Faithless

by Amanda Bennett

  I could sense his condescending tone immediately, but Riley either chose to ignore it or didn't notice, because she barely reacted. This guy was really going to start getting on my goddamn nerves. For fuck's sake, he was married, or at least appeared to be. His silver wedding band glimmered in the sun and I swear I was so close to just pushing him over the edge of this cliff, if he made another move towards Riley.

  "Thank you, Mr. Rollins. I have to say, I feel a little bit better after being here. I feel, calm. I guess that's the best way to put it."

  Mr. Rollins made his way over to Riley's side, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. I could instantly see her stiffen underneath his hand and a small smile played at my lips. "That's amazing, Riley. And, you are very welcome. Anytime you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask." His lips curled into a sly, menacing smile.

  Not going to happen, man.

  Riley moved away from his touch the minute my eyes connected with hers. I knew she could sense the jealousy I was feeling, and I was grateful that she could read me so well, so soon.

  "Alright, we should probably be getting back." Mr. Rollins started making his way back to the car, pretending as though nothing had happened.

  I reached for Riley's hand as she started to walk past me, but she brushed me off and refused to even look at me. What the hell had I done? I wasn't the douchebag trying to get at her without her permission. I wasn't the one making unwanted advances towards her. As I took in a long deep breath, I pushed my fingers back through my hair and then slowly drug them down my face. The minute I met Riley, I knew it was going to be tough to get her to trust me fully, or even at all, but damn it was frustrating.

  I walked back to the car where Riley and Mr. Rollins were waiting. I had my hand shoved into the front pocket of my jeans, not wanting her to be afraid of me touching her again. I glanced up, just as Mr. Rollins was helping Riley into the back seat. I breathed a little easier knowing she wouldn't be riding up front with him. I wasn't sure whether or not I should slide in next to her, or just take the front passenger seat. Unfortunately, I didn't get to make that decision; she made it for me by closing the door as she saw me approaching the vehicle. I let out a huff and sat myself in the seat next to Mr. Rollins. I think he was just as shocked as I was. I had the feeling he could see what was lingering between Riley, and myself especially when he gave me a disgusted stare as I buckled my seat belt.

  I opened my mouth at least ten times to say something, anything to break the tension that now hung in the stifling air in the car, but I didn't want Riley to feel uncomfortable. I hadn't lied to her earlier when I told her I had faith in her. I did and I would continue to do so, until she walked away from me. As much as I knew that I should probably walk away from her, I just couldn't do it.

  We pulled up to the front of the hospital and apparently Mr. Rollins was walking us back inside. He put the car in park and then turned to face me.

  "Tristan, do you mind if I have a minute alone with Riley?"

  I hesitated with my answer. I looked back at Riley, but her expression held no emotion. I couldn't tell whether or not she was okay with this, so I just agreed. I exited the car and started making my way up the half a dozen stairs leading to the main entrance. My hand grazed the hot brass doorknob as I glanced back at the parked car below me. Riley was looking at me through the back window. I gave her a quick smile and then proceeded inside. I went straight up to the psychiatric ward and checked back in with the nurse behind the counter. She gave me a flirtatious smile, but I easily ignored it and went to find Crazy John. If I couldn't hang out with Riley any more today, then I needed something to keep my mind busy, and off of her. Easier said than done at this point.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Riley

  I was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable being alone in Mr. Rollins’ car. When he said he wanted to talk to me alone, I could only imagine what he would say. As much as I didn't want Tristan to leave, I knew it was the only way to find out what Mr. Rollins wanted. I had to admit, he made me uncomfortable regardless of where we were. There was something definitely off about him, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

  "Riley, I see the way you and Tristan are together. Please don't take offense to this, but I don't think you should be getting into a relationship right now."

  I slowly let my arms fall to my sides, as I reached for the door handle. "Honestly Mr. Rollins, I appreciate what you are doing for me, but I really don't think it's any of your business. Tristan and I are just friends. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go inside. Thanks again." I started to exit the car when Mr. Rollins’ hand caught a hold of mine. I tried to jerk it away, but he had a tight hold of it.

  "Be careful Riley. Sometimes we end up in situations that we know we could've avoided. I believe this may be one of them."

  "Please let go of me." I whispered.

  Mr. Rollins bashfully pulled his arm back and looked forward out the windshield. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to say anything else, but I really didn't care. I closed the door and ran up the steps. As much as I wanted to be alone for the time being, I couldn't help but look around the common room for Tristan. When I couldn't find him, I headed back to my room sulking. The day had been almost perfect up until twenty minutes ago.

  When I reached the doorway to my room, I heard a small voice coming from inside the bathroom. I wasn't sure who it could be, but I knew that I was the only person lucky enough to have their own room. The bathroom door was closed, so I knocked lightly.

  "Yes?"

  I stood there speechless. What was I going to say to this girl? I let my hand drop back down to my side and walked over to my bed. There was another bed across from mine and I noticed a duffle bag sitting in the middle of it. Apparently, I had a new roommate. Great!

  A few minutes later, the bathroom door flung open and a petite blonde girl came wandering out. I had pulled my journal out to make myself look like I was busy, but the girl standing in front of me didn't seem to care.

  "Hi. I'm Blake."

  I glanced up and gave her a half-hearted smile. "Nice to meet you Blake. I'm Riley." After I introduced myself, I went back to staring blankly at the empty page in front of me. I wanted to write about today. I wanted to get all of my thoughts and emotions down on paper before they started to fade. Unfortunately, Blake had a different idea. She sat at the end of my bed and stared at me.

  "You don't seem to like that I'm here." It wasn't a question.

  "It's not you. I just don't do the whole friend thing. Sorry to disappoint you." I grabbed my journal and started making my way out of our room.

  "Hey Riley?"

  I stopped, but didn't turn. "Yes?"

  "I have a feeling, we'll be talking more than you think."

  "Don't hold your breath." I muttered under my breath, knowing she couldn't have heard me.

  I wasn't quite sure where I was going to write. The common room was far too crowded and loud, I no longer had my room to myself, and I really didn't feel like holing up in the bathroom. Just as I passed the therapy room, it dawned on me that no one would be using it for the rest of the day. I quickly ran inside, closing the door behind me and then took a seat in my normal chair.

  As I sat there in silence, the words came pouring out of me. My hand was moving so fast across the paper that my wrist was starting to cramp. Just as I was finishing up, I glanced down at my journal and was amazed at how much I had actually put down on paper. Most days I wrote a paragraph or two, but today there had to be at least five pages full of thoughts, memories and feelings. I sat back admiring my work when I heard someone run into one of the chairs across from me. I quickly shut my journal and tucked it tightly to my chest, as I glanced up at the person sitting across from me.

  "Tristan? What are you doing in here?"

  "I just wanted to make sure you were okay after your talk with Mr. Rollins." He pulled one of the chairs closer to me and sat down.

  "Um...it went okay." I really wasn't i
n the mood to elaborate any further, so I tried to leave it at that. Unfortunately, I wasn't going to get off that easy.

  "Just okay? What did he say?"

  I watched as Tristan made himself comfortable while he waited on an answer from me. His eyes eventually came up and settled on mine. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach take flight, but then I remembered what Mr. Rollins had said. Though he made some valid points, I couldn't help but feel like I should be the one to gauge whether or not I was ready for a relationship. Tristan's eyes never left mine and I was starting to feel scrutinized, so I figured I would placate him a bit.

  "He basically said that I shouldn't be thinking about getting into a relationship right now." I sat back waiting for Tristan to respond, but when he did, it wasn't what I had been expecting.

  "You told him we are just friends, right?"

  I sat back in shock. I didn't expect this to turn into anything, but it was hard to ignore what was actually between us. At least for me it was. "Yeah, yeah I did." I started fidgeting with my notebook and then finally decided to leave. My hand was on the door handle when Tristan finally spoke again.

  "Is that all you see me as, Riley?"

  I couldn't believe what he was asking me. Shouldn't he be the one answering that question? I took a long strangled breath as I turned to look at him. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Of course I consider you somewhat a friend now, but...it..it doesn't matter." The entire conversation had taken a turn for the worse, and I really wasn't ready to talk about this with him. Not now at least.

  I quickly exited the room and headed back to my bedroom. I knew that there was a definite possibility that Blake would be there and want to talk, but I would rather deal with her than Tristan at this moment. I could hear Blake's voice coming from down the hall along with a male's voice, but I wasn't sure who it could be. I was shocked when I walked in and found Mr. Rollins, sitting on my bed chatting away with Blake.

  My horror must've been quite apparent on my face, because Mr. Rollins was quick to jump up and make his way over to me. I took the opportunity to see how Blake was reacting to the whole situation. She seemed calm and unfazed, but I didn't know her at all, so I suppose I wouldn't have been able to tell anyway.

  "Hi Riley. I was actually coming to speak with you, but I caught your roommate instead. Guess it's my lucky day."

  Had Mr. Rollins always been this creepy, or was I just so hung up in my own misery to not notice until now? I tried to walk past him, maybe thinking he would get the hint, but not so much. He seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that I really didn't want to talk to him.

  I knew if I didn't answer him, that it would only prolong his stay, so I quickly replied. "I guess so. What did you need?" I tried to take the disgust out of my voice, but I wasn't sure I achieved it.

  "Do you have a second to talk in private?"

  I did not want to be alone with this man ever again. "Sure, how about in the hallway?"

  "I suppose that'll work. After you."

  My nerves went into hyper drive as Mr. Rollins ushered me out of the door. My body went rigid as his hand made contact with my lower back. Once we were in the safety of the open hallway, I turned and made eye contact with him.

  "I feel like I need to apologize for what happened a little while ago. It was very unprofessional of me to touch you or even try to get involved in your personal issues. I don't want things to be awkward between us, so I wanted to clear the air before tomorrows group session."

  What a load of shit, "Really it's not a big deal Mr. Rollins. Let's just forget it ever happened."

  Relief washed over his face, "Oh good. I just want you to trust me, Riley."

  "Thanks. I appreciate it and I will try. Are we done now?"

  "I suppose, yes." I could see the confusion written all over his face, but I didn't care. I didn't need to answer to him or anyone for that matter.

  "Okay. I'll see you in the morning at group."

  "Sounds good. Have a good night, Riley."

  I nodded my head and then turned to go back into my room. As the door closed, I let my head fall back against it with a loud thud.

  "That's probably going to hurt later, ya know?"

  I rolled my eyes before looking over at Blake, "I'm sure." I walked over to my bed and instantly felt exhausted. I guess it's true what they say; dealing with your emotions will definitely drain you. Blake moved somewhere across the room, but I was too tired to care. My eyes fluttered shut as I heard the door shut, and I was suddenly thankful that she had finally gotten the hint. This whole roommate thing wasn't agreeing with me and I suddenly couldn't wait to get out of this hellhole.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Tristan

  It couldn't have been any later than six in the morning when I woke up. The sun was barely coming up over the horizon as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I didn't do early mornings very well, and this morning was no exception. I stretched my arms over my head and held it as I took in a deep breath. The ocean air was refreshing and intoxicating. It reminded me of Riley, and I couldn't help but bask in the fact that she was finally starting to open up to me. I guess that wouldn't be the case now that I acted like a complete and utter jackass. I shook my head at the memory of asking her about us. It was far too early to ask her something like that, and I knew she would push me away.

  I slowly pushed myself up off of the bed, not wanting to take a shower. The only thing I ever did this early in the morning was surf, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. After finally convincing myself to take a long hot shower, I grabbed my cell phone off of the nightstand and dialed my mother's number. I wasn't sure she would answer, but I needed to try.

  "Hello?" My mother's voice was soft and quiet. I stood in the middle of my room speechless. All the things I had wanted and planned to say had disappeared.

  "Hello? Tristan is that you?"

  "Yeah." I managed to croak out, as I swallowed the giant lump in my throat.

  "Oh Tristan, I can't believe it's you. How are you? Where are you?"

  "Look Mom, I just wanted to call and tell ya I'm okay. I have somewhere I need to be now, but-"

  "Tristan, please tell me where you are son."

  "I have to go now, Mom. I'll talk to you soon." I hung up the phone.

  I quickly got dressed and made my way out of my room. I was going to be late for group if I didn't hustle and I couldn't take the chance of not seeing Riley today. I made it to therapy with exactly two minutes to spare. Luckily Mr. Rollins hadn't come in yet, so I went straight for my seat. Only now, a small blonde with big green eyes was occupying my seat. Any other day, I would've probably tried to get to know her, but today I had something to do. I glanced over at Riley to see if maybe she had actually tried to save me a seat, but she was looking at the ground ignoring everyone as usual.

  The blonde didn't seem to be moving anytime soon, so I took the empty seat across from Riley. If I couldn't be right next to her, then I needed to be able to see her. I was about to get her attention, when Mr. Rollins came in.

  "Well good morning everyone. How are we doing today?"

  He was always a little too chipper for my taste, but I had no choice but to deal with it. Everybody mumbled a small hello and good, but this wasn't the enthusiasm he was looking for.

  "I said GOOD MORNING!" He shouted to get our attention. Everyone shouted good morning back, and this seemed to please him enough to continue. "So today we are going to do something a little out of the ordinary. I want each of you to find someone in the room that you have never spoken to, or haven't spoken to very often. A stranger more or less. Once everyone has found a partner, then I will explain the next part."

  I knew I needed to go for someone other than Riley, but I could feel her pull and I suddenly had an overwhelming need to be close to her. Unfortunately, I was too late. The blonde girl that was sitting beside her was now facing Riley and practically jumping for joy at the idea of talking to her. If she only knew that Riley wasn't that kind of person.


  "Okay, so now that every one has a partner, let's begin with telling them five things about ourselves. It doesn't have to be too deep, but it also can't be anything superficial. I want you to try to really connect with this other person. Okay, go."

  My partner was a boy named Alex. The only reason I knew his name, was because I had overheard someone in the common room telling a girl that Alex had barely made it this time. He looked scared and not ready to talk, so I decided to go first. All the while trying to listen to what Riley had to say.

  "Well, I'm Tristan. Let's see, five things huh? Well, I am a really good surfer, I had a sister, my mom's name is Julia, I miss my family dearly and I have only ever been in love once. Okay, your turn." I clapped my hands together getting Alex's attention.

  "Um, well, my name is Alex. I'm seventeen, I grew up in Malibu, my parents are divorced, I am an only child, and I wish I could say that I miss my family."

  Alex hadn't looked at me once while he was talking, but I could tell something was torturing this kid. I opened my mouth to say something, but Mr. Rollins as usual, cut me off.

  "Okay good. Now, I would like to talk about love. I know to most of you love seems like something impossible, but to others it can feel like it is right around the corner." He didn't look directly at Riley, or me but I knew exactly who he was referring to. "Now while love is an amazing thing, I want you to think about your life in the long run. The events that brought you all here aren't light and easy to deal with. You each need to take the time to realize that life won't be easy when you eventually leave here. There are a lot of things out in this world that want you to fail. You need to make sure you have the strength and the knowledge to know what's good and what's bad for you."

  After that last line, I tuned him out. Who did he think he was trying to warn us about relationships? I'm almost certain every one of us was aware of the dangers of getting into a relationship too fast.