darkest secrets, running circles around the tight little button, dipping occasionally into my core and my muscles start to tense.
I'm tortured and wound up beyond belief, crying out loudly when his lips close around my button and suckle gently and I spasm and erupt violently, flying and falling and... Oh, fuck!
I lie panting. My mind numb; limbs feeling like lead. What the fuck just happened?
"Hey." I turn my head slowly through the treacle of my exhaustion to the whispered voice at my side.
"Hey."
"Are you alright?"
"Uh huh." I gaze in amazement at this incredible man's face.
