At Hca's ti iceya, the fire burned merrily. It didn't appear that she was there, however. Anpo dismounted and untied the antelope carcass. She settled it downwind of the fire so the smoke would deter the worst of the flies and used a stick to knock on the tiopa
.
She may be at ina's, Anpo thought when there was no answer. With a shrug, she dropped the stick and returned to her horse. Taking the reins, the warrior led the animal towards her own lodge. Once there, she pulled the saddle and reins off the red stallion and sent him towards the herd with a smack on his flank.
Turning back to her fire, she saw that it had burned down to coals. Rather than restart it, Anpo settled down in her place and prepared a pipe. She smoked as she stared at the dead and dying embers, her thoughts in a place just as dead, just as smoky.
A burst of laughter perked her ears and she glanced towards her mother's ti ikceya. She couldn't quite see the fire from this angle, but she could tell that there were several people about it. Another camp must have arrived. Maybe ina's maske
...? Anpo puffed as she watched, her heart leaden and just a little wistful at the gaiety she could hear.
A child emerged from the group, peering in her direction. He looked vaguely familiar to Anpo, but she couldn't place his face. Most children were familiar at summer camp, though, seen every year as they grew to adulthood. The warrior watched as his face broke into a smile and he trotted closer.
With a concerted effort, she put a mild look on her face, hiding her melancholy behind a pleasant exterior. The boy stopped just outside the circle, his eyes roaming up and down the seated warrior before him. There was a long silence before Anpo tilted her head and said, "Han
, young koskalaka
. Come sit by me."
The child grinned and leapt forward to do just that. He settled down to the left of her, in the honored place. "You are Anpo?" he asked. "Cunksi
of Gi and Wanbli
?"
The warrior smoked her pipe. "Ohan, I am. And you are?"
He puffed his chest out in pride, thumping it once with a small fist. "I am Teca! Cinksi of Ketlin and Anpo!"
There was silence, the pipe forgotten as the warrior could only stare down at him.
"You are my inanup!" Teca crowed. "I have missed you very much, inanup!" And he wrapped his small arms about her waist in a hug.
At that exact moment, a familiar voice could be heard calling from Gi's lodge. "Teca...?"
Before Anpo could respond, the boy called, "Hau
, ina! I am with inanup!"
As Kathleen appeared, stepping from the front of Gi's ti ikceya, Anpo's breath caught in her throat. Mahasanni ki
! Hungry eyes took in the blonde's form, recognizing the yellow cuwignaka
, noting the new beadwork that had been added along its length. The hair was longer and the braids were still hanging down across her chest, indicating her status being that of a joined woman. She has joined with another...? The warrior's heart twisted in her chest.
She looks so sad, Kathleen thought, scanning the woman before her. The shirt was new with blue and red quills decorating the chest and fringes hanging from the sides. In her hair two upright feathers had joined the yellow one and three quills hung down. The dark hair was loose about Anpo's shoulders and the blonde fought an irrational urge to rush forward and run her fingers through it.
Anpo wasn't sure how it happened, but she found herself standing, Teca wrapped firmly about her muscled thigh and her hand in his hair. The pipe was left on the ground, its smoke drifting off to the spirit world. Struggling with her emotions, she finally croaked, "Han, Ketlin."
Kathleen inhaled deeply to gain some emotional control. Hearing her name roll off the warrior's lips cracked the hollow in her chest, allowing the ache to rise closer to the surface. "Han, Anpo," she responded softly. Looking to their son, she smiled. "I see that Teca has wasted no time in finding you."
"I have missed inanup, ina," the boy said, hugging the leg tighter. "She will teach me to be a great warrior!"
"Ohan. She will." Dark blue eyes looked back to the warrior. "But, inanup and I must speak alone, cinksi
. I want you to go back to unci's lodge."
Teca frowned and shook his head, holding the warrior's thigh tighter still, nearly cutting off the circulation. "Hiya
! I want to stay here!"
Despite herself, Anpo smiled at his adamancy. She gently disengaged the boy and knelt to peer into his eyes. It is Teca! How I have missed him! she thought as she grasped his small shoulders. "Obey your ina, cinksi. I will come for you when we are done speaking."
The crack in Kathleen's heart opened further as she heard the warrior call Teca her son.
"Can we go riding again? I can ride my pony now! You and I can go very fast!" the boy rattled off.
Anpo's smile widened. "Ohan, Teca. You go to ina's lodge now and I will take you riding when I am finished."
With some reluctance, the boy nodded, eyeing his parents. Slowly, he shuffled away, shoulders drooping and looking over his shoulder at them until he arrived back at the ti ikceya. There, he was immediately picked up by Hca and distracted with his young cousin.
Kathleen turned back to the warrior and they stood there in awkward silence for several moments. "May I sit down?" the blonde finally asked.
Her nod almost frantic, Anpo said, "Ohan! Sit!"
A small smile quirked the white woman's mouth as she stepped into the circle of Anpo's fire and sat. She did not sit in the honored place to the left of the warrior, nor did she settle down to the immediate right where Anpo's woman would. Kathleen stayed directly across from the dark woman. Her eyes flickered into the smoldering embers. "Your fire is going dead."
Anpo, who had returned to her own seat, hardly spared the fire a glance. "Ohan, I know." Her eyes continued to feed on the woman before her.
Kathleen blushed a little at the intensity of the dark gaze. Get to it, lass! Ask what ye've come to ask! Looking away from the warrior, she picked at her dress. "Stewart said you left me a message when you went away," the blonde said. "What was it?"
For a second time, Anpo felt her heart clutch her chest and her breath freeze. Her mouth worked but no sound came out. She dropped her eyes, staring forlornly into her hands.
"Anpo," Kathleen said in a soft, calming tone. "I need to hear it from your own lips."
"I.... I throw you away," the warrior croaked out.
The blonde closed her eyes in pain and nodded, taking a deep breath to still her nerves. "I see."
Movement caught Anpo's eye and she looked up to find the blonde pulling her braids to her back. She is not joined with another...? Ketlin thought we were still joined....? Why? "Did your misun not tell you my message?"
Sighing, Kathleen nodded. "Ohan, he did. But I could not believe that my winuhcala
, my mahasanni ki would leave me without speaking to me."
It was Anpo's turn to wince in pain and look away. "You left me to sleep with the animals. You would not come to me. I was alone."
"I know," the blonde said softly, leaning forward to stare with earnest into Anpo's eyes. "And it was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I was confused, unable to explain to my family what you meant to me."
"Why, Ketlin? Why was it so hard to tell them we were joined?" Anpo's face showed all the lost bewilderment of a child. "I do not understand."
Kathleen so wanted to rush to her warrior's side and hold her. No, lass. She's not your warrior any longer.... "It is a sin against my God to be a woman intimate with women, Anpo. I know that we did nothing besides kiss, but even that damns me to Hell. My parents would never have understood."
There was a long silence as the warrior processed this. "If you stay with the Lakota, will you still go to your Hell?" she finally asked.
"I do not know."
Another pause as the pair lost themselves in their thoughts. Finally, Anpo nodded a chin at the blonde. "You are not joined with another?"
; "Hiya, I am not, Anpo."
"Why? You are a good winyan. You cook well and are loving to your family. You have taken good care of me." And I miss you so - your touches, your kisses, your laughter.
"Wasn't from lack of tryin' on my mum's part," Kathleen muttered in English with a crooked smile. "I belong to only one. That will never change."
Moisture welled up in Anpo's eyes. "Even if you are to go to your God's Hell?" she asked.
"Even then." I will go to the ends of the earth for you, mahasanni ki.
Blinded by the tears that filled her dark eyes, the warrior shook with sobs. She wrapped long arms about herself, hugging with all her might.
She might not be my warrior, but I can't just sit here.... Kathleen's own eyes leaked and she moved to Anpo's side, gathering the larger woman into her arms. The Lakota curled up and leaned into her, shaking with the force of her tears. Rocking gently back and forth, the blonde crooned a song that she'd been taught by Gi long ago.
The familiar song, the familiar arms only served to intensify the feelings of loss. Anpo was overcome with the weeping, unable to stop as she poured out the last two years of pain and anguish. They sat this way for quite some time. Eventually, Anpo's tears faded and she lay in the blonde's arms, staring dazedly at the reddish coals of the firepit. Kathleen continued to sing softly, brushing her fingers through the dark hair.
Anpo felt numb now that the fierce emotions had flown through her. "I have missed you, mahasanni ki," she whispered, sighing at the fingertips that grazed her temple.
"I have missed you, mahasanni ki," Kathleen answered.
"Will you join with me again?"
I'd love to, lass! Kathleen inhaled deeply. "I am no longer a slave, Anpo. And you are living in my ti ikceya. I have a place in this camp." She peered down at the woman she loved. "Whether I join with you or not remains to be seen."
Sitting up, Anpo peered at the blonde woman. She wants me to court her...? Another thought came to mind. "How did you get here, Ketlin? Did you travel by yourself?"
"Hiya. My misun, Stewart, brought me. He knows of my joining with you and I have taught him many Lakota words and things."
Hope blossomed in the warrior's heart and she wiped her face clean, her mind whirling a mile a minute. With a curt nod, she rose to her feet. "This is Stu'et's fire and your lodge. I will stay with ina."
Kathleen's mouth dropped open as the dark woman ducked into the ti ikceya. That's not what I meant! She rose to her feet and almost collided with Anpo as she barreled back out of the lodge. "I did not mean for you to leave this lodge, Anpo...."
"Ohan, Ketlin." The warrior juggled her personal possessions. "It is better this way." Her handsome face creased into a grin. "I will take Teca riding now." And she marched off towards the people at her mother's ti ikceya.
Leaving the blonde to stare at her, breathless with confusion. Looking about her, seeing the scattered people loitering around their lodges in silent support, Kathleen mumbled, "What just happened...?"
In Wagna's camp, the night rang with music. The people celebrated the return of Kathleen and Teca and welcomed Stewart into their lives with gusto. Roasting meat filled the air, the antelope Anpo had brought in feeding many hungry mouths.
But not all were happy.
Nupa
had left the firelight, standing just on the edge of it as he watched. The white man was dragged into the circle to dance, laughing and awkward. The people laughed uproariously at his antics as he tried to copy the steps of the other dancers. He eventually began kicking his feet up in an Irish reel as the warriors howled their approval.
The warrior's eyes moved to his tanksi
, watching as she laughed at Stewart and joked with her ate
beside her. On her other side was Teca who hadn't disconnected himself from her since they'd been riding that afternoon. She looks so much happier now. She is a whole person. With a frown and a sigh, Nupa looked at the cause of this major change.
Kathleen was seated behind her son, watching her misun
play with the Lakota. Her long braids were behind her, indicating she was unmarried. Her face was happy and her smile brilliant as she responded to something Anpo said about the white man.
Why? And will you hurt my tanksi again? Nupa's head whirled with questions. While he was undeniably relieved to see his friend actually participating with her people again, he couldn't help but worry that Kathleen was still ashamed of Anpo and be the cause of more pain.
Dark blue eyes met Nupa's and he watched as her smile faded, replaced by concern. She rose to her feet and murmured something to Teca, who was too enamored of his inanup to pay any mind, and wandered towards the warrior on the edge of the fire. Upon reaching Nupa, she stepped to his side and turned around to watch the camp in silence.
The warrior finally spoke. "Two winters ago, a woman arrived at our camp, frozen and starving, dressed in rags. She would not speak to us, would not sign. It was as if she were dead and could only see the spirit world." He glanced sideways at the woman beside him. "It took over a moon before Anpo spoke."
Kathleen dropped her head. "I did not know."
"She told us of a stranger who was ashamed of her, that she was not welcome in her uncisi's
lodge."
The woman's head shot back up, dark blue eyes on fire. "I was never ashamed of Anpo! She is the best thing that ever happened to me!" she insisted. Looking back to the warrior in question, Kathleen's shoulders slumped a bit. "I was ashamed of me, tiblo
. In the white world, it is different. My parents would not have understood our joining. I did not know how to tell them."
"And have you told them now?"
"Ohan." Her eyes fell to study the ground at her feet. "They were not happy." Aye, and that's an understatement, lass! she thought, remembering the day she and Stewart had left the homestead. Pushing it from her mind, she shook her head and raised it, chin jutted out in defiance. "I made a mistake that night long ago, Nupa. And so did Anpo by leaving as she did. We have paid the price for our misunderstanding. It is time to move on."
Nupa nodded in grudging respect. She has grown stronger. "I do not want to see another 'misunderstanding,' Ketlin. It will destroy Anpo."
"I know. I cannot say that we will never have a misunderstanding, tiblo. But, I promise you that I will never allow it to go so long again. I should have followed her immediately, tried to track her down and explain what happened." A lump developed in her throat. "That was my second mistake."
Mollified, his worries put to rest a bit, the warrior sighed and placed an arm about Kathleen's shoulders. "Do not worry the past, tanksi, it will make you crazy. Keep your eye on now and the future."
The pair stood together and watched the celebration continue.
She approached the figure huddled on the hillside, pulling her shawl closer with aching fingers. It was inadequate protection against the icy tendrils of wind that whipped about her, freezing her very soul as it howled. Coldness also gripped her heart as she neared the familiar figure. The warrior's back was to her, a thin robe ruffling loosely as the wind teased its edges.
"Mahasanni ki?" she breathed.
There was no answer. With hesitant hand, she reached out to touch the warrior's shoulder, to urge her awake, to make some sort of contact.
The warrior was ice.
Unable to pull away, to flee what she knew she would find, she shook the warrior. With absurd slowness, the warrior toppled backwards into the snow. The naturally dark skin was pale and gray, the eyes open and unseeing with a thin layer of frost covering the lenses.
Feeling as if she'd been punched in the stomach, she stumbled back a step, gasping for air. Her lungs ached from the winter cold and she whirled around to run away.
Below her was a small hollow full of Lakota lodges, many of them familiar. There were no warm fires, no sign of movement, not even the whiffle of ponies. Frozen bodies lay everywhere in the camp.
Kathleen sat up, shivering. I thought it wou
ld go away! she cried in her thoughts. She huddled about herself, holding her knees to her chest as she calmed herself.
Around her were the soft sounds of others sleeping. A light snore emitted from a wool blanket that had a tuft of yellow hair sticking out of it. Nearby, Teca had thrown off his own blanket, hugging his doll to his chest.
She disentangled herself and pulled her son's blanket up over his shoulder, brushing hair from his face. After watching Teca sleep for several minutes, she sighed and dressed, stepping outside into the cool summer morning.
As usual, the sun had not risen though the skies were grey with impending dawn. Kathleen set herself to work getting the fire back up and preparing for breakfast. As she worked, her mind worried the problem of the nightmare.
Obviously, the dream had not been of the past as she'd been so frightened of. Having started just after the worst of last year's winter storms passed her family's homestead, that had been Kathleen's greatest concern - that it was what had happened and she would find everyone dead. Anpo dead. She shuddered and veered away from the thought.
Does that mean it's a dream about the future? And if it is, can it be avoided? Or does it have to remain as it is and everyone dies? The blonde mixed a porridge out of grains and set it to cooking over the fire, unconsciously shaking her head at her thoughts. I can't b'lieve I've come here to watch it happen! Doesn't that mean that Teca and I die, too?
The sun peeked over the horizon, bathing her in warm, reddish light. Despite her worries, she lifted her face and basked in it, pausing in her chores for just a moment. A noise grabbed her attention and she opened her eyes, finding she was not alone in enjoying the dawn.
The shaman, Inyan Ceye
, had grown old, his steps shuffling and his dark hair grey. He stood in front of his woman's ti
ikceya
, arms wide as he welcomed the sun with a prayer and a song. Dancing a bit, he shook a rattle in the four directions before sitting down with obvious pain in front of his fire.
Perhaps this nightmare is a vision...? Kathleen considered, her eyes widening at the thought. "I must talk to Inyan about visions."
Tiopa Ki Lakota Page 30
