by Joss Wood
‘Well, you didn’t eat anything on the yacht last night.’
‘Catamaran.’ Willa saw the look he sent her and shrugged. ‘It was a catamaran...two hulls...not a yacht. Just being accurate.’
‘I’m a city boy. I know Jack about yachts and boats,’ Rob replied. ‘So, are we going to talk about last night?’
‘It’s such a gorgeous day,’ Willa said, looking past him to the harbour in the distance, the gentle waters of the bay below them. Rob was back and her world made sense again.
‘Nice try, but we’re not changing the subject.’
Willa sighed as she recognised the stubborn look in his eye. ‘I’ve said, over and over, that I feel a fool! Especially since I know that he’s a balding bully—a little man with a big ego that needs to be fed.’ Willa put her cup down on the pavement, looking anguished. ‘Why couldn’t I say more?’
‘Had you seen him since you separated?’
Willa shook her head. ‘Only in meetings with Kate, and then she and his lawyer did most of the talking.’ She sighed and leaned back. ‘I suppose you think that’s stupid?’
Rob tapped his finger against the mug he held. ‘No, not stupid.’
‘I’m so angry with myself because I’ve worked so hard over the last months to stop believing the crap he fed me about myself. I’ve been telling myself that I was young and impressionable, that I didn’t have anyone in my life to counter his opinion, and that that time is over—he is over. I believed that. But then he was there and I went straight back into stupid mode.’
‘Habit reaction. It’s classic abuse-sufferer behaviour,’ Rob murmured.
‘He didn’t abuse me...’ Willa protested.
‘Verbal abuse is still abuse and it’s just as dangerous. Bet he also played the blame game and the silent game and the can’t-please-me game as well.’
‘You sound like you know what you’re talking about.’
‘I do know what I’m talking about,’ Rob admitted reluctantly. ‘My stepfather abused my mother and my sister for three years until my uncle put a stop to it.’
Willa bit her bottom lip in sympathy. ‘I’m so sorry. How...?’ Her heart bled for him, for the pain she could still see in his eyes, the bleakness in his voice. ‘I’m not sure what to say...’
‘Not a hell of a lot to say. We were weak, still reeling from the death of my dad a year before, and Stefan was our rock, our comfort, my dad’s best friend. He and my mum grew closer and she asked me if I thought she should marry him.’
‘And you said yes?’
‘I wanted her to be happy again and—’ Rob abruptly stopped speaking, taking a sip of his coffee instead.
‘And?’ Willa prodded.
Rob stared at the bright blue pool. ‘And I wanted to go off across country to study at uni. I could do that without guilt if I knew that he was looking after my mum and sister. Then he moved in and took over their lives...he made me what I am.’
‘Which is?’ Willa asked crisply.
‘Generally flawed. Mostly distrustful. Of myself and of everyone around me. Impatient, closed-off, unwilling to commit.’
‘Why?’
‘After my dad, Stefan was my hero. I genuinely respected him—loved him, even. I would never have thought that he would turn into an abusive bully. I learnt the hard way that what you see is never what you actually get.’
‘“Impatient, closed-off, unwilling to commit...”’ Willa tipped her head. ‘Sounds like somebody made a list.’
‘Many somebodys—all female, all mad when I dumped them.’ Rob shrugged, looking resigned and then resolute. ‘They weren’t wrong, Willa.’
They’d forgotten to tell him that he was hard-working and sexy, honourable and loyal, had a wicked sense of humour and a protective instinct a mile long.
Rob lifted a powerful shoulder in an agitated shrug. ‘The thing is...because I don’t—can’t trust, I don’t have relationships. I have flings. When it starts getting a bit too real, I bail.’
Willa pulled in a deep breath, feeling compelled to ask, to find out exactly where she stood with him. ‘Is this getting a bit too real? Are you wanting to bail?’
Rob twisted his lips. ‘I’m thinking that if you were in an abusive relationship then I am exactly the wrong type of guy you should be having a rebound fling with. You need someone gentle, compassionate, patient. I’m none of those things...’
Willa was quiet for a moment, thinking about what he’d said. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had the same thoughts a couple of times during the long night. A nice man would be easier, calmer—wouldn’t force her to confront her demons, would let her ease into her new life. A gentle man would give her time and compassion...
Except that she didn’t need time and compassion. She needed a boot up the backside. She needed someone to yank her out of her ‘woe is me’ attitude and tell her to get a grip and get a life. There was something about Rob that inspired her to be tougher, stronger. Rob, just by being Rob, made her want to step up to the plate and take her best shot. To be brave enough to try.
He wasn’t easy, but his attitude was good for her.
He was perfect for her right now. Maybe for ever. He didn’t let her coast or cruise...
Willa pulled her glasses off her face and tapped them against her knee. ‘No, you’re not patient or gentle, but I know that you can be compassionate. And I don’t need someone to pussyfoot around me. I’ve been protected and cosseted my whole life. I need a man who doesn’t want to treat me like china—a man who demands that I stand on my own two feet, that I be a woman and start acting like one.’
‘I call it like I see it. I always have...it’s just who I am.’
‘And I need someone in my life like that.’
Willa saw him mentally retreat, saw him back-pedalling and knew that this conversation had gone too deep, too quickly. Rob was looking panicked, and she wouldn’t be surprised if he broke out in hives some time soon.
Relax, Rob, it’s all still good, she wanted to tell him. Despite this conversation she knew that it was just surface, just temporary between them.
Because he was looking faintly green, she gave him some breathing room. ‘I’d like you to carry on being your gruff self for as long as you’re here—even if it that is only for a couple more days, weeks... When are you heading back to South Africa?’
Relief loosened that tight, ticking muscle in his jaw, the tense cords of his neck, and she vaguely listened to him explain that he might be here for three more weeks, a month at the most, quickly understanding that this was still very much just a fling for him.
Willa bit the inside of her lip.
Unfortunately she was starting to feel that, for her, maybe it wasn’t any more.
* * *
Willa looked around the dining table at her friends and wished Brodie had accepted her invitation to dinner, although she’d never expected him to. Seeing Rob and Scott deep in conversation about an architect she’d never heard of reminded her of how well Scott and Brodie had got along—how they’d have those same masculine, short-sentence conversations that went on for hours.
She liked having people around her table...liked being able to feed them, cook for them. A simple meal. Chicken pasta and salad. Garlic bread. Good wine from the cellar downstairs. Excellent company.
Talking of which, she wished Kate was here, but she, like Brodie, supposedly had to work. Amy was here, and Jessica had brought along the Weeping Reef ex-lifeguard she’d left with the other day and the six of them had laughed and chattered through dinner and more than a few bottles of wine from the cellar.
She had a lot to be grateful for...
She should be happy...
She was having explosive sex with a man who excelled at the art, she had reconnected with her friends and she had a job that challenged her
on every level. So why was she feeling out of sorts, dissociated, unsettled?
Willa left her friends talking and picked up some empty plates and took them to the kitchen. Wanting a minute to herself, she looked out of the kitchen window as she held on to the granite edge of the counter. She’d come so far in eight months; she should be incredibly proud of herself...
Should be...should be...should be...
But what had she done, really? She’d walked away from her sucky marriage...big deal. That was nothing in the scheme of things; women defied governments, defended their countries, fought poverty and sexism and lack of education all over the world. Her leaving Wayne wasn’t exactly behaviour worthy of admiration—especially since it had been about eight years overdue.
She was living in a mansion house that her ex had paid for, driving a car that her ex had paid for, and at the only opportunity she’d had to show Wayne—to show herself—that she was her own person, she’d blown it.
As for Rob...her one-night stand had turned into an affair with a sell-by date; she wasn’t sure what that date was, but it would soon be over. And because she’d been desperate to work, and had begged him for the job, she’d landed her position as Rob’s accountant by default too.
She was, basically, sleeping with her boss.
She hadn’t pitted herself against any other applicants, she hadn’t been measured against her peers. How could she be sure that she was as capable as them? That she had the job because she was actually good at it and not just good at the bedroom-based activities she engaged in with Rob?
Seeing an open bottle of red on the counter, she reached for a glass and poured herself a half-glass that she threw down her throat. He had an accountant and a lover...good deal for him.
Basically, she was still living her life according to other people’s tenets: she’d been the good daughter, then the trophy wife, and now she was exactly what Rob wanted—his casual fling and his accountant.
What did she want, for God’s sake? And was she ever going to start making decisions for herself?
Willa poured herself another glass of wine and sipped it slowly. Yeah, maybe it was about time she started doing exactly that.
* * *
Willa and Kate were lying on loungers in the late-afternoon sun, a pitcher of icy sangria between them, drying off after a refreshing swim. Kate pushed her designer sunglasses up on her face and rolled her head to look at Willa.
‘Where’s Hot and Spicy?’
Willa smiled at the moniker. ‘He went to Brisbane for a couple of days. He’s meeting with some people who want to buy into his franchise. Next week he’s heading to Perth.’
‘He looks too rough and ready to be such a hotshot businessman. He looks like he should be a rugby player or a surfer,’ Kate stated idly.
‘I know, right? But he’s great at what he does. He’s got brilliant instincts and great vision—though he’s not wild about the accountancy side of the business,’ Willa said, thinking that getting Rob to discuss VAT and tax was akin to pulling teeth.
‘And that’s why he hired you.’ Kate rolled over onto her side and rested her head in her hand. ‘How’s that working for you?’
‘I love it...’ Willa replied. ‘I love making numbers dance.’
Kate pulled a face. ‘I’m with Rob on the hating accountancy part...I find it deeply boring. And are you managing to work together and sleep together?’
Willa looked out onto the harbour. ‘Rob makes the transition a lot easier than I do. He flips a switch and instantly forgets that we’ve just had an argument about cash flow and staff benefits. I take a lot longer to...transition.’
‘Rob understands that there’s nothing personal in the argument but you don’t seem to,’ Kate commented. ‘It’s something that comes with experience. Give it time and you’ll get there.’
Willa refilled their glasses with sangria and handed Kate hers. She tapped her nails against the icy glass... She needed to talk to somebody about Rob and since Kate was now her closest friend she was duly elected. ‘I’m feeling really confused, Kate, and slightly at sea.’
Kate sat up straight and pulled her sunglasses off her face. She scanned Willa’s face before asking, ‘Okay...why?’
Willa took a sip of her drink before putting the glass on the table between them. The sun had started falling in the sky and was turning from gold to orange. ‘When I got over the shock of living on my own, without Wayne, I promised myself that I would do what I wanted to do and what I felt was right—for me.’
Kate didn’t respond, just cocked her head in interest.
‘I was just getting to a point in my life when I felt like I was coming into my own, being me, and I fell into bed with Rob.’
‘Mmm-hmm. And the problem is...?’ Kate placed her elbows on her crossed knees and cupped her face in her hands.
Willa huffed out her breath. ‘I’m not even sure if there is a problem or whether I’m just making problems...’ she admitted, now wishing that she hadn’t opened this can of worms.
‘Just spit it out, Willa.’
‘I still feel mortified that I clammed up when Wayne insulted me in front of all those people. Rob was there, but I just stood there and got...scared, stupid. It was like stepping back into being that downtrodden, subservient wife I had been and I hated it! My words dried up and all I wanted to do was run away from him, as far and as fast as I could. Rob had to stick up for me.’
‘But you did speak.’
‘I didn’t say enough,’ Willa stated.
‘It’s okay, Willa. Stop being so hard on yourself.’
Kate didn’t look outraged or even disappointed. Easy for Kate to say, but Willa didn’t want to be the subservient, meek, timid woman she was with Wayne; she wanted to be bold and fierce and confident—all the time!
‘You’ve come a long, long way, Willa. Don’t lose sight of that just because you had a setback with The Pain.’
But maybe she hadn’t come as far as Kate thought—as far as she’d believed she had. Her life had changed so dramatically and she was having difficulty processing all the changes. She was still getting used to being on her own, coming to terms with the demise of her marriage and the part she’d played in it. Sure, Wayne was an idiot of extraordinary skill, but she’d allowed him to treat her like that; by not fully standing up to him she’d given him permission to treat her badly.
He’d called all the shots in her marriage and her life and... Willa rubbed her hands over her face. And she was scared that she was allowing history to repeat itself.
Rob was, to an extent, calling all the shots in this relationship. He was a force of nature and she was in danger of being swept away by the strength of his personality. He’d fallen into her bed and fallen into her life and now he was her boss.
Holy hell, what had she jumped into here? Had she gone straight from the frying pan into—well, the sixty-fourth level of hell? Had she been blinded by Rob’s handsome face and luscious body and his ability to give her mind-blowing orgasms? Was she that weak, that shallow, that starved for attention?
What did she want? What did she deserve?
Surely it was more than this?
‘Oh, fudge,’ Kate said, scrunching up her eyes.
‘What?’ Willa asked.
‘That look on your face—I recognise it as your Willa-digging-her-heels-in look.’ Kate stood up and knotted her wrap on her right hip.
Willa smiled reluctantly. ‘Am I that transparent?’
‘Sorry...but, yes. What are you thinking about, honey?’
Willa adjusted the cups of her strapless pink bikini. ‘I’m thinking that it’s time I worked out exactly what I want from life and men...and Rob. I need to start deciding what is right for me.’
Kate placed a hand on her chest and wiped away an imaginary tear. ‘My b
aby girl is finally growing up.’
Willa didn’t have a verbal comeback so she placed her hands on Kate’s shoulders and pushed her into the pool.
CHAPTER NINE
‘YOU BITCH!’
Willa, barrelling up the steps to the front door after her early-morning run, jumped a foot in the air as Wayne stepped out of the shadows of the veranda, a menacing look on his face.
Recognising that he had a major temper brewing, she slapped a hand on her chest and closed her eyes. Not now, she prayed. She was so close to being free of him. Why was he here? What did he want?
‘How dare you embarrass me in front of my friends, my business associates last week? Everyone was laughing at me behind my back!’ Wayne hissed. ‘Vern cancelled a deal with me yesterday—said that he didn’t like the way I treated you. You stupid bitch.’
And this was her fault? How? Willa desperately wanted to tell him not to call her names, that he was no longer allowed to do that, but seeing the cold fury in his eyes had sent her words and her courage belting away. Again.
And she’d seen Wayne angry before, but she’d never seen that sadistic gleam in his eyes. ‘You think you’re so smart, with your hulk boyfriend protecting you, but I’m not done with you. I’m not done showing you how useless I think you are... I’m not done.’
Willa bit her lip and thought that she had to get away. She moved to the right but Wayne blocked her escape down the path to the road. She was trapped... God, why she had allowed Rob to go back to his flat last night? If Rob was here then Wayne wouldn’t be doing this... Then again, Wayne was a coward. He had to know that Rob wasn’t here...
Dear God, she was on her own.
‘Calm down, Wayne.’
Wayne gripped the top parts of her arms and his fingers dug in. Willa winced, but didn’t attempt to remove herself from his grasp.
‘I will not calm down, bitch. I am so goddamn angry with you... You will not defy me; you will not make me look stupid. I will bloody teach you this lesson if it’s the last thing I do. Open the door and get inside.’
