by STEVE MARTIN
WHAT YOU DO
1. Measure 450 ml of water into a saucepan.
2. Cut the lemon into thick slices and add the slices to the pan with the chopped ginger.
3. Add the sugar and the cream of tartar.
4. Bring your mixture to the boil, stirring it slowly. Then turn the heat down and let it simmer (boil gently) for five minutes. Ask an adult to help you with this bit.
5. Add the 800 ml of cold water and immediately remove the pan from the heat, then sprinkle the yeast over your mixture.
6. Let the pan cool for five minutes, then put a cloth over the top of it and tie it round with string or a large elastic band so it does not touch the water. The mixture now needs to be left for 24 hours. It doesn’t need to go in the fridge, but keep it out of direct sunlight.
7. You need a clean plastic bottle for your ginger beer. A 1½ litre plastic cola bottle is fine, but it is very important to clean it thoroughly with hot water. Make sure you use a plastic bottle as glass ones can explode.
8. Strain your mixture through a sieve into a measuring jug and then pour it into the plastic bottle. It is also very important that you leave some empty space at the top of the bottle for the build-up of fizzy gas.
9. Put the lid on your bottle and leave it for two days. About four times each day unscrew the lid a little bit to let the gas out and then screw it on again.
10. Your ginger beer should now be ready to drink. Chill it in the fridge for a while so it’s nice and cold before you drink it. Make sure you drink it within three days, while it’s still fresh.
HOW TO STAGE A STUNT FIGHT
A stunt fight is a pretend fight. All those punch-ups and martial-arts battles you see in films are not real. They are carefully rehearsed and nobody really gets hit or hurt.
To create your own totally staged stunt fight, find a friend to work with, and follow these tips to get started.
PREPARATION
• The most important thing is safety. Practise all moves slowly and gradually build up your speed. Make sure everyone knows exactly what to do. If there are any falls, practise these slowly so you fall safely, and stick to grass or carpet rather than harder surfaces.
• Keep enough distance between you and your fight partner. There needs to be enough room for each of you to be able to throw a punch or kick without touching each other.
CONVINCE YOUR AUDIENCE
Film stuntmen always know where the camera is. Plan your stunt fight around the audience that’s watching to make it look as impressive as possible. Here’s how to perform a really convincing pretend punch:
1. Swing your right fist close to the other stunt fighter’s face.
2. As you get close to his face with your fist, slap yourself on the chest with your other hand.
3. Do not let your fist come into contact with your partner’s face. The slap to your chest will make a loud ‘thump’, which will make the person watching think it was a real punch.
4. At the same time as the ‘thump’ sound, your partner should stagger backwards as though he has been hit.
This only works if the people watching are behind you as you throw your pretend punch. If not, they will see you slapping your chest.
STUNT-FIGHT SECRETS
• ‘Telegraph’ all your moves. ‘Telegraphing’ means letting your partner know what you are going to do by making a slight movement which he can see but those watching can’t. If you are going to pretend to kick him with your left foot, move the foot slightly and look at him to check he has understood. He will be able to know where the next move is coming from.
• ‘Synchronize’ your moves. This means that you should do things at the same time. If you kick and your friend dives at the same time, in the same direction the kick is going, then it looks as if he has been kicked over. The timing needs to be perfect so – as with everything in stunt fighting – you will need to practise.
HOW TO RECEIVE YOUR KNIGHTHOOD
You kneel on the ground with your head bowed as the person before you clutches a sharp, steel sword. The room is silent as you wait for the weapon to fall.
Sounds terrifying, doesn’t it? Believe it or not, this could actually be the greatest moment of your life – the day you receive your knighthood. If it is, then the person raising the sword is none other than the Queen of the United Kingdom herself and, in a few moments, you are about to become a genuine knight.
Knighthoods are awarded for great achievements and have been presented to artists, musicians, actors, sports stars, charity fundraisers and others who have performed their job outstandingly well.
IT’S KNIGHT TIME
The day of your knighthood is called your ‘investiture’. It is a very grand, formal occasion and it is important that you know how to behave.
Investitures are usually held at Buckingham Palace in London. Make sure you arrive in plenty of time and that you bring no more than three people to watch you being knighted.
You will be led into the ballroom and will stand with the other people waiting to receive their honour. Once everyone is in place, the Queen will enter the room escorted by two soldiers. The Yeomen of the Guard, who are the Queen’s bodyguards, will also be there.
The national anthem, God Save the Queen, is then played, after which a lord calls the name of each person and states the reason they are being knighted.
I DUB THEE …
When your name is called, step forward and kneel in front of the Queen. She will stand before you, take her sword and place the blade on your right shoulder and then on your left shoulder. This is called ‘dubbing’ and, as she places the blade on your shoulders, she will say, ‘I dub thee Sir (your name).’
Congratulations! You are now a knight. This means you can put ‘Sir’ in front of your name on letters and emails, and can insist that everyone addresses you as ‘Sir’, even your parents.
HOW TO MAKE A GIANT CHOC-CHIP COOKIE
If you are a cookie-lover, then you’ll know that the best cookies all have two things in common. First, they have lots of chocolate in, and second, they are very, very big.
So, if you plan to make your own cookie, there’s only one type to make – a giant choc-chip cookie. Cookie making – even giant cookie making – is quick and easy. Follow these instructions and you’ll be munching away in no time.
Warning. When using a hot oven, always use oven gloves and ask an adult to help you.
You Will Need:
• 200 g butter • 135 g caster sugar • 150 g brown sugar • 1 teaspoon vanilla essence • 2 eggs • 250 g plain flour • ½ teaspoon baking powder • ½ teaspoon salt • 150 g chocolate chips • a large cake tin or baking tray with raised sides
WHAT YOU DO
1. Preheat the oven to 180°C / Gas Mark 4. Put the butter, caster sugar, brown sugar and vanilla essence into a bowl. Use a wooden spoon to mix this up as well as you can until it’s smooth and creamy.
2. Add the eggs and mix again.
3. Add the flour, baking powder and salt and mix again. Yes, there is an awful lot of mixing to do in this recipe, but the taste of the cookie will make up for tired arms.
4. Next, add your chocolate chips and mix.
5. Grease the bottom of your cake tin or baking tray with butter, and spread the mixture evenly over it to make your giant cookie shape. Don’t worry if it’s not perfectly round, it will still be delicious.
6. Bake the cookie for 30 minutes, or until golden brown and firm to the touch. All ovens are slightly different so keep an eye on the cookie to make sure it doesn’t burn. If you are using a cake tin, your cookie will rise slightly in the oven, so when it is finished it will look like a cross between a cake and a cookie – what a tasty mix!
7. Leave the cookie to cool and then share it with your friends.
HOW TO TIDY YOUR ROOM IN TEN MINUTES FLAT
Follow this ten-minute countdown and you’ll have a tidier room in a flash. On your marks, get set, go!
10: Collect everything that’s lying
around and put it all in one pile on the floor.
09: Go through the pile and put all the rubbish in a bin bag.
08: Scoop up all the dirty clothes and put them in the washing basket. Put any clean clothes in your drawers or wardrobe.
07: If you have comics and bits of paper you want to keep, put them in a neat pile on top of a shelf or cupboard, or in a box.
06: Collect all books, CDs and DVDs and put them on your shelves.
05: Gather up everything that does not belong in your room – dirty cups and plates, brother’s toys, and so on – and put them on a tray outside your room to deal with later.
04: Put all your toys and games in a cupboard. If there is not enough room, stack them up neatly against a wall.
03: Straighten the duvet on your bed.
02: Make sure all drawers are closed and do not have bits of clothes sticking out.
01: Have a final look around to make sure you haven’t missed anything, then relax. Job done.
HOW TO FIND THE LOCH NESS MONSTER
Loch Ness, home to the legendary Loch Ness Monster, or ‘Nessie’, is a deep, dark lake in northern Scotland. There have been many reported sightings and even a few photographs of the monster, although no one is sure whether the shapes photographed in the loch are actually of the famous beast or if they are clever fakes. Follow these top tips and maybe you’ll be the first to find this mythical monster:
• Find a speedboat and get out onto the water. A boat fitted with sonar equipment is perfect. Sonar allows you to search deep in the water by sending out pulses of sound and recording any objects they bounce off. If Nessie is lurking under the water, sonar will help you find it.
• According to Nessie experts, the monster mainly eats fish, so take some with you to offer as presents if you see it, and show it that you mean no harm.
• Keep your camera with you at all times. If you do spot Nessie, no one will believe you unless you’ve got photographic evidence.
HOW TO BUST A MOVE ON THE DANCE FLOOR
For a boy who is the best at everything, it’s really important to look cool at all times – especially when you’re strutting your stuff on the dance floor. Here’s a simple hip-hop move that will guarantee that you keep your cool when the music starts.
THE HIP-HOP WAVE
This dance move needs to be done in one fluid motion, so it looks as if a wave is passing through your body. Make sure you put all the following steps together quickly to perform the finished move, otherwise you might look like a robot.
1. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and your right arm bent at the elbow. Point the fingers of your right hand down towards the floor.
2. Bring your right elbow up to shoulder height and push your hand upwards so your fingers are now pointing at the ceiling.
3. Straighten your right arm so it looks like you are pushing something away from you with the palm of your hand.
4. Raise your right shoulder towards your earlobe and then lower it as you raise your left shoulder. The ‘wave’ has now passed across your body and you can let your right arm drop down by your side.
5. Lower your left shoulder and lift your left elbow to shoulder height, keep your fingers pointing downwards.
6. Smoothly push your arm out until it is straight.
7. Finally, twist and flick your wrist so that you finish the move with your fingers pointing upwards.
HOW TO BEAT A GORGON
The Gorgons are three mythical creatures named ‘Stheno’, ‘Euryale’ and ‘Medusa’. These legendary beasts are sisters and all three are incredibly ugly. They have big heads, huge, scary mouths with long tongues hanging out, tusks, and even beards. They also have wings sprouting from their backs, and sharp claws on their hands and feet. Medusa, the most famous of the three, is even worse as her hair is made of live snakes, which hiss and writhe around on her head.
The Gorgons are extremely dangerous creatures to come across, because they have the power to turn anyone who looks at their faces to stone. All around the entrance of the cave where they live there are the frozen, stone bodies of men and animals who have been unfortunate enough to gaze into a Gorgon’s face.
Should you be unlucky enough to come across one of these fearsome creatures, you need to know what to do. To defeat a Gorgon, you need a mirror, a hairbrush and some very dark sunglasses. Wearing your sunglasses, carefully approach the Gorgon. Tell her she needs to brush her hair as it’s a mess, and then hand her the brush and mirror. When she sees her reflection in the mirror, she will turn herself to stone.
The only problem you will then have is what to do with her next. Stone Gorgons make excellent garden ornaments. When you have defeated her, why not paint your Gorgon in nice bright colours and put her by your front door? If you have a pond, you could stand her next to this with a fishing rod in her hand and tell everyone she’s a very ugly garden gnome!
HOW TO PLAY THE ‘BILLY GOAT’ GAME
This is a quick game that shows you how your senses can become confused when they don’t work together. It seems very simple, but is actually quite tricky.
HOW TO PLAY IT
1. Ask your friend to sit with his back to you.
2. Ask him, ‘How many horns does the billy goat have?’
3. Press some of the fingers of your right hand into his back.
4. Just by using his sense of touch, and without being able to see your hand, your friend has to guess how many fingers you are holding against his back.
It’s surprisingly easy for the brain to make a mistake here, so don’t burst out laughing at him if he gets it wrong. Instead, swap places and see for yourself how difficult it can be.
HOW TO MAXIMIZE YOUR POCKET MONEY
However much pocket money your parents give you, one thing is almost certain – it’s never enough for all the wonderful things you want to buy. Read on to find out how you can boost the money in your pocket.
The best way to do this is to find something that people will pay you to do. For example, most adults have cars, and it’s fairly certain that a lot of these cars will need cleaning. This creates an opportunity for you to earn some money.
PLANNING
• Identify your customers. Parents, relatives and neighbours may all need their cars cleaned. Make sure you ask your parents’ permission before you start and always tell them if you are going out to clean someone’s car.
• Decide on your price. The best way to get customers is to offer a lower price than your rivals. If your local garage has a car wash, check how much it costs and offer a lower price to your customers.
WASHING THE CAR
You Will Need:
• two buckets • some car shampoo • a sponge • a stiff brush • a ‘chamois’ leather (pronounced ‘shammy’) • a lot of water • a hose, if you have one.
Warning. You will get wet while washing cars, so wear some old clothes or overalls to cover your clothes.
WHAT YOU DO
If you do a really good job, people will ask you to clean their cars again. They may even tell other people how good you are. There are six steps to a thorough clean:
1. Fill one bucket with warm water mixed with car shampoo and the other bucket with clean water.
2. Rinse the car with the clean water to remove surface dirt.
3. Dip your brush into the warm, soapy water and give the wheels a good scrub.
4. Clean the rest of the car by dipping the sponge into the soapy water and rubbing the car by moving the sponge in a circular motion. Start at the roof and work downwards.
5. When you have finished, rinse the car with clean water again.
6. Dry the car with the chamois leather.
Top Tip. If you use a hose for rinsing, it will make the job quicker and easier. Make sure all the car doors are shut before you turn the hose on though – you don’t want to give the inside of the car a drenching.
HOW TO THROW A CUSTARD PIE
There’s nothing to compare with the sheer fun and e
xcitement of a food fight, and there’s no food quite so messy as a good, old-fashioned custard pie.
The good news is that custard pies are very easy to make. A secret known to clowns and slapstick comedians is that the custard pies used on TV shows are not actually made out of custard at all. They’re great for throwing, but not for eating! Here’s how to make your very own pies for throwing.
You Will Need:
• a mixing bowl • shaving foam • yellow food colouring • paper plates • bin bags or overalls for the pie throwers
WHAT YOU DO
1. Spray some foam into the mixing bowl and mix it with yellow food colouring. This will be your ‘custard’. Make sure that all your fellow pie-throwers know that it is not edible.
2. Next, put the yellow foam onto a paper plate and spray a little bit of white foam around the edge for decoration.
3. Shaving foam is quite safe but can sting a little bit. To prevent this, leave your pie to one side for a couple of hours before you throw it to let the sting evaporate.
4. Stage your pie fight outside, on grass, as shaving foam is slippery underfoot. Make sure every pie-thrower covers his clothes with old overalls or a bin bag, as the ‘custard’ can stain. Don’t stand too close to anyone you’re aiming at. Balance your pie in the palm of your hand and throw it at your target.
HOW TO BE A BODYGUARD
Being a bodyguard is a job that involves danger and excitement, and requires constant vigilance. If that sounds tempting, and you want to become a bodyguard that no one will mess with, follow these instructions.
